He Knew What She Needed
Title: He Knew What She Needed
Fandom: Torchwood
Characters: Rhi, Johhny, mentions of Ianto
Rating/Warnings: PG. Mentions character death
Prompt: Written Promts R Us daily prompt 122: In private. I put which character I should write out to Twitter and blaid_drwg chose Rhi and the graveside.
Word count: 1,015
Spoilers: for COE
Summary: Rhiannon needs to talk
AN: The perfectionist in me is compelled to say that the changes and confusion of tenses is intentional.
“I’ll be back later.” Rhiannon called as she opened the door.
“Where you going?” asked Johnny.
“Just out. Nowhere really. Just want some air.” Rhi replied.
“Okay. Be back in time for tea? See you later.” Johnny watched her leave. He didn’t want her to go alone, but it was what she needed. And she was his wife, he knew what she needed.
Rhi entered the cemetery and found her way straight to the grave. She wished it hadn’t been so easy.
The earth was still soft and moist; mounded above the grass around it, not yet settled. It was too soon to have a headstone. She knew she needed to order one soon, but still had not decided what words she could possibly put on it. Ianto had his beliefs and so did she; it’s what they’d been brought up with. But she didn’t want God to have anything to do with Ianto now. She was too angry at Him. Too desperately and painfully angry at Him. So she couldn’t bring herself to find the words ‘rest in piece’, ‘God be with you’ or any of the other sentiments that life tells us we should use at this time.
And those other things people put on those stones. ‘Loving son, brother and uncle’? Is that what he was?
Rhi took a deep breath and sat down on the damp grass. She started to do what she did best. She started to talk.
“I haven’t brought you flowers because you were never really a flower kind of person. But I haven’t brought you anything else because I don’t know anymore what kind of person you are. I haven’t really known you for years have I? But that’s not my fault. You went and left us. Moving up to London. Never calling, never coming back to visit.
“And then when you did come back, after that bombing in London, you still kept away. You never came to see us, never called. Just the odd text, but only if I texted you first.
“But I’m not the only one am I? Your friends, they thought they knew you, but they didn’t either. Not when it came to it; they couldn’t tell me anything. And what they did know was rubbish. Because you lied to them didn’t you?
“Is there anyone who knew you? I mean really knew you. Or did you hide from us all? Lie to everyone? And why did you do it? Were you ashamed? Who were you ashamed of? Was it me? Us? Mam and Dad? Were we not good enough for you? Not good enough for you and your posh friends and your posh suits?
“Why weren’t we? You didn’t even give us a chance.
“Or were you ashamed of you? Was it the gay thing? But it started before then didn’t it?
“I just wish I knew why. You’re my brother. I love you. You must have known that. I’d love you no matter what. Did you love me?
“You did though didn’t you? Because when it came down to it, it was me you called wasn’t it? You called to save David and Mica; you were calling to say goodbye weren’t you? All those times you could have called just to say hello, and you never did it. But you called to say goodbye. I…I just wish you hadn’t left it so late.
“I saw him at the funeral you know. Your boss. Your…what? Boyfriend? I knew it was him ‘cause he was with that Gwen and Rhys that you sent to help us. You’re right though. He is gorgeous. You’ve got good taste.
“I also knew it was him from his eyes. His eyes were empty, Ianto. It was like he was dead. Like he had died with you. There was nothing inside.
“It made me happy Ianto. I’m sorry but it did. It’s his fault your dead. He’s your boss. He should have done something; kept you safe; not made you go in there. Anything. I mean, why you? And how did you get messed up in all that anyway? Was that all his fault too? Is he why you got that job? He deserved to feel that way. I was glad.
“And I was pleased too because he must really love you. No-one looks like that unless they’ve lost someone they really love. Like when Uncle Davey died. Do you remember? Auntie Pam was never the same. There was that look in her eyes that never went. That is how he looked. He’s older than you but he wasn’t that old. I do hope that he doesn’t stay that way for ever though. He’s too young for that. I hope you don’t mind me saying that. But I don’t think you would.
“I don’t know how I’m going to miss you. You’re my brother and now you’re gone. But you were hardly ever there so how will I know? How will I know that I’m missing you because you’ve gone or because you were never there? I don’t know what to do Ianto. I don’t know how to feel. How long will I keep thinking it’s just been longer than normal since I’ve heard from you and then have to remember all over again? How often will I have to go to text you and realise that I can’t? Your number’s still in my phone you know. Daft isn’t it?
“Oh Ianto I just wish you were here. I just want you to come back to me. I wouldn’t even care then what you did. As long as I knew you were there. I do miss you Ianto. I love you and I miss you and I want you back. I want you to come back to me. Please.”
Rhi’s tears started to fall as two strong arms wrapped themselves around her and she clung on.
Johnny gave Rhiannon all the privacy she needed, but as he watched her from a distance he knew when she needed him. She was his wife and he knew what she needed.