Title: Earth on a Tentacle String - An Intergalactic Travel Guide
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Captain Jack mentioned
Words: 567
Rating,Warnings: PG
Disclaimer: Nope, don't own Torchwood
Spoilers: None
AN: For
torchwood_fest prompt: 'Cardiff - the new alien vacation hotspot. Crack or not...' Guess which way I went? Sudden inspiration hit me on the bus. Please bear in mind BTW, that this is all meant in fun. I love Cardiff and a whole bunch of lovely people who live there.
Page 243 of Earth on a Tentacle String - An Intergalactic Travel Guide
Location and climate
Cardiff is situated in Wales, a small part of the UK, which readers this far will know is a small, wet island. Cardiff is one of the wetter parts of the island in fact, and rain protection gear is recommended all year round. The locals love to talk passionately and at length about the weather. If it is wet (as it is most of the time) they will wish it were warm and dry. However, when it is warm and dry they will complain about it being too hot.
The locals
There are many opportunities for fun for the alien traveller in Cardiff. On a Friday and Saturday night many residents can be found in various states of intoxication from Earth based liquors. This is amusing in itself to witness and there are chances a-plenty for good photo opportunities.
However, this time also affords tourists the perfect chance for integration with the locals. Whatever your physical manifestation you will be able mingle happily with the Cardiff residents at this time. They will either be too inebriated to notice your physical form, forget ever meeting you in the morning, or assume you are part of something they call “A Stag Do”.
Whilst some tourists do engage in “relations” with the locals, this is not always advisable, and can often lead to an unflattering write-up in a local publication called “the Sun”.
Language
While decipherable to few people on Earth, the Welsh language is based heavily on Ganymedian so many travellers with basic knowledge of that find translating the local signage relatively easy.
Getting there
Cardiff is one of the easiest places for the intergalactic traveller to get to as it has its own rift. Whilst travellers are always reminded that rift travel has its own dangers, the rewards can be immense. It is cheap, clean and some of the time you end up when and where you want. For the more adventurous traveller, rift travel allows you take the opportunity to leave the setting of your travel device open and see where you end up.
There is also plenty of land surrounding Cardiff that has not been built on, so ships can be landed and parked while not damaging any of the local dwellings. Remember the travellers' mantra; leave nothing but footprints, take nothing but memories. In some cases, however, it is better to not leave footprints. These are often mistaken for strange markings can be unsettling to the locals and again “The Sun” can become involved.
Things to watch out for
For all the plus points Cardiff has, it is worth pointing out the one disadvantage to Cardiff. Because of the location of the rift, Cardiff is home to the Earth’s only alien protection agency, Torchwood. Torchwood is headed by Captain Jack Harkness (pictured). Although not well known by his current name, most travellers will recognise his face. Even if you don’t recognise his face, you are bound to know other parts of him (not pictured).
Torchwood will not tolerate too much upset to the locals. Loiterers will be moved on and drive-byers will be warned once before sterner action is taken. However, if you can coincide your visit with some sort of invasion, Torchwood will be busy dealing with that and you should be able to enjoy your holiday in peace.