Guide You Home *seven* FINAL
Pairing: DaeLo/BangUp
Rated: PG13
Length: 7K
Final Length: 38.5K
Prompt * One * Two * Three * Four * Five * Six
Song One
Song Two
Part One
The first time Yongguk saw Jongup after he tore his heart apart he was twelve and Jongup was ten. The last two years he had thought about his soulmate every day but he didn’t even know his name or if he even went to their school. A soulmate was just an idea in his mind, not even a real person anymore since two years at that age was a long enough time to forget.
Yongguk was old enough now to understand that having a male soulmate meant he was gay. It came as a shock to him the first time because even though he was ten at the time he hadn’t even thought about if he liked boys or girls more. The only thing he wanted from his soulmate was just to look at him for hours without blinking. He wanted to know what his favorite color was and what his laugh sounded like. He wanted someone who wanted all of those things from him.
But by age twelve he was starting to realize that having a soulmate came with built-in expectations and they made him fill up with guilt.
When the boys in the locker room would talk about the girls from their class using words that made Yongguk feel awkward he would only laugh distractedly and recite his favorite lyrics over and over until it drowned them out. The tiny boy’s age wasn’t mentioned when they had discovered each other on that sunny day two years earlier, but Yongguk could tell he was the older one and he didn’t want to think things that would infect the younger boy’s mind when he was still so innocent.
Every night he wondered where the other boy was and if he ever thought about him. The horror in his eyes when he had realized they shared the same wounds haunted Yongguk. Even if he was terrified beyond belief about the fact that his soulmate was a boy he had quickly accepted it because his heart ached too much for it to be wrong.
So when Junhong brought home the quiet boy with the sweet smile that made Yongguk’s breath catch and his heart flutter, he maybe shouldn’t have immediately let the two years of built-up anger take over.
“Who’s the loser?” He asked nonchalantly, forcing himself to turn away and rummage through the fridge. The sudden crushed emotion in his chest made him pause for a second but his feelings were still too raw after what had happened.
“This is Jongup!” Junhong’s voice had sounded so excited introducing his new friend.
Yongguk was glad that his back was turned so that no one could see the way the name snaked its way through his pores and his lips mouthed the word, acquainting themselves with the most important word in the entire universe.
“It’s nice to meet you, Yongguk. Junhonggie talks about you all the time.”
His hand squeezed the soda in his hand so hard that the sticky drink ran over his fingers and all over the floor. His soulmate shyly saying his name was enough to make his bravery falter but he was twelve, that was almost a man, and he wouldn’t let the younger boy hurt him again. Last time had broken his heart. Yongguk didn’t think he was strong enough to live through another disgusted look aimed his direction.
“Whatever.” He left the liquid pooling on the floor and slammed the door shut, not giving Jongup another glance even though his brain was begging him for one more look. “Just stay out of my way.”
---
When Jongup was seven he had been playing in the park while his mom watched and a fiery pain skidded across his palms leaving angry red streaks embedded on his skin. As he ran to her in tears he had been terrified because all he was doing was climbing up and down the slide, where did the pain come from?
She had assured him that he must have slid down harder than he had realized and skinned his palms on the old wood. “When you’re this young you’ll wake up with a dozen new boo-boo’s and not even remember where you got them,” she had murmured soothingly to him as she washed the cuts off in the water fountain.
It wasn’t until he was older and he saw the rough skin on Yongguk’s palm as he ran his fingers through his hair that the memory jolted back into Jongup’s brain. He looked down at his own pale scar and wondered how it had happened. Had Yongguk tripped that day and landed hard on concrete, or was he climbing a tree and slid down faster than he was supposed to? So many ways his soulmate could have been injured over the years and Jongup hadn’t been there to help him through any of it.
Sixteen year old Yongguk had tried his hardest to keep every ounce of attention off the boy across the table, but occasionally, and always against his will, his eyes would gravitate back to the long hair and chapped lips that would forever make him lose track of reality. He frowned when he realized Jongup had been staring at his hand holding the soup spoon, eyes darting back and forth between it and his own palm.
Yongguk opened his hand and concentrated his hardest until faint rubbings were felt on his own skin, goosebumps rising along his shoulder blades. The scar was thudding with the beat of his heart and he knew Jongup had noticed it for the first time. Jongup thumbed across his own skin and stared at Yongguk so hard that he was afraid the intensity would knock him backwards.
Angrily, he clawed his nails deep into his thigh, pinching the skin until the boy across from him jumped in surprise and whimpered under his breath.
“Are you okay, Jonguppie?” Junhong turned in concern to his best friend. “Did you say something?”
“No,” Jongup whispered, sitting up straight in his seat and dropping his eyes to the table. “Sorry, I was just humming a song.”
Even though the attention quickly moved away again Jongup never dared to lift his gaze back to Yongguk. Some things were better left unseen.
---
Only one time over the eight years they had known about each other were they ever alone together. It was a Thursday night and normally Yongguk's father worked late but this night he had gotten off early and surprised them. Yongguk didn’t want to go to eat with them because he had a test to study for and Junhong had been so excited to pick out a restaurant that he had completely forgotten he had plans with Jongup.
So when the doorbell rang and Yongguk opened it to reveal the smiling boy on the other side he had clenched his hands around the doorknob and bit his tongue as hard as he could to distract him from being so close to his mate.
“What do you want?”
Jongup’s always present grin had slipped a little at the growl but he managed to keep it in place long enough to reply. “Junhong was supposed to meet me at the basketball court thirty minutes ago but he never showed up.”
“He’s gone with my parents.” Yongguk answered, the door already closing even as he spoke. “I’ll tell him you were looking for him.”
“Wait!” Jongup’s foot was jammed into the tiny crack still left and he pushed it open enough to look up at Yongguk with a hopeful expression. “So it’s just you here?”
He didn’t want to hear anything Jongup said to him, it would only be full of pity and lies. He’d had enough time to harden himself against the pleading looks and wide eyes that Jongup was always throwing his way.
“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
“Yongguk, please, just let me-“
“Go home. Go home or I swear to God I’ll punch you, Jongup.” Yongguk could feel his resolve faltering because every time Jongup’s lips curled around his name a tiny piece of the wall he had created came smashing to the ground. He wanted that word whispered into his mouth or low and begging in a dark room. Any other use of it was wasted breath. “You’re not wanted here.”
Jongup let the door slam shut in front of him this time and Yongguk was trembling too hard to look through the peephole.
But he hoped his words stabbed like knives to Jongup’s heart.
---
“I don’t really like you.” Yongguk stood frozen to the ground, his mouth dry and fists clenched around the straps of his backpack. “Not in that way."
"I don't really want you either." The boy across from him in the alley behind school leaned against the wall and smiled. "But you look like you needed that."
His lips were still warm from where Himchan had brushed his own across them, tongue sliding out to lap at the seam until Yongguk had pushed him away with a gasp.
"Whoever he is…" The smug Himchan evaporated and the sweet, albeit loud, one Yongguk had gotten to know over the last year came back out. "If he makes you hurt so much then he's not worth it."
Yongguk wanted to hurt Jongup more than anything at that moment. For letting his first kiss be ruined with thoughts of him and for letting others see how much pain he was in every second. He decided Himchan was a good way to punish him for how he made him feel.
"No strings?" Yongguk licked his lips, tasting the hint of Himchan still clinging to them. "No expectations?"
Himchan dropped to his knees with a cocky smile. "I don't want a relationship any more than you do. I was just looking for someone new to play with." His fingers skimmed across Yongguk's tense belly as he rubbed a cheek across his zipper. "And you're my friend. I'm tired of seeing you so stressed out all the time. Let someone take care of you."
But the name whimpered into his fist didn't belong to Himchan and the devastation manifesting inside his chest didn't belong to either of them.
---
Not long after Jongup's sixteenth birthday was when he started to finally feel the full impact of what had happened so many years earlier. All of the snubs and all of the slights that Yongguk had given him over the years he assumed would stop once they were out of his system. That one day Yongguk would magically wake up and accept his apology and they could start figuring out what it was they had between them. But after the first tingle of warmth snaking its way down his thighs and tightening his belly button he knew that Yongguk never really had any plans to start over with him.
"Stop Yongguk," He had spent the day home sick and the broken words were whispered into a quiet house. The bedsheets underneath him were gathered and clenched between white-knuckled fists as his body tried its hardest to buck towards the invisible tongue tracing his hipbone. "Please… Don't…" He was still nauseous from throwing up every hour for the last day and he was too weak to move so all he could do was let the ghostly touches wash over him, face buried in his pillow.
When it was all over and the tears were drying on his cheeks and his body was still trembling he thought that was it and Yongguk would go home and let him sleep off this horrible nightmare. Instead, tiny slashes of superficial pain laced across his chest, swoops and lines over his already sensitive skin.
Jongup, the lines spelled out in angry reds and swollen flesh. Jongup, the words continued down his sternum. Jongup, circling his thighs and so close to where he still ached that his breath caught. Jongup, already starting to fade as the new ones covered the old.
---
Sometimes he felt like a creep staring in through the tiny rectangle window separating the gym from the hallway. And it was growing increasingly difficult to convince his math teacher that yes, he really did have to go to the bathroom at the same time every day. But no matter how many times he sternly ordered himself to walk away he just couldn't execute those steps back to class.
Today was basketball. Basketball was the best and the worst day for various reasons. For one thing it made the entire lower floor of the school smell like gym socks and body odor for the entire day. And sometimes the senior boys tried to show off for the giggling girls on the bleachers and someone would end up with an elbow to the nose. But for Yongguk it was always the day Jongup would end up using the bottom of his gym shirt as a towel, lifting it up just enough to wipe his face before glancing around to make sure no one saw. He wasn't sure why Jongup was so intent on hiding himself but maybe it was because if anyone had looked twice at him they would have their car keyed later by a pissed off Yongguk.
He watched Junhong dance around his best friend with a teasing smile, hands reaching for the ball Jongup held tight against his chest. "That's traveling, you idiot," Yongguk murmured with a shake of his head. You would think that after all the hours the two boys spent at the courts after school that they'd follow all of the rules but for them basketball was more fun when they did whatever they wanted.
His brother finally snatched the ball but tripped over Jongup's feet on his way to the goal. With a laugh the smaller boy knelt down to retie his shoe, his back to Yongguk and his shirt riding over his hips as he leaned over.
Yongguk was pretty sure he'd kept his daily pop-ins a secret because the window was too far away to see clearly through and Jongup never even glanced his direction but if he didn't know any better he would swear the little jerk was taking his dear sweet time on purpose.
"Walk away, Yongguk," He spun away from the door and pressed his back to the wall, eyes clenched shut tightly to unsee the image of Jongup leaning over right in front of him. "Go back to class."
By the time he made it all the way to the third floor where an annoyed teacher with a detention slip was waiting he was cooled off enough that he figured Jongup wouldn't even have been able to sense his attraction and all was good.
"Your face is red. And what have you been staring at?"
Jongup turned his eyes away from the gym door and smiled awkwardly as he tugged his shirt as far as possible over his pants. "Just a pervert watching us through the window. Let's go change back into our uniforms. I'm done with gym for today."
---
Part Two
The last thing Junhong remembered was closing his eyes and imagining he could hear Daehyun's whispers as they vibrated across his against his skin, the feel of warm fingertips slipping across his cheek and the promise of forever as it slowly slipped away from him.
So when he opened his eyes he expected to see himself surrounded by angels and clouds and long-dead family members welcoming him home with open arms.
But the harsh lights overtop his bed only made him wince and turn his face away.
He swallowed through a dry throat and licked dry lips that ached for the feeling of cold water on them before he tried again. His eyes carefully cracked open, first the left, then the right. The beeping coming from his left side reminded him of hospitals but there were no hospitals in heaven he told himself.
It was only when he was able to focus his eyesight for more than a few seconds at a time that he realized he was staring at the wall of a very real hospital room. The throb in his wrists and head only proved to drive the point home.
Junhong was too exhausted to hide the whimper he made when he remembered what he had done and the regret that it didn’t work. Living with a broken spirit that roared and screamed with every breath he took was too hard for him and if this time didn’t work then he would make sure next time was foolproof.
He fell back under the heavy weight of exhaustion before he could feel an unfamiliar set of fingers braid carefully through his own.
---
The second time Junhong floated to the surface it was nighttime and the curtains were closed and the bright lights were off leaving only a dim glow from the machines. It only took a few minutes before he was able to blink tiredly but alert at the clock hanging across the room. It was three in the morning though he wasn’t sure what day it was or how long he’d been unconscious and dreaming.
Memories of Daehyun flashed through his mind and he willed himself back into that dark place that he had been surviving in because it was so much better than what he had to wake up to.
Daehyun’s hand in his and his voice whispering that he was there and he wasn’t leaving him alone.
Daehyun telling him he was so sorry and that he never meant to break his heart.
Daehyun.
Dae-
“No more,” Junhong mumbled. He tried to lift his hands to rub away the images captured under his eyelids but his arms were bound tightly to the rails of the bed.
He rolled his head to the other side to see who got stuck with babysitting duty through the night. If it was his mom then he was out of luck. But Yongguk would trust him enough to take off the leather straps.
The view of Daehyun sitting in the chair next to his bed and staring at him through wide, nervous eyes had Junhong frozen in shock.
His hair hung messy and slick with grease over his eyes and his lips also looked like they were in desperate need of water, but none of that mattered because he was here.
“Your brother thought I needed to be the first one you saw when you woke up.” Daehyun explained quietly, not noticing the shudder his voice caused in Junhong’s body. “So I’ve been in here since Yongguk came back for me.”
He didn’t know what Daehyun was talking about. The lyrics to Happy Birthday could have been rolling out of his mouth and he wouldn’t have noticed. All he could concentrate on was the timbre and cadence of the low voice filling his ears and traveling down through his veins and refilling all of the lost life he had spilled.
“I can feel it now.” Daehyun cocked his head to the side as if listening for something. “Now that I know what it is I can separate what you feel and what’s just me. Junhong, I didn’t- I never-“
“I don’t care.” Junhong closed his eyes again. He felt that if he looked at Daehyun too long he would use up all of his allotted time to gaze at him and he wanted to savor each and every second. “I don’t care how you got here. Just that you’re here.” He tried to stretch his tingling fingers out before forgetting he was still tied to the arm rails. "Can you let my hands out? They're hurting."
He felt pressure on the strap holding his right wrist in place before the leather loosened and he was able to lift the numb arm up to his chest. The other wrist was quickly freed and even though his hands itched to touch Daehyun he kept them glued to the top of his blanket.
“When did you first know?”
The soft question brought Junhong back to the hospital room, to sterile walls and the smell of chemicals.
And to Daehyun.
He wordlessly held his arm out, ignoring the thick bandage, and pointed to the one below his wrist, barely visible under the wrappings.
Daehyun stared at the marking for a moment before pulling his own sleeve up to look at his matching wound.
“I was five when she married him.” He had never spoken the truth out loud before and the words felt raw inside his mouth. “My real dad died when I was a baby and mom had a hard time taking care of me and working. She married the first man that asked her.” Daehyun took a second to calm himself before starting again. “He was mad that she had worked late without asking him first and threw a glass at the wall. I tried to clean it up and cut myself.”
Junhong was silent as he listened to the explanation. He wanted to know the history of every blemish on Daehyun’s skin, every memory and every second spent in pain and alone needed to be categorized so that no one would ever forget them.
“Why didn’t anyone at school say anything?” He’d always wondered how his soulmate kept being hurt over and over and no one ever did anything to stop it. “Why didn’t your mother take you away?”
Daehyun pulled his cheeks up into a mask of a smile. “I wasn’t allowed to go to school before now. My mom got me books from the library to study.” The smile dropped at the mention of his mother and his lips now thinned into a frown. “She had nowhere to go, Junhong. If we left she wouldn’t have enough money to keep us off the streets. I’ve never been angry at her for what’s happened. It’s his fault.”
“How did you explain to my parents who you were? Was I asleep long?”
“Just since the afternoon. The doctor said you would be awake pretty quickly since Yongguk found you so fast. You were pretty dehydrated though.” Daehyun scooted his chair closer and gripped the metal bar between them with so much force that Junhong could see the vein on his neck popping out in anger. “You’re so stupid. You have everything. A mother and a father who love you and a brother who would die for you. Why did you do this? If I can live through what’s happened to me then why are you so special that your pain was worse than mine?”
Junhong’s lips parted and he licked his dry lips before answering. “You forgot that I’ve lived through everything you have. Your pain was my pain. Watching you walk away holding Youngjae’s hand after you told me you weren’t my soulmate was worse than every cut or hit I’ve ever felt.” His eyes felt wet but his body was still so raw and numb that he didn’t know if he remembered how to cry yet. “I knew you were mine even if you didn’t. Why didn’t you want me? What did I do wrong?”
A palm was cupped against his cheek and he let out a sob as he burrowed his face against the velvety skin and reached blindly for Daehyun. The smaller boy pressed his face into Junhong’s neck and he could feel Daehyun inhale deeply as his other hand ran over every inch of skin he could find; the dip of his Adam’s apple and the sharp collarbone peeking out of the hospital gown, up over the curve of his jaw and into Junhong’s thick hair where Daehyun fisted and sighed breathlessly.
“It’s not fair that you knew and I didn’t.” Daehyun’s voice was muffled against him but Junhong refused to let him up for air, arms wound tightly around his neck and face buried in his dirty hair. “It’s not fair. I would have fought him, I wouldn’t have let him…” Junhong could feel his neck dampening under Daehyun’s tears and he pulled him further into the bed, not caring that the bar had to be digging uncomfortably into his stomach by now. “I want to kill him.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters. You’re home.” Junhong laughed in elation because he could feel Daehyun’s soul pressed against his and it was bright and loud and just as peaceful as his own. In the twelve years he’d known about him Junhong had never felt calmness and completeness through their bond and if this was what Jongup and Yongguk felt every time they looked at each other then he felt bad for all the annoyed thoughts he’d had about them. How they could stand to be around each other for so long and ignore the thrum coursing through them had to have been torture.
Daehyun’s touches continued, stroking across his eyebrow and down the bridge of his nose where he ended at the seam of his lips where Junhong caught his wrist and held it still so that he could hesitantly kiss one of the fingers he’d dreamed so many times about touching.
“Could you really feel everything?” Daehyun pulled back enough so that Junhong could barely make out the color darkening across his cheeks. “Everything?”
“Yes.” In a few years he could tease him about this, Junhong decided. Make that flush spread all the way down his chest and listen to his shy voice turn loud and demanding. “As long as the emotion was strong enough to travel.”
“Oh.” Daehyun bit down on his bottom lip in embarrassment. The silence between them grew thick and heavy as they stared at each other.
Junhong’s mind flashed back to the night he’d first seen Daehyun. When he’d sat down at the table and lifted his nervous eyes to meet his own wide ones. The way his chest had tightened and want had coursed through every cell of his body because nothing in his entire life had made him ache with need like Daehyun’s stare had.
The body held tight against him stiffened as Junhong recalled the time after they had left the restaurant and everyone had gone home. His feelings were hurt that Daehyun had just walked away and he was dying with anxiousness to see him again, but the most dominant emotion coursing through him had been desire to be alone with the timid boy. To feel their skin pressed together and arms and legs intertwined as his name rolled out of Daehyun’s soft lips.
“What are you doing?” Daehyun’s lips parted right before his head drooped back into Junhong’s neck. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Junhong answered honestly. He closed his eyes and took himself back to the shower he’d been forced to take and the way his hand slipped against his slick skin faster and hungrier than ever before. “What did you think about me the night we met?” He was dying to pull Daehyun across his lap and familiarize himself with his weight so that he would never forget it. “Did you look at me like I looked at you?”
“Junhong…” His name was a needy moan into his neck and the hands that were formerly braided into his hair reached desperately for the metal rail between them. Daehyun lifted his head so that Junhong could see his glassy eyes and red-bitten lip. “I wanted you so much that I couldn’t think straight.”
The admission sent shockwaves through Junhong’s ego. He knew the bond would go both ways, he had zero doubt that Daehyun was attracted to him, but hearing the whimpered words made his chest puff out with pride.
“Is it always going to be this strong?” Daehyun looked near tears as Junhong mentally ran through every single thing he’d been waiting to do when he finally found his soulmate. “You’re not even touching me and I’m-“ His eyes pleaded with Junhong to give him space so he reluctantly forced his thoughts to other things so that Daehyun could calm down. “Jesus.”
“Sorry.” Junhong didn’t actually sound sorry at all as he let Daehyun collapse back into his chair and stare at him through hazy eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t get so close to me yet.” He winced as he tried to readjust himself into a comfortable position. “Where is everyone else at?”
Daehyun took a moment to collect himself. “In the waiting room. Do you want me to go get them?”
He shook his head and took a deep breath. The throb in his wrists was pulsing like a heartbeat under the thin skin and the last thing in the world he wanted to do right now was see his mother break down and cry over what he’d done. “Not yet. Maybe in the morning.” His eye cracked open and he looked hopefully at Daehyun. “Could I hold your hand? Just until I fall back asleep?”
Slim fingers reached through the bars and clasped tightly into his own.
“I’ll always hold your hand, Junhong. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
---
“You little idiot.” A sharp flick to his forehead was what woke him up a few hours later. “Dummy.”
Another flick to his ear and Junhong was groaning with a hand over his eyes. “Stop Yongguk.”
“You’re just lucky mom’s in the waiting room. Otherwise I’d drag you out of here and kill you myself.”
“For God's sake, Yongguk.” Junhong opened his eyes to see Jongup pull at his boyfriend’s arms. “You have to start thinking before speaking!”
Junhong straightened himself up in his bed and looked around for Daehyun. “Where is he?” He didn’t think what had happened earlier had been a dream. He could still smell him on his skin and his neck tingled where Daehyun’s lips had been. “Where’s Daehyun?”
“We made him go shower and clean up.” Jongup chewed on his bottom lip and stared at Junhong. “Did he tell you?”
“Tell me what?” Now the ache of separation was joined by worry and he felt his heartbeat start to pick up. “What was he supposed to tell me? Is he okay?”
Yongguk was still glaring at him from the foot of the bed where Jongup had dragged him. “He’s fine. No thanks to you. What were you thinking, Junhong?” He blinked and tears appeared in the corners of his eyes. “What if I hadn’t of been with Daehyun when you did it? We wouldn’t have known until it was too late and-“ Yongguk broke off with a shake of his head, storming out of the room in anger.
“Why was he with Daehyun?” Junhong let Jongup take his hand and stroke gently down his palm. “Is Daehyun coming back?”
Jongup smiled, but Junhong could see the tiredness in the dark circles under his eyes. “He’ll be back after he rests a little. He spent the last twelve hours sitting beside your bed and refusing to eat or drink. His mom’s taking care of him.”
Gasping, Junhong pulled himself up and tried to scramble out of the bed but Jongup easily overpowered his weak frame. “He can’t go home! Let me up, let me up, I have to get him!”
He could only imagine all of the horrible things that would happen to him when he walked through the front door after being missing all night and worry for his soulmate had his breath coming in sharp gasps until Yongguk raced back in with a cell phone to his ear.
“What’s wrong?” He demanded, eyes going back and forth between the two boys. “Daehyun’s hysterical saying something’s happening to you again.”
Junhong reached for the phone with both hands. “Give it to me.” Daehyun breathed rapidly in his ear until Junhong quietly whispered his name. “Where are you? Come back, please come back. Are you okay?”
“I’m at home. I just got out of the shower.” Daehyun was too far away from him still. He needed to be closer, he needed him right next to his hospital bed. “My mom said I can’t leave until I eat breakfast. I’ll eat as quickly as possible and be right back, I promise.”
“Is he there?” No one could stop him if he heard Daehyun’s stepdad on the other end. Nothing would get in his way, he would fight through his brother if he had to. “Are you in trouble?”
Daehyun laughed and the sound was so carefree that Junhong couldn’t help but smile in return. “He’s gone, Junhong. Didn’t your brother tell you? He's in jail.”
---
The doctors wanted to keep him under observation for a few more days but after the third day of him complaining Junhong's mother finally agreed to sign him out and let him come home.
"It's not like he'll do it again," His father reasoned with her. "He just wanted Daehyun and now he's fine."
She still wouldn't look him in the eyes on the few occasions that she visited his room but Junhong never had any hopes that the life-shattering news would come easy for her so it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would.
What surprised him was how quickly his father had adjusted to the information.
"You're still my son and as long as you're alive nothing else matters." He tried so hard to be friendly to Daehyun that it was almost overboard but Junhong appreciated the effort.
"Do you wish my soulmate was a girl?" He asked his father on a rare moment where they were alone in his hospital room together. "Deep down, I mean. Do you wish I was different?"
His father hesitated and Junhong's heart sank but then he gave him a firm shake of the head. "I want you to be happy." He turned his face to the window and sighed. "Everything will be better once we get home, Junhong. You have to expect a rough transition for your mother. She's had the perfect little girl soulmate in mind for you since you were tiny. Now she's having to readjust everything she believes in. I feel sorry for your brother's future wife. She will never let her out of her sight."
Junhong would never spill his brother's secrets but he felt his father deserved a push in the correct direction.
"Would you ever wish Yongguk was different?" He waited until his father turned to him in confusion. "If he was happy would you be okay with whoever he ended up with too?"
"Of course." Questions swirled in the tired eyes looking back at him but Junhong thought that was enough curiosity for the night. Yongguk's secrets were his own to tell.
"Thank you." Junhong was still so tired from everything that had happened to him. The days of Daehyun ignoring him brought nights of insomnia and the build-up to what he did took every ounce of energy from his body. He stretched his toes towards the wall and yawned widely.
His father tucked the blanket in around his feet. "For what?"
"For being a great dad."
---
"I'm fine." Junhong looked towards his brother for help but Yongguk had slipped out of the bedroom as soon as their mother started fussing over him. "Really. I just want to go see Daehyun."
"Not until you've rested some more." She fluffed the pillows behind his head and pushed him down when he tried to rise. "I mean it."
He could feel Daehyun's excitement that he was home pushing against his own and his every instinct was begging him to leave right then without hesitation.
"But I need t-"
"Rest." She snapped the word towards him and before she turned away Junhong could see the hurt in her eyes that hadn't left for the past week.
He grabbed her hand and forced her to look him in the eyes. "Please mom. I need to see him. Please."
The exhaustion in her eyes was visible and he felt guilty for a moment for what he must have been putting her through but no matter what he had to make her see that this wasn't a phase and his feelings for Daehyun weren't going to go away.
"He's the person that was made to make me happy. Through every lifetime and every universe." Junhong knew he had finally chipped a tiny piece off her walls when her eyes brightened with tears and she squeezed his fingers between her own. "I love him."
"Go." She pulled free and quickly wiped her eyes. "Then go."
Junhong didn't wait around for her to change her mind. He jumped out of the bed and raced for the door, grabbing his shoes and stumbling down the sidewalk as he tried to put them on in a hurry.
"In a rush?" Yongguk laughed from the side of his car where Junhong had raced right past without even noticing him. "Hop in. I'll get you there a lot quicker than you can run."
He should have thanked his brother but his throat was tight and he all of a sudden felt apprehensive about seeing Daehyun for the first time out of the hospital now that everyone knew the truth.
"What if he doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see him?"
Yongguk rolled his eyes as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. "If you hadn't of let your battery die then he would be blowing yours up instead of mine." He showed him the thirteen missed calls below Daehyun's name. "Jongup said he stayed awake all night begging him for any scrap of information he could give him about you. What your favorite color was, what movies you liked, what you wanted to do after college. He said he finally had to go sleep on the couch just to get away from reliving your entire life story."
He chewed on his lower lip to hide the grin threatening to slip out. Daehyun may have been years behind on the attachment Junhong felt but he was trying his hardest to catch up which meant he wanted this thing between them more than he had when they first met.
"How's his mom doing?"
"Not great." Yongguk told him honestly, turning onto the street where Jongup lived. "She's still scared Daehyun's stepdad will come looking for them and finding out her soon was a soulmate took her by complete surprise so Jongup said she's been in her room crying a lot."
Daehyun's stepfather was still in jail with no one to bail him out so for the moment they were safe. As soon as Jongup had come home telling his mother what was going on she demanded they call the police and see what they could do for her. Four hours later his stepfather was in jail and they were packing for the move to Jongup's house with a few suitcases and a promise of a new life. Jongup's mother hadn't even hesitated when she heard what was happening and how Junhong and Daehyun were connected. Junhong wondered if maybe she knew more about her own son's secrets than she let on.
"I don't like them sleeping in the same room." Junhong tried not to let the jealousy he felt seep through their bond. He was happy Daehyun and his mother was safe but that didn't mean he enjoyed knowing his best friend and his mate were sharing a bedroom.
"Don't be an idiot. If Jongup put up with me through everything I did to him do you really think he's going to fool around with your little boyfriend? Besides," Yongguk eased onto the curb by Jongup's house. "If that kid stays up all night bugging him again then Jongup's already threatened to move onto our front steps. He doesn't want anyone else, Junhong. He wants you."
He could sense that Daehyun was getting closer because the thrum of happiness inside him had burst into rabid excitement when the car had stopped. Junhong threw open the door at the same moment Daehyun skidded to a stop on Jongup's steps.
They both took a slow measured step towards each other. "Are you okay?" Daehyun glanced down at Junhong's still bandaged wrists, fingers reaching for him distractedly.
"I'm fine now." And he was, the honest words ringing more truthful than anything else. "Are you okay?"
Daehyun nodded and a wide grin split across his face. "I'm so happy I feel like a balloon about to burst." He took another step so that they were so close that Junhong could have reached out and touched him. "But I don't know if that's me or you. Or is it both of us? Should we try and keep our emotions separate?"
They'd been separated for far too long already and Junhong didn't think he had in in him to be apart for one more second.
"No." He grabbed for Daehyun's arms and pulled him forwards until their foreheads were pressed together and he could feel Daehyun's warm breath on his lips. "They're supposed to be joined together like this. Just like us."
"What are you thinking about?" That was going to be a question Daehyun would pose to him every time their heartbeats raced together and their pulses synced, but Junhong would never get tired of hearing it.
Junhong placed a barely felt kiss against the corner of Daehyun's mouth, melting against him until their bodies were as tightly bound together as their souls had been for centuries.
"I'm thinking about how long it took to bring you home." Junhong murmured into his skin. He could feel the way Daehyun's lips curled up against his cheek, shy fingers slipping their way around his back to hold him even tighter. "And how we have a thousand lifetimes ahead of us."
Rated: PG13
Length: 7K
Final Length: 38.5K
Prompt * One * Two * Three * Four * Five * Six
Song One
Song Two
Part One
The first time Yongguk saw Jongup after he tore his heart apart he was twelve and Jongup was ten. The last two years he had thought about his soulmate every day but he didn’t even know his name or if he even went to their school. A soulmate was just an idea in his mind, not even a real person anymore since two years at that age was a long enough time to forget.
Yongguk was old enough now to understand that having a male soulmate meant he was gay. It came as a shock to him the first time because even though he was ten at the time he hadn’t even thought about if he liked boys or girls more. The only thing he wanted from his soulmate was just to look at him for hours without blinking. He wanted to know what his favorite color was and what his laugh sounded like. He wanted someone who wanted all of those things from him.
But by age twelve he was starting to realize that having a soulmate came with built-in expectations and they made him fill up with guilt.
When the boys in the locker room would talk about the girls from their class using words that made Yongguk feel awkward he would only laugh distractedly and recite his favorite lyrics over and over until it drowned them out. The tiny boy’s age wasn’t mentioned when they had discovered each other on that sunny day two years earlier, but Yongguk could tell he was the older one and he didn’t want to think things that would infect the younger boy’s mind when he was still so innocent.
Every night he wondered where the other boy was and if he ever thought about him. The horror in his eyes when he had realized they shared the same wounds haunted Yongguk. Even if he was terrified beyond belief about the fact that his soulmate was a boy he had quickly accepted it because his heart ached too much for it to be wrong.
So when Junhong brought home the quiet boy with the sweet smile that made Yongguk’s breath catch and his heart flutter, he maybe shouldn’t have immediately let the two years of built-up anger take over.
“Who’s the loser?” He asked nonchalantly, forcing himself to turn away and rummage through the fridge. The sudden crushed emotion in his chest made him pause for a second but his feelings were still too raw after what had happened.
“This is Jongup!” Junhong’s voice had sounded so excited introducing his new friend.
Yongguk was glad that his back was turned so that no one could see the way the name snaked its way through his pores and his lips mouthed the word, acquainting themselves with the most important word in the entire universe.
“It’s nice to meet you, Yongguk. Junhonggie talks about you all the time.”
His hand squeezed the soda in his hand so hard that the sticky drink ran over his fingers and all over the floor. His soulmate shyly saying his name was enough to make his bravery falter but he was twelve, that was almost a man, and he wouldn’t let the younger boy hurt him again. Last time had broken his heart. Yongguk didn’t think he was strong enough to live through another disgusted look aimed his direction.
“Whatever.” He left the liquid pooling on the floor and slammed the door shut, not giving Jongup another glance even though his brain was begging him for one more look. “Just stay out of my way.”
---
When Jongup was seven he had been playing in the park while his mom watched and a fiery pain skidded across his palms leaving angry red streaks embedded on his skin. As he ran to her in tears he had been terrified because all he was doing was climbing up and down the slide, where did the pain come from?
She had assured him that he must have slid down harder than he had realized and skinned his palms on the old wood. “When you’re this young you’ll wake up with a dozen new boo-boo’s and not even remember where you got them,” she had murmured soothingly to him as she washed the cuts off in the water fountain.
It wasn’t until he was older and he saw the rough skin on Yongguk’s palm as he ran his fingers through his hair that the memory jolted back into Jongup’s brain. He looked down at his own pale scar and wondered how it had happened. Had Yongguk tripped that day and landed hard on concrete, or was he climbing a tree and slid down faster than he was supposed to? So many ways his soulmate could have been injured over the years and Jongup hadn’t been there to help him through any of it.
Sixteen year old Yongguk had tried his hardest to keep every ounce of attention off the boy across the table, but occasionally, and always against his will, his eyes would gravitate back to the long hair and chapped lips that would forever make him lose track of reality. He frowned when he realized Jongup had been staring at his hand holding the soup spoon, eyes darting back and forth between it and his own palm.
Yongguk opened his hand and concentrated his hardest until faint rubbings were felt on his own skin, goosebumps rising along his shoulder blades. The scar was thudding with the beat of his heart and he knew Jongup had noticed it for the first time. Jongup thumbed across his own skin and stared at Yongguk so hard that he was afraid the intensity would knock him backwards.
Angrily, he clawed his nails deep into his thigh, pinching the skin until the boy across from him jumped in surprise and whimpered under his breath.
“Are you okay, Jonguppie?” Junhong turned in concern to his best friend. “Did you say something?”
“No,” Jongup whispered, sitting up straight in his seat and dropping his eyes to the table. “Sorry, I was just humming a song.”
Even though the attention quickly moved away again Jongup never dared to lift his gaze back to Yongguk. Some things were better left unseen.
---
Only one time over the eight years they had known about each other were they ever alone together. It was a Thursday night and normally Yongguk's father worked late but this night he had gotten off early and surprised them. Yongguk didn’t want to go to eat with them because he had a test to study for and Junhong had been so excited to pick out a restaurant that he had completely forgotten he had plans with Jongup.
So when the doorbell rang and Yongguk opened it to reveal the smiling boy on the other side he had clenched his hands around the doorknob and bit his tongue as hard as he could to distract him from being so close to his mate.
“What do you want?”
Jongup’s always present grin had slipped a little at the growl but he managed to keep it in place long enough to reply. “Junhong was supposed to meet me at the basketball court thirty minutes ago but he never showed up.”
“He’s gone with my parents.” Yongguk answered, the door already closing even as he spoke. “I’ll tell him you were looking for him.”
“Wait!” Jongup’s foot was jammed into the tiny crack still left and he pushed it open enough to look up at Yongguk with a hopeful expression. “So it’s just you here?”
He didn’t want to hear anything Jongup said to him, it would only be full of pity and lies. He’d had enough time to harden himself against the pleading looks and wide eyes that Jongup was always throwing his way.
“Whatever you want, I don’t care.”
“Yongguk, please, just let me-“
“Go home. Go home or I swear to God I’ll punch you, Jongup.” Yongguk could feel his resolve faltering because every time Jongup’s lips curled around his name a tiny piece of the wall he had created came smashing to the ground. He wanted that word whispered into his mouth or low and begging in a dark room. Any other use of it was wasted breath. “You’re not wanted here.”
Jongup let the door slam shut in front of him this time and Yongguk was trembling too hard to look through the peephole.
But he hoped his words stabbed like knives to Jongup’s heart.
---
“I don’t really like you.” Yongguk stood frozen to the ground, his mouth dry and fists clenched around the straps of his backpack. “Not in that way."
"I don't really want you either." The boy across from him in the alley behind school leaned against the wall and smiled. "But you look like you needed that."
His lips were still warm from where Himchan had brushed his own across them, tongue sliding out to lap at the seam until Yongguk had pushed him away with a gasp.
"Whoever he is…" The smug Himchan evaporated and the sweet, albeit loud, one Yongguk had gotten to know over the last year came back out. "If he makes you hurt so much then he's not worth it."
Yongguk wanted to hurt Jongup more than anything at that moment. For letting his first kiss be ruined with thoughts of him and for letting others see how much pain he was in every second. He decided Himchan was a good way to punish him for how he made him feel.
"No strings?" Yongguk licked his lips, tasting the hint of Himchan still clinging to them. "No expectations?"
Himchan dropped to his knees with a cocky smile. "I don't want a relationship any more than you do. I was just looking for someone new to play with." His fingers skimmed across Yongguk's tense belly as he rubbed a cheek across his zipper. "And you're my friend. I'm tired of seeing you so stressed out all the time. Let someone take care of you."
But the name whimpered into his fist didn't belong to Himchan and the devastation manifesting inside his chest didn't belong to either of them.
---
Not long after Jongup's sixteenth birthday was when he started to finally feel the full impact of what had happened so many years earlier. All of the snubs and all of the slights that Yongguk had given him over the years he assumed would stop once they were out of his system. That one day Yongguk would magically wake up and accept his apology and they could start figuring out what it was they had between them. But after the first tingle of warmth snaking its way down his thighs and tightening his belly button he knew that Yongguk never really had any plans to start over with him.
"Stop Yongguk," He had spent the day home sick and the broken words were whispered into a quiet house. The bedsheets underneath him were gathered and clenched between white-knuckled fists as his body tried its hardest to buck towards the invisible tongue tracing his hipbone. "Please… Don't…" He was still nauseous from throwing up every hour for the last day and he was too weak to move so all he could do was let the ghostly touches wash over him, face buried in his pillow.
When it was all over and the tears were drying on his cheeks and his body was still trembling he thought that was it and Yongguk would go home and let him sleep off this horrible nightmare. Instead, tiny slashes of superficial pain laced across his chest, swoops and lines over his already sensitive skin.
Jongup, the lines spelled out in angry reds and swollen flesh. Jongup, the words continued down his sternum. Jongup, circling his thighs and so close to where he still ached that his breath caught. Jongup, already starting to fade as the new ones covered the old.
---
Sometimes he felt like a creep staring in through the tiny rectangle window separating the gym from the hallway. And it was growing increasingly difficult to convince his math teacher that yes, he really did have to go to the bathroom at the same time every day. But no matter how many times he sternly ordered himself to walk away he just couldn't execute those steps back to class.
Today was basketball. Basketball was the best and the worst day for various reasons. For one thing it made the entire lower floor of the school smell like gym socks and body odor for the entire day. And sometimes the senior boys tried to show off for the giggling girls on the bleachers and someone would end up with an elbow to the nose. But for Yongguk it was always the day Jongup would end up using the bottom of his gym shirt as a towel, lifting it up just enough to wipe his face before glancing around to make sure no one saw. He wasn't sure why Jongup was so intent on hiding himself but maybe it was because if anyone had looked twice at him they would have their car keyed later by a pissed off Yongguk.
He watched Junhong dance around his best friend with a teasing smile, hands reaching for the ball Jongup held tight against his chest. "That's traveling, you idiot," Yongguk murmured with a shake of his head. You would think that after all the hours the two boys spent at the courts after school that they'd follow all of the rules but for them basketball was more fun when they did whatever they wanted.
His brother finally snatched the ball but tripped over Jongup's feet on his way to the goal. With a laugh the smaller boy knelt down to retie his shoe, his back to Yongguk and his shirt riding over his hips as he leaned over.
Yongguk was pretty sure he'd kept his daily pop-ins a secret because the window was too far away to see clearly through and Jongup never even glanced his direction but if he didn't know any better he would swear the little jerk was taking his dear sweet time on purpose.
"Walk away, Yongguk," He spun away from the door and pressed his back to the wall, eyes clenched shut tightly to unsee the image of Jongup leaning over right in front of him. "Go back to class."
By the time he made it all the way to the third floor where an annoyed teacher with a detention slip was waiting he was cooled off enough that he figured Jongup wouldn't even have been able to sense his attraction and all was good.
"Your face is red. And what have you been staring at?"
Jongup turned his eyes away from the gym door and smiled awkwardly as he tugged his shirt as far as possible over his pants. "Just a pervert watching us through the window. Let's go change back into our uniforms. I'm done with gym for today."
---
Part Two
The last thing Junhong remembered was closing his eyes and imagining he could hear Daehyun's whispers as they vibrated across his against his skin, the feel of warm fingertips slipping across his cheek and the promise of forever as it slowly slipped away from him.
So when he opened his eyes he expected to see himself surrounded by angels and clouds and long-dead family members welcoming him home with open arms.
But the harsh lights overtop his bed only made him wince and turn his face away.
He swallowed through a dry throat and licked dry lips that ached for the feeling of cold water on them before he tried again. His eyes carefully cracked open, first the left, then the right. The beeping coming from his left side reminded him of hospitals but there were no hospitals in heaven he told himself.
It was only when he was able to focus his eyesight for more than a few seconds at a time that he realized he was staring at the wall of a very real hospital room. The throb in his wrists and head only proved to drive the point home.
Junhong was too exhausted to hide the whimper he made when he remembered what he had done and the regret that it didn’t work. Living with a broken spirit that roared and screamed with every breath he took was too hard for him and if this time didn’t work then he would make sure next time was foolproof.
He fell back under the heavy weight of exhaustion before he could feel an unfamiliar set of fingers braid carefully through his own.
---
The second time Junhong floated to the surface it was nighttime and the curtains were closed and the bright lights were off leaving only a dim glow from the machines. It only took a few minutes before he was able to blink tiredly but alert at the clock hanging across the room. It was three in the morning though he wasn’t sure what day it was or how long he’d been unconscious and dreaming.
Memories of Daehyun flashed through his mind and he willed himself back into that dark place that he had been surviving in because it was so much better than what he had to wake up to.
Daehyun’s hand in his and his voice whispering that he was there and he wasn’t leaving him alone.
Daehyun telling him he was so sorry and that he never meant to break his heart.
Daehyun.
Dae-
“No more,” Junhong mumbled. He tried to lift his hands to rub away the images captured under his eyelids but his arms were bound tightly to the rails of the bed.
He rolled his head to the other side to see who got stuck with babysitting duty through the night. If it was his mom then he was out of luck. But Yongguk would trust him enough to take off the leather straps.
The view of Daehyun sitting in the chair next to his bed and staring at him through wide, nervous eyes had Junhong frozen in shock.
His hair hung messy and slick with grease over his eyes and his lips also looked like they were in desperate need of water, but none of that mattered because he was here.
“Your brother thought I needed to be the first one you saw when you woke up.” Daehyun explained quietly, not noticing the shudder his voice caused in Junhong’s body. “So I’ve been in here since Yongguk came back for me.”
He didn’t know what Daehyun was talking about. The lyrics to Happy Birthday could have been rolling out of his mouth and he wouldn’t have noticed. All he could concentrate on was the timbre and cadence of the low voice filling his ears and traveling down through his veins and refilling all of the lost life he had spilled.
“I can feel it now.” Daehyun cocked his head to the side as if listening for something. “Now that I know what it is I can separate what you feel and what’s just me. Junhong, I didn’t- I never-“
“I don’t care.” Junhong closed his eyes again. He felt that if he looked at Daehyun too long he would use up all of his allotted time to gaze at him and he wanted to savor each and every second. “I don’t care how you got here. Just that you’re here.” He tried to stretch his tingling fingers out before forgetting he was still tied to the arm rails. "Can you let my hands out? They're hurting."
He felt pressure on the strap holding his right wrist in place before the leather loosened and he was able to lift the numb arm up to his chest. The other wrist was quickly freed and even though his hands itched to touch Daehyun he kept them glued to the top of his blanket.
“When did you first know?”
The soft question brought Junhong back to the hospital room, to sterile walls and the smell of chemicals.
And to Daehyun.
He wordlessly held his arm out, ignoring the thick bandage, and pointed to the one below his wrist, barely visible under the wrappings.
Daehyun stared at the marking for a moment before pulling his own sleeve up to look at his matching wound.
“I was five when she married him.” He had never spoken the truth out loud before and the words felt raw inside his mouth. “My real dad died when I was a baby and mom had a hard time taking care of me and working. She married the first man that asked her.” Daehyun took a second to calm himself before starting again. “He was mad that she had worked late without asking him first and threw a glass at the wall. I tried to clean it up and cut myself.”
Junhong was silent as he listened to the explanation. He wanted to know the history of every blemish on Daehyun’s skin, every memory and every second spent in pain and alone needed to be categorized so that no one would ever forget them.
“Why didn’t anyone at school say anything?” He’d always wondered how his soulmate kept being hurt over and over and no one ever did anything to stop it. “Why didn’t your mother take you away?”
Daehyun pulled his cheeks up into a mask of a smile. “I wasn’t allowed to go to school before now. My mom got me books from the library to study.” The smile dropped at the mention of his mother and his lips now thinned into a frown. “She had nowhere to go, Junhong. If we left she wouldn’t have enough money to keep us off the streets. I’ve never been angry at her for what’s happened. It’s his fault.”
“How did you explain to my parents who you were? Was I asleep long?”
“Just since the afternoon. The doctor said you would be awake pretty quickly since Yongguk found you so fast. You were pretty dehydrated though.” Daehyun scooted his chair closer and gripped the metal bar between them with so much force that Junhong could see the vein on his neck popping out in anger. “You’re so stupid. You have everything. A mother and a father who love you and a brother who would die for you. Why did you do this? If I can live through what’s happened to me then why are you so special that your pain was worse than mine?”
Junhong’s lips parted and he licked his dry lips before answering. “You forgot that I’ve lived through everything you have. Your pain was my pain. Watching you walk away holding Youngjae’s hand after you told me you weren’t my soulmate was worse than every cut or hit I’ve ever felt.” His eyes felt wet but his body was still so raw and numb that he didn’t know if he remembered how to cry yet. “I knew you were mine even if you didn’t. Why didn’t you want me? What did I do wrong?”
A palm was cupped against his cheek and he let out a sob as he burrowed his face against the velvety skin and reached blindly for Daehyun. The smaller boy pressed his face into Junhong’s neck and he could feel Daehyun inhale deeply as his other hand ran over every inch of skin he could find; the dip of his Adam’s apple and the sharp collarbone peeking out of the hospital gown, up over the curve of his jaw and into Junhong’s thick hair where Daehyun fisted and sighed breathlessly.
“It’s not fair that you knew and I didn’t.” Daehyun’s voice was muffled against him but Junhong refused to let him up for air, arms wound tightly around his neck and face buried in his dirty hair. “It’s not fair. I would have fought him, I wouldn’t have let him…” Junhong could feel his neck dampening under Daehyun’s tears and he pulled him further into the bed, not caring that the bar had to be digging uncomfortably into his stomach by now. “I want to kill him.”
“It doesn’t matter anymore. None of it matters. You’re home.” Junhong laughed in elation because he could feel Daehyun’s soul pressed against his and it was bright and loud and just as peaceful as his own. In the twelve years he’d known about him Junhong had never felt calmness and completeness through their bond and if this was what Jongup and Yongguk felt every time they looked at each other then he felt bad for all the annoyed thoughts he’d had about them. How they could stand to be around each other for so long and ignore the thrum coursing through them had to have been torture.
Daehyun’s touches continued, stroking across his eyebrow and down the bridge of his nose where he ended at the seam of his lips where Junhong caught his wrist and held it still so that he could hesitantly kiss one of the fingers he’d dreamed so many times about touching.
“Could you really feel everything?” Daehyun pulled back enough so that Junhong could barely make out the color darkening across his cheeks. “Everything?”
“Yes.” In a few years he could tease him about this, Junhong decided. Make that flush spread all the way down his chest and listen to his shy voice turn loud and demanding. “As long as the emotion was strong enough to travel.”
“Oh.” Daehyun bit down on his bottom lip in embarrassment. The silence between them grew thick and heavy as they stared at each other.
Junhong’s mind flashed back to the night he’d first seen Daehyun. When he’d sat down at the table and lifted his nervous eyes to meet his own wide ones. The way his chest had tightened and want had coursed through every cell of his body because nothing in his entire life had made him ache with need like Daehyun’s stare had.
The body held tight against him stiffened as Junhong recalled the time after they had left the restaurant and everyone had gone home. His feelings were hurt that Daehyun had just walked away and he was dying with anxiousness to see him again, but the most dominant emotion coursing through him had been desire to be alone with the timid boy. To feel their skin pressed together and arms and legs intertwined as his name rolled out of Daehyun’s soft lips.
“What are you doing?” Daehyun’s lips parted right before his head drooped back into Junhong’s neck. “What are you thinking about?”
“You.” Junhong answered honestly. He closed his eyes and took himself back to the shower he’d been forced to take and the way his hand slipped against his slick skin faster and hungrier than ever before. “What did you think about me the night we met?” He was dying to pull Daehyun across his lap and familiarize himself with his weight so that he would never forget it. “Did you look at me like I looked at you?”
“Junhong…” His name was a needy moan into his neck and the hands that were formerly braided into his hair reached desperately for the metal rail between them. Daehyun lifted his head so that Junhong could see his glassy eyes and red-bitten lip. “I wanted you so much that I couldn’t think straight.”
The admission sent shockwaves through Junhong’s ego. He knew the bond would go both ways, he had zero doubt that Daehyun was attracted to him, but hearing the whimpered words made his chest puff out with pride.
“Is it always going to be this strong?” Daehyun looked near tears as Junhong mentally ran through every single thing he’d been waiting to do when he finally found his soulmate. “You’re not even touching me and I’m-“ His eyes pleaded with Junhong to give him space so he reluctantly forced his thoughts to other things so that Daehyun could calm down. “Jesus.”
“Sorry.” Junhong didn’t actually sound sorry at all as he let Daehyun collapse back into his chair and stare at him through hazy eyes. “Maybe you shouldn’t get so close to me yet.” He winced as he tried to readjust himself into a comfortable position. “Where is everyone else at?”
Daehyun took a moment to collect himself. “In the waiting room. Do you want me to go get them?”
He shook his head and took a deep breath. The throb in his wrists was pulsing like a heartbeat under the thin skin and the last thing in the world he wanted to do right now was see his mother break down and cry over what he’d done. “Not yet. Maybe in the morning.” His eye cracked open and he looked hopefully at Daehyun. “Could I hold your hand? Just until I fall back asleep?”
Slim fingers reached through the bars and clasped tightly into his own.
“I’ll always hold your hand, Junhong. You don’t have to worry about that anymore.”
---
“You little idiot.” A sharp flick to his forehead was what woke him up a few hours later. “Dummy.”
Another flick to his ear and Junhong was groaning with a hand over his eyes. “Stop Yongguk.”
“You’re just lucky mom’s in the waiting room. Otherwise I’d drag you out of here and kill you myself.”
“For God's sake, Yongguk.” Junhong opened his eyes to see Jongup pull at his boyfriend’s arms. “You have to start thinking before speaking!”
Junhong straightened himself up in his bed and looked around for Daehyun. “Where is he?” He didn’t think what had happened earlier had been a dream. He could still smell him on his skin and his neck tingled where Daehyun’s lips had been. “Where’s Daehyun?”
“We made him go shower and clean up.” Jongup chewed on his bottom lip and stared at Junhong. “Did he tell you?”
“Tell me what?” Now the ache of separation was joined by worry and he felt his heartbeat start to pick up. “What was he supposed to tell me? Is he okay?”
Yongguk was still glaring at him from the foot of the bed where Jongup had dragged him. “He’s fine. No thanks to you. What were you thinking, Junhong?” He blinked and tears appeared in the corners of his eyes. “What if I hadn’t of been with Daehyun when you did it? We wouldn’t have known until it was too late and-“ Yongguk broke off with a shake of his head, storming out of the room in anger.
“Why was he with Daehyun?” Junhong let Jongup take his hand and stroke gently down his palm. “Is Daehyun coming back?”
Jongup smiled, but Junhong could see the tiredness in the dark circles under his eyes. “He’ll be back after he rests a little. He spent the last twelve hours sitting beside your bed and refusing to eat or drink. His mom’s taking care of him.”
Gasping, Junhong pulled himself up and tried to scramble out of the bed but Jongup easily overpowered his weak frame. “He can’t go home! Let me up, let me up, I have to get him!”
He could only imagine all of the horrible things that would happen to him when he walked through the front door after being missing all night and worry for his soulmate had his breath coming in sharp gasps until Yongguk raced back in with a cell phone to his ear.
“What’s wrong?” He demanded, eyes going back and forth between the two boys. “Daehyun’s hysterical saying something’s happening to you again.”
Junhong reached for the phone with both hands. “Give it to me.” Daehyun breathed rapidly in his ear until Junhong quietly whispered his name. “Where are you? Come back, please come back. Are you okay?”
“I’m at home. I just got out of the shower.” Daehyun was too far away from him still. He needed to be closer, he needed him right next to his hospital bed. “My mom said I can’t leave until I eat breakfast. I’ll eat as quickly as possible and be right back, I promise.”
“Is he there?” No one could stop him if he heard Daehyun’s stepdad on the other end. Nothing would get in his way, he would fight through his brother if he had to. “Are you in trouble?”
Daehyun laughed and the sound was so carefree that Junhong couldn’t help but smile in return. “He’s gone, Junhong. Didn’t your brother tell you? He's in jail.”
---
The doctors wanted to keep him under observation for a few more days but after the third day of him complaining Junhong's mother finally agreed to sign him out and let him come home.
"It's not like he'll do it again," His father reasoned with her. "He just wanted Daehyun and now he's fine."
She still wouldn't look him in the eyes on the few occasions that she visited his room but Junhong never had any hopes that the life-shattering news would come easy for her so it didn't hurt as bad as he thought it would.
What surprised him was how quickly his father had adjusted to the information.
"You're still my son and as long as you're alive nothing else matters." He tried so hard to be friendly to Daehyun that it was almost overboard but Junhong appreciated the effort.
"Do you wish my soulmate was a girl?" He asked his father on a rare moment where they were alone in his hospital room together. "Deep down, I mean. Do you wish I was different?"
His father hesitated and Junhong's heart sank but then he gave him a firm shake of the head. "I want you to be happy." He turned his face to the window and sighed. "Everything will be better once we get home, Junhong. You have to expect a rough transition for your mother. She's had the perfect little girl soulmate in mind for you since you were tiny. Now she's having to readjust everything she believes in. I feel sorry for your brother's future wife. She will never let her out of her sight."
Junhong would never spill his brother's secrets but he felt his father deserved a push in the correct direction.
"Would you ever wish Yongguk was different?" He waited until his father turned to him in confusion. "If he was happy would you be okay with whoever he ended up with too?"
"Of course." Questions swirled in the tired eyes looking back at him but Junhong thought that was enough curiosity for the night. Yongguk's secrets were his own to tell.
"Thank you." Junhong was still so tired from everything that had happened to him. The days of Daehyun ignoring him brought nights of insomnia and the build-up to what he did took every ounce of energy from his body. He stretched his toes towards the wall and yawned widely.
His father tucked the blanket in around his feet. "For what?"
"For being a great dad."
---
"I'm fine." Junhong looked towards his brother for help but Yongguk had slipped out of the bedroom as soon as their mother started fussing over him. "Really. I just want to go see Daehyun."
"Not until you've rested some more." She fluffed the pillows behind his head and pushed him down when he tried to rise. "I mean it."
He could feel Daehyun's excitement that he was home pushing against his own and his every instinct was begging him to leave right then without hesitation.
"But I need t-"
"Rest." She snapped the word towards him and before she turned away Junhong could see the hurt in her eyes that hadn't left for the past week.
He grabbed her hand and forced her to look him in the eyes. "Please mom. I need to see him. Please."
The exhaustion in her eyes was visible and he felt guilty for a moment for what he must have been putting her through but no matter what he had to make her see that this wasn't a phase and his feelings for Daehyun weren't going to go away.
"He's the person that was made to make me happy. Through every lifetime and every universe." Junhong knew he had finally chipped a tiny piece off her walls when her eyes brightened with tears and she squeezed his fingers between her own. "I love him."
"Go." She pulled free and quickly wiped her eyes. "Then go."
Junhong didn't wait around for her to change her mind. He jumped out of the bed and raced for the door, grabbing his shoes and stumbling down the sidewalk as he tried to put them on in a hurry.
"In a rush?" Yongguk laughed from the side of his car where Junhong had raced right past without even noticing him. "Hop in. I'll get you there a lot quicker than you can run."
He should have thanked his brother but his throat was tight and he all of a sudden felt apprehensive about seeing Daehyun for the first time out of the hospital now that everyone knew the truth.
"What if he doesn't want to see me as much as I want to see him?"
Yongguk rolled his eyes as he fished his cell phone out of his pocket. "If you hadn't of let your battery die then he would be blowing yours up instead of mine." He showed him the thirteen missed calls below Daehyun's name. "Jongup said he stayed awake all night begging him for any scrap of information he could give him about you. What your favorite color was, what movies you liked, what you wanted to do after college. He said he finally had to go sleep on the couch just to get away from reliving your entire life story."
He chewed on his lower lip to hide the grin threatening to slip out. Daehyun may have been years behind on the attachment Junhong felt but he was trying his hardest to catch up which meant he wanted this thing between them more than he had when they first met.
"How's his mom doing?"
"Not great." Yongguk told him honestly, turning onto the street where Jongup lived. "She's still scared Daehyun's stepdad will come looking for them and finding out her soon was a soulmate took her by complete surprise so Jongup said she's been in her room crying a lot."
Daehyun's stepfather was still in jail with no one to bail him out so for the moment they were safe. As soon as Jongup had come home telling his mother what was going on she demanded they call the police and see what they could do for her. Four hours later his stepfather was in jail and they were packing for the move to Jongup's house with a few suitcases and a promise of a new life. Jongup's mother hadn't even hesitated when she heard what was happening and how Junhong and Daehyun were connected. Junhong wondered if maybe she knew more about her own son's secrets than she let on.
"I don't like them sleeping in the same room." Junhong tried not to let the jealousy he felt seep through their bond. He was happy Daehyun and his mother was safe but that didn't mean he enjoyed knowing his best friend and his mate were sharing a bedroom.
"Don't be an idiot. If Jongup put up with me through everything I did to him do you really think he's going to fool around with your little boyfriend? Besides," Yongguk eased onto the curb by Jongup's house. "If that kid stays up all night bugging him again then Jongup's already threatened to move onto our front steps. He doesn't want anyone else, Junhong. He wants you."
He could sense that Daehyun was getting closer because the thrum of happiness inside him had burst into rabid excitement when the car had stopped. Junhong threw open the door at the same moment Daehyun skidded to a stop on Jongup's steps.
They both took a slow measured step towards each other. "Are you okay?" Daehyun glanced down at Junhong's still bandaged wrists, fingers reaching for him distractedly.
"I'm fine now." And he was, the honest words ringing more truthful than anything else. "Are you okay?"
Daehyun nodded and a wide grin split across his face. "I'm so happy I feel like a balloon about to burst." He took another step so that they were so close that Junhong could have reached out and touched him. "But I don't know if that's me or you. Or is it both of us? Should we try and keep our emotions separate?"
They'd been separated for far too long already and Junhong didn't think he had in in him to be apart for one more second.
"No." He grabbed for Daehyun's arms and pulled him forwards until their foreheads were pressed together and he could feel Daehyun's warm breath on his lips. "They're supposed to be joined together like this. Just like us."
"What are you thinking about?" That was going to be a question Daehyun would pose to him every time their heartbeats raced together and their pulses synced, but Junhong would never get tired of hearing it.
Junhong placed a barely felt kiss against the corner of Daehyun's mouth, melting against him until their bodies were as tightly bound together as their souls had been for centuries.
"I'm thinking about how long it took to bring you home." Junhong murmured into his skin. He could feel the way Daehyun's lips curled up against his cheek, shy fingers slipping their way around his back to hold him even tighter. "And how we have a thousand lifetimes ahead of us."