[FIC] Trial & Error
author: gloriabear
pairing: Jonghyun/Key
You're slowly drifting appart, you feel it but try not to pay much mind to it.
He's distracted, that must be why he doesn't interwine his fingers with yours anymore.
He's tired, so he chooses his own bed instead of yours.
You haven't had sex in a while but he has lyrics to write, takes up most of his time.
He doesn't reply to your texts sometimes, he must have forgotten his phone somewhere.
You try your best to believe that but it sounds hollow even in your mind. It claws on your heart, the impending talk you will have.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon.
You want to take your mind off it so much you shop more, practise more, sleep whenever you can. But you know it and he knows it too.
He shrugs it off whenever you try to talk to him about it, says "I don't know what you're talking about. Everything is fine."
But you know better. The others have noticed it too and they ask you if something is wrong more often these days.
One night he comes home, late - so late, and he's been drinking.
You smile bitterly, thinking that he supposed it would help him talk to you.
"Kibum," he groans, unable to get his boots off. You smell the soju in his breath but don't say a thing as you help him. You carefully guide him to his bed.
He lays silent for a few minutes and you think your heart is going to tear your rib cage open. Then he coughs silently, as if to remind you he's still there.
"Kibum, I think..."
"I know," you cut him off because you feel as if hearing him say it
will destroy you.
You see him smile sadly in the darkness. "Of course you know," he shifts and turns to you, leg hanging off the bed. "I'm so sorry, Kibum."
"I know," you repeat and then you lay down as well, trying your best not to weep.
#
It's been a few months and you think you're finally over it, ready to move on. Then he comes home and gathers everyone in the living room.
He's smiling and your heart flutters, as usual, but you ignore it.
"I have important news," he says, giddy with excitement.
You know what he'll say. You prepare for it but it still stabs your heart the way you thought it would.
"I have a girlfriend."
Minho raises his eye brows and looks at your direction but you force a smile, knowing it looks fake. Taemin shriecks and hugs Jonghyun, mumbling "I'm so happy for you, hyung."
Jinki just smiles and shakes Jonghyun's hand but he too looks at you and you see an unknown emotion swirling in his eyes, only for a moment.
Maybe he sees things better than you do, more realistically. But you know only what you feel.
Pain, so sharp you think it will kill you any second.
You smile.
#
It's three in the morning and you turn in your bed for the umpteenth time. Sleep comes rarely these days, it eludes you.
You hear somebody stumble in the coridore and you know it's Jonghyun. Who else could it be at that unholy hour?
Jonghyun.
The door creaks open and he comes at your direction. Your breath hitches, like it always does when he's close.
It's idiotic - your hope. But you still feel it, flowing in your veins.
"Kibum," he murmurs, pressing his lips to the sweet spot between your ear and your shoulder he knows you love so much.
You shiver, thinking for a second that you could let him go on but you can't. He's obviously drunk and probably won't even remember anything in the morning. You don't want it to be like this.
"Jonghyun, no..." you whisper.
"I love you Kibum. Only you. Forever," he whispers against your skin.
You push him off you gently and look into his eyes, as much as you can in the dark.
He's not smiling, he looks broken and tormented. You hate seeing him like that, it doesn't suit him at all.
"Jonghyunnie..."
You pull him in your arms and he lays his head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat the way he used to.
"I don't know what happened, Bummie," he says and your heart does a flip flop movement in your chest. He used to call you Bummie so often...
"I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I thought I needed time, air, anything. I can't believe I put you through this. If you don't want me I'll understand,
I'm so sorry. I was stupid. An idiot..." he pauses, waiting for you to react but you can't.
"Say something, please."
Then you say the only thing that you could that you want to say a
thousand times over.
"I love you, Jonghyun."
pairing: Jonghyun/Key
You're slowly drifting appart, you feel it but try not to pay much mind to it.
He's distracted, that must be why he doesn't interwine his fingers with yours anymore.
He's tired, so he chooses his own bed instead of yours.
You haven't had sex in a while but he has lyrics to write, takes up most of his time.
He doesn't reply to your texts sometimes, he must have forgotten his phone somewhere.
You try your best to believe that but it sounds hollow even in your mind. It claws on your heart, the impending talk you will have.
Maybe not today or tomorrow, but soon.
You want to take your mind off it so much you shop more, practise more, sleep whenever you can. But you know it and he knows it too.
He shrugs it off whenever you try to talk to him about it, says "I don't know what you're talking about. Everything is fine."
But you know better. The others have noticed it too and they ask you if something is wrong more often these days.
One night he comes home, late - so late, and he's been drinking.
You smile bitterly, thinking that he supposed it would help him talk to you.
"Kibum," he groans, unable to get his boots off. You smell the soju in his breath but don't say a thing as you help him. You carefully guide him to his bed.
He lays silent for a few minutes and you think your heart is going to tear your rib cage open. Then he coughs silently, as if to remind you he's still there.
"Kibum, I think..."
"I know," you cut him off because you feel as if hearing him say it
will destroy you.
You see him smile sadly in the darkness. "Of course you know," he shifts and turns to you, leg hanging off the bed. "I'm so sorry, Kibum."
"I know," you repeat and then you lay down as well, trying your best not to weep.
#
It's been a few months and you think you're finally over it, ready to move on. Then he comes home and gathers everyone in the living room.
He's smiling and your heart flutters, as usual, but you ignore it.
"I have important news," he says, giddy with excitement.
You know what he'll say. You prepare for it but it still stabs your heart the way you thought it would.
"I have a girlfriend."
Minho raises his eye brows and looks at your direction but you force a smile, knowing it looks fake. Taemin shriecks and hugs Jonghyun, mumbling "I'm so happy for you, hyung."
Jinki just smiles and shakes Jonghyun's hand but he too looks at you and you see an unknown emotion swirling in his eyes, only for a moment.
Maybe he sees things better than you do, more realistically. But you know only what you feel.
Pain, so sharp you think it will kill you any second.
You smile.
#
It's three in the morning and you turn in your bed for the umpteenth time. Sleep comes rarely these days, it eludes you.
You hear somebody stumble in the coridore and you know it's Jonghyun. Who else could it be at that unholy hour?
Jonghyun.
The door creaks open and he comes at your direction. Your breath hitches, like it always does when he's close.
It's idiotic - your hope. But you still feel it, flowing in your veins.
"Kibum," he murmurs, pressing his lips to the sweet spot between your ear and your shoulder he knows you love so much.
You shiver, thinking for a second that you could let him go on but you can't. He's obviously drunk and probably won't even remember anything in the morning. You don't want it to be like this.
"Jonghyun, no..." you whisper.
"I love you Kibum. Only you. Forever," he whispers against your skin.
You push him off you gently and look into his eyes, as much as you can in the dark.
He's not smiling, he looks broken and tormented. You hate seeing him like that, it doesn't suit him at all.
"Jonghyunnie..."
You pull him in your arms and he lays his head on your chest, listening to your heartbeat the way he used to.
"I don't know what happened, Bummie," he says and your heart does a flip flop movement in your chest. He used to call you Bummie so often...
"I'm sorry. So, so sorry. I thought I needed time, air, anything. I can't believe I put you through this. If you don't want me I'll understand,
I'm so sorry. I was stupid. An idiot..." he pauses, waiting for you to react but you can't.
"Say something, please."
Then you say the only thing that you could that you want to say a
thousand times over.
"I love you, Jonghyun."