Best Laid Plans
Title: Best Laid Plans
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Tosh, Andy
Rating/warnings: PG - though some swearing
Spoilers: references to Exit Wounds, and other spoilers for season two
Challenge: Written for mrsmarit for the Christmas round of torchwood_fest
Prompts fulfilled: (or attepted to fulfil!) Pairing: Jack/Ianto Tosh/Andy, no angst; Time Period: post season 2; Kinks/Likes/Preferences: crack, fluff; Characters you don't want/like: no Gwen; Canon you don't want: dead Toshiko; Scenario Jack & Ianto play matchmaking elves for Toshiko and Andy
Beta: emyrldlady But I kept fiddling. Any remaining mistakes all my own doing.
Jack stuck his head out of his office and beckoned conspiratorially to Ianto. The young man cocked a quizzical eyebrow and hurried in. When the door was emphatically shut behind him Ianto prepared to launch into his well rehearsed and well used “what have I told you about doing this in work time” speech. It never worked, but he liked to still pretend that he was able to resist for a moment.
Jack’s eyes were gleaming; he was wearing that excited look he got when he had come up with a new idea. These ideas usually involved tormenting and teasing Ianto in some way and in spite of himself Ianto could feel a flush of excitement run through his body.
“We’ve got three days.” said Jack.
“We do.” replied Ianto, a smile creeping onto his face, stopping half way. “Wait. Three days to do what?”
“Get them, together.” Jack nodded out of the window into the main Hub. Ianto followed his look to see Tosh working at her station, glasses halfway down her nose as usual. He couldn’t help but smile. Never could when he looked at his friend. The friend he had come so close to losing all those months ago and spent every day being thankful he still had.
A couple of work stations along was the newer figure of Andy Davidson. Andy had proved himself in the battle with Gray that saw the release of weevils and mass bombings throughout Cardiff. They hadn’t thought twice about asking him to join the team after the clean up.
“Get them together?” he asked, still looking down on them working quietly, barely acknowledging each other.
“Yes!” said Jack, glee at his own plan evident in his voice. “Gwen’s off with Rhys on their pre-Christmas holiday and Owen is away at that 'equal opportunities for the undead' seminar with Martha. It’s the perfect opportunity.”
Ianto looked at the pair again before turning back to Jack.
“What are my chances of talking you out of this?”
“Very slim indeed.” Jack’s voice changed suddenly, becoming softer. “They both need someone, both want someone and they both deserve it. This hasn’t come from no-where. She’s bright and confident around him, and he’s…well he’s less Andy when he’s around her. I really think this could work.”
Ianto sighed. “Fine. I’ll help you.”
“Brilliant!” Bouncy Jack was back immediately. “I have plans, but we can’t let on that we are doing anything.”
“God no.” replied Ianto. “Okay, what’s your plan?”
“Simple. We go out for drinks together, then you and I get ‘called away’ somewhere and leave them to it.”
Ianto was thoughtful for a moment. “Actually that could work. Tonight?”
“Tonight.”
Unfortunately though, Torchwood being Torchwood, things didn’t quite go according to plan. Jack and Tosh had to dash out to respond to a call about some suspicious tech, leaving Ianto and Andy to man the Hub.
An hour later Ianto’s phone buzzed with a text from Jack; “Was nothing. Taking Tosh for drink at the Duke. Meet us there.”
It buzzed again; “Bring Andy.” Ianto rolled his eyes and replied; “Yes Jack, I had remembered. See you soon.”
It hadn’t taken a lot of convincing to get Andy out for a promised pint. Bundled up in a thick winter coat and jacket respectively, Ianto and Andy walked companionably through the streets. Ianto was tempted to tell Andy about Jack’s plan, but decided to let Jack have this one. It seemed important to him.
They turned into an ally they were passing to take as a short cut. Two men were approaching them and as they drew near one of the men pointed at Andy;
“Oi, gay boy. Bit out of your area ain’t you mate?”
“Now then boys, there’s no need to talk to him like that is there?” countered Andy.
Ianto cast him a glance. “Actually I think he was…oh never mind.”
He turned back to the two men who were now getting closer. Andy had his hands up in front of him in an open, submissive gesture. Ianto’s hung loosely at his sides.
“Yeah, what you doing here bender? Your kind aren’t wanted 'round here.” The second man said.
Andy opened his mouth to try again, but was cut off by Ianto.
“I cannot be bothered with this today.” His right arm snapped out and caught the first man squarely on the chin. And the plan fell apart a little bit more.
Ianto was sitting on the med table in the Hub when Jack and Tosh came running in. Andy looked up from where he had been trying to clean Ianto’s facial wounds.
“Ianto are you okay?” Jack called, concern evident in his voice.
“I’m fine Jack.”
“Andy, what about you? Are you hurt?”
“No, luckily. Ianto took the brunt of it.”
Ianto’s scowl confirmed this. The scowl was directed firmly at Jack. The Captain quickly sent the other two home for the evening and mentally prepared for an night of trying to pacify a tetchy Ianto.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“It’s a great plan! There’s no way it can fail!”
Ianto gave Jack a withering look.
“A great plan? I have seen many plans in my life, some I would consider great. This is not one of them.”
“But you’ll do it anyway won’t you?”
The look turned into a glare. Then Ianto spun on his heel and walked out of the office, knowing full well he would.
Twenty minutes later and he was in a frozen field facing off against a humanoid creature who looked a bit like the Pillsbury Doughboy, but slimier. Jack had assured Ianto that he was safe and that he wouldn’t slime any more than necessary. An old friend apparently; he had agreed to help Jack out. All Ianto had to do was pretend to fall and lie injured, while Andy rescued him, saved the day and looked the hero in front of Tosh. They would then bring Doughboy in and Jack would send him on his way later with all the marzipan he could eat.
Tosh and Andy had their weapons trained on Doughboy. Jack had given them all strict instructions of stun guns only. Ianto took a step forward, arms raised in surrender.
“Look we don’t want to hurt you. Just come with us and we’ll take you somewhere safe.”
This was meant to be the cue for him to be batted lightly to the ground, allowing Andy to move in with his stun gun and save the day. However, their actor was a little too into his role and with a squeaky growl launched himself at Ianto. The pair crashed to the ground together; Ianto’s back was now against cold, wet ground and he had a slimly, squidgy something on top of him. He struggled ineffectually, but saw Andy moving towards him, weapon outstretched.
“No, no, no, no!” he shouted, but it was too late. Andy pressed the stun gun into their ‘foe’s’ side and pulled the trigger. At the same time Doughboy grabbed Andy’s ankle. Electricity shot through the creature and physics being what it is, it also flowed into Ianto. Just as he was losing consciousness he saw Andy too crash to the ground, whole body in spasm, got by his own shot.
Ianto woke up on the sofa in the Hub, slime residue still coating his suit. Andy sat nearby rubbing his head and Tosh hovered over them both.
“Nice to see you back.”
“Where’s Jack?” Ianto growled.
“Well he came to help me clear up, then once we got back here he went out. It was a bit strange. Said he was going shopping for something expensive. Then muttered something about ‘being too young to die’.”
Ianto scowled. He could wait. Jack would have to come back sooner or later. And it had better be bloody expensive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“New day, new plan!” announced Jack, completely recovered from the last few day’s experiences. “Mistletoe!”
Ianto stood smartly in his new - very expensive - suit, with his new - very expensive -complimenting tie and cufflinks and gave an approving look. “Actually that’s not a bad plan. Where are we going to put it where they will both be at the same time?”
“Don’t you worry about that; I’ve got it all taken care of.” With a flourish Jack unveiled his secret weapon.
“Jack, you cannot use that, it is just ridiculous.”
“What? It’s just a bit of fun.”
Ianto was standing, hands on hips, a look of despair on his face. The thought ‘I’ve done this a lot lately’ flickered through his mind, but he dismissed it. Best not to dwell. Instead he turned his attention back to Jack and the large controller he was holding in his hands.
“So, let me get this straight. Your grand plan is to fly a remote controlled helicopter, with mistletoe tied to it, through the Hub.”
“Yes, and when they go to investigate it, I’ll hover it over their heads and they’ll have to kiss.”
“And you can’t see anything wrong with this plan?”
“No. Can you?”
“I could make a list.”
Jack dismissed him with a wave of his hand and Ianto gave a resigned sigh. Once again his brain tried to tell him that there had been a lot of those lately. Again he told his brain to shut up.
Ianto followed Jack onto one of the high walkways, watching as the helicopter took to the air and started a circuit of the Hub. At the sound, Tosh and Andy looked up from their work almost as one.
“What the…?” Andy started and Ianto watched as they both got up and moved to the middle of the room. Jack grinned triumphantly at Ianto and tightened the helicopter’s circle so that it would soon come to be above them both.
Jack’s grin was quickly wiped from his face though as a large screech filled the air. Ianto and Jack turned to the direction of the noise in time to see Myfanwy swoop through the Hub towards the helicopter and pluck it from the air in her talons. With a couple of great beats from her wings and another screech, she took the defeated interloper back to her nest to teach it the error of its airspace trespassing ways.
Jack stared silently after the vanishing pteranodon. Ianto looked thoughtful.
“I’ll admit. That is not a problem I had thought of.”
He walked away from Jack trying to keep the smirk off his face as he headed to try to pacify Myfanwy.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Jack sat in his office pondering the last few days. They had all been such good plans; he couldn’t see where they had gone wrong. He grinned then, another great plan coming to him. He was just getting ready to call Ianto and explain this new stroke of genius when another loud screech rent the air, followed by an anguished yell.
Jack ran out of his office as Tosh and Andy looked around for the source of the noise. Ianto stormed along the gantry leading from Myfanwy’s nest. His new - very expensive - suit was covered in what was unmistakably pteranodon vomit and he had what looked suspiciously like a remote controlled helicopter rotar blade sticking out of his hair.
“I’ve had enough!” he shouted, clattering down the metal steps. Three pairs of eyes followed him as he headed for the workstations. Tosh yelped as Ianto grabbed the back of her chair and dragged it behind him over to Andy’s work station. He spun the chair around, causing another squeak from Toshiko, until she was facing Andy. He gave the chair another little shove until the pair were facing each other, knees touching.
Ianto stood and regarded them both for a moment, hands on hips, looking from one to the other as they stared wordlessly at him.
“Will you two please just bloody get it together. Jack is driving me fucking mad. And you!” he said, his voice low, whirling to face Jack, “had better be as inventive with making up as you are with fixing up.”
Jack looked suitably nervous and backed into his office as Ianto strode purposefully towards him.
Tosh and Andy stared after him, finally tearing their gazes away and looking at each other. Tosh gave a shy grin and Andy returned with a broad smile.
“I think maybe we should leave them to it.” Tosh ventured.
“Can I buy you lunch?” Andy hazarded.
“I’d like that very much, thank you.”
Gathering their coats they left the Hub hand in hand.
Characters: Jack/Ianto, Tosh, Andy
Rating/warnings: PG - though some swearing
Spoilers: references to Exit Wounds, and other spoilers for season two
Challenge: Written for mrsmarit for the Christmas round of torchwood_fest
Prompts fulfilled: (or attepted to fulfil!) Pairing: Jack/Ianto Tosh/Andy, no angst; Time Period: post season 2; Kinks/Likes/Preferences: crack, fluff; Characters you don't want/like: no Gwen; Canon you don't want: dead Toshiko; Scenario Jack & Ianto play matchmaking elves for Toshiko and Andy
Beta: emyrldlady But I kept fiddling. Any remaining mistakes all my own doing.
Jack stuck his head out of his office and beckoned conspiratorially to Ianto. The young man cocked a quizzical eyebrow and hurried in. When the door was emphatically shut behind him Ianto prepared to launch into his well rehearsed and well used “what have I told you about doing this in work time” speech. It never worked, but he liked to still pretend that he was able to resist for a moment.
Jack’s eyes were gleaming; he was wearing that excited look he got when he had come up with a new idea. These ideas usually involved tormenting and teasing Ianto in some way and in spite of himself Ianto could feel a flush of excitement run through his body.
“We’ve got three days.” said Jack.
“We do.” replied Ianto, a smile creeping onto his face, stopping half way. “Wait. Three days to do what?”
“Get them, together.” Jack nodded out of the window into the main Hub. Ianto followed his look to see Tosh working at her station, glasses halfway down her nose as usual. He couldn’t help but smile. Never could when he looked at his friend. The friend he had come so close to losing all those months ago and spent every day being thankful he still had.
A couple of work stations along was the newer figure of Andy Davidson. Andy had proved himself in the battle with Gray that saw the release of weevils and mass bombings throughout Cardiff. They hadn’t thought twice about asking him to join the team after the clean up.
“Get them together?” he asked, still looking down on them working quietly, barely acknowledging each other.
“Yes!” said Jack, glee at his own plan evident in his voice. “Gwen’s off with Rhys on their pre-Christmas holiday and Owen is away at that 'equal opportunities for the undead' seminar with Martha. It’s the perfect opportunity.”
Ianto looked at the pair again before turning back to Jack.
“What are my chances of talking you out of this?”
“Very slim indeed.” Jack’s voice changed suddenly, becoming softer. “They both need someone, both want someone and they both deserve it. This hasn’t come from no-where. She’s bright and confident around him, and he’s…well he’s less Andy when he’s around her. I really think this could work.”
Ianto sighed. “Fine. I’ll help you.”
“Brilliant!” Bouncy Jack was back immediately. “I have plans, but we can’t let on that we are doing anything.”
“God no.” replied Ianto. “Okay, what’s your plan?”
“Simple. We go out for drinks together, then you and I get ‘called away’ somewhere and leave them to it.”
Ianto was thoughtful for a moment. “Actually that could work. Tonight?”
“Tonight.”
Unfortunately though, Torchwood being Torchwood, things didn’t quite go according to plan. Jack and Tosh had to dash out to respond to a call about some suspicious tech, leaving Ianto and Andy to man the Hub.
An hour later Ianto’s phone buzzed with a text from Jack; “Was nothing. Taking Tosh for drink at the Duke. Meet us there.”
It buzzed again; “Bring Andy.” Ianto rolled his eyes and replied; “Yes Jack, I had remembered. See you soon.”
It hadn’t taken a lot of convincing to get Andy out for a promised pint. Bundled up in a thick winter coat and jacket respectively, Ianto and Andy walked companionably through the streets. Ianto was tempted to tell Andy about Jack’s plan, but decided to let Jack have this one. It seemed important to him.
They turned into an ally they were passing to take as a short cut. Two men were approaching them and as they drew near one of the men pointed at Andy;
“Oi, gay boy. Bit out of your area ain’t you mate?”
“Now then boys, there’s no need to talk to him like that is there?” countered Andy.
Ianto cast him a glance. “Actually I think he was…oh never mind.”
He turned back to the two men who were now getting closer. Andy had his hands up in front of him in an open, submissive gesture. Ianto’s hung loosely at his sides.
“Yeah, what you doing here bender? Your kind aren’t wanted 'round here.” The second man said.
Andy opened his mouth to try again, but was cut off by Ianto.
“I cannot be bothered with this today.” His right arm snapped out and caught the first man squarely on the chin. And the plan fell apart a little bit more.
Ianto was sitting on the med table in the Hub when Jack and Tosh came running in. Andy looked up from where he had been trying to clean Ianto’s facial wounds.
“Ianto are you okay?” Jack called, concern evident in his voice.
“I’m fine Jack.”
“Andy, what about you? Are you hurt?”
“No, luckily. Ianto took the brunt of it.”
Ianto’s scowl confirmed this. The scowl was directed firmly at Jack. The Captain quickly sent the other two home for the evening and mentally prepared for an night of trying to pacify a tetchy Ianto.
~*~*~*~*~*~
“It’s a great plan! There’s no way it can fail!”
Ianto gave Jack a withering look.
“A great plan? I have seen many plans in my life, some I would consider great. This is not one of them.”
“But you’ll do it anyway won’t you?”
The look turned into a glare. Then Ianto spun on his heel and walked out of the office, knowing full well he would.
Twenty minutes later and he was in a frozen field facing off against a humanoid creature who looked a bit like the Pillsbury Doughboy, but slimier. Jack had assured Ianto that he was safe and that he wouldn’t slime any more than necessary. An old friend apparently; he had agreed to help Jack out. All Ianto had to do was pretend to fall and lie injured, while Andy rescued him, saved the day and looked the hero in front of Tosh. They would then bring Doughboy in and Jack would send him on his way later with all the marzipan he could eat.
Tosh and Andy had their weapons trained on Doughboy. Jack had given them all strict instructions of stun guns only. Ianto took a step forward, arms raised in surrender.
“Look we don’t want to hurt you. Just come with us and we’ll take you somewhere safe.”
This was meant to be the cue for him to be batted lightly to the ground, allowing Andy to move in with his stun gun and save the day. However, their actor was a little too into his role and with a squeaky growl launched himself at Ianto. The pair crashed to the ground together; Ianto’s back was now against cold, wet ground and he had a slimly, squidgy something on top of him. He struggled ineffectually, but saw Andy moving towards him, weapon outstretched.
“No, no, no, no!” he shouted, but it was too late. Andy pressed the stun gun into their ‘foe’s’ side and pulled the trigger. At the same time Doughboy grabbed Andy’s ankle. Electricity shot through the creature and physics being what it is, it also flowed into Ianto. Just as he was losing consciousness he saw Andy too crash to the ground, whole body in spasm, got by his own shot.
Ianto woke up on the sofa in the Hub, slime residue still coating his suit. Andy sat nearby rubbing his head and Tosh hovered over them both.
“Nice to see you back.”
“Where’s Jack?” Ianto growled.
“Well he came to help me clear up, then once we got back here he went out. It was a bit strange. Said he was going shopping for something expensive. Then muttered something about ‘being too young to die’.”
Ianto scowled. He could wait. Jack would have to come back sooner or later. And it had better be bloody expensive.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~
“New day, new plan!” announced Jack, completely recovered from the last few day’s experiences. “Mistletoe!”
Ianto stood smartly in his new - very expensive - suit, with his new - very expensive -complimenting tie and cufflinks and gave an approving look. “Actually that’s not a bad plan. Where are we going to put it where they will both be at the same time?”
“Don’t you worry about that; I’ve got it all taken care of.” With a flourish Jack unveiled his secret weapon.
“Jack, you cannot use that, it is just ridiculous.”
“What? It’s just a bit of fun.”
Ianto was standing, hands on hips, a look of despair on his face. The thought ‘I’ve done this a lot lately’ flickered through his mind, but he dismissed it. Best not to dwell. Instead he turned his attention back to Jack and the large controller he was holding in his hands.
“So, let me get this straight. Your grand plan is to fly a remote controlled helicopter, with mistletoe tied to it, through the Hub.”
“Yes, and when they go to investigate it, I’ll hover it over their heads and they’ll have to kiss.”
“And you can’t see anything wrong with this plan?”
“No. Can you?”
“I could make a list.”
Jack dismissed him with a wave of his hand and Ianto gave a resigned sigh. Once again his brain tried to tell him that there had been a lot of those lately. Again he told his brain to shut up.
Ianto followed Jack onto one of the high walkways, watching as the helicopter took to the air and started a circuit of the Hub. At the sound, Tosh and Andy looked up from their work almost as one.
“What the…?” Andy started and Ianto watched as they both got up and moved to the middle of the room. Jack grinned triumphantly at Ianto and tightened the helicopter’s circle so that it would soon come to be above them both.
Jack’s grin was quickly wiped from his face though as a large screech filled the air. Ianto and Jack turned to the direction of the noise in time to see Myfanwy swoop through the Hub towards the helicopter and pluck it from the air in her talons. With a couple of great beats from her wings and another screech, she took the defeated interloper back to her nest to teach it the error of its airspace trespassing ways.
Jack stared silently after the vanishing pteranodon. Ianto looked thoughtful.
“I’ll admit. That is not a problem I had thought of.”
He walked away from Jack trying to keep the smirk off his face as he headed to try to pacify Myfanwy.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Jack sat in his office pondering the last few days. They had all been such good plans; he couldn’t see where they had gone wrong. He grinned then, another great plan coming to him. He was just getting ready to call Ianto and explain this new stroke of genius when another loud screech rent the air, followed by an anguished yell.
Jack ran out of his office as Tosh and Andy looked around for the source of the noise. Ianto stormed along the gantry leading from Myfanwy’s nest. His new - very expensive - suit was covered in what was unmistakably pteranodon vomit and he had what looked suspiciously like a remote controlled helicopter rotar blade sticking out of his hair.
“I’ve had enough!” he shouted, clattering down the metal steps. Three pairs of eyes followed him as he headed for the workstations. Tosh yelped as Ianto grabbed the back of her chair and dragged it behind him over to Andy’s work station. He spun the chair around, causing another squeak from Toshiko, until she was facing Andy. He gave the chair another little shove until the pair were facing each other, knees touching.
Ianto stood and regarded them both for a moment, hands on hips, looking from one to the other as they stared wordlessly at him.
“Will you two please just bloody get it together. Jack is driving me fucking mad. And you!” he said, his voice low, whirling to face Jack, “had better be as inventive with making up as you are with fixing up.”
Jack looked suitably nervous and backed into his office as Ianto strode purposefully towards him.
Tosh and Andy stared after him, finally tearing their gazes away and looking at each other. Tosh gave a shy grin and Andy returned with a broad smile.
“I think maybe we should leave them to it.” Tosh ventured.
“Can I buy you lunch?” Andy hazarded.
“I’d like that very much, thank you.”
Gathering their coats they left the Hub hand in hand.