the spaces between seconds *1/2*
Pairing: HimLo
Rated: PG
Length: 16K
Himchan is a skipper, a time traveler who can jump forwards and backwards in time.
Junhong is his future, but also a past he still hasn’t lived through.
He spends every day racing towards the day they can spend all of their seconds in the same minutes.
THIS song was what I listened to on repeat the entire 4 days it took to write this beast.
“I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds- but I think of you always in those intervals.” ―Salvador Plascencia, The People of Paper
The first time he saw the wide eyes and bright dimpled smile he was nine and there was a circus in the middle of the city. Himchan had seen signs for it all over that day and he had managed to steal enough spare change from the pockets of overly trusting grandmas to be able to attend. He had even gained enough for a treat. Maybe some popcorn? He wasn’t sure yet but no matter what he ordered he knew it would be amazing.
But then there he was. The little boy hiding in the corner of the alley, his big brown eyes trained on every woman that passed. It was like he was looking for someone, was waiting for someone. But surely he hadn’t been left all alone, even though deep down Himchan knew better. The kid was no more than four, his black curls falling messily into his dirty face and his overalls torn at the knees and so large that they were rolled up over his ankles.
He thought about just walking away, the kid wasn’t his problem. It was 1912 and he had studied enough of this time period enough in school to know that orphans were everywhere. Japan had been invading the country for several years now and more kids were without parents than the cities could handle. Their solution was to ignore them, let the street urchins die out on their own.
So when Himchan saw those doe eyes turn on him he tried hard to resist them. Told himself to go back towards the circus tent and enjoy the show even if he knew it wasn’t going to be anything like the circuses of years to come. It was still something to pass the time before he skipped home again.
But the sight of the little boy being kicked out of the way, spit raining down on him from a well-dressed man he had gotten too close to was more than Himchan could take. He did have a heart even if he kept it well hid.
“Hey. Hey kid.” He nudged the boy’s knee with his shoe. “Wanna go to the circus with me?”
The first dimpled chubby-cheeked smile he ever got from the boy who would soon become the center of his universe would be locked in his mind for weeks afterwards until he was blessed with another one. His eyes lit up with the reflection of a million galaxies inside them and Himchan knew that this moment was important.
“Yes sir.”
“How old are you?”
The little boy held up three fingers.
Himchan smiled and grabbed the dirty hand, not caring in the slightest that the boy had probably been sitting in filth for days. “Come on. I only have enough to get us inside or I’d buy you something to eat too. What’s your name?”
The look he threw up at him was awe-filled, as if he couldn’t believe anyone was willingly going to do anything for him and Himchan felt his stomach fill with lead. He would be skipping out in a few hours and he’d have to leave the little boy behind to face whatever hell was coming to him.
“Junhong.” The little boy whispered shyly to him. “My name is Junhong.”
---
He wasn’t sure when it had started, the skipping. But he figured it was around the time he came out of his mother. Or wherever he came from. For all he knew he might have just appeared one day out of nowhere, just a tiny baby on the side of the street. Yongguk always rolled his eyes when he wondered aloud about his origins. Said that the fact that he had a belly button was proof he had a mother. But Himchan still didn’t fully believe it.
The orphanage he grew up in had no information on his past. They said he had arrived wrapped in a blanket with the sharpest set of black eyes they had ever seen. Even as a baby he had always been watching, always trying to catch every little moment he could that no one else could see. It was the half-seconds that he wanted. The ones that happened in between breaths, while the eyelids were closed in a blink.
Those were the seconds he lived in.
---
The second time he met Junhong was a fluke. He had tried to force their afternoon visiting the circus out of his mind no matter how many times it pushed its way to the front. The little boy’s eyes haunted him wherever he went. If he could choose where he skipped then he knew he would go straight back to that time and would be an urchin on the street for the rest of his life. Even at nine he knew that his job was to take care of Junhong. Junhong needed him.
He had told himself to get over it, that there was no way he would see the boy again. Out of the thousands of skips Himchan had made in his short nine years none had ever overlapped with a previous time period. He never left Korea and he never visited the same year twice. Life was always an adventure to him, but he knew he could count on those two constants.
But then he met him again. In the bleachers of a basketball game in the fall of 1972. Himchan saw the thick curls before he saw his face but he knew. The tug of his heart and the way his breath caught in his throat were all the proof he needed to know that it was the little boy he had been searching for.
The older man next to him leaned down to whisper something into the little boy’s ear before Junhong turned his face to the side to laugh up at him. Himchan could see the dimple dotting into his fleshy cheeks and even at his young age he knew protective instincts when he saw them. His brain was screaming at him that this boy was his and he was supposed to watch over him. It couldn’t have been a coincidence could it? Out of all the lives he had witnessed, all the wars, all the tears, all the smiles, that this one little boy would show up twice?
He itched to get closer but the high school gymnasium was packed completely full of spectators and the nearest he could get was two rows behind them.
The high voice he recognized was giggling and pointing to all of the players wanting to know their names, their ages, where they lived, question after question from the inquisitive boy. His father was clearly growing impatient with the questions and finally ordered him to be quiet for the rest of the game with a yell and a harsh slap to the side of his face.
Junhong’s eyes dropped down to his shoes and never lifted again even when the buzzer rang and the home team proclaimed victory.
“Junhong.” Himchan whispered, his heart breaking all over again. If he had been sitting with him he knew he would happily answer every question, laugh at every nonsensical joke the three year old made.
As if he had heard his murmur, Junhong waited until his father was deep into conversation with the men around him over how horribly the other team had played before he slowly turned around, his eyes immediately meeting Himchan’s in the crowded gym.
His head cocked to the side curiously as looked at him. Junhong was only a toddler but he had deep, dark eyes. Eyes that looked like they had seen the end of the universe and barely came back alive.
Himchan lifted his hand up in a wave. Hello, he mouthed silently.
Junhong’s lips slowly curled up into a grin and Himchan was dying to know how this lifetime ended for him. Was he happy? He deserved to be happy, he ordered to whatever gods were listening. Don’t give him a hard life again. Not after the last one. Make him happy. Make him loved.
And there in the middle of hundreds of people and one tiny set of eyes, Himchan skipped.
---
He awoke with eyes wide as he panted up into the sky. Skipping always left him in the same place he was in when he first disappeared so he wasn’t surprised to find himself in the middle of the field behind the orphanage. The sky was growing dark and it was near suppertime, same as it was the last time he was here before he found himself shivering in the middle of a cold abandoned school bathroom twenty-four hours ago.
The other children were long gone, just like yesterday. The only thing about skipping that Himchan appreciated was that at least he had a heads up that it was coming. A few hours before it happened he would start getting the headaches, intense jolts of pain that felt like his brain was contracting inside his skull. Then he would be hungry. Three servings of soup and bread weren’t near enough to fill his stomach. And finally he had about a ten minute window between the dizziness and when he would collapse.
One time he wasn’t quick enough and another orphan at the home saw the way Himchan’s body slumped against the wall and just disappeared. The older boy had to be restrained and given a sleeping shot because he was so traumatized. Himchan had taken better care of himself after that. He couldn’t always tell the women in charge that he had just lost track of time and gotten lost in the woods. When you had no one to depend on, you had to depend on yourself.
The “mothers”, as they preferred to be called, always knew that Himchan was an odd child. Besides the disappearing for a handful of days every month he was also a loner. Even as a small child he refused to play with the other orphans. To them it just showed Himchan was unsociable. Someone who would never make it in the adult world because of his cold personality. But to him it was the only way he could survive. He couldn’t get close to anyone, it was only a matter of time before he skipped again and his disease would only disappoint people. Never showing up on time, missing school, breaking promises, these were all things he realized at a young age that he was going to be most known for. So the withdrawn personality was just his way of coping.
The real Himchan was loud and boisterous and loved playing baseball and could eat chocolate every meal. The real Himchan wanted to make friends, wanted to smile so much his cheeks hurt.
He wondered if Junhong liked chocolate, too. He made a mental note to start carrying around a bar in his backpack just in case.
Not that he expected to see him again. Oh no, that would be stupid he told himself. But maybe? If he had found him twice surely he can find him a third time?
If Himchan had been told just how many times he was going to find Junhong over the next decade and a half he would have laughed because that was surely impossible. There was no way he would be skipped over and over to the same place Junhong was year after year after year and watch the little boy grow up.
Right?
---
Wrong.
“Where are your parents?” Himchan floated lazily in the water while Junhong was busy catching frogs in the mud. He had spent over an hour teaching him how to find the biggest ones and he was sweaty and covered in frog pee. “Do they know you’re out here all alone?”
“Work.” Junhong said simply, catching a fat one in his hands and shrieking with laughter as it tried to escape his hold. “In the fields.”
Himchan wondered why Junhong always appeared to be the same age when they met. Thirteen times in the last four months, but it wasn’t like he was counting or anything.
“And you just stay out here on the water all day? Aren’t you too young for that?” His fingers trailed through the soft hair as Junhong stared intently at his frog, eyes crossing from their closeness. “How old are you? Do you know when your birthday is?”
“Three.” Junhong turned his face up to grin happily at him. “I’ll be four next month!”
So if he was always three when they met then Himchan would never get to see him grow up. That thought hit him hard. He was slowly growing older while Junhong would forever be this tiny boy that Himchan couldn’t save.
The frog jumped out of Junhong’s hands and landed on Himchan’s chest with a wet plot. “Froggy likes you.”
He chuckled as he handed the gross lump back to the little boy. Make sure and buy more hand sanitizer for the backpack, Himchan mentally reminded himself. “I think froggy would rather be with you.”
Junhong bit his lip and looked back and forth between Himchan and his new pet. “Himchannie!” He squealed, shoving the frog into Himchan’s face again. “His name’s Himchannie!”
His heart fluttered in his chest as he stood up in the shallow water and Himchan wondered if this was what it felt like to have a friend. Someone who genuinely liked you. Someone who thought you were so great they wanted to name a pet after you.
“I think that’s a great name, Junhong. Keep Himchannie with you when I leave and pretend it’s me, okay?”
The little boy’s bottom lip puffed out and Himchan could feel his breath shorten. Oh god, if the kid tried to puppy-dog face him he would be putty in his hands. This brat was too adorable for words and he was the only lifeline Himchan had, there was no way he could resist him.
“Don’t want you to leave.” Junhong looked down at his frog and suddenly threw him away from them into the water. “There! Himchannie’s gone so Himchan can stay!”
There were times that being with Junhong chipped away at Himchan’s heart so badly that he wondered if he had an empty hole inside his ribcage.
He led Junhong back to the shore and used his jacket to dry him off so he didn’t catch a cold in the slightly chilly air. “Junhong, I can’t stay. I told you that this morning. I have to leave in an hour.” More like fifty-four minutes according to his waterproof watch.
Junhong jerked away from his gently patting hands and stared him down, hands firmly on his tiny hips. “I played with you all day! Junhong’s! You’re Junhong’s!”
“Junhonggie you know I want to stay with you. I’m sorry but I c-“
With a swift kick to his knee, bringing Himchan down to the ground with pained groans, Junhong took off running into the woods by himself.
He probably could have caught up to him, his legs were a lot longer than the miniscule ones Junhong had, but Himchan let him go. Junhong obviously played here all the time by himself so he knew the woods better than anyone and would make his way home eventually.
For the next fifty-three minutes and twelve seconds, Himchan sat in the damp dirt with his hands locked securely around his knees. When the timer beeped he took a deep breath and waited for the drowning churn in his brain that he knew was coming.
When Junhong tentively slunk back into the clearing a few minutes later the only thing he saw out of place was the closed chocolate bar wrapper in the middle of the dirt.
---
“Himchan you can’t keep missing your classes.” Mother Kim, the only mother at the orphanage that even pretended to care about him, scolded him again. “It happens almost every week and your instructors are threatening to throw you out.”
He didn’t really see a problem with this. School was a chore and he didn’t see the point of it.
“You’re ten years old now, Himchan. This has been going on for long enough. If you miss one more class you’re going into the time out room for a week.”
His head shook rapidly and he stuttered out excuses towards her. “I can’t! Please, I will do double chores for a month, just don’t lock me in there!” If he was locked in a room and they checked on him just to find it empty there was no excuse in the world that would get him out of the whipping the mother’s would hand out.
She sat back in her chair, a smug smile on her lips. “Well if you would just tell me why you’re missing school and what’s so important then maybe I will reconsider.” Her eyes narrowed shrewdly. “And God knows when you’re lying, Himchan.”
“I can’t tell.” He licked his lips and pulled nervously on the bottom of his faded t-shirt. “You won’t believe me.”
“I’ve lived a long life, Himchan. I’ve watched over a lot of rotten little boys just like you. Just try me.”
No one had ever known the truth about him. No one had seen him slip in and out of time in the time it takes for the clock to tick. Just Junhong and he didn’t count. Himchan wasn’t even sure if he was meeting the same Junhong every time. Name and resemblance meant nothing. It was his soul that Himchan cared about.
He chewed on his lower lip until he tasted blood, his eyes locked onto the stern ones of his guardian. “Itimetravel.” She cocked an eyebrow and tilted an ear towards him. “I time travel.” He said a little louder.
Her shoulders dropped. “Oh Himch-“
“No!” He interrupted her disappointed words and stood up, shoving the chair behind him. “You told me to tell the truth and I did it! I’m not lying!”
Even if he knew she was being realistic by not believing him, he had done what she asked and he didn’t think he deserved to be locked in the time out room where he couldn’t escape. They didn’t allow anything in with you so he would be without his backpack and being without it when he skipped was scarier than the skipping itself. It held extra food, water, a pocket knife, a flashlight with extra batteries, some money and a few random clothing items he knew he could get by with in most time periods. If he skipped and didn’t have it then he could be starving all day or put in jail for heresy. One time he had showed up in the middle of a church with the only thing saving him from being burned at the stake was by shining his flashlight into their eyes and running away as the medieval farmers screamed about witch’s fire.
“Prove it.” Here voice held no room for refusal and he could see the gleam of triumph in her eyes when he hesitated.
“I can’t make it happen whenever I want.” His voice was desperate. “But I can show you the next time it happens! I know when it’s coming, I swear!”
She sighed and stood up, smoothing her dress over her legs. “Mother Lee wants to send you to the orphanage in the hills, Himchan.”
He knew what that meant. That orphanage was the one little boys never came back from. It was where all of the troublemaker orphans went, the ones the Mother’s had given up hope on.
Himchan did not want to be sent there. No matter how much he hated hiding what he was, it was bound to be a hundred times worse over there.
“I’ll show you.” He promised her again. “Just give me a week.”
---
Of course his body decided to punish him for the next few days. Usually he skipped at least once a week, sometimes more. But this time he stayed perfectly still for the next five days after his talk with Mother Kim. That was eight days since his last skip and he never thought it would make his body this crazed. The other kids annoyed him more, his appetite increased tenfold, even Mother Kim could tell that he was hanging on by a thread and wisely kept her distance.
Until the morning of the sixth day when he woke up to a pounding headache that coursed through his veins and had him running to the bathroom to throw up. He sometimes slept through the beginning stages of the headache so he wasn’t sure how much longer he had left. He needed to eat and to have his backpack ready as soon as possible.
And he also needed to get to Mother Kim.
She took one look at him as he entered the dining hall and immediately ordered him back to bed. The dark circles around his eyes made him appear skeletal and she was so worried he would faint on his way to his bedroom that she wrapped an arm around his middle to help him up.
“No!” He grabbed her apron and forced her to stop. “It’s happening. I need food and you have to get me somewhere private!”
“Not this again Himchan.” She clicked her tongue and pushed open the door to his dorm. “You are ten years old now. Far too old to be living in this imaginary world.”
He reached for his backpack, whimpering when she moved it even further away from him. “I’ll b-be gone twenty-four hours. Exactly twenty-four hours from when I leave. Make sure no one is around when I come back. I thought I had more t-time.” His lips were cracked when he licked them and he realized he must have slept through more of the early stages than he realized because the dried blood caked to them meant he had been chewing them in his pained sleep. Not to mention his stomach was screaming at him for the extra calories it needed to make the skip less painful. He had tried it on empty stomachs before and it always ended with him curled into the fetal position for at least an hour after arriving. His body had to prepare for the skip with as much food as he could pack into his stomach.
“I’ll go get you a tray.” Mother Kim smoothed the damp hair off his forehead with a small smile. “You just rest and we’ll have you better in no time.”
He grabbed her wrist before she could pull away and she was surprised by the sternness in his narrowed eyes. “I might not be here when you come back. Remember, twenty-four hours. Don’t let anyone see me.”
She shook her head in sadness. “Sweet boy. You’re only hurting yourself carrying this on. But okay, I promise.”
The sight of the empty bed five minutes later only mildly shocked her. She figured he had managed to crawl away and hide just to keep up his silly charade. Well she was going to be here waiting for him tomorrow to catch him in his lie and then this whole time travel business would be over, she told herself.
---
Himchan didn’t know where he was or when he was. All he knew was pain. Pain in his skull, pain in his blood, just pure pain roaring through his body as he curled into himself. It had been over twelve hours since he ate last and that was one of the longest stretches he had ever gone. This was going to last more than an hour and he didn’t have that kind of time to lie around in god knows where. Not to mention he didn’t have his backpack full of energy bars and soda to give him the much needed dose of sugar in his system to keep him going for the rest of the day.
All he had was pain.
---
With a scream of complete and utter anguish he skipped back into his own timeline, landing in his bed with a loud thump and frightening Mother Kim so badly that she shrieked.
“Himchan!” Cool hands gripped around his cheeks and if he wasn’t still yelling in pain he would have heard her panicked breaths and mumbled prayers. “Oh Himchan, oh my sweet boy, what happened where did you go what is this?”
He managed to gain enough sense to form rational syllables and Mother Kim had to listen closely to make out the words ‘food’ and ‘please’. She nodded and frantically ran to the kitchen screaming at the cooks to load her tray up to the top.
When she came back and had locked the door behind her Himchan was still in the bed but he looked completely spent, too exhausted to even lift his head.
“Here.” She held up a bowl of noodles and gently helped him feed himself until he had eaten the whole bowl and looked pleadingly at the chunk of bread.
By the time he had eaten the entire tray and Mother Kim had rushed back to the kitchen for another full one he was able to sit up and eat on his own.
“Himchan… What was th-“
“I told you.” He interrupted, lip pouting out childishly. “I told you the truth and you didn’t believe me. I had to lay in the rain for a whole day with no food because you didn’t believe me.”
She reached into her pocket searching for the spare cigarette she kept for emergencies. “Do you blame me? What you said you could do… Himchan, who in their right mind would just believe that? I don’t even know if I even believe what I saw yet!”
“I can’t be sent to the other home, Mother Kim. They wouldn’t let me get away with leaving like I do here. Don’t send me there!”
Her wrinkled hand rested over his and he was calmed by her warm eyes. “We’ll figure this out. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
---
Mother Kim’s only plan of attack was to pretend Himchan had suddenly contracted a very rare, very contagious sickness that would keep him bedridden several days a week. And to make it easier on all of the other boys she volunteered to move his bed up to the abandoned attic where he wouldn’t have to make excuses for being missing. As soon as he started to feel the headaches creep up on him she would whisk him upstairs proclaiming that his fever was back and he had to be immediately isolated.
He never told her about his trips and she never asked.
The only thing they talked about was what he needed for his backpack. She snuck him extra energy bars and candy and sometimes he brought her back tiny presents from wherever he was. Their partnership worked for three years before everything started to change.
He still saw Junhong several times a month. Not every skip had him in them, but more than half usually consisted of them meeting each other in various eras and continents. The skipping rules had changed, too. When he traveled to the past it always consisted of Himchan existing in Korea only, but ever since he had met Junhong he now showed up in every continent. The first time he woke up in America without speaking a lick of English was terrifying.
Mother Kim immediately went out and bought him a Korean to English dictionary when he mentioned it. By the time he left the orphanage at eighteen his backpack had six language books for him to use.
Junhong was growing older along with him. He always made sure and asked the little boy how old he was and somehow they were both aging at the same rate. They were meant to find each other, Himchan told himself. He was born to be Junhong’s protector. Born to give him one twenty-four hour period in all of his lives where he was cherished.
“Himchan?” Mother Kim stuck her head into the attic one afternoon, her hands wringing together in nervousness. For three years she hadn’t gone out of her way to talk about his “condition”, as she referred to it and even just looking at him was sometimes difficult for her. She loved Himchan, but he was an anomaly and it frightened her. “There’s someone I would like you to meet. You two have a lot in common.”
He popped his head up from the bed, science book falling to the floor unnoticed. “Really?”
She pulled in a gangly boy that looked no older than him, dark hair buzzed short on the sides, duffel bag held protectively in front of him.
“Say hello to Bang Yongguk.” She nudged the nervous boy forward. “One of the mothers from the other orphanage in the hills was complaining about Mr. Bang here skipping so much school and never having an excuse for why they couldn’t find him for twenty-four hours at a time. I thought maybe you two could help each other.”
The other boy chewed on his lip as he watched Himchan, warily waiting for his reaction. “Mother Kim said you call it skipping. I just called it traveling. I like yours better.” He patted the duffel bag against his chest. “She said you have a backpack, too. What’s in yours?”
He grinned when Himchan sat up and patted the spot next to him. “My name’s Himchan. Have you ever been to America?”
They shared stories and secrets and lives, but Himchan never mentioned Junhong. Junhong was his secret. Junhong was his invisible half seconds.
---
“Do you think the tower will be there forever?” Ten year old Junhong blew on his fingers, the cold winter air chilling him through his cheap gloves. “Will aliens come down millions of years from now and see it and think, wow, those humans sure built some ugly buildings.”
Himchan could have told him that the earth was rendered worthless in a few hundred years, but he didn’t want to bring seriousness into today. He hadn’t seen him in over a week and it didn’t matter that they were in post-war France and the city was still choking with the dead and the debris months after The Liberation. They were together and they were safe and they were happy.
“I don’t know.” He finally answered, moving to take the smaller boy’s hands in his own. “I think if aliens did come they would be more confused over the pyramids. At least the tower makes sense in a decorative sense.”
Junhong turned on his side, the blanket crumpling up underneath him. “How come mom didn’t tell me our cousin was coming to visit? I wouldn’t have brought my school bag if I knew you were going to meet me at the train station.”
He hated lying, hated himself for knowing Junhong was going to go home that evening and would be chastised for missing school. And there was no telling what his parents would think about an older boy knowing their child’s name and pulling him off the train station to spend all day with him. But it wasn’t the first time he had been selfish with Junhong and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Days spent with him were all he had and lying to make him happy was worth it.
“Wanna go get some lunch?” He asked instead of answering Junhong’s question. Surely he still had a few franc’s left in his bag. Yongguk made him keep enough money to eat a simple on in all the world’s biggest currencies in his backpack. If he had come a few months earlier he would have been in trouble, but the franc was being used again and he was thankful for it. “Let’s make sandwiches and eat them by the river.”
Junhong jumped up excitedly, his fingers tugging on Himchan’s wrist as they walked. This was his favorite version of Junhong. The one that lived a happy life and that he knew would be okay when he was gone.
“My mom’s mentioned you before.” He told Himchan making him choke around his mouthful of bread and cheese. “Or at least I’m pretty sure she has. I got a puppy for my birthday last year and I named him Himchan. So I’ve heard the name before somewhere, right?”
His lips smiled and agreed, but his heart ached that he couldn’t tell him the truth. That the older he got the more the ancient memories of Himchan bled over into his current existence. Naming something after him and not knowing why wasn’t anything new. A few months ago he had met a version of Junhong who was given the important task of naming his new baby brother. That was an awkward twenty-four hours.
But lately he had started mentioning little things. Dreams he’d had with someone who looked like Himchan, crying over wanting to visit the circus but no one would take him, even showing up in places Himchan appeared in as if he was drawn there. It was no longer just him finding Junhong, but Junhong was almost searching for him. It worried Himchan, but exhilarated him at the same time. Maybe one day he’d meet a Junhong who knew him for who he was the second they met each other.
“I have to go home now.” He told Junhong after walking him to his building. “I’m sorry I can’t spend more time with you.”
Junhong looked confused, his hand pulling Himchan towards the door. “No, no come inside! Mom and dad will be looking for you!”
He shook his head and gently pried the small fingers off. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ll see you soon though, okay?” His fingers slid through the only visible curl under his stiff wool hat. “Be a good boy.”
---
Yongguk sat cross-legged on his bed, eyes set intently on Himchan. “We’re going to have to leave here soon. What are we going to do?”
They knew they could have enough money to live comfortably on without working if they really wanted to. Taking artifacts from past era’s and selling them could easily make them rich, but it would also draw attention to them and that was something neither of them wanted.
“We’ll probably have to move a lot.” Himchan decided. “Sell some things, make enough to last for a while and then leave.”
Yongguk scratched the back of his neck shyly. “And what about us? What do we tell people we are?”
He shrugged, digging through his bag to check the status of his snacks. “We just tell them we’re roommates and go to college together. It’s not a big deal. No one would question us.”
He didn’t see Yongguk’s grimace and disappointed pout. “Okay.” His best friend finally replied. “Have you figured out what name to use yet?”
Whereas Himchan had been in the orphanage since birth, Yongguk came with a background and a history. He had a name, even if it came from a family who refused him. His parents had called him a devil child, abandoning him when he was just three years old at the steps of the local church and had left town never looking back.
“You could use mine.” Yongguk swallowed, cheeks turning red. “If you… I mean, only if you want to.”
Mother Kim popped into his head. Her caring smile, soft hands and arms that never refused a hug when Himchan needed comfort. “Kim.” He immediately answered, ignoring Yongguk’s suggestion. “I’ll be Kim Himchan.”
---
When Junhong was thirteen was the moment everything started to blow up in his face and he didn’t like it, didn’t want it.
A sudden growth spurt had put the boy in at just a few centimeters below his own height and suddenly Junhong wasn’t a little boy anymore but a teenager like him. His jaw was more defined after losing his baby fat and Himchan couldn’t even pinch his cheeks when they were together. Junhong was growing into a man’s body and he wasn’t his tiny boy anymore.
“I have a girlfriend.” Junhong hid his smile behind his hand and bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement. “Her name’s Mihyun and she’s a year above me!”
For the first time since they had met ten years ago, Himchan felt the boiling’s of jealousy stir in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t have to share Junhong’s attention with anyone for all of their previous visits and hearing Junhong tell him all about the perfect Mihyun and her amazing singing voice was close to making him snap. Junhong was supposed to concentrate on him when they were together. Himchan had always been the most important thing in their days together and he had never thought ahead to when Junhong would grow up and need more than a simple friendship to keep his interest.
“Do you want to meet her?” Wide eyes looked at him hopefully but it wasn’t from the chubby cheeked child’s face anymore and Himchan wanted to make him hurt.
“No.” He backed away, his expression pained and belly filled with guilt. “Like I care about some stupid little kid’s love life.”
The crestfallen look on Junhong’s face replayed in his mind like a movie reel every time he blinked his eyes and even Yongguk could tell something was wrong.
“Why are you so moody lately?” His socked feet nudged Himchan’s where they rested on the side of the couch. “Did something happen?”
“What do you do when you want to fix someone but you’re the only one that knows they’re broken?”
Yongguk’s expression was guarded and he chose his words carefully. “I think that you do the best you can to let them know you care.”
Himchan had tried that for the last ten years. Now he just wanted to shake Junhong from side to side and scream in his face that he was the only one who should make him smile like that. That he had put his whole life to the side just for him and why didn’t he just remember him?
He watched Junhong from afar for the next few visits in his timelines. Never approaching him, always staying just out of sight, darting back a half a second before Junhong’s eyes would pass by.
The longer he stayed away the more depressed the other boy seemed to get. Each skip had him looking more and more gaunt, body growing skinnier and grayer.
The sixth time he saw him was the final breaking point and he forced himself to finally accept that Junhong was growing and aging and would never again be that sweet faced three year old boy with the innocent face. Watching Junhong collapse from exhaustion in the field while planting rice had him quickly swooping in and carrying the frail body out of sight.
“Wake up, Junhong.” He crooned, holding a bottle of water against his cracked lips. “Open your eyes for me. I’ve missed you.”
“Himchan.” The tiny voice murmured in his sleep, hand reaching towards the bottle.
Himchan shushed him and helped him drink the lukewarm water. “I got you. Wake up.”
It took most of the day to fully pull Junhong out of the dehydration. By the time he had Junhong sitting up and gingerly picking at a granola bar he only had two hours left before he skipped home again.
Junhong’s eyes would land on him warily every so often and as soon as Himchan caught his gaze he would quickly avert his eyesight.
“Who are you?” He finally asked. “How did you know I’d pass out right when you showed up?”
He winced when he realized Junhong didn’t remember calling out to him while he recovered. He must have recognized him from his dreams and was now confused as to what was going on. “My name’s Himchan. I was visiting some family down the road. I’ll have to leave pretty soon though to get back.”
When he was sure the other boy wasn’t paying attention he slipped the rest of his water and food under Junhong’s hat. The least he could do was leave him with some extra food so this hopefully didn’t happen again.
Junhong laid back in the thick grass and took deep, even breaths. Himchan was watching the way his chest raised and lowered and was full of gratitude to a God he didn’t even believe in that he had been nearby so he could save him.
“So where are you from?” Junhong asked curiously, looking up at Himchan through dark eyes.
“Near the hills.” Himchan’s answer was vague, picking at the long weeds and braiding them together. “I move around a lot so I probably won’t be there for long.” Which was true. He and Yongguk were going to graduate school soon and they would be leaving the orphanage. Mother Kim had passed away a few months before and they knew it was only a matter of time before another of the Mother’s took a special interest in them and tried to find out why they kept so secluded from everyone else. They needed to leave as soon as possible and had been stressed over it for weeks.
“Thank you.” Junhong’s smile was small. “For helping me. It was really nice of you.”
Junhong was going to be a challenge from now on, Himchan decided. Ten years with him and Himchan was wrapped so tightly around his finger that he felt like suffocating.
“Don’t worry about it.” He answered casually. “Just happened to be passing by.”
After that Junhong returned to the happy smiley boy he had always been. No more sunk in cheeks, no more haunting eyes that stared out at nothing for hours at a time. Himchan had a half-second’s thought that maybe his absence was the cause of Junhong’s desolate behavior. But then he forced himself to push his ego away and just be happy that he and Junhong were alright again. Nothing else mattered if Junhong was safe.
---
“Are you married?” Junhong asked, fingering at the ring Himchan wore. “You don’t look old enough to be married.
Himchan laughed and squeezed his fingers lightly. “I’m twenty-one and no I’m not married. Someone I cared about gave me this ring before she died to remember her by.”
“Oh.” Junhong frowned and made a face at the simple band of silver. “An old girlfriend?”
He was surprised by the carefully controlled venom spit out with the sentence. “Ah no… Actually a woman I thought of as a mother. She took care of me when I wasyounger and I miss her a lot.”
This time Junhong’s eyes brightened and he leaned over to swipe a lick off of Himchan’s vanilla ice cream cone. “So are you interested in girls?” His head cocked to the side innocently. “Or do you prefer boys?”
The question would normally have come as a shock in his own lifetime, but he knew that openly questioning everything around you was a big part of the future. This Junhong lived about twenty years before the first space war and humans were at an all-time high for having superiority complexes. Junhong had already questioned his blood type, how much education he had and whether he preferred kissing with his eyes opened or closed.
“I don’t know.” Himchan answered honestly, pulling his ice cream out of the greedy boy’s reach. “There’s more important things on my mind. I don’t think I’m into either to be honest.”
“How come?” Junhong pouted until he relented and traded ice cream cones with him. “You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever seen so you could have had anyone you wanted.”
The nonchalant words sent a cold shiver down his spine. He knew Junhong didn’t mean anything by them, he was just stating his opinion like everyone else did, but it was still the first time he had heard the compliment from him. “I’m too busy.” Himchan finally answered. “I spend all of my time trying to take care of you.”
His odd answer didn’t seem to faze Junhong, his head merely nodding as they walked. They passed the tiny bump in the grass where Junhong pointed and said he lived. Homes had moved underground after the wake of sporadic attacks from the sky and whole cities had been flattened just for being able to be seen from miles above.
“That sounds pretty lonely.” Junhong told him softly, tearing his napkin into tiny pieces and watching the wind pick them up and carry them away. “Always having to look after me. Don’t you wish you had an easier life?”
“No.” Himchan smiled as a peace officer strolled by and Junhong quickly hid the shredded paper in his pocket so he wouldn’t acquire a third littering ticket this month. “It’s a perfect life.”
---
“You don’t have the correct uniform. The commander will put you in the privacy box for eight hours for that.” The suddenly taller than him Junhong looked so concerned at Himchan’s lack of uniform that he was even pushing him into the corner so that no one would see. “Here, I have an extra jacket in my bag. You might pass until you get to your quarters. Where are you stationed?”
Himchan shrugged the dark navy jacket over his shoulders and buttoned it neatly to the top just like Junhong had his. This was a new fleet he had never come across before so he wasn’t sure where he was or what time period, but he had Junhong and that was all that mattered. “I’m new. Haven’t been assigned one yet.”
The boy’s head cocked to the side in confusion. “We’re put into our teams at birth.” Suspicion suddenly covered his face and he took a step backwards. “Maybe we should report to the commander’s quarters.”
Junhong didn’t trust him.
“I’m not from here.” Himchan blurted out, not wanting any attention from the leader of the ship. He knew that stowaways could be put to instant death at the commander’s discretion. Being killed on a spaceship with Junhong as the cause of his death was exactly what he needed, Himchan told himself sarcastically. Yongguk would have slapped him on the side of his head for his stupidity if he was there. “Look, I’m not here to cause trouble. I was sent here by accident and in about twenty-two hours I’m going to be leaving.”
“The only way off the ship is through the chute.”
He knew what the chute was. Every ship had one and it only led to the zero gravity blackness beyond the windows.
“Do you trust me?”
Junhong wasn’t stupid. He may have been only sixteen but he was a seasoned soldier and knew to stay cautious. But even he had to admit that the interloper hadn’t tried to cause any problems yet.
“No.” He answered honestly. “But I’m a Level Four and that means I have a key to the privacy box. You may hide in there until your time has come to leave.”
That was probably the best offer he was going to get on this giant ship. Himchan had been searching for two hours for a place to hide and there was nowhere that wasn’t locked or guarded. He would be uncomfortable in what was bound to be a tiny box with no light, but at least he would be safe.
“Thank you Junhong.”
The look of surprise on the soldier’s face was almost comical as he pushed away from him in alarm. “How do you know my name? I never gave it to you!”
Himchan climbed into the small closet-sized box and held his backpack to his chest. “Because you are kind. And in my language, Junhong is a word that means caring.”
He didn’t get to see Junhong’s face when he opened the box the next afternoon and Himchan was gone, the small bag of candy on the ground the only sign he had ever even been there to begin with.
Part Two
Rated: PG
Length: 16K
Himchan is a skipper, a time traveler who can jump forwards and backwards in time.
Junhong is his future, but also a past he still hasn’t lived through.
He spends every day racing towards the day they can spend all of their seconds in the same minutes.
THIS song was what I listened to on repeat the entire 4 days it took to write this beast.
“I don’t know what they are called, the spaces between seconds- but I think of you always in those intervals.” ―Salvador Plascencia, The People of Paper
The first time he saw the wide eyes and bright dimpled smile he was nine and there was a circus in the middle of the city. Himchan had seen signs for it all over that day and he had managed to steal enough spare change from the pockets of overly trusting grandmas to be able to attend. He had even gained enough for a treat. Maybe some popcorn? He wasn’t sure yet but no matter what he ordered he knew it would be amazing.
But then there he was. The little boy hiding in the corner of the alley, his big brown eyes trained on every woman that passed. It was like he was looking for someone, was waiting for someone. But surely he hadn’t been left all alone, even though deep down Himchan knew better. The kid was no more than four, his black curls falling messily into his dirty face and his overalls torn at the knees and so large that they were rolled up over his ankles.
He thought about just walking away, the kid wasn’t his problem. It was 1912 and he had studied enough of this time period enough in school to know that orphans were everywhere. Japan had been invading the country for several years now and more kids were without parents than the cities could handle. Their solution was to ignore them, let the street urchins die out on their own.
So when Himchan saw those doe eyes turn on him he tried hard to resist them. Told himself to go back towards the circus tent and enjoy the show even if he knew it wasn’t going to be anything like the circuses of years to come. It was still something to pass the time before he skipped home again.
But the sight of the little boy being kicked out of the way, spit raining down on him from a well-dressed man he had gotten too close to was more than Himchan could take. He did have a heart even if he kept it well hid.
“Hey. Hey kid.” He nudged the boy’s knee with his shoe. “Wanna go to the circus with me?”
The first dimpled chubby-cheeked smile he ever got from the boy who would soon become the center of his universe would be locked in his mind for weeks afterwards until he was blessed with another one. His eyes lit up with the reflection of a million galaxies inside them and Himchan knew that this moment was important.
“Yes sir.”
“How old are you?”
The little boy held up three fingers.
Himchan smiled and grabbed the dirty hand, not caring in the slightest that the boy had probably been sitting in filth for days. “Come on. I only have enough to get us inside or I’d buy you something to eat too. What’s your name?”
The look he threw up at him was awe-filled, as if he couldn’t believe anyone was willingly going to do anything for him and Himchan felt his stomach fill with lead. He would be skipping out in a few hours and he’d have to leave the little boy behind to face whatever hell was coming to him.
“Junhong.” The little boy whispered shyly to him. “My name is Junhong.”
---
He wasn’t sure when it had started, the skipping. But he figured it was around the time he came out of his mother. Or wherever he came from. For all he knew he might have just appeared one day out of nowhere, just a tiny baby on the side of the street. Yongguk always rolled his eyes when he wondered aloud about his origins. Said that the fact that he had a belly button was proof he had a mother. But Himchan still didn’t fully believe it.
The orphanage he grew up in had no information on his past. They said he had arrived wrapped in a blanket with the sharpest set of black eyes they had ever seen. Even as a baby he had always been watching, always trying to catch every little moment he could that no one else could see. It was the half-seconds that he wanted. The ones that happened in between breaths, while the eyelids were closed in a blink.
Those were the seconds he lived in.
---
The second time he met Junhong was a fluke. He had tried to force their afternoon visiting the circus out of his mind no matter how many times it pushed its way to the front. The little boy’s eyes haunted him wherever he went. If he could choose where he skipped then he knew he would go straight back to that time and would be an urchin on the street for the rest of his life. Even at nine he knew that his job was to take care of Junhong. Junhong needed him.
He had told himself to get over it, that there was no way he would see the boy again. Out of the thousands of skips Himchan had made in his short nine years none had ever overlapped with a previous time period. He never left Korea and he never visited the same year twice. Life was always an adventure to him, but he knew he could count on those two constants.
But then he met him again. In the bleachers of a basketball game in the fall of 1972. Himchan saw the thick curls before he saw his face but he knew. The tug of his heart and the way his breath caught in his throat were all the proof he needed to know that it was the little boy he had been searching for.
The older man next to him leaned down to whisper something into the little boy’s ear before Junhong turned his face to the side to laugh up at him. Himchan could see the dimple dotting into his fleshy cheeks and even at his young age he knew protective instincts when he saw them. His brain was screaming at him that this boy was his and he was supposed to watch over him. It couldn’t have been a coincidence could it? Out of all the lives he had witnessed, all the wars, all the tears, all the smiles, that this one little boy would show up twice?
He itched to get closer but the high school gymnasium was packed completely full of spectators and the nearest he could get was two rows behind them.
The high voice he recognized was giggling and pointing to all of the players wanting to know their names, their ages, where they lived, question after question from the inquisitive boy. His father was clearly growing impatient with the questions and finally ordered him to be quiet for the rest of the game with a yell and a harsh slap to the side of his face.
Junhong’s eyes dropped down to his shoes and never lifted again even when the buzzer rang and the home team proclaimed victory.
“Junhong.” Himchan whispered, his heart breaking all over again. If he had been sitting with him he knew he would happily answer every question, laugh at every nonsensical joke the three year old made.
As if he had heard his murmur, Junhong waited until his father was deep into conversation with the men around him over how horribly the other team had played before he slowly turned around, his eyes immediately meeting Himchan’s in the crowded gym.
His head cocked to the side curiously as looked at him. Junhong was only a toddler but he had deep, dark eyes. Eyes that looked like they had seen the end of the universe and barely came back alive.
Himchan lifted his hand up in a wave. Hello, he mouthed silently.
Junhong’s lips slowly curled up into a grin and Himchan was dying to know how this lifetime ended for him. Was he happy? He deserved to be happy, he ordered to whatever gods were listening. Don’t give him a hard life again. Not after the last one. Make him happy. Make him loved.
And there in the middle of hundreds of people and one tiny set of eyes, Himchan skipped.
---
He awoke with eyes wide as he panted up into the sky. Skipping always left him in the same place he was in when he first disappeared so he wasn’t surprised to find himself in the middle of the field behind the orphanage. The sky was growing dark and it was near suppertime, same as it was the last time he was here before he found himself shivering in the middle of a cold abandoned school bathroom twenty-four hours ago.
The other children were long gone, just like yesterday. The only thing about skipping that Himchan appreciated was that at least he had a heads up that it was coming. A few hours before it happened he would start getting the headaches, intense jolts of pain that felt like his brain was contracting inside his skull. Then he would be hungry. Three servings of soup and bread weren’t near enough to fill his stomach. And finally he had about a ten minute window between the dizziness and when he would collapse.
One time he wasn’t quick enough and another orphan at the home saw the way Himchan’s body slumped against the wall and just disappeared. The older boy had to be restrained and given a sleeping shot because he was so traumatized. Himchan had taken better care of himself after that. He couldn’t always tell the women in charge that he had just lost track of time and gotten lost in the woods. When you had no one to depend on, you had to depend on yourself.
The “mothers”, as they preferred to be called, always knew that Himchan was an odd child. Besides the disappearing for a handful of days every month he was also a loner. Even as a small child he refused to play with the other orphans. To them it just showed Himchan was unsociable. Someone who would never make it in the adult world because of his cold personality. But to him it was the only way he could survive. He couldn’t get close to anyone, it was only a matter of time before he skipped again and his disease would only disappoint people. Never showing up on time, missing school, breaking promises, these were all things he realized at a young age that he was going to be most known for. So the withdrawn personality was just his way of coping.
The real Himchan was loud and boisterous and loved playing baseball and could eat chocolate every meal. The real Himchan wanted to make friends, wanted to smile so much his cheeks hurt.
He wondered if Junhong liked chocolate, too. He made a mental note to start carrying around a bar in his backpack just in case.
Not that he expected to see him again. Oh no, that would be stupid he told himself. But maybe? If he had found him twice surely he can find him a third time?
If Himchan had been told just how many times he was going to find Junhong over the next decade and a half he would have laughed because that was surely impossible. There was no way he would be skipped over and over to the same place Junhong was year after year after year and watch the little boy grow up.
Right?
---
Wrong.
“Where are your parents?” Himchan floated lazily in the water while Junhong was busy catching frogs in the mud. He had spent over an hour teaching him how to find the biggest ones and he was sweaty and covered in frog pee. “Do they know you’re out here all alone?”
“Work.” Junhong said simply, catching a fat one in his hands and shrieking with laughter as it tried to escape his hold. “In the fields.”
Himchan wondered why Junhong always appeared to be the same age when they met. Thirteen times in the last four months, but it wasn’t like he was counting or anything.
“And you just stay out here on the water all day? Aren’t you too young for that?” His fingers trailed through the soft hair as Junhong stared intently at his frog, eyes crossing from their closeness. “How old are you? Do you know when your birthday is?”
“Three.” Junhong turned his face up to grin happily at him. “I’ll be four next month!”
So if he was always three when they met then Himchan would never get to see him grow up. That thought hit him hard. He was slowly growing older while Junhong would forever be this tiny boy that Himchan couldn’t save.
The frog jumped out of Junhong’s hands and landed on Himchan’s chest with a wet plot. “Froggy likes you.”
He chuckled as he handed the gross lump back to the little boy. Make sure and buy more hand sanitizer for the backpack, Himchan mentally reminded himself. “I think froggy would rather be with you.”
Junhong bit his lip and looked back and forth between Himchan and his new pet. “Himchannie!” He squealed, shoving the frog into Himchan’s face again. “His name’s Himchannie!”
His heart fluttered in his chest as he stood up in the shallow water and Himchan wondered if this was what it felt like to have a friend. Someone who genuinely liked you. Someone who thought you were so great they wanted to name a pet after you.
“I think that’s a great name, Junhong. Keep Himchannie with you when I leave and pretend it’s me, okay?”
The little boy’s bottom lip puffed out and Himchan could feel his breath shorten. Oh god, if the kid tried to puppy-dog face him he would be putty in his hands. This brat was too adorable for words and he was the only lifeline Himchan had, there was no way he could resist him.
“Don’t want you to leave.” Junhong looked down at his frog and suddenly threw him away from them into the water. “There! Himchannie’s gone so Himchan can stay!”
There were times that being with Junhong chipped away at Himchan’s heart so badly that he wondered if he had an empty hole inside his ribcage.
He led Junhong back to the shore and used his jacket to dry him off so he didn’t catch a cold in the slightly chilly air. “Junhong, I can’t stay. I told you that this morning. I have to leave in an hour.” More like fifty-four minutes according to his waterproof watch.
Junhong jerked away from his gently patting hands and stared him down, hands firmly on his tiny hips. “I played with you all day! Junhong’s! You’re Junhong’s!”
“Junhonggie you know I want to stay with you. I’m sorry but I c-“
With a swift kick to his knee, bringing Himchan down to the ground with pained groans, Junhong took off running into the woods by himself.
He probably could have caught up to him, his legs were a lot longer than the miniscule ones Junhong had, but Himchan let him go. Junhong obviously played here all the time by himself so he knew the woods better than anyone and would make his way home eventually.
For the next fifty-three minutes and twelve seconds, Himchan sat in the damp dirt with his hands locked securely around his knees. When the timer beeped he took a deep breath and waited for the drowning churn in his brain that he knew was coming.
When Junhong tentively slunk back into the clearing a few minutes later the only thing he saw out of place was the closed chocolate bar wrapper in the middle of the dirt.
---
“Himchan you can’t keep missing your classes.” Mother Kim, the only mother at the orphanage that even pretended to care about him, scolded him again. “It happens almost every week and your instructors are threatening to throw you out.”
He didn’t really see a problem with this. School was a chore and he didn’t see the point of it.
“You’re ten years old now, Himchan. This has been going on for long enough. If you miss one more class you’re going into the time out room for a week.”
His head shook rapidly and he stuttered out excuses towards her. “I can’t! Please, I will do double chores for a month, just don’t lock me in there!” If he was locked in a room and they checked on him just to find it empty there was no excuse in the world that would get him out of the whipping the mother’s would hand out.
She sat back in her chair, a smug smile on her lips. “Well if you would just tell me why you’re missing school and what’s so important then maybe I will reconsider.” Her eyes narrowed shrewdly. “And God knows when you’re lying, Himchan.”
“I can’t tell.” He licked his lips and pulled nervously on the bottom of his faded t-shirt. “You won’t believe me.”
“I’ve lived a long life, Himchan. I’ve watched over a lot of rotten little boys just like you. Just try me.”
No one had ever known the truth about him. No one had seen him slip in and out of time in the time it takes for the clock to tick. Just Junhong and he didn’t count. Himchan wasn’t even sure if he was meeting the same Junhong every time. Name and resemblance meant nothing. It was his soul that Himchan cared about.
He chewed on his lower lip until he tasted blood, his eyes locked onto the stern ones of his guardian. “Itimetravel.” She cocked an eyebrow and tilted an ear towards him. “I time travel.” He said a little louder.
Her shoulders dropped. “Oh Himch-“
“No!” He interrupted her disappointed words and stood up, shoving the chair behind him. “You told me to tell the truth and I did it! I’m not lying!”
Even if he knew she was being realistic by not believing him, he had done what she asked and he didn’t think he deserved to be locked in the time out room where he couldn’t escape. They didn’t allow anything in with you so he would be without his backpack and being without it when he skipped was scarier than the skipping itself. It held extra food, water, a pocket knife, a flashlight with extra batteries, some money and a few random clothing items he knew he could get by with in most time periods. If he skipped and didn’t have it then he could be starving all day or put in jail for heresy. One time he had showed up in the middle of a church with the only thing saving him from being burned at the stake was by shining his flashlight into their eyes and running away as the medieval farmers screamed about witch’s fire.
“Prove it.” Here voice held no room for refusal and he could see the gleam of triumph in her eyes when he hesitated.
“I can’t make it happen whenever I want.” His voice was desperate. “But I can show you the next time it happens! I know when it’s coming, I swear!”
She sighed and stood up, smoothing her dress over her legs. “Mother Lee wants to send you to the orphanage in the hills, Himchan.”
He knew what that meant. That orphanage was the one little boys never came back from. It was where all of the troublemaker orphans went, the ones the Mother’s had given up hope on.
Himchan did not want to be sent there. No matter how much he hated hiding what he was, it was bound to be a hundred times worse over there.
“I’ll show you.” He promised her again. “Just give me a week.”
---
Of course his body decided to punish him for the next few days. Usually he skipped at least once a week, sometimes more. But this time he stayed perfectly still for the next five days after his talk with Mother Kim. That was eight days since his last skip and he never thought it would make his body this crazed. The other kids annoyed him more, his appetite increased tenfold, even Mother Kim could tell that he was hanging on by a thread and wisely kept her distance.
Until the morning of the sixth day when he woke up to a pounding headache that coursed through his veins and had him running to the bathroom to throw up. He sometimes slept through the beginning stages of the headache so he wasn’t sure how much longer he had left. He needed to eat and to have his backpack ready as soon as possible.
And he also needed to get to Mother Kim.
She took one look at him as he entered the dining hall and immediately ordered him back to bed. The dark circles around his eyes made him appear skeletal and she was so worried he would faint on his way to his bedroom that she wrapped an arm around his middle to help him up.
“No!” He grabbed her apron and forced her to stop. “It’s happening. I need food and you have to get me somewhere private!”
“Not this again Himchan.” She clicked her tongue and pushed open the door to his dorm. “You are ten years old now. Far too old to be living in this imaginary world.”
He reached for his backpack, whimpering when she moved it even further away from him. “I’ll b-be gone twenty-four hours. Exactly twenty-four hours from when I leave. Make sure no one is around when I come back. I thought I had more t-time.” His lips were cracked when he licked them and he realized he must have slept through more of the early stages than he realized because the dried blood caked to them meant he had been chewing them in his pained sleep. Not to mention his stomach was screaming at him for the extra calories it needed to make the skip less painful. He had tried it on empty stomachs before and it always ended with him curled into the fetal position for at least an hour after arriving. His body had to prepare for the skip with as much food as he could pack into his stomach.
“I’ll go get you a tray.” Mother Kim smoothed the damp hair off his forehead with a small smile. “You just rest and we’ll have you better in no time.”
He grabbed her wrist before she could pull away and she was surprised by the sternness in his narrowed eyes. “I might not be here when you come back. Remember, twenty-four hours. Don’t let anyone see me.”
She shook her head in sadness. “Sweet boy. You’re only hurting yourself carrying this on. But okay, I promise.”
The sight of the empty bed five minutes later only mildly shocked her. She figured he had managed to crawl away and hide just to keep up his silly charade. Well she was going to be here waiting for him tomorrow to catch him in his lie and then this whole time travel business would be over, she told herself.
---
Himchan didn’t know where he was or when he was. All he knew was pain. Pain in his skull, pain in his blood, just pure pain roaring through his body as he curled into himself. It had been over twelve hours since he ate last and that was one of the longest stretches he had ever gone. This was going to last more than an hour and he didn’t have that kind of time to lie around in god knows where. Not to mention he didn’t have his backpack full of energy bars and soda to give him the much needed dose of sugar in his system to keep him going for the rest of the day.
All he had was pain.
---
With a scream of complete and utter anguish he skipped back into his own timeline, landing in his bed with a loud thump and frightening Mother Kim so badly that she shrieked.
“Himchan!” Cool hands gripped around his cheeks and if he wasn’t still yelling in pain he would have heard her panicked breaths and mumbled prayers. “Oh Himchan, oh my sweet boy, what happened where did you go what is this?”
He managed to gain enough sense to form rational syllables and Mother Kim had to listen closely to make out the words ‘food’ and ‘please’. She nodded and frantically ran to the kitchen screaming at the cooks to load her tray up to the top.
When she came back and had locked the door behind her Himchan was still in the bed but he looked completely spent, too exhausted to even lift his head.
“Here.” She held up a bowl of noodles and gently helped him feed himself until he had eaten the whole bowl and looked pleadingly at the chunk of bread.
By the time he had eaten the entire tray and Mother Kim had rushed back to the kitchen for another full one he was able to sit up and eat on his own.
“Himchan… What was th-“
“I told you.” He interrupted, lip pouting out childishly. “I told you the truth and you didn’t believe me. I had to lay in the rain for a whole day with no food because you didn’t believe me.”
She reached into her pocket searching for the spare cigarette she kept for emergencies. “Do you blame me? What you said you could do… Himchan, who in their right mind would just believe that? I don’t even know if I even believe what I saw yet!”
“I can’t be sent to the other home, Mother Kim. They wouldn’t let me get away with leaving like I do here. Don’t send me there!”
Her wrinkled hand rested over his and he was calmed by her warm eyes. “We’ll figure this out. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
---
Mother Kim’s only plan of attack was to pretend Himchan had suddenly contracted a very rare, very contagious sickness that would keep him bedridden several days a week. And to make it easier on all of the other boys she volunteered to move his bed up to the abandoned attic where he wouldn’t have to make excuses for being missing. As soon as he started to feel the headaches creep up on him she would whisk him upstairs proclaiming that his fever was back and he had to be immediately isolated.
He never told her about his trips and she never asked.
The only thing they talked about was what he needed for his backpack. She snuck him extra energy bars and candy and sometimes he brought her back tiny presents from wherever he was. Their partnership worked for three years before everything started to change.
He still saw Junhong several times a month. Not every skip had him in them, but more than half usually consisted of them meeting each other in various eras and continents. The skipping rules had changed, too. When he traveled to the past it always consisted of Himchan existing in Korea only, but ever since he had met Junhong he now showed up in every continent. The first time he woke up in America without speaking a lick of English was terrifying.
Mother Kim immediately went out and bought him a Korean to English dictionary when he mentioned it. By the time he left the orphanage at eighteen his backpack had six language books for him to use.
Junhong was growing older along with him. He always made sure and asked the little boy how old he was and somehow they were both aging at the same rate. They were meant to find each other, Himchan told himself. He was born to be Junhong’s protector. Born to give him one twenty-four hour period in all of his lives where he was cherished.
“Himchan?” Mother Kim stuck her head into the attic one afternoon, her hands wringing together in nervousness. For three years she hadn’t gone out of her way to talk about his “condition”, as she referred to it and even just looking at him was sometimes difficult for her. She loved Himchan, but he was an anomaly and it frightened her. “There’s someone I would like you to meet. You two have a lot in common.”
He popped his head up from the bed, science book falling to the floor unnoticed. “Really?”
She pulled in a gangly boy that looked no older than him, dark hair buzzed short on the sides, duffel bag held protectively in front of him.
“Say hello to Bang Yongguk.” She nudged the nervous boy forward. “One of the mothers from the other orphanage in the hills was complaining about Mr. Bang here skipping so much school and never having an excuse for why they couldn’t find him for twenty-four hours at a time. I thought maybe you two could help each other.”
The other boy chewed on his lip as he watched Himchan, warily waiting for his reaction. “Mother Kim said you call it skipping. I just called it traveling. I like yours better.” He patted the duffel bag against his chest. “She said you have a backpack, too. What’s in yours?”
He grinned when Himchan sat up and patted the spot next to him. “My name’s Himchan. Have you ever been to America?”
They shared stories and secrets and lives, but Himchan never mentioned Junhong. Junhong was his secret. Junhong was his invisible half seconds.
---
“Do you think the tower will be there forever?” Ten year old Junhong blew on his fingers, the cold winter air chilling him through his cheap gloves. “Will aliens come down millions of years from now and see it and think, wow, those humans sure built some ugly buildings.”
Himchan could have told him that the earth was rendered worthless in a few hundred years, but he didn’t want to bring seriousness into today. He hadn’t seen him in over a week and it didn’t matter that they were in post-war France and the city was still choking with the dead and the debris months after The Liberation. They were together and they were safe and they were happy.
“I don’t know.” He finally answered, moving to take the smaller boy’s hands in his own. “I think if aliens did come they would be more confused over the pyramids. At least the tower makes sense in a decorative sense.”
Junhong turned on his side, the blanket crumpling up underneath him. “How come mom didn’t tell me our cousin was coming to visit? I wouldn’t have brought my school bag if I knew you were going to meet me at the train station.”
He hated lying, hated himself for knowing Junhong was going to go home that evening and would be chastised for missing school. And there was no telling what his parents would think about an older boy knowing their child’s name and pulling him off the train station to spend all day with him. But it wasn’t the first time he had been selfish with Junhong and he knew it wouldn’t be the last. Days spent with him were all he had and lying to make him happy was worth it.
“Wanna go get some lunch?” He asked instead of answering Junhong’s question. Surely he still had a few franc’s left in his bag. Yongguk made him keep enough money to eat a simple on in all the world’s biggest currencies in his backpack. If he had come a few months earlier he would have been in trouble, but the franc was being used again and he was thankful for it. “Let’s make sandwiches and eat them by the river.”
Junhong jumped up excitedly, his fingers tugging on Himchan’s wrist as they walked. This was his favorite version of Junhong. The one that lived a happy life and that he knew would be okay when he was gone.
“My mom’s mentioned you before.” He told Himchan making him choke around his mouthful of bread and cheese. “Or at least I’m pretty sure she has. I got a puppy for my birthday last year and I named him Himchan. So I’ve heard the name before somewhere, right?”
His lips smiled and agreed, but his heart ached that he couldn’t tell him the truth. That the older he got the more the ancient memories of Himchan bled over into his current existence. Naming something after him and not knowing why wasn’t anything new. A few months ago he had met a version of Junhong who was given the important task of naming his new baby brother. That was an awkward twenty-four hours.
But lately he had started mentioning little things. Dreams he’d had with someone who looked like Himchan, crying over wanting to visit the circus but no one would take him, even showing up in places Himchan appeared in as if he was drawn there. It was no longer just him finding Junhong, but Junhong was almost searching for him. It worried Himchan, but exhilarated him at the same time. Maybe one day he’d meet a Junhong who knew him for who he was the second they met each other.
“I have to go home now.” He told Junhong after walking him to his building. “I’m sorry I can’t spend more time with you.”
Junhong looked confused, his hand pulling Himchan towards the door. “No, no come inside! Mom and dad will be looking for you!”
He shook his head and gently pried the small fingers off. “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’ll see you soon though, okay?” His fingers slid through the only visible curl under his stiff wool hat. “Be a good boy.”
---
Yongguk sat cross-legged on his bed, eyes set intently on Himchan. “We’re going to have to leave here soon. What are we going to do?”
They knew they could have enough money to live comfortably on without working if they really wanted to. Taking artifacts from past era’s and selling them could easily make them rich, but it would also draw attention to them and that was something neither of them wanted.
“We’ll probably have to move a lot.” Himchan decided. “Sell some things, make enough to last for a while and then leave.”
Yongguk scratched the back of his neck shyly. “And what about us? What do we tell people we are?”
He shrugged, digging through his bag to check the status of his snacks. “We just tell them we’re roommates and go to college together. It’s not a big deal. No one would question us.”
He didn’t see Yongguk’s grimace and disappointed pout. “Okay.” His best friend finally replied. “Have you figured out what name to use yet?”
Whereas Himchan had been in the orphanage since birth, Yongguk came with a background and a history. He had a name, even if it came from a family who refused him. His parents had called him a devil child, abandoning him when he was just three years old at the steps of the local church and had left town never looking back.
“You could use mine.” Yongguk swallowed, cheeks turning red. “If you… I mean, only if you want to.”
Mother Kim popped into his head. Her caring smile, soft hands and arms that never refused a hug when Himchan needed comfort. “Kim.” He immediately answered, ignoring Yongguk’s suggestion. “I’ll be Kim Himchan.”
---
When Junhong was thirteen was the moment everything started to blow up in his face and he didn’t like it, didn’t want it.
A sudden growth spurt had put the boy in at just a few centimeters below his own height and suddenly Junhong wasn’t a little boy anymore but a teenager like him. His jaw was more defined after losing his baby fat and Himchan couldn’t even pinch his cheeks when they were together. Junhong was growing into a man’s body and he wasn’t his tiny boy anymore.
“I have a girlfriend.” Junhong hid his smile behind his hand and bounced on the balls of his feet in excitement. “Her name’s Mihyun and she’s a year above me!”
For the first time since they had met ten years ago, Himchan felt the boiling’s of jealousy stir in the pit of his stomach. He didn’t have to share Junhong’s attention with anyone for all of their previous visits and hearing Junhong tell him all about the perfect Mihyun and her amazing singing voice was close to making him snap. Junhong was supposed to concentrate on him when they were together. Himchan had always been the most important thing in their days together and he had never thought ahead to when Junhong would grow up and need more than a simple friendship to keep his interest.
“Do you want to meet her?” Wide eyes looked at him hopefully but it wasn’t from the chubby cheeked child’s face anymore and Himchan wanted to make him hurt.
“No.” He backed away, his expression pained and belly filled with guilt. “Like I care about some stupid little kid’s love life.”
The crestfallen look on Junhong’s face replayed in his mind like a movie reel every time he blinked his eyes and even Yongguk could tell something was wrong.
“Why are you so moody lately?” His socked feet nudged Himchan’s where they rested on the side of the couch. “Did something happen?”
“What do you do when you want to fix someone but you’re the only one that knows they’re broken?”
Yongguk’s expression was guarded and he chose his words carefully. “I think that you do the best you can to let them know you care.”
Himchan had tried that for the last ten years. Now he just wanted to shake Junhong from side to side and scream in his face that he was the only one who should make him smile like that. That he had put his whole life to the side just for him and why didn’t he just remember him?
He watched Junhong from afar for the next few visits in his timelines. Never approaching him, always staying just out of sight, darting back a half a second before Junhong’s eyes would pass by.
The longer he stayed away the more depressed the other boy seemed to get. Each skip had him looking more and more gaunt, body growing skinnier and grayer.
The sixth time he saw him was the final breaking point and he forced himself to finally accept that Junhong was growing and aging and would never again be that sweet faced three year old boy with the innocent face. Watching Junhong collapse from exhaustion in the field while planting rice had him quickly swooping in and carrying the frail body out of sight.
“Wake up, Junhong.” He crooned, holding a bottle of water against his cracked lips. “Open your eyes for me. I’ve missed you.”
“Himchan.” The tiny voice murmured in his sleep, hand reaching towards the bottle.
Himchan shushed him and helped him drink the lukewarm water. “I got you. Wake up.”
It took most of the day to fully pull Junhong out of the dehydration. By the time he had Junhong sitting up and gingerly picking at a granola bar he only had two hours left before he skipped home again.
Junhong’s eyes would land on him warily every so often and as soon as Himchan caught his gaze he would quickly avert his eyesight.
“Who are you?” He finally asked. “How did you know I’d pass out right when you showed up?”
He winced when he realized Junhong didn’t remember calling out to him while he recovered. He must have recognized him from his dreams and was now confused as to what was going on. “My name’s Himchan. I was visiting some family down the road. I’ll have to leave pretty soon though to get back.”
When he was sure the other boy wasn’t paying attention he slipped the rest of his water and food under Junhong’s hat. The least he could do was leave him with some extra food so this hopefully didn’t happen again.
Junhong laid back in the thick grass and took deep, even breaths. Himchan was watching the way his chest raised and lowered and was full of gratitude to a God he didn’t even believe in that he had been nearby so he could save him.
“So where are you from?” Junhong asked curiously, looking up at Himchan through dark eyes.
“Near the hills.” Himchan’s answer was vague, picking at the long weeds and braiding them together. “I move around a lot so I probably won’t be there for long.” Which was true. He and Yongguk were going to graduate school soon and they would be leaving the orphanage. Mother Kim had passed away a few months before and they knew it was only a matter of time before another of the Mother’s took a special interest in them and tried to find out why they kept so secluded from everyone else. They needed to leave as soon as possible and had been stressed over it for weeks.
“Thank you.” Junhong’s smile was small. “For helping me. It was really nice of you.”
Junhong was going to be a challenge from now on, Himchan decided. Ten years with him and Himchan was wrapped so tightly around his finger that he felt like suffocating.
“Don’t worry about it.” He answered casually. “Just happened to be passing by.”
After that Junhong returned to the happy smiley boy he had always been. No more sunk in cheeks, no more haunting eyes that stared out at nothing for hours at a time. Himchan had a half-second’s thought that maybe his absence was the cause of Junhong’s desolate behavior. But then he forced himself to push his ego away and just be happy that he and Junhong were alright again. Nothing else mattered if Junhong was safe.
---
“Are you married?” Junhong asked, fingering at the ring Himchan wore. “You don’t look old enough to be married.
Himchan laughed and squeezed his fingers lightly. “I’m twenty-one and no I’m not married. Someone I cared about gave me this ring before she died to remember her by.”
“Oh.” Junhong frowned and made a face at the simple band of silver. “An old girlfriend?”
He was surprised by the carefully controlled venom spit out with the sentence. “Ah no… Actually a woman I thought of as a mother. She took care of me when I wasyounger and I miss her a lot.”
This time Junhong’s eyes brightened and he leaned over to swipe a lick off of Himchan’s vanilla ice cream cone. “So are you interested in girls?” His head cocked to the side innocently. “Or do you prefer boys?”
The question would normally have come as a shock in his own lifetime, but he knew that openly questioning everything around you was a big part of the future. This Junhong lived about twenty years before the first space war and humans were at an all-time high for having superiority complexes. Junhong had already questioned his blood type, how much education he had and whether he preferred kissing with his eyes opened or closed.
“I don’t know.” Himchan answered honestly, pulling his ice cream out of the greedy boy’s reach. “There’s more important things on my mind. I don’t think I’m into either to be honest.”
“How come?” Junhong pouted until he relented and traded ice cream cones with him. “You’re the most attractive man I’ve ever seen so you could have had anyone you wanted.”
The nonchalant words sent a cold shiver down his spine. He knew Junhong didn’t mean anything by them, he was just stating his opinion like everyone else did, but it was still the first time he had heard the compliment from him. “I’m too busy.” Himchan finally answered. “I spend all of my time trying to take care of you.”
His odd answer didn’t seem to faze Junhong, his head merely nodding as they walked. They passed the tiny bump in the grass where Junhong pointed and said he lived. Homes had moved underground after the wake of sporadic attacks from the sky and whole cities had been flattened just for being able to be seen from miles above.
“That sounds pretty lonely.” Junhong told him softly, tearing his napkin into tiny pieces and watching the wind pick them up and carry them away. “Always having to look after me. Don’t you wish you had an easier life?”
“No.” Himchan smiled as a peace officer strolled by and Junhong quickly hid the shredded paper in his pocket so he wouldn’t acquire a third littering ticket this month. “It’s a perfect life.”
---
“You don’t have the correct uniform. The commander will put you in the privacy box for eight hours for that.” The suddenly taller than him Junhong looked so concerned at Himchan’s lack of uniform that he was even pushing him into the corner so that no one would see. “Here, I have an extra jacket in my bag. You might pass until you get to your quarters. Where are you stationed?”
Himchan shrugged the dark navy jacket over his shoulders and buttoned it neatly to the top just like Junhong had his. This was a new fleet he had never come across before so he wasn’t sure where he was or what time period, but he had Junhong and that was all that mattered. “I’m new. Haven’t been assigned one yet.”
The boy’s head cocked to the side in confusion. “We’re put into our teams at birth.” Suspicion suddenly covered his face and he took a step backwards. “Maybe we should report to the commander’s quarters.”
Junhong didn’t trust him.
“I’m not from here.” Himchan blurted out, not wanting any attention from the leader of the ship. He knew that stowaways could be put to instant death at the commander’s discretion. Being killed on a spaceship with Junhong as the cause of his death was exactly what he needed, Himchan told himself sarcastically. Yongguk would have slapped him on the side of his head for his stupidity if he was there. “Look, I’m not here to cause trouble. I was sent here by accident and in about twenty-two hours I’m going to be leaving.”
“The only way off the ship is through the chute.”
He knew what the chute was. Every ship had one and it only led to the zero gravity blackness beyond the windows.
“Do you trust me?”
Junhong wasn’t stupid. He may have been only sixteen but he was a seasoned soldier and knew to stay cautious. But even he had to admit that the interloper hadn’t tried to cause any problems yet.
“No.” He answered honestly. “But I’m a Level Four and that means I have a key to the privacy box. You may hide in there until your time has come to leave.”
That was probably the best offer he was going to get on this giant ship. Himchan had been searching for two hours for a place to hide and there was nowhere that wasn’t locked or guarded. He would be uncomfortable in what was bound to be a tiny box with no light, but at least he would be safe.
“Thank you Junhong.”
The look of surprise on the soldier’s face was almost comical as he pushed away from him in alarm. “How do you know my name? I never gave it to you!”
Himchan climbed into the small closet-sized box and held his backpack to his chest. “Because you are kind. And in my language, Junhong is a word that means caring.”
He didn’t get to see Junhong’s face when he opened the box the next afternoon and Himchan was gone, the small bag of candy on the ground the only sign he had ever even been there to begin with.
Part Two