The first time I realized that yes, I AM really going to die someday, I remember how absolutely scared I was. My sister takes Lexapro for her anxiety disorder/panic attacks. I dunno if that's an option for you as you spent so much time in a medshaze, but in her case it doesn't do anything to her except make her able to function. Her creative impulses and such remain unaffected.
I am still lyre about full time meds... just because of all the epilepsy meds I was on.... but I might as I get older have to deal with that as well...
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but I will at least ask about that... donka...
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