Broken Porcelain
The door slams, the vibration sent through the night stand makes a vase fall off. Kibum’s favorite vase shatters into a million pieces. Jonghyun’s heart follows shortly after.
It's been a year
Winter summer spring and fall
But bein without you just ain't livin ain't nothing at all
If I could travel back in time
I'd relive the days you were mine....
Jonghyun turns off his alarm, already annoyed. Work, he thinks. You have to go to work, Jonghyun. Get a grip.
He repeats his mantra as he washes his teeth. He splashes cold water on his face and looks at the mirror. His eyes are bloodshot, his smile long vanished. He is tired, so tired of waking up in the middle of the night - hearing Kibum’s voice.
“And for today’s board meeting,” he shuts it off, as always. He’s the owner of the damned company why should he even go at those meetings? His mind strays and it always goes back to Kibum, like a moth to a flaming candle.
365 days since Kibum left him, 365 messages from Jonghyun on Kibum’s phone. They all say the same thing: Come back, I love you.
It’s 8 in the morning and Kibum hears his phone vibrate on his night stand .
“Good morning, Jonghyun,” he whispers, as always.
He gets dressed and goes to work, smiling to the passengers in the metro, humming his favourite song as he enters the coffee shop. He greets everyone and makes a latte for himself.
Sometimes he thinks he has seen a flash of blond hair, sometimes he hears somebody’s laugh and it reminds him of Jonghyun. His heart clenches but it’s better this way.
Kibum rolls a cigarette between his fingers impatiently, the coffee shop is already closed. He pulls a lighter out of his pocket and lights the cancer stick. He inhales deeply, watching the night lights of Seoul.
It’s calm and peaceful and Kibum loves it. No one asks him if his heart mended, no one tries to flirt with him, no one is there.
No one has been in Kibum’s heart for an year and he doubts that someone will ever replace Jonghyun.
Kibum stomps on the cigarette angrily as tears start to roll down his cheeks. He’s weak without Jonghyun, he’s vulnerable and alone. He hates it, he hates himself for feeling that way.
Jonghyun watches from afar, should he go and talk to him? He sees the shimmering tears on Kibum’s face, reflecting the starlight.
The wind blows violently and he sees Kibum shiver.
Jonghyun doesn’t really think about it, he knows that Kibum is cold. He sees that Kibum is crying.
Kibum rubs his hands furiously.
It’s early October. When did it get so cold?
He feels someone put a jacket on his shoulders, he smells the faint aroma of cotton candy, he feels a warm breath on his neck and gentle hands rubbing his arms to warm him up.
“Jonghyun,” he whispers, unsure if he’s relieved or angry. If his pain had vanished or returned - stronger.
He feels a shift behind him and he wants to scream: No! Stay..
Kibum hears the gentle piano tune and his phone vibrates in his pocket. He pulls it out, hesitantly.
I love you, Kibum. I always will.
He hears the sound of footsteps and he turns.
“Stay,” he says, he pleas.
Jonghyun turns and Kibum can see that he’s broken. It’s like seeing his own reflection.
“I can’t breathe without you,” Kibum says suddenly.
Jonghyun presses him close and breathes.
“I won’t be long.” Kibum says, sparing a glance at the new vase on the night stand and then he looks at Jonghyun.
I’ll never leave again.