Did that really happen?
Well kids, this is one for the history books.
It started out innocently enough. Another Ben Jelen concert, another $15. I hesitated a bit - does he really need our support at this point? But how could I resist seeing my favorite crush, plus all my wonderful on 27 Robinson friends. So I bought two tickets Sunday, hoping Morgan (or someone) could come.
Turns out Morgan could, and by 6 PM last night we were on our way to Jersey City and the Path Train. And after getting a bit lost (just a bit) and having a few monetary problems (IE. Where to get cash in the Path Station) we were on our way to lower Manhattan and the Knitting Factory.
There we met up with Kevin and a few of his friends from VH1; we got our tickets and went inside. Mark was there, and soon after Alyna and Jen showed up too - we had a whole crew there and it was great to see everyone. Before the show started Mark took Morgan and me to see the posters they were selling. That's right kids, now you can be the proud owner of a poster size shirtless Ben Jelen. Fun fact: They definitely airbrushed out the 3 chest hairs that he has.
The show kicked off with Ben's weird manager Joseph telling everyone to get registered to vote (this was a "Rock the Vote" show) and then inviting MTV's Damien Fehey to do the same and act like a giant tool. He then introduced Ben and he started rocking.
He was fantastic as usual. Even though I'm not in love with all the music, he sure as hell puts on a passionate live show. And thank god he never plays the song or two that SUCK.
So that was all well and good, but the bizarro weirdness that was alluded to in my title was only about to begin. Ben exits the stage; Joseph comes back on and urges us to vote again (strike that - commands us to oust Bush) and then invites Ben back on for an encore. He plays "Christine" to Alyna's delight. We argue over whether the lyric is "...a lifetime without beer" because that's what it sounds like.
And then a most strange and unusual thing happens. Ben grabs his guitar and goes to the mike and annouces that he'd like to invite some "special guests" to come play with them. And then he says it. "Please welcome Taylor and Zac Hanson."
The crowed went wild, and our crew stared at eachother in disbelief. What the FUCK. Hanson? How random is that. So beautiful Taylor (complete with Ascot) and now very buff looking (and pretty hot himself) Zac come out on stage for a semi-rousing version of "Revolution Song". It was very cool that they all did it. Theme of the night being... we need a regime change.
So the show's over and Jen announces that we're all invited to Joseph's birthday party at the super posh Grammercy Park Hotel. Totally sweet. Not only will we get to see Ben for more than a minute, but we'll also get to meet his Mom and Sister finally. Not to mention whomever else might decide to show up... ... ...
Hehe. We wait around the lobby forever, knowing that at some point Ben will make his paparrazi infested escape and then we can be on our way.
And then we were on our way. Morgan and I got to ride with Sarah in her car which was excellent. And to try to make a long story shorter, we soon found ourselves in the very VIP party room; hob-nobbing with way too many pretty people and remarking how incredibly strange it was to be there.
Little did we (I) know.
I get to meet Ben's mum, who is a) beautiful and b) really awesome. So is his sister Nina. We got to talk for a bit and she's just as friendly and sweet as her brother. I suppose it was around this time, while a bunch of us were hanging out in the "VIP" roped off section of the party, that the real crazyness began.
All of a sudden, standing right in front of me and flirting openly with ben: Carson from Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. WHAT?! We were all in disbelief. Especially his Mom, who had no idea who he was until I told her, at which point I thought she was going to faint. Not because Carson is some huge celebrity, but because it's all just so...WEIRD.
So I'm feeling especially friendly, and as Carson passes near us I just reach out and say "Carson, meet Ben's Mom" and he gives her a big hug and showers her with praise. He seems really nice. Soon he's standing right next to me, and he overhears me asking "who that blond girl taking a picture with Ben is". Turns our she's like the number 1 model in the world. I make a joke like I'm not impressed, say a little pssh-ah. And Carson starts laughing and says to me "Everyone's a model". And we start to joke about how we're models, and then get to talking about the ridiculous amount of chicks that flirt with him. "I'm a chick magnet" he says. "That's unfortunate" I reply. The banter goes on for a bit. It's fun.
Jen Snow whispers in my ear "Go for it!" and I think Carson heard. So I make a joke about the eight foot tall superman Carson is with. "I'm not going for anything - his boyfriend could kick my ass". And everyone laughs and it's a good time. Turns out he's "not his boyfriend" but whatever. His name is Anthony.
Soon Carson is introducing himself to Morgan and Alyna and Sarah and we're all just having a lovely little conversation. He is incredibly friendly and incredibly nice. He wanted to know where in Jersey I was from. What exit. "Exit 4". What town? "Moorestown". "Oh near the Cherry Hill Mall!" Classic.
Well, that seemed cool (and bizarre) enough. After a while he and Anthony said goodbye (they were going to look for Jaye, another Queer Eye - whom I saw but did not actually meet).
So we hung out some more, joked some more, talked about people some more, and then decided it was about time to go. So we started saying out goodbyes to Ben and the family and then - wait - oh no - just wait just a minute okay now - guess who just arrived.
Taylor and Zac Hanson.
Before I go on. A little history.
This is somewhat embarassing, and until now I've only told a few people. Basically, I credit Hanson for my "sexual awakening" IE. Holy shit I might be gay!. Let's face it kids... when Hanson came out (I was in 6th grade) most of us thought Taylor (the middle one) was a girl. I sure as hell did. And I had a crush on that girl. A big one.
And then I found out... that girl was a boy. And guess what? I still had a crush on... him. Shit. And thus began and strange and unusal journey of self discovery, not the least of which involved a strange and secret obession of Hanson in the 6th grade. It wasn't the music kids. Honest.
And we're back. So Taylor and Zac are there. Morgan sees my face and knows we're not leaving. I want to talk to them. I want to tell Taylor my story. I promised myself I would. I've wanted to meet them since I was basically a little kid, and I've never really told anyone.
I get a few reassuring looks from Kevin, Jen, Alyna, and Morgan, and I decide to go for it.
I go up to Zac and introduce myself. I ask him if he thinks his brother would mind if I told him a somewhat strange story. "How strange". "Well, let me tell you first and you can judge". Long story short (ha!) I tell him the story and he adds in all sorts of pornographic and unsavory details. I yell at him and tell him to cut it out. He's a super cool kid and we talk for what seems like forever about all sorts of stuff. Later Jen tells me that it was like watching two buddies crack eachother up, and it really felt like that. I'd like to say, Zac and I hit it off.
So after taling for a long time I end the conversation politely and we have one of those superlong handshakes where you end up making up moves on the spot. Then I give him one of those pat on the back guy-hugs and we say goodbye one more time. Did I mention he's super cool?
So I go talk to Morgan and Kevin and Jen. Did Jen snap a picture of Zac and I while we were goofing around?! Of course she did! She's amazing.
So I have a cigarette with Morgan and scope out the scene with Taylor. He's in the center of the L shaped couch (the sweet spot) that we're all on, but he's got a lot of people around him. So I wait patiently for the timing to be right.
And soon enough, it is. Three people to his right get up and I move in right next to him. Introduce myself. "Jonah - that's a very Biblical name. Are you Jewish?" "Fake Jewish". We laugh. He's also super cool (and did I mention Beautiful?) I tell him about my conversation with Zac and he wants to hear the story. But then Joseph (the weirdo) tells Taylor "you don't want to miss this" and tries to get him to go somewhere. Taylor looks confused, so I explain to him that it's probably "the dragqueen doing a show for his birthday" and Taylor looks at me and says "Ugh... I've seen enough of that. I'm not going anywhere. What's this story about? Wait don't tell me... you're a woman!" "That's right... you figured me out" We laugh. So I finally get to tell Taylor Hanson my story, and though he seems a bit weirded out at first (I mean, who wouldn't be) that soon passes and we're laughing again. I joke that I'm blaming him for years of therapy and then het gets all serious. "Wait...but are you happy?" "Oh my... yes I am! I was just kidding!" We laugh again, but it was the sweetest and most sincere thing. So we talk for a while longer, about music, his baby, acting, Ben, all sorts of stuff. And the image I have in my mind, and what will stick with me forever is: He and I sitting on this couch, wearing pretty much the same jeans, crossing our legs in the same direction, having a normal everyday friendly conversation. It was fantastic.
Eventually throngs of girls start appearing out of nowhere and he has to humor them all. He introduces me to a good friend of his which is very nice. And then he's wisked away for some photo op with Ben and the drag queen, and we say our goodbyes and shake hands.
I walk back towards Morgan et. al, now incredibly happy; we're all ready to leave. So we say our goodbyes, I get one more kiss out of Ben; and right before we exit I tap Zac on the shoulder and tell him Taylor will be kicking his ass later for making my story x rated. I turn around to leave and then Zac taps me on the shoulder and says "Dude... I'm the drummer in the band. I can kick his ass" and I laugh and joke about how "harcore Zan Hanson is" and he laughs and we say goodbye and off we go.
And we're leaving the hotel and standing outside, saying our goodbyes and waiting for a cab. And then who appears but Zac. We continue our normal conversation so as not to bother him, but he wants to talk again, so he says to me "Where do you live?" and of course I lie and say 111th street, but also Jersey. Later Jen tells me she "swears he was gonna ask you to hang out sometime". Perhaps. Anyway, thus starts another conversation with Zac Hanson, this time with all of us. He tells us about the awesome Suburu he has back in Oklahoma (like only an 18 year old can about cars) and how he likes living in the city, etc. We all talk and joke for a while, and Kevin seems to enjoy having a conversation with him as well. After a while Taylor comes outside and seems like he's ready to leave. We all talk for a little while longer, Taylor and I exchange comments about how much MTV sucks, and then he says to Zac "ready to go?" Zac says "Yes" and the Hanson boys flit off into the rainy night (they literally did flit) and disappear around a corner.
And we're all left wondering what the hell just happened.
What the hell just happened?
The whole night was incredibly surreal.
And after one entertaining cabbie, a perfectly timed path train, a way too long walk in the pouring rain, a hellish drive home in zero visability weather, a glorious stop at the secret Wawa, and the seemingly super quick trip on 295, we were home safe and sound.
And I went to bed and woke up this morning and I could swear I was dreaming.