HimUp Drabbles
The first time the things started, whatever they were, Himchan had been living alone for three years and had been drunk about 90% of them. He thought they were a drunken hallucination at first, just a trick of his mind as it tried to fuck with the little sense of humanity he had left.
“What are you doing?” Jongup’s voice was so loud, so real, in his head that he fell off the couch with a shout, landing on the hard wooden floor. “Himchan, I have class at nine tomorrow and I can’t be late again.” Himchan popped his head over the back of the couch and covered his mouth in horror at the boy standing in the middle of his kitchen. “Stop!” Jongup’s head was suddenly tilted to the side and his lip was sucked between his teeth as he let out a breathy moan. “I mean it, I have to go to bed early tonight!” And just like that he was gone and Himchan wasn’t sure if he had dreamed it or if he had drank too much but all he could think was that he would give anything for it to happen again.
The memories of Jongup, the echoes, happened almost weekly and even though he spent his days in an alcohol-induced haze he knew there was times where he was nowhere near drunk enough to be this out of it.
But it didn’t matter because Jongup was there, Jongup was in his home, Jongup was with him.
“Did you go to the grocery store yet?” Jongup dropped his backpack on the table and rubbed his stomach. “I didn’t have time to eat at school and I’m starving.” His lips curled up as he listened to an invisible voice Himchan couldn’t hear. “As appetizing as you look, I don’t think your mother will be very happy if I ate you, baby.” The sound of his giggle shot through Himchan’s heart like a knife, the sweet laughter that he hadn’t heard in so long made him wish he was asleep and could wake up from whatever kind of dream this was.
These glimpses of a Jongup that still loved him was all he had left.
“You haven’t left your apartment in days.” Yongguk stood at the threshold of his room and cringed. “This place is a mess, Channie. Why don’t you clean a little? It will give you something to do.”
Himchan shook his head, eyes glued to the sleeping face of the boy next to him. A face that only he could see. “Shh, I’m watching Jongup sleep.”
Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply. “Jongup’s not here, Himchan. Jongup’s not been here for a very long time. When are you going to get over this?”
“When he’s back.” That was it, that was all Himchan needed to be himself again. He needed Jongup in their bed, in his arms, falling apart under his touch. Jongup was all he wanted.
“He’s not coming back.” Yongguk’s hand was gentle as he leaned down to stroke through his best friend’s messy hair. “And he would hate himself if he knew you were sitting here pretending to see him.”
Himchan smiled as the lips he could still remember the taste of suddenly pouted in sleep. “I do see him, Guk. I’m too scared to touch him yet, but I can see him and hear him and he’s real.”
Yongguk blinked back tears as he realized he was going to have to call Himchan’s doctor again. The last time he had withdrawn this much into himself they’d had to hospitalize him for a month.
“Jongup died in a car wreck three years ago.” Yongguk dug the heel of his palm into his eye. “He isn’t coming back, Channie.”
--
He remembered the accident. Himchan told himself that he wasn’t so far in his madness yet that he was losing his memory, too. The goodbye kiss that morning as Jongup left for school, the promise of take-out on his way home, the way he had been so busy with the morning paper that he didn’t even turn to smile when Jongup had yelled that he loved him as he ran out the door.
His last words to the person he loved the most in the world were “I don’t want any onions in my rice.”
When Yongguk had brought him supper one night, just days after the accident, and he opened the box to see the vegetable covered rice it had made him throw up.
Onions.
The goddammed onions.
“I don’t want to go to the doctor again.” He pulled the blanket over his head and kicked Yongguk away when he got too close. “I already know Jongup’s dead.” The same words that three years ago would have sent him into a screaming fit that lasted for hours now only tasted dull and empty on his tongue. “He died driving in the rain because he knew I only liked Chinese food from the restaurant across town. A car slid on the road and hit him and he landed in the ditch fifteen feet away.” He had read the police report a thousand times and it was permanently memorized in his head.
Yongguk tugged the blanket away from him and forced Himchan to look him in the eyes. “Channie, where’s Jongup right now?”
“Sitting beside me on the couch and watching a movie.” The words spilled out robotically and he knew he had given the wrong answer by the dimming in Yongguk’s eyes. “Don’t make me go back. They don’t even let me say his name!” He continued to beg Yongguk even as he was pulled to his feet and herded towards the door where Junhong waited with tear-soaked cheeks. “You’re his best friend, Junhong! Tell me you see him. Tell Yongguk you see him, too!”
“I’m sorry, Himchan.” Junhong wiped his face clean and grabbed his other arm, not letting him wiggle his way free. “He’s not coming back. Please don’t make it worse.”
The wailing only stopped when they reached the hospital and the doctor injected something cold and then hot and then heavy into his arm. It took Jongup away from him, it made him forget, made him frightened and he hated it.
“What is your name and how old are you?”
“Kim Himchan. Twenty-eight.”
“Do you know why you’re here?”
He lifted a heavy head and blinked sleepily. There were lots of lights blinding him and crying from the corner that confused him and it smelled like chemicals and bleach.
“No. Am I hurt?”
---------------------------------------
Pairing: HimUp
Rated: PG13
Length: 1.4K
100 Writing Prompts Challenge word: school
Face Off AU
10 Things I Love About Kim Himchan by Moon Jongup
1: His backpack. Even if he wears expensive clothes to school every day he’s using a ratty and patched together backpack. *Note to self: Find out meaning behind backpack.
2: His feet. Sometimes when we’re supposed to be reading quietly in class I can see his feet bouncing from the back of the room. Is he singing in his head? Is he just a nervous tapper? Why can’t he sit still? Would he move around so much if I kissed him?
3: The laugh that sounds like a dog barking that he makes when laughing at Yongguk. Everyone else cringes when he does it but I think it’s cute and it’s the realest laugh I’ve ever heard.
4: The dimple under his eye when he smiles because why would genetics put a dimple under an eye? Is he a genetic defect?
“What are you doing?”
Jongup quickly shoved the notebook he was scribbling on under his backpack and smiled serenely up at his best friend. “Nothing. Just some history homework. What are you doing out here?”
Junhong dropped down next to him on the picnic table and leaned his head back into the sun. “I knew you had lunch this period so I skipped class and looked for you. Himchan and Yongguk were waiting for you by the basketball courts. Don’t you normally eat with them?”
He shrugged and fingered the stray strips of paper hanging from his notebook. “I didn’t feel like it today. Did they look mad?”
“Yongguk looked annoyed.” Junhong snorted at something, his knee nudging Jongup’s under the table. “Himchan looked mad.”
--
5: His top teeth that look like rabbit teeth because rabbits are cute and Himchan is cute.
6: How he always strokes his fingers across my hand when we sit by each other on the bench. Does he notice he’s doing it or is it another nervous habit? How many nervous habits can one person have anyways?
“There you are!” Yongguk caught up to him after sixth period and stopped him before he could get to his locker. “We thought you left school early because you were sick or something. Himchan was trying to get me to go check at the nurse’s office.”
Jongup shrugged and tried to move around him but failed when Yongguk placed his hands on his shoulders. “I need to get my books so I’m not late for class.”
Yongguk sighed when Jongup wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Come on. We need to have a talk. Captain to teammate. Friend to friend. Himchan’s best friend to Himchan’s favorite toy.”
“I- What?” Jongup felt himself dragged into the empty science lab and moved away from the door so no one would see them. “What are you talking about? I’m going to get a detention if I’m late.”
“What did he do?” At Jongup’s confused glance Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingertips. “Himchan. What did he do?”
He had no idea what Yongguk was talking about. Who was even talking about Himchan in this conversation?
“Did he move too quickly? Because I warned him against that. Did he snap at you for something? That idiot’s temper is insane.”
Jongup shook his head and raised his hands up to stop Yongguk’s rambling. “I really have no idea what you’re meaning. I ate lunch in the courtyard and then Junhong found me. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything but I wasn’t really in a basketball mood today.”
Yongguk narrowed his eyes at Jongup and thought about his explanation for a second. “So Himchan didn’t do anything?”
“No. I swear. I haven’t seen him since Home Room and he showed up late and had to sit in the back so we didn’t even speak.” Normally Himchan laid claim to the seat directly in front of Jongup and spent the entire period trying to get his attention with jokes and teasing remarks about the rest of the students in the class.
“Okay then.” Yongguk still didn’t look like he believed him but was wise enough to let it pass. “Go on to class.” Jongup nervously slid past him and opened the door to leave when Yongguk’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “And Jongup? I know Himchan’s hard to understand. He can be a bit full of himself and stupid sometimes. But he’s the best friend I’ve ever had and I love the shit out of him. Okay?”
“Um… Okay?” Jongup swallowed and ran out the door before Yongguk thought of something else and called him back. He liked Yongguk and all but he could be scarily intense sometimes.
--
7: When he steals my french fries at lunch. He says he doesn’t like greasy food but when I get fries he always takes them. I hope he never finds out I order them just for him.
8: How he tries to walk me home after practice even though I tell him it’s okay. He must be a really nice person to want to make sure I get home okay. Or he thinks that because I’m short that I can’t protect myself. Maybe this isn’t something I like after all. His hands because his fingers are long and delicate and they look gentle and they’re so beautiful compared to my rough ones.
9: Sometimes he waits for me by my locker at the end of the day and asks me how school was. And if he doesn’t have time to wait he always leaves me a note on the top shelf of my locker just saying hi.
“What are you doing?” Jongup froze, his shop notebook dropping to the floor with a thud and his cheeks paling in shock.
Himchan raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up, his eyes glued to the notebook Jongup had shoved into the back of his locker and forgotten about months earlier. “I have a dentists appointment in twenty minutes so I was going to leave you a note saying I would call you later.” He closed the notebook with a pout and batted his sad eyes at his boyfriend. “You never made it to ten.”
Jongup hadn’t wished for a hole to form and swallow him up in ages but right now he would have gladly given his entire 2014 allowance so far for it. “I’m going to have to transfer schools.”
“Is there really only nine things you love about me?” Himchan ignored his wail of embarrassment and pulled Jongup next to him so he could discretely link their hands where no one could see. “You couldn’t even think of one tiny little thing more?”
“This is even more embarrassing then the time my mother walked in on us making out on my bed.”
“I can think of at least a hundred things I love about you.” The older boy continued as if Jongup hadn’t even spoke. “Your eyes, your hair, your smile, the way you laugh, how you make Daehyun scream at least once every practice, you with wet hair, you with dry hair, you with sweaty hair, you with-“
“Your ass.” Jongup covered his face and groaned. “I love the way your ass looks in your school uniform now can you please shut and pretend you never found that thing?”
Himchan smiled smugly and looked behind him to check himself out. “Thank you. Now I have to go get my teeth cleaned so I need to leave.” He looked around to make sure no one was watching before dropping a chaste kiss to Jongup’s lowered head. “Yongguk bought it for me.”
Jongup lifted his head with a frown. “Huh?”
“Number one.” Himchan picked up the strap over his shoulder and shook it to show Jongup what he was talking about. “Yongguk sold some of his comic books in sixth grade to buy it for my birthday because I saw it in the store and mentioned I liked it.” He shrugged and squeezed Jongup’s fingers. “I like to keep things that are important to me.” The notebook he had set back in Jongup’s locker was grabbed and held high over his head so Jongup couldn’t reach it. “Kinda like this. I’ll call you tonight. Love you.”
He grinned brightly before he walked off, the dimple appearing for just a split second before he turned around and it disappeared and Jongup mentally added another thing to his list.
11: That he chose me.
“What are you doing?” Jongup’s voice was so loud, so real, in his head that he fell off the couch with a shout, landing on the hard wooden floor. “Himchan, I have class at nine tomorrow and I can’t be late again.” Himchan popped his head over the back of the couch and covered his mouth in horror at the boy standing in the middle of his kitchen. “Stop!” Jongup’s head was suddenly tilted to the side and his lip was sucked between his teeth as he let out a breathy moan. “I mean it, I have to go to bed early tonight!” And just like that he was gone and Himchan wasn’t sure if he had dreamed it or if he had drank too much but all he could think was that he would give anything for it to happen again.
The memories of Jongup, the echoes, happened almost weekly and even though he spent his days in an alcohol-induced haze he knew there was times where he was nowhere near drunk enough to be this out of it.
But it didn’t matter because Jongup was there, Jongup was in his home, Jongup was with him.
“Did you go to the grocery store yet?” Jongup dropped his backpack on the table and rubbed his stomach. “I didn’t have time to eat at school and I’m starving.” His lips curled up as he listened to an invisible voice Himchan couldn’t hear. “As appetizing as you look, I don’t think your mother will be very happy if I ate you, baby.” The sound of his giggle shot through Himchan’s heart like a knife, the sweet laughter that he hadn’t heard in so long made him wish he was asleep and could wake up from whatever kind of dream this was.
These glimpses of a Jongup that still loved him was all he had left.
“You haven’t left your apartment in days.” Yongguk stood at the threshold of his room and cringed. “This place is a mess, Channie. Why don’t you clean a little? It will give you something to do.”
Himchan shook his head, eyes glued to the sleeping face of the boy next to him. A face that only he could see. “Shh, I’m watching Jongup sleep.”
Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled deeply. “Jongup’s not here, Himchan. Jongup’s not been here for a very long time. When are you going to get over this?”
“When he’s back.” That was it, that was all Himchan needed to be himself again. He needed Jongup in their bed, in his arms, falling apart under his touch. Jongup was all he wanted.
“He’s not coming back.” Yongguk’s hand was gentle as he leaned down to stroke through his best friend’s messy hair. “And he would hate himself if he knew you were sitting here pretending to see him.”
Himchan smiled as the lips he could still remember the taste of suddenly pouted in sleep. “I do see him, Guk. I’m too scared to touch him yet, but I can see him and hear him and he’s real.”
Yongguk blinked back tears as he realized he was going to have to call Himchan’s doctor again. The last time he had withdrawn this much into himself they’d had to hospitalize him for a month.
“Jongup died in a car wreck three years ago.” Yongguk dug the heel of his palm into his eye. “He isn’t coming back, Channie.”
--
He remembered the accident. Himchan told himself that he wasn’t so far in his madness yet that he was losing his memory, too. The goodbye kiss that morning as Jongup left for school, the promise of take-out on his way home, the way he had been so busy with the morning paper that he didn’t even turn to smile when Jongup had yelled that he loved him as he ran out the door.
His last words to the person he loved the most in the world were “I don’t want any onions in my rice.”
When Yongguk had brought him supper one night, just days after the accident, and he opened the box to see the vegetable covered rice it had made him throw up.
Onions.
The goddammed onions.
“I don’t want to go to the doctor again.” He pulled the blanket over his head and kicked Yongguk away when he got too close. “I already know Jongup’s dead.” The same words that three years ago would have sent him into a screaming fit that lasted for hours now only tasted dull and empty on his tongue. “He died driving in the rain because he knew I only liked Chinese food from the restaurant across town. A car slid on the road and hit him and he landed in the ditch fifteen feet away.” He had read the police report a thousand times and it was permanently memorized in his head.
Yongguk tugged the blanket away from him and forced Himchan to look him in the eyes. “Channie, where’s Jongup right now?”
“Sitting beside me on the couch and watching a movie.” The words spilled out robotically and he knew he had given the wrong answer by the dimming in Yongguk’s eyes. “Don’t make me go back. They don’t even let me say his name!” He continued to beg Yongguk even as he was pulled to his feet and herded towards the door where Junhong waited with tear-soaked cheeks. “You’re his best friend, Junhong! Tell me you see him. Tell Yongguk you see him, too!”
“I’m sorry, Himchan.” Junhong wiped his face clean and grabbed his other arm, not letting him wiggle his way free. “He’s not coming back. Please don’t make it worse.”
The wailing only stopped when they reached the hospital and the doctor injected something cold and then hot and then heavy into his arm. It took Jongup away from him, it made him forget, made him frightened and he hated it.
“What is your name and how old are you?”
“Kim Himchan. Twenty-eight.”
“Do you know why you’re here?”
He lifted a heavy head and blinked sleepily. There were lots of lights blinding him and crying from the corner that confused him and it smelled like chemicals and bleach.
“No. Am I hurt?”
---------------------------------------
Pairing: HimUp
Rated: PG13
Length: 1.4K
100 Writing Prompts Challenge word: school
Face Off AU
10 Things I Love About Kim Himchan by Moon Jongup
1: His backpack. Even if he wears expensive clothes to school every day he’s using a ratty and patched together backpack. *Note to self: Find out meaning behind backpack.
2: His feet. Sometimes when we’re supposed to be reading quietly in class I can see his feet bouncing from the back of the room. Is he singing in his head? Is he just a nervous tapper? Why can’t he sit still? Would he move around so much if I kissed him?
3: The laugh that sounds like a dog barking that he makes when laughing at Yongguk. Everyone else cringes when he does it but I think it’s cute and it’s the realest laugh I’ve ever heard.
4: The dimple under his eye when he smiles because why would genetics put a dimple under an eye? Is he a genetic defect?
“What are you doing?”
Jongup quickly shoved the notebook he was scribbling on under his backpack and smiled serenely up at his best friend. “Nothing. Just some history homework. What are you doing out here?”
Junhong dropped down next to him on the picnic table and leaned his head back into the sun. “I knew you had lunch this period so I skipped class and looked for you. Himchan and Yongguk were waiting for you by the basketball courts. Don’t you normally eat with them?”
He shrugged and fingered the stray strips of paper hanging from his notebook. “I didn’t feel like it today. Did they look mad?”
“Yongguk looked annoyed.” Junhong snorted at something, his knee nudging Jongup’s under the table. “Himchan looked mad.”
--
5: His top teeth that look like rabbit teeth because rabbits are cute and Himchan is cute.
6: How he always strokes his fingers across my hand when we sit by each other on the bench. Does he notice he’s doing it or is it another nervous habit? How many nervous habits can one person have anyways?
“There you are!” Yongguk caught up to him after sixth period and stopped him before he could get to his locker. “We thought you left school early because you were sick or something. Himchan was trying to get me to go check at the nurse’s office.”
Jongup shrugged and tried to move around him but failed when Yongguk placed his hands on his shoulders. “I need to get my books so I’m not late for class.”
Yongguk sighed when Jongup wouldn’t meet his eyes. “Come on. We need to have a talk. Captain to teammate. Friend to friend. Himchan’s best friend to Himchan’s favorite toy.”
“I- What?” Jongup felt himself dragged into the empty science lab and moved away from the door so no one would see them. “What are you talking about? I’m going to get a detention if I’m late.”
“What did he do?” At Jongup’s confused glance Yongguk pinched the bridge of his nose between his fingertips. “Himchan. What did he do?”
He had no idea what Yongguk was talking about. Who was even talking about Himchan in this conversation?
“Did he move too quickly? Because I warned him against that. Did he snap at you for something? That idiot’s temper is insane.”
Jongup shook his head and raised his hands up to stop Yongguk’s rambling. “I really have no idea what you’re meaning. I ate lunch in the courtyard and then Junhong found me. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything but I wasn’t really in a basketball mood today.”
Yongguk narrowed his eyes at Jongup and thought about his explanation for a second. “So Himchan didn’t do anything?”
“No. I swear. I haven’t seen him since Home Room and he showed up late and had to sit in the back so we didn’t even speak.” Normally Himchan laid claim to the seat directly in front of Jongup and spent the entire period trying to get his attention with jokes and teasing remarks about the rest of the students in the class.
“Okay then.” Yongguk still didn’t look like he believed him but was wise enough to let it pass. “Go on to class.” Jongup nervously slid past him and opened the door to leave when Yongguk’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. “And Jongup? I know Himchan’s hard to understand. He can be a bit full of himself and stupid sometimes. But he’s the best friend I’ve ever had and I love the shit out of him. Okay?”
“Um… Okay?” Jongup swallowed and ran out the door before Yongguk thought of something else and called him back. He liked Yongguk and all but he could be scarily intense sometimes.
--
7: When he steals my french fries at lunch. He says he doesn’t like greasy food but when I get fries he always takes them. I hope he never finds out I order them just for him.
8: How he tries to walk me home after practice even though I tell him it’s okay. He must be a really nice person to want to make sure I get home okay. Or he thinks that because I’m short that I can’t protect myself. Maybe this isn’t something I like after all. His hands because his fingers are long and delicate and they look gentle and they’re so beautiful compared to my rough ones.
9: Sometimes he waits for me by my locker at the end of the day and asks me how school was. And if he doesn’t have time to wait he always leaves me a note on the top shelf of my locker just saying hi.
“What are you doing?” Jongup froze, his shop notebook dropping to the floor with a thud and his cheeks paling in shock.
Himchan raised an eyebrow but didn’t look up, his eyes glued to the notebook Jongup had shoved into the back of his locker and forgotten about months earlier. “I have a dentists appointment in twenty minutes so I was going to leave you a note saying I would call you later.” He closed the notebook with a pout and batted his sad eyes at his boyfriend. “You never made it to ten.”
Jongup hadn’t wished for a hole to form and swallow him up in ages but right now he would have gladly given his entire 2014 allowance so far for it. “I’m going to have to transfer schools.”
“Is there really only nine things you love about me?” Himchan ignored his wail of embarrassment and pulled Jongup next to him so he could discretely link their hands where no one could see. “You couldn’t even think of one tiny little thing more?”
“This is even more embarrassing then the time my mother walked in on us making out on my bed.”
“I can think of at least a hundred things I love about you.” The older boy continued as if Jongup hadn’t even spoke. “Your eyes, your hair, your smile, the way you laugh, how you make Daehyun scream at least once every practice, you with wet hair, you with dry hair, you with sweaty hair, you with-“
“Your ass.” Jongup covered his face and groaned. “I love the way your ass looks in your school uniform now can you please shut and pretend you never found that thing?”
Himchan smiled smugly and looked behind him to check himself out. “Thank you. Now I have to go get my teeth cleaned so I need to leave.” He looked around to make sure no one was watching before dropping a chaste kiss to Jongup’s lowered head. “Yongguk bought it for me.”
Jongup lifted his head with a frown. “Huh?”
“Number one.” Himchan picked up the strap over his shoulder and shook it to show Jongup what he was talking about. “Yongguk sold some of his comic books in sixth grade to buy it for my birthday because I saw it in the store and mentioned I liked it.” He shrugged and squeezed Jongup’s fingers. “I like to keep things that are important to me.” The notebook he had set back in Jongup’s locker was grabbed and held high over his head so Jongup couldn’t reach it. “Kinda like this. I’ll call you tonight. Love you.”
He grinned brightly before he walked off, the dimple appearing for just a split second before he turned around and it disappeared and Jongup mentally added another thing to his list.
11: That he chose me.