What's In A Name? Chapter 12 (Part 2)
What's In A Name?
Chapter 12 (Part 2)
“Are you okay?” asked Brian, as he drew his car into the curb. Looking over at Patrick, he could see how nervous the man was and Patrick nodded. “Just,” came the answer and Brian smiled encouragingly at him.
Excited and nervous in equal proportions, Patrick got out of the car and followed Brian up the path to the house. Brian rang the bell and, after a few moments, Claire opened the door to them.
“Is mom in?” asked Brian as he stepped into the hall. “Yes … she’s upstairs resting after lunch,“ replied Claire, who was now staring at the older man who had accompanied Brian. Seeing her confused expression, Brian introduced them.
“Patrick?” stuttered Claire. But, really, it was obvious who the man was as she could see the obvious likeness to her brother; her half-brother, she suddenly realized and it was hard to find coherent words.
Here was the man who had been her mother’s lover; A weird concept for any offspring. But his pleasant smile and charming manner and genuine concern as he asked after Joan’s health helped to cancel out any negative feelings Claire might have had regarding her mother’s relationship outside of her marriage, having followed her example in actively joining the Catholic church.
Claire also had memories of how difficult and violent Jack could be. She and Brian had hidden away from him often enough, though for some reason, Claire had never been on the receiving end of Jack’s fists; assuming in later life that as a female, she hadn’t threatened Jack’s standing as the man in the family.
“Can you go and fetch her?” requested Brian, breaking the spell and Claire hesitated before nodding; still a little confused, but she obligingly left them to go upstairs, while Patrick followed Brian into the living room. Claire’s mother had astounded her when she’d first opened up about her relationship with Brian’s real father. But she could hear in Joan’s voice the love she’d felt for the man. She was hardly going to put obstacles in the man’s way and deny her meeting up with him again.
Having been shown into the living room, both men remained standing: Patrick too nervous to sit down and keep still.
“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” he asked, suddenly. “She will,” came the assured answer.
Having been told Brian was downstairs, Joan informed her daughter she would be down in a moment and wondered why Claire hesitated; hovering over her, having decided not to inform Joan of her second visitor.
“Stop fussing, Claire,” Joan informed her. “I can manage the stairs on my own,” and having summarily dismissed Claire, Joan fixed her hair and smoothed out her skirt before venturing downstairs, to find her daughter standing in the living room doorway.
Hearing his mother approach, Brian stepped forward and reached out his hand. Instinctively, his mother took it and her son led her to her favorite chair. “Now … what’s all the fuss?” asked Joan, feeling the tension but only now realizing there was someone else in the room and standing over by the window.
“Hello, Joan,” smiled Patrick, quietly. Looking against the sunlight streaming in through the windows, Joan squinted and put her hand up to her eyes as the man approached. “Who is that?” Joan asked and Brian moved back to give Patrick room.
Patrick opened his mouth to speak, but Joan gasped and her hand flew to her throat.
“Patrick?”
Drawing up another chair close to his mother‘s, Brian indicated for Patrick to sit down. He somehow thought the man might need to.
“It’s good to see you,” smiled Patrick broadly. “Oh, Patrick,” sighed Joan, reaching out and taking the man’s hand.
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“Don’t you dare breathe a fucking word about this,” threatened Brian, though hardly convincingly and then he blew his nose. Leaving the two former lovers on their own after a few “How‘s“ and “When‘s“, Brian and Claire had withdrawn to the hallway, where both of them fumbled for handkerchiefs.
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“Should I take anything in?” asked Claire anxiously, sitting at the kitchen table. Brian shook his head. “I doubt they’ll want anything,” replied Brian and he looked at his watch. They’d been sitting in the kitchen now for almost an hour. Patrick and Joan obviously had a lot to talk about, but then out in the hallway, they heard the living room door open and Patrick appeared.
“Is mom okay,” asked Claire and Patrick nodded. “She’s fine … but I think she’s had enough surprises for one day … I said I’ll come back in the morning.”
“Does that mean you’re staying on a while?” asked Brian, getting to his feet and Patrick nodded.
“Yeah … I’ll make a few calls tonight … get a couple of appointments covered … then I’ll be sticking around for awhile.”
“Is that okay?” frowned Patrick and Brian nodded, inwardly grinning.
“That sounds just fine,” he told him.
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“So … how do we do this?” asked Patrick as he and Brian returned to the car. Turning to wave at Joan standing at the front door, Brian then started the car and shifted into gear.
“I’m not sure,” came the truthful answer; learning about each other‘s lives would take time. Developing their burgeoning relationship would also take a little careful handling. They both had so much to learn about the last 40 odd years and not all of it was going to be easy.
“But you’re welcome to come back home for dinner … if you want,” added Brian quickly. “Then I can introduce you to your grandson properly,” he followed up and Patrick nodded in grateful appreciation.
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“Hey … I’ve been worrying about you …” started Justin and then he stopped abruptly and pulled back. Hearing Brian’s car draw up on the drive, Justin had heaved a sigh of relief. Brian had gone out early that morning and he hadn’t heard from him since. Justin had resisted the urge to call him, knowing the emotional rollercoaster his partner was about to put himself through, reasoning that Brian knew he’d be there when he needed him and didn’t want Brian worrying about how he anxious he was feeling at the same time.
Going out into the hallway to greet him, Justin had put his hand on the taller man’s shoulder and pushed himself onto tiptoes in order to kiss him. Then he pulled back, realizing Brian had company.
“Don’t mind me,” chuckled Patrick, accepting he was going to have to get used to this if he was going to play any part in Brian’s life. But Brian and Justin’s affection for one another was obvious and challenged any remaining prejudices Patrick may have harbored. He’d always accepted Edward and Peter; those two men also shared something special. But Brian was his son and the term accept didn’t apply for either relationship; suggesting that a situation should be merely tolerated.
For Patrick, to recognize Brian as gay and that he shared a loving, caring relationship, meant so much more than simply tolerance. But instead a total acknowledgment of Brian’s entitlement to be exactly who he was and to enjoy the freedom to love who he wanted. Patrick wouldn’t know it now, of course, but he, Debbie and Jennifer would eventually become the strongest of allies in their fight for the rights and equality for their kids.
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It took a little explaining and, even then, Brian wasn’t convinced Gus totally understood how, out of nowhere, he’d suddenly gained a grandpa. But hearing how the man had worked in the early days of the big oil fields and then went on to own his own trucking business, soon had the youngster enthralled.
“Patrick is a really nice guy,” smiled Justin and with his arm draped around the smaller man‘s shoulders, Brian nodded his agreement. Clearing up after dinner, the two men had left grandson and grandfather in the living room. And so now, standing in the kitchen doorway and looking into the other room, Justin and Brian observed Patrick and Gus. Gus had found a Monster Truck race on the tv and though his grandpa had to admit his own didn’t quite measure up to those on show, their appreciation of the sheer size and strength of those monsters racing was a joy to watch. Brian and Justin looked at each other as yet another vehicle was crushed. “I think it’s a boy thing,” frowned Brian.
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In the end, Patrick ended up staying on in Pittsburgh for almost a month. He called Edward and then his Deputy CEO and totally cleared his calendar. He didn’t want to outstay his welcome, but it was so good meeting up again with Joan and revisiting some old haunts. And, of course, developing his relationship with his new family.
Watching Brian, Justin and Gus kick the ball around the back garden, Patrick couldn’t believe how his life had changed in just weeks. He’d always had several good friends, but never a family. His unfulfilled love for Joan had prevented him forming any really true, lasting relationships, enforced by knowing that he could never provide any woman with children naturally. But now he had a family. Forty odd years too late, but a family nevertheless and he couldn’t be happier.
“You know … I’m thinking of branching out … finding some routes back east,” Patrick informed them over dinner one evening a few days later and Justin smiled and then looked first at Brian and then the older man. “What?” asked Patrick, seeing the exchange and putting down his fork, Brian cleared his throat.
“I’m thinking of opening up a Kinnetik office in Texas,” the man informed him.
“Then it looks like we’re gonna be seeing a lot of each other,” suggested Patrick and Brian shrugged. “Looks that way,” came the verbally non-committal answer, though the suppressed grin said it all.
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“You have a great outfit here,” nodded Patrick both impressed and proud, the first time Brian had taken him into Kinnetik. And, admiring the boards of many past campaigns, Patrick realized how many of the national ones he actually recognized.
“The office in NYC is doing great too,” added Ted, and he held out his hand. “Ted … Theodore Schmidt … Brian’s accountant …” and the two men shook hands.
“And right-hand man,” acknowledged Brian and he saw the curious look Ted was giving his companion.
“Ted … this is Patrick Kinney … my father.”
“Your … father?” queried Ted, his jaw dropping. But with Brian ushering Patrick into his office, he didn’t have the opportunity to follow that bombshell up. But that didn’t stop him reaching for his cell and calling Michael.
A big part of who Brian had become were the people he’d grown up with. Even with the years spent in NYC after having moved there when he‘d opened up offices, his past in Pittsburgh, good and bad, is what really shaped him. And wanting to understand as much of his son as he could, Patrick had asked to meet his friends. Michael, as much in the dark as anyone about how Patrick had turned out to be Brian’s father, grinned at him. “I’m sure I have some old cine film somewhere …”
Brian’s life flashed before his eyes as he thought of all the places he daren’t take Patrick: “Babylon,“ nodded Ben and sitting in Woody’s, for the first time in months the old gang able to get together, Brian groaned.
“The baths,” chimed in Emmett.
“Meathook,” grinned Justin.
“You could bring him here … I guess,” shrugged Ted.
“He did say he wanted get to know ALL about you,” grinned Justin, reaching out and mussing up his partner’s hair. Brian groaned again.
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“This place is … interesting,” ventured Patrick, trying to take it all in. Sitting in a corner table at Woody’s, sipping his drink and watching the clientele was certainly a new experience for him. In Texas, as a straight man, the last place Patrick would think of venturing, even with Edward and Peter, would be a gay bar.
“Yeah … well … I hardly get to come here any more,” shrugged Brian, actually feeling a little sad and nostalgic about that, considering the hours spent at Woody’s between work and Babylon on so many evenings.
“We chould change that,” suggested Emmett. “I miss those old days,” he groaned and he took a swallow of his drink. “What is that?” asked Patrick, pointing at Emmett’s glass; drinks including umbrella’s and fruit never really catching his attention before.
“It’s a Cosmo … I’ll get you one,” offered Emmett and before Patrick could object, Emmett slipped off the stall and headed for the bar.
“You know … Em’s right,” agreed Michael. “We should do this more often … it’s too easy to lose touch when there’s so much more going on in our lives.”
“Agreed,” nodded Ben and he looked around. “At least I don’t feel too old here … not like …”
“BABYLON,” came the chorus.
“Babylon? Did someone suggest Babylon? Count me in,” chuckled Emmett, placing the Cosmopolitan in front of Patrick, having first made sure the barman had made an especially strong one for an extra kick.
“What’s Babylon?” frowned Patrick, peering into the glass Emmett had produced and suspiciously swirling its contents around with the umbrella. And for some reason, all his friends looked at Brian for an answer.
“It’s a gay dance club,” stated Brian, eventually and looking up, Patrick couldn’t help noticing the suppressed grins and he looked at his son.
“I take it you spent a lot of time there?” asked Patrick and Brian’s friends’ guffaws and Brian’s slap alongside the back of Michael’s head pretty much gave the game away.
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It didn’t take much for Patrick to realize that Brian hadn’t exactly been a monk during his youth and even beyond. It wasn’t surprising, as even in his early forties, Brian was still a looker and you didn’t have to be someone’s father to see that. But then again neither had Patrick exactly lived a life of celibacy. He’d certainly had his fair share of “love ‘em and leave ‘em” encounters. But unlike Patrick, at least Brian had eventually found someone with whom he could share he life with totally.
“It’s not too late, you know,” Brian told him. “You must be one of the most eligible bachelors in Texas,” he grinned at him, but Patrick merely shrugged. “May be,” he acknowledged and he took a sip of his brandy.
Patrick met up with Joan several times after their first meeting and then after about a week of Patrick traveling between the house, Joan’s and his hotel, Brian suggested he move into their guest room. “Gus would love to have you here more,” shrugged Brian when Patrick had tried to politely refuse the offer, ecstatic to be asked, but not wanting to outstay his welcome. But it wasn’t only Gus who wouldn’t mind having Patrick around more.
Brian knew that soon, Patrick would want to return to Texas. After all, the man’s home and business was there. But it would seem that Patrick was serious about increasing the routes to include the eastern side of the country and wanted to do all the groundwork himself.
“You can promote me,” Patrick had told him. “And I’ll introduce you to anybody that’s anybody in all the Texas Chambers of Commerce you need,” promised Patrick.
Now, with Justin discretely leaving them alone and in the warm evening air, the two men sipped their nightcaps sitting out at the patio table.
“How are you and mom getting along?” ventured Brian and Patrick smiled. “She’s amazingly strong, your mother,” he answered him and Brian nodded in agreement. “Do you think … I mean …”
“Joan and me?” asked Patrick, realizing was Brian was trying to say and, after a moment’s consideration, he shook his head. “I don’t think so … I think there’s too much water under the bridge to go back there,” he answered truthfully, if sadly.
“But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to keep in touch … I’m hoping she’ll come out to my place … I’m sure she’ll love it … before I sell it,” and throwing back his head, Patrick swallowed the last of his drink.
“You’re selling up?” asked Brian, sitting forward in his chair and unable to hide his surprise and Patrick nodded. “I got to thinking … what’s there for me … really?”
“My family’s in Pittsburgh … why do I wanna be twelve hundred miles away from everyone who’s the most important to me?”
“Are you sure? It’s a helluva decision to make … I wouldn’t want you to do that … just for me,” stated Brian, concerned at the man’s motivation, but reassuringly, Patrick shook his head.
“I’m not getting any younger, Brian,” replied Patrick. “It’s taken far too long for this already … I don’t wanna miss out on any more years.”
“I didn’t get the chance with you … but I wanna see my grandson grow up.”
“But if you don’t want me to move back …”
“No … of course not … that’s not what I’m saying,” stressed Brian. “I just want you to be sure … that’s all.”
“Well … it’s gonna take a while to get routes out here up and running … and I know you’re opening up an office in Texas … but it’s not like you’re gonna move there,” shrugged Patrick and Brian nodded in agreement.
“No … I made up my mind … I’m gonna move back to PA,” stated Patrick firmly and Brian found it hard to hide his excitement. “You know a good realtor?” asked Patrick and taking a sip of his drink, Brian nodded. “As a matter or fact …”
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It didn’t seem that long ago that Brian and Justin’s family appeared to be complete. How things can change in a relatively short period of time, having gained a daughter and a father between them. And, of course, Brian’s estrangement with his mother having been repaired. And although Gus, and Soleil for that matter, both enjoyed having grandpa around, with Patrick making sure Soleil was always included in any plans, his grandson seemed a little unsure about one or two things.
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“What’s wrong Gus?” asked Brian frowning at his son over the breakfast table, but Gus merely shrugged. Patrick had left early to meet up with some of his staff flying in from Texas to go over proposed new routes and Justin had already gone up to his studio, needing to meet a deadline. It was a school day and Gus appeared to be dawdling, even though Brian looked repeatedly at his watch. He had a meeting in town at 9:30 and he still had to collect some documents from the office.
“Come on, spit it out … you’ve obviously been chewing something over … and I don‘t mean your cereal,” continued Brian and he saw his son frown.
“Patrick’s your dad, right?” asked Gus and Brian nodded. “Yes … yes he is,” confirmed Brian, curious as to what direction this was leading. Brian had thought he’d explained about Patrick as fully as he could and as much as the youngster could understand. Certainly Gus and Patrick seemed to be developing a good relationship and he’d thought Gus had accepted him without too many questions. But, apparently, there were one or two things playing on his son’s mind.
“His name is Kinney … same as yours?” asked Gus for clarification.
“Yes,” repeated Brian, frowning back at him.
“Then how come my name isn’t Kinney?”
“Didn’t you wanna be my dad?”
Brian opened his mouth as if to speak but the words didn‘t come. But the hesitation wasn’t because if he was truthful with himself, at the beginning, he couldn’t have cared less about the child he’d father. But so much time had passed since then and the hesitation was in surprise by Gus’ question. He hadn’t really thought about changing Gus from Peterson, assuming his son wanted to continue with his mom’s name. And, looking at him intently, Gus caught that momentary pause, reading into it something else.
“You didn’t, did you?” accused Gus, his eyes starting to blaze with anger and tears the teenager fought to hold in and looking at his son, growing up more and more each day, Brian reached out and laid his hand on the boy’s arm.
“I won’t lie, Gus,” Brian told him. “When your moms said they wanted a child of their own … they were gonna bring you up … not me.”
“And … I hate to admit it … but no … I didn’t play as big a part in your life as I should have,” and he saw Gus’ lip quiver with emotion and the youngster suddenly stood up, pushing back his chair, which threatened to topple over. Brian stood and blocked his path in order to stop him from moving away; rushing back up to his room as it looked like he intended to do without resolving this issue, which had suddenly reared its unexpected head.
Gus had grown so much in recent months. With all the sports he played, he was becoming physically larger and stronger every day and was already taller than Justin. He could almost look his dad in the eye and the two of them stood toe to toe.
“But you have no idea how much I regret that now,” Brian told him and, reaching out, he gripped Gus gently by the elbow to prevent him moving away.
“If I had my time over again … I’d be there for you right from the start,” stated Brian, trying to reassure him.
“You’re the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“You’re my son … I love you … and I’ll always be here for you … don’t ever forget that, Gus … okay?”
“Okay,” answered Gus eventually and, sniffing back his tears, he couldn’t help noticing the tears in his dad’s eyes as the man smiled at him.
“I hope you’re not too big to give your old man a hug,” he told him and only hesitating momentarily, Gus then leaned towards him, allowing Brian to pull the boy in. Closing his eyes as he held his son as tight as he dared, Brian sighed and ran his fingers through Gus’ hair. Savoring this moment because, as the years went by, moments like this would likely become fewer as Gus’ life would inevitably, figuratively if not actually, take him further away from him.
Now he understood fully why it was Patrick was so keen to strengthen the ties between them. Grandfather, father and son; a love and bond unique. A bond they shared and that would never be broken. And that all three of them would learn to trust and enjoy.
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“If Gus wants to turn professional … maybe we should make sure he gets the best opportunities out there,” suggested Patrick, during one of Gus’ games. He realized he still had so much more to learn about his son, when Gus proudly announced his dad could have turned pro.
“I’m not sure Gus knows what he wants to do yet,” shrugged Brian.
“Soccer is a real career these days … he could even play in Europe … Manchester United!” crowed Patrick, eagerly and Brian chuckled. “Sure … why not?” answered Brian.
“But soccer isn’t a long career … he could be finished by the time he’s 30,” and with the final whistle, they watched both team’s, Gus’ having scored the winning goal, congratulate and commiserate with each other before heading for the showers.
“Or he could follow his dad … or grandfather,” pointed out Patrick, as they began to make their way down to the parking lot. “Either way, Gus is gonna be a wealthy young man one day,” observed the older man.
One of the calls Patrick had made over the last few weeks was to his attorney. He wanted a new will drawn up. Most of his wealth and possessions, after a few personal bequeaths, had been destined for various charities. But, having made sure that those same charities would still receive generous donations, Patrick’s main beneficiaries would now be his son and grandson and one day, Gus would be indeed be a very wealthy young man.
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Ever since they were 14, the diner had been the place Brian and Michael headed for after school. They would sit in a booth and do their homework, despite the noise and often raucous laughter and then Debbie would then give them dinner. But that was all part of growing up gay in Pittsburgh; the Liberty Diner on Liberty Avenue.
Debbie still sometimes managed a shift there every now and again, but Brian was sort of crossing his fingers that today wouldn’t be one of them, as this was where Gus said he wanted to go for lunch after his game. Of course Patrick had already heard tales of ’the diner’ and was eager to see it for himself.
Since learning of Patrick from Michael, Debbie had been itching to meet him for herself, but hadn’t had the opportunity. But when she heard the bell as the door opened and glanced up to see who was walking in, she grinned from ear to ear.
Of course Gus was always pleased to see Grandma Debbie, as the woman was always interested in what her sort-of grandson had been up to. Shaking her hand warmly and smiling, it didn’t take Debbie long to see how charming and attractive a man Patrick was: Like father, like son, came to mind.
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After she’d served other customers, Debbie came to sit down in the booth. “I’m getting too old for his,” she announced, shaking her head. “Never,” declared Patrick. “A youngster like you.” Debbie grinned and looked at Brian. “I can see where you get it from,” she chuckled.
“Can I put some different music on?” asked Gus and Debbie put her hand in her apron pocket, producing the necessary coinage. “Sure,” she answered him and getting up, Gus made his way over to the juke box.
“I think I need the men’s room,” stated Patrick, having finished his meal and he looked around. “Through there,” pointed out Debbie and Patrick got up from his seat.
“If you’re not out in two minutes … I’ll send in the posse,” chuckled Debbie and Patrick grinned back. “I can hold my own,” he informed her as he turned away and Brian gently placed a finger on Debbie’s lips as she was about to reply. “No … don’t you dare,” he challenged her and Debbie chuckled.
“But he’s a looker, Brian,” stated Debbie. “I bet he’s broken more than his fair share of hearts along the way.”
“I can see where you get it from … all you Kinney boys,” she continued, throwing a glance in Gus‘ direction.
“I know,” chuckled Brian and he shrugged. “Whoda thought Joan would have it in her?”
“Oh, she had it in her alright,” chuckled Debbie, her mind never far from the gutter.
“That’s how she got you,” and reaching across the table, she gently pinched Brian’s cheek between her thumb and forefinger.
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Patrick would soon be returning home, at least for now, but in the meantime, he wanted to spend as much time with his new family as possible. So when the invitations to the annual Advertising Awards Dinner came through, he was thrilled when Brian asked him if he’d like to join them at their table.
Brian usually had a table, but never before had so many people he could actually call family been in attendance. As well as Justin, of course, Brian’s table included Gus and Soleil, Joan and Patrick, Jennifer and Tucker as guests of Justin, Ted, Blake, his PA and senior account manager and Cynthia, who had flown in from NYC the day before, alone.
“No guest?” queried Brian quietly and Cynthia had shaken her head. “Don’t even go there,” came the answer; another relationship apparently having hit the rocks with no chance of survival. Hating to see an odd number, Brian asked Claire if she liked to go. And the words didn’t even stick in his throat; they too, had obviously come a long way.
And when it was announced that Kinnetik had been awarded one of the most prestigious prizes of the night, Patrick was the first to his feet, proudly telling everyone for the rest of the evening how the plaque he’d seemed to have been put in charge of was won by his son’s business.
But that wasn’t the only time that Patrick publicly acknowledged Brian as his son. When he asked his staff from Texas to meet up with the company that would be promoting their new business venture, they all met up at Kinnetik‘s office, including Justin, who had been working on some ideas he and Patrick had discussed earlier. And when Kinney Haulage’s senior staff arrived, Patrick introduced them to: “My son, Brian … and his partner … Justin … my son-in-law,” he continued, just to make sure they understood his usage of the word partner.
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“Patrick didn’t bat an eye,” chuckled Justin, that night as he and Brian were undressing for bed.
“They recovered well,” admitted Brian, referring to Patrick’s staff’s initial reaction after their introduction and still finding it a little strange to have either of his parents so openly and proudly admitting their relationship to him.
“You don’t think he’s trying too hard?” asked Brian and Justin shrugged. “Maybe … but you can’t fault him for that … he’s enjoying being your dad.”
“You should let him … I know you enjoy having him around … you can’t fool me,” he continued, grinning and Brian nodded. “I get the feeling there’s enough for two,” answered Brian, referring to how well Justin and Patrick seemed to get along as well.
“He’s a really nice guy, Brian,” smiled Justin, sitting on the bed and undoing his shirt. “I wish my dad was more like him.”
Uncharacteristically, there was no reassuring reply to Justin‘s words and looking round, in the low light from the lamp on the night stand, he could make out Brian sitting stock still, almost looking as if he were afraid to move.
“Brian? Are you okay?” asked Justin, crawling up the bed towards him. Brian nodded, still unable to find his voice.
“Hey … it’s okay,” whispered the younger man, realizing something was wrong. Kneeling behind him, Justin reached out to rub Brian’s back reassuringly and he heard the man’s sharp intake of breath and then a sigh.
“I can’t … I can’t help thinking how differently things coulda been … if mom had ended up with Patrick after all,” admitted Brian and he swallowed. It took a lot to move Brian to tears with regards to his own circumstances, but over the last couple of weeks in Patrick’s company, the man acknowledging him and openly wanting to be a part of his life had touched Brian in a way he would never thought possible and the impact and significance of having him in his life and what he’d missed was catching up with him.
“He knew … he musta known,” stated Brian, not needing to explain who he was talking about and convinced Jack knew he wasn’t his father. “He only had to do the math for one thing,” he continued.
“It’s the only way I can make sense of it … all the times he hit me … or mom …” and Brian swallowed. “Why he used to tell me I should’ve been aborted …”
“That gives him no excuse,” stressed Justin and Brian nodded. “I know … but at least now I understand him.”
“And as weird as it may seem … that helps,” whispered Brian and leaning forward, Justin touched the back of Brian’s head with his forehead and put his arm around the man’s chest, drawing him in close.
Leaning back into Justin, Brian allowed himself to feel their closeness; their bond. The bond these two men shared outside of the bond they had with their own flesh and blood. A bond none the lesser for it.
“There’s just one thing that still puzzles me,” stated Brian after a few minutes silence and he frowned. “After I told Jack I was gay and he blew up at me … he came round a few days later to give me that photograph … you know the one?”
“The one where he’s holding you … as a baby?” asked Justin and still in his partner’s arms, Brian nodded.
“Why would he do that? Knowing he wasn’t my father after all?” frowned the older man.
Releasing him and moving around from where he was kneeling behind Brian, Justin now sat down beside him on the bed.
He knew Brian had wondered why Jack had allowed that photograph to be taken if he had any suspicions at all that he wasn’t Brian’s father. They’d both assumed the man had been too proud to admit the child might not be his. But why he’d chosen to give it to Brian then was a little mystifying.
“Maybe Jack couldn’t love you like a father should,” suggested Justin. “But after you told him that about yourself … maybe he felt something else … and wanted to tell you in his own way.”
“What?” asked Brian puzzled and looking at him. Justin smiled at him.
“Respect, Brian.”
“You earned his respect,” stated Justin and Brian allowed himself to smile and putting his arm around Justin’s shoulders, drew the younger man into his own body. He kissed the top of Justin’s blond head and then nodded.
Trust Justin to say just the right thing. Brian could make sense of that and at last it looked as if he might have some closure with Jack and reconcile their relationship.
“You know … there’s one reason why I’m glad mom didn’t go off with Patrick,” stated Brian mysteriously and turning to look up at him, Justin frowned in confusion.
“I wouldn’t have met you,” explained Brian, seeking Justin’s mouth with his own.
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“I’ll be back before you know it,” stated Patrick, standing at the front door with his luggage on the ground beside him.
“And don’t forget … you’re all coming to visit me before I sell up,” reminded Patrick and Brian smiled. “We’d love to.”
“Good,” grinned Patrick. “And I’ll take you out in my biggest truck,” promised Patrick to Gus who grinned back. “You can even have a drive if you like … I’ve got plenty of land,” offered Patrick, looking at Brian.
“Hey … I’d like that too,” grinned Justin and Brian sighed. “Sure … of course we’d have to put blocks on the pedals …” Thankfully, the: “I’ll get you back for that,” and the returned look of: “I can’t wait,” was masked as Gus moved forward.
“I’ll miss you grandpa,” stated the youngster and with no prompting, he stepped forward for a hug, which his grandfather was more than pleased to administer.
“You’ll miss your flight,” Brian told him as he watched his son and father embrace. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come to the airport?” Patrick shook his head. “No … I still have the car to take back.”
Patrick had wanted to deliver his rental car back to the airport, as in truth, he didn’t trust himself not to break down and cry like a baby while saying goodbye to Brian, even though he‘d already made firm arrangements to return.
“Have a safe flight, Patrick,” stated Justin and he held out his hand, which the man readily took and they shook warmly, with both hands.
“Wanna grab the car keys, Gus?” suggested Justin as he stooped down to pick up Patrick’s luggage, which the man didn’t object to. And smiling, Patrick handed the keys over as Justin took the bags down to the car, parked in the curb.
Of course Justin didn’t fool anybody, leaving Patrick and Brian alone on the doorstep, though of course neither of them really knew what to say at this point.
“Call me … when you get home,” instructed Brian and Patrick nodded and then smiled.
“I will,” came the confirmation. “And make sure you, Justin … and that grandson of mine ring me,” requested Patrick, determined to call at least one of them at least once a day. Them and Joan of course, whom Patrick had promised to call regularly and was planning to take on a trip west in the next few weeks.
“We will,” came the answer and Brian fought to make the smile genuine, even though the last thing he felt like doing at the moment was smiling as he said goodbye to his father.
“Well …” sighed Patrick, fighting to find the words, any words that might make some sort of sense. But they just wouldn’t come and instead he simply held out his hand.
“Bye Brian … I WILL see you soon,” he promised and Brian, reaching out, took his hand. “You’re damn right you will,” came the rasping answer. And then suddenly, Brian stepped forward. They’d had no real physical contact up until now, barring handshakes or a hand resting on a shoulder or arm. But this seemed so right, as Brian walked into his father’s arms and the two men hugged, for what seemed like eternity.
“Bye, son.”
“Bye, dad,” whispered Brian and finally, he drew back, the significance of their words not lost on either of them.
You can’t make up for a loss of 40 years overnight, and work would no doubt be needed on Brian and Patrick’s relationship for them to understand and grow to know each other more, like they should have, had they known each other all along. But the bond that already existed between them and their unequivocal willingness to achieve a genuine and loving father and son relationship was clearly visible and desired; all that was needed to make it work.
Eventually pulling back, Brian looked up to see Justin standing just behind Patrick, having slowly walked back up the driveway. To say Justin’s heart was beating so hard it threatened to burst out of his chest, wasn’t an understatement. Finally witnessing what he knew already existed between Brian and Patrick thrilled him to the core. It wasn’t difficult to work out what had passed between the two men, seeing how Patrick could hardly speak as he patted Justin on the arm as he finally moved away and made his way down to the car, where Gus handed over the keys.
“Bye, Grandpa,” repeated Gus, hugging the man again and the youngster returned to the front door of the house and all three of them then watched and waved as Patrick drove off.
“You okay?” asked Justin, as he followed Brian back into the house and he closed and secured the door behind them; Gus had already made his way up to his room to watch a little TV before bed time.
Turning, Brian nodded, but still found it hard to speak.
“Patrick … dad,” and Justin corrected himself. “He’ll be back soon … and we’ve got a trip to Texas to look forward to,” chuckled Justin and Brian nodded again.
“Yeah … and a new office to start setting up,” stated Brian, smiling back at him.
To be continued.
With many thanks to Lois, Pat and Judy AND a special thank you to rinmonsterer for the fab Brian manip to produce the picture of Brian and Patrick: deviantart at http://jigokunoneko.deviantart.com/ or http://rinmonsterer.livejournal.com/
Chapter 12 (Part 2)
“Are you okay?” asked Brian, as he drew his car into the curb. Looking over at Patrick, he could see how nervous the man was and Patrick nodded. “Just,” came the answer and Brian smiled encouragingly at him.
Excited and nervous in equal proportions, Patrick got out of the car and followed Brian up the path to the house. Brian rang the bell and, after a few moments, Claire opened the door to them.
“Is mom in?” asked Brian as he stepped into the hall. “Yes … she’s upstairs resting after lunch,“ replied Claire, who was now staring at the older man who had accompanied Brian. Seeing her confused expression, Brian introduced them.
“Patrick?” stuttered Claire. But, really, it was obvious who the man was as she could see the obvious likeness to her brother; her half-brother, she suddenly realized and it was hard to find coherent words.
Here was the man who had been her mother’s lover; A weird concept for any offspring. But his pleasant smile and charming manner and genuine concern as he asked after Joan’s health helped to cancel out any negative feelings Claire might have had regarding her mother’s relationship outside of her marriage, having followed her example in actively joining the Catholic church.
Claire also had memories of how difficult and violent Jack could be. She and Brian had hidden away from him often enough, though for some reason, Claire had never been on the receiving end of Jack’s fists; assuming in later life that as a female, she hadn’t threatened Jack’s standing as the man in the family.
“Can you go and fetch her?” requested Brian, breaking the spell and Claire hesitated before nodding; still a little confused, but she obligingly left them to go upstairs, while Patrick followed Brian into the living room. Claire’s mother had astounded her when she’d first opened up about her relationship with Brian’s real father. But she could hear in Joan’s voice the love she’d felt for the man. She was hardly going to put obstacles in the man’s way and deny her meeting up with him again.
Having been shown into the living room, both men remained standing: Patrick too nervous to sit down and keep still.
“What if she doesn’t want to see me?” he asked, suddenly. “She will,” came the assured answer.
Having been told Brian was downstairs, Joan informed her daughter she would be down in a moment and wondered why Claire hesitated; hovering over her, having decided not to inform Joan of her second visitor.
“Stop fussing, Claire,” Joan informed her. “I can manage the stairs on my own,” and having summarily dismissed Claire, Joan fixed her hair and smoothed out her skirt before venturing downstairs, to find her daughter standing in the living room doorway.
Hearing his mother approach, Brian stepped forward and reached out his hand. Instinctively, his mother took it and her son led her to her favorite chair. “Now … what’s all the fuss?” asked Joan, feeling the tension but only now realizing there was someone else in the room and standing over by the window.
“Hello, Joan,” smiled Patrick, quietly. Looking against the sunlight streaming in through the windows, Joan squinted and put her hand up to her eyes as the man approached. “Who is that?” Joan asked and Brian moved back to give Patrick room.
Patrick opened his mouth to speak, but Joan gasped and her hand flew to her throat.
“Patrick?”
Drawing up another chair close to his mother‘s, Brian indicated for Patrick to sit down. He somehow thought the man might need to.
“It’s good to see you,” smiled Patrick broadly. “Oh, Patrick,” sighed Joan, reaching out and taking the man’s hand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Don’t you dare breathe a fucking word about this,” threatened Brian, though hardly convincingly and then he blew his nose. Leaving the two former lovers on their own after a few “How‘s“ and “When‘s“, Brian and Claire had withdrawn to the hallway, where both of them fumbled for handkerchiefs.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Should I take anything in?” asked Claire anxiously, sitting at the kitchen table. Brian shook his head. “I doubt they’ll want anything,” replied Brian and he looked at his watch. They’d been sitting in the kitchen now for almost an hour. Patrick and Joan obviously had a lot to talk about, but then out in the hallway, they heard the living room door open and Patrick appeared.
“Is mom okay,” asked Claire and Patrick nodded. “She’s fine … but I think she’s had enough surprises for one day … I said I’ll come back in the morning.”
“Does that mean you’re staying on a while?” asked Brian, getting to his feet and Patrick nodded.
“Yeah … I’ll make a few calls tonight … get a couple of appointments covered … then I’ll be sticking around for awhile.”
“Is that okay?” frowned Patrick and Brian nodded, inwardly grinning.
“That sounds just fine,” he told him.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“So … how do we do this?” asked Patrick as he and Brian returned to the car. Turning to wave at Joan standing at the front door, Brian then started the car and shifted into gear.
“I’m not sure,” came the truthful answer; learning about each other‘s lives would take time. Developing their burgeoning relationship would also take a little careful handling. They both had so much to learn about the last 40 odd years and not all of it was going to be easy.
“But you’re welcome to come back home for dinner … if you want,” added Brian quickly. “Then I can introduce you to your grandson properly,” he followed up and Patrick nodded in grateful appreciation.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Hey … I’ve been worrying about you …” started Justin and then he stopped abruptly and pulled back. Hearing Brian’s car draw up on the drive, Justin had heaved a sigh of relief. Brian had gone out early that morning and he hadn’t heard from him since. Justin had resisted the urge to call him, knowing the emotional rollercoaster his partner was about to put himself through, reasoning that Brian knew he’d be there when he needed him and didn’t want Brian worrying about how he anxious he was feeling at the same time.
Going out into the hallway to greet him, Justin had put his hand on the taller man’s shoulder and pushed himself onto tiptoes in order to kiss him. Then he pulled back, realizing Brian had company.
“Don’t mind me,” chuckled Patrick, accepting he was going to have to get used to this if he was going to play any part in Brian’s life. But Brian and Justin’s affection for one another was obvious and challenged any remaining prejudices Patrick may have harbored. He’d always accepted Edward and Peter; those two men also shared something special. But Brian was his son and the term accept didn’t apply for either relationship; suggesting that a situation should be merely tolerated.
For Patrick, to recognize Brian as gay and that he shared a loving, caring relationship, meant so much more than simply tolerance. But instead a total acknowledgment of Brian’s entitlement to be exactly who he was and to enjoy the freedom to love who he wanted. Patrick wouldn’t know it now, of course, but he, Debbie and Jennifer would eventually become the strongest of allies in their fight for the rights and equality for their kids.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It took a little explaining and, even then, Brian wasn’t convinced Gus totally understood how, out of nowhere, he’d suddenly gained a grandpa. But hearing how the man had worked in the early days of the big oil fields and then went on to own his own trucking business, soon had the youngster enthralled.
“Patrick is a really nice guy,” smiled Justin and with his arm draped around the smaller man‘s shoulders, Brian nodded his agreement. Clearing up after dinner, the two men had left grandson and grandfather in the living room. And so now, standing in the kitchen doorway and looking into the other room, Justin and Brian observed Patrick and Gus. Gus had found a Monster Truck race on the tv and though his grandpa had to admit his own didn’t quite measure up to those on show, their appreciation of the sheer size and strength of those monsters racing was a joy to watch. Brian and Justin looked at each other as yet another vehicle was crushed. “I think it’s a boy thing,” frowned Brian.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
In the end, Patrick ended up staying on in Pittsburgh for almost a month. He called Edward and then his Deputy CEO and totally cleared his calendar. He didn’t want to outstay his welcome, but it was so good meeting up again with Joan and revisiting some old haunts. And, of course, developing his relationship with his new family.
Watching Brian, Justin and Gus kick the ball around the back garden, Patrick couldn’t believe how his life had changed in just weeks. He’d always had several good friends, but never a family. His unfulfilled love for Joan had prevented him forming any really true, lasting relationships, enforced by knowing that he could never provide any woman with children naturally. But now he had a family. Forty odd years too late, but a family nevertheless and he couldn’t be happier.
“You know … I’m thinking of branching out … finding some routes back east,” Patrick informed them over dinner one evening a few days later and Justin smiled and then looked first at Brian and then the older man. “What?” asked Patrick, seeing the exchange and putting down his fork, Brian cleared his throat.
“I’m thinking of opening up a Kinnetik office in Texas,” the man informed him.
“Then it looks like we’re gonna be seeing a lot of each other,” suggested Patrick and Brian shrugged. “Looks that way,” came the verbally non-committal answer, though the suppressed grin said it all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“You have a great outfit here,” nodded Patrick both impressed and proud, the first time Brian had taken him into Kinnetik. And, admiring the boards of many past campaigns, Patrick realized how many of the national ones he actually recognized.
“The office in NYC is doing great too,” added Ted, and he held out his hand. “Ted … Theodore Schmidt … Brian’s accountant …” and the two men shook hands.
“And right-hand man,” acknowledged Brian and he saw the curious look Ted was giving his companion.
“Ted … this is Patrick Kinney … my father.”
“Your … father?” queried Ted, his jaw dropping. But with Brian ushering Patrick into his office, he didn’t have the opportunity to follow that bombshell up. But that didn’t stop him reaching for his cell and calling Michael.
A big part of who Brian had become were the people he’d grown up with. Even with the years spent in NYC after having moved there when he‘d opened up offices, his past in Pittsburgh, good and bad, is what really shaped him. And wanting to understand as much of his son as he could, Patrick had asked to meet his friends. Michael, as much in the dark as anyone about how Patrick had turned out to be Brian’s father, grinned at him. “I’m sure I have some old cine film somewhere …”
Brian’s life flashed before his eyes as he thought of all the places he daren’t take Patrick: “Babylon,“ nodded Ben and sitting in Woody’s, for the first time in months the old gang able to get together, Brian groaned.
“The baths,” chimed in Emmett.
“Meathook,” grinned Justin.
“You could bring him here … I guess,” shrugged Ted.
“He did say he wanted get to know ALL about you,” grinned Justin, reaching out and mussing up his partner’s hair. Brian groaned again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“This place is … interesting,” ventured Patrick, trying to take it all in. Sitting in a corner table at Woody’s, sipping his drink and watching the clientele was certainly a new experience for him. In Texas, as a straight man, the last place Patrick would think of venturing, even with Edward and Peter, would be a gay bar.
“Yeah … well … I hardly get to come here any more,” shrugged Brian, actually feeling a little sad and nostalgic about that, considering the hours spent at Woody’s between work and Babylon on so many evenings.
“We chould change that,” suggested Emmett. “I miss those old days,” he groaned and he took a swallow of his drink. “What is that?” asked Patrick, pointing at Emmett’s glass; drinks including umbrella’s and fruit never really catching his attention before.
“It’s a Cosmo … I’ll get you one,” offered Emmett and before Patrick could object, Emmett slipped off the stall and headed for the bar.
“You know … Em’s right,” agreed Michael. “We should do this more often … it’s too easy to lose touch when there’s so much more going on in our lives.”
“Agreed,” nodded Ben and he looked around. “At least I don’t feel too old here … not like …”
“BABYLON,” came the chorus.
“Babylon? Did someone suggest Babylon? Count me in,” chuckled Emmett, placing the Cosmopolitan in front of Patrick, having first made sure the barman had made an especially strong one for an extra kick.
“What’s Babylon?” frowned Patrick, peering into the glass Emmett had produced and suspiciously swirling its contents around with the umbrella. And for some reason, all his friends looked at Brian for an answer.
“It’s a gay dance club,” stated Brian, eventually and looking up, Patrick couldn’t help noticing the suppressed grins and he looked at his son.
“I take it you spent a lot of time there?” asked Patrick and Brian’s friends’ guffaws and Brian’s slap alongside the back of Michael’s head pretty much gave the game away.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It didn’t take much for Patrick to realize that Brian hadn’t exactly been a monk during his youth and even beyond. It wasn’t surprising, as even in his early forties, Brian was still a looker and you didn’t have to be someone’s father to see that. But then again neither had Patrick exactly lived a life of celibacy. He’d certainly had his fair share of “love ‘em and leave ‘em” encounters. But unlike Patrick, at least Brian had eventually found someone with whom he could share he life with totally.
“It’s not too late, you know,” Brian told him. “You must be one of the most eligible bachelors in Texas,” he grinned at him, but Patrick merely shrugged. “May be,” he acknowledged and he took a sip of his brandy.
Patrick met up with Joan several times after their first meeting and then after about a week of Patrick traveling between the house, Joan’s and his hotel, Brian suggested he move into their guest room. “Gus would love to have you here more,” shrugged Brian when Patrick had tried to politely refuse the offer, ecstatic to be asked, but not wanting to outstay his welcome. But it wasn’t only Gus who wouldn’t mind having Patrick around more.
Brian knew that soon, Patrick would want to return to Texas. After all, the man’s home and business was there. But it would seem that Patrick was serious about increasing the routes to include the eastern side of the country and wanted to do all the groundwork himself.
“You can promote me,” Patrick had told him. “And I’ll introduce you to anybody that’s anybody in all the Texas Chambers of Commerce you need,” promised Patrick.
Now, with Justin discretely leaving them alone and in the warm evening air, the two men sipped their nightcaps sitting out at the patio table.
“How are you and mom getting along?” ventured Brian and Patrick smiled. “She’s amazingly strong, your mother,” he answered him and Brian nodded in agreement. “Do you think … I mean …”
“Joan and me?” asked Patrick, realizing was Brian was trying to say and, after a moment’s consideration, he shook his head. “I don’t think so … I think there’s too much water under the bridge to go back there,” he answered truthfully, if sadly.
“But that doesn’t mean we’re not going to keep in touch … I’m hoping she’ll come out to my place … I’m sure she’ll love it … before I sell it,” and throwing back his head, Patrick swallowed the last of his drink.
“You’re selling up?” asked Brian, sitting forward in his chair and unable to hide his surprise and Patrick nodded. “I got to thinking … what’s there for me … really?”
“My family’s in Pittsburgh … why do I wanna be twelve hundred miles away from everyone who’s the most important to me?”
“Are you sure? It’s a helluva decision to make … I wouldn’t want you to do that … just for me,” stated Brian, concerned at the man’s motivation, but reassuringly, Patrick shook his head.
“I’m not getting any younger, Brian,” replied Patrick. “It’s taken far too long for this already … I don’t wanna miss out on any more years.”
“I didn’t get the chance with you … but I wanna see my grandson grow up.”
“But if you don’t want me to move back …”
“No … of course not … that’s not what I’m saying,” stressed Brian. “I just want you to be sure … that’s all.”
“Well … it’s gonna take a while to get routes out here up and running … and I know you’re opening up an office in Texas … but it’s not like you’re gonna move there,” shrugged Patrick and Brian nodded in agreement.
“No … I made up my mind … I’m gonna move back to PA,” stated Patrick firmly and Brian found it hard to hide his excitement. “You know a good realtor?” asked Patrick and taking a sip of his drink, Brian nodded. “As a matter or fact …”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
It didn’t seem that long ago that Brian and Justin’s family appeared to be complete. How things can change in a relatively short period of time, having gained a daughter and a father between them. And, of course, Brian’s estrangement with his mother having been repaired. And although Gus, and Soleil for that matter, both enjoyed having grandpa around, with Patrick making sure Soleil was always included in any plans, his grandson seemed a little unsure about one or two things.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“What’s wrong Gus?” asked Brian frowning at his son over the breakfast table, but Gus merely shrugged. Patrick had left early to meet up with some of his staff flying in from Texas to go over proposed new routes and Justin had already gone up to his studio, needing to meet a deadline. It was a school day and Gus appeared to be dawdling, even though Brian looked repeatedly at his watch. He had a meeting in town at 9:30 and he still had to collect some documents from the office.
“Come on, spit it out … you’ve obviously been chewing something over … and I don‘t mean your cereal,” continued Brian and he saw his son frown.
“Patrick’s your dad, right?” asked Gus and Brian nodded. “Yes … yes he is,” confirmed Brian, curious as to what direction this was leading. Brian had thought he’d explained about Patrick as fully as he could and as much as the youngster could understand. Certainly Gus and Patrick seemed to be developing a good relationship and he’d thought Gus had accepted him without too many questions. But, apparently, there were one or two things playing on his son’s mind.
“His name is Kinney … same as yours?” asked Gus for clarification.
“Yes,” repeated Brian, frowning back at him.
“Then how come my name isn’t Kinney?”
“Didn’t you wanna be my dad?”
Brian opened his mouth as if to speak but the words didn‘t come. But the hesitation wasn’t because if he was truthful with himself, at the beginning, he couldn’t have cared less about the child he’d father. But so much time had passed since then and the hesitation was in surprise by Gus’ question. He hadn’t really thought about changing Gus from Peterson, assuming his son wanted to continue with his mom’s name. And, looking at him intently, Gus caught that momentary pause, reading into it something else.
“You didn’t, did you?” accused Gus, his eyes starting to blaze with anger and tears the teenager fought to hold in and looking at his son, growing up more and more each day, Brian reached out and laid his hand on the boy’s arm.
“I won’t lie, Gus,” Brian told him. “When your moms said they wanted a child of their own … they were gonna bring you up … not me.”
“And … I hate to admit it … but no … I didn’t play as big a part in your life as I should have,” and he saw Gus’ lip quiver with emotion and the youngster suddenly stood up, pushing back his chair, which threatened to topple over. Brian stood and blocked his path in order to stop him from moving away; rushing back up to his room as it looked like he intended to do without resolving this issue, which had suddenly reared its unexpected head.
Gus had grown so much in recent months. With all the sports he played, he was becoming physically larger and stronger every day and was already taller than Justin. He could almost look his dad in the eye and the two of them stood toe to toe.
“But you have no idea how much I regret that now,” Brian told him and, reaching out, he gripped Gus gently by the elbow to prevent him moving away.
“If I had my time over again … I’d be there for you right from the start,” stated Brian, trying to reassure him.
“You’re the best thing I’ve ever done.”
“You’re my son … I love you … and I’ll always be here for you … don’t ever forget that, Gus … okay?”
“Okay,” answered Gus eventually and, sniffing back his tears, he couldn’t help noticing the tears in his dad’s eyes as the man smiled at him.
“I hope you’re not too big to give your old man a hug,” he told him and only hesitating momentarily, Gus then leaned towards him, allowing Brian to pull the boy in. Closing his eyes as he held his son as tight as he dared, Brian sighed and ran his fingers through Gus’ hair. Savoring this moment because, as the years went by, moments like this would likely become fewer as Gus’ life would inevitably, figuratively if not actually, take him further away from him.
Now he understood fully why it was Patrick was so keen to strengthen the ties between them. Grandfather, father and son; a love and bond unique. A bond they shared and that would never be broken. And that all three of them would learn to trust and enjoy.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“If Gus wants to turn professional … maybe we should make sure he gets the best opportunities out there,” suggested Patrick, during one of Gus’ games. He realized he still had so much more to learn about his son, when Gus proudly announced his dad could have turned pro.
“I’m not sure Gus knows what he wants to do yet,” shrugged Brian.
“Soccer is a real career these days … he could even play in Europe … Manchester United!” crowed Patrick, eagerly and Brian chuckled. “Sure … why not?” answered Brian.
“But soccer isn’t a long career … he could be finished by the time he’s 30,” and with the final whistle, they watched both team’s, Gus’ having scored the winning goal, congratulate and commiserate with each other before heading for the showers.
“Or he could follow his dad … or grandfather,” pointed out Patrick, as they began to make their way down to the parking lot. “Either way, Gus is gonna be a wealthy young man one day,” observed the older man.
One of the calls Patrick had made over the last few weeks was to his attorney. He wanted a new will drawn up. Most of his wealth and possessions, after a few personal bequeaths, had been destined for various charities. But, having made sure that those same charities would still receive generous donations, Patrick’s main beneficiaries would now be his son and grandson and one day, Gus would be indeed be a very wealthy young man.
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Ever since they were 14, the diner had been the place Brian and Michael headed for after school. They would sit in a booth and do their homework, despite the noise and often raucous laughter and then Debbie would then give them dinner. But that was all part of growing up gay in Pittsburgh; the Liberty Diner on Liberty Avenue.
Debbie still sometimes managed a shift there every now and again, but Brian was sort of crossing his fingers that today wouldn’t be one of them, as this was where Gus said he wanted to go for lunch after his game. Of course Patrick had already heard tales of ’the diner’ and was eager to see it for himself.
Since learning of Patrick from Michael, Debbie had been itching to meet him for herself, but hadn’t had the opportunity. But when she heard the bell as the door opened and glanced up to see who was walking in, she grinned from ear to ear.
Of course Gus was always pleased to see Grandma Debbie, as the woman was always interested in what her sort-of grandson had been up to. Shaking her hand warmly and smiling, it didn’t take Debbie long to see how charming and attractive a man Patrick was: Like father, like son, came to mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
After she’d served other customers, Debbie came to sit down in the booth. “I’m getting too old for his,” she announced, shaking her head. “Never,” declared Patrick. “A youngster like you.” Debbie grinned and looked at Brian. “I can see where you get it from,” she chuckled.
“Can I put some different music on?” asked Gus and Debbie put her hand in her apron pocket, producing the necessary coinage. “Sure,” she answered him and getting up, Gus made his way over to the juke box.
“I think I need the men’s room,” stated Patrick, having finished his meal and he looked around. “Through there,” pointed out Debbie and Patrick got up from his seat.
“If you’re not out in two minutes … I’ll send in the posse,” chuckled Debbie and Patrick grinned back. “I can hold my own,” he informed her as he turned away and Brian gently placed a finger on Debbie’s lips as she was about to reply. “No … don’t you dare,” he challenged her and Debbie chuckled.
“But he’s a looker, Brian,” stated Debbie. “I bet he’s broken more than his fair share of hearts along the way.”
“I can see where you get it from … all you Kinney boys,” she continued, throwing a glance in Gus‘ direction.
“I know,” chuckled Brian and he shrugged. “Whoda thought Joan would have it in her?”
“Oh, she had it in her alright,” chuckled Debbie, her mind never far from the gutter.
“That’s how she got you,” and reaching across the table, she gently pinched Brian’s cheek between her thumb and forefinger.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Patrick would soon be returning home, at least for now, but in the meantime, he wanted to spend as much time with his new family as possible. So when the invitations to the annual Advertising Awards Dinner came through, he was thrilled when Brian asked him if he’d like to join them at their table.
Brian usually had a table, but never before had so many people he could actually call family been in attendance. As well as Justin, of course, Brian’s table included Gus and Soleil, Joan and Patrick, Jennifer and Tucker as guests of Justin, Ted, Blake, his PA and senior account manager and Cynthia, who had flown in from NYC the day before, alone.
“No guest?” queried Brian quietly and Cynthia had shaken her head. “Don’t even go there,” came the answer; another relationship apparently having hit the rocks with no chance of survival. Hating to see an odd number, Brian asked Claire if she liked to go. And the words didn’t even stick in his throat; they too, had obviously come a long way.
And when it was announced that Kinnetik had been awarded one of the most prestigious prizes of the night, Patrick was the first to his feet, proudly telling everyone for the rest of the evening how the plaque he’d seemed to have been put in charge of was won by his son’s business.
But that wasn’t the only time that Patrick publicly acknowledged Brian as his son. When he asked his staff from Texas to meet up with the company that would be promoting their new business venture, they all met up at Kinnetik‘s office, including Justin, who had been working on some ideas he and Patrick had discussed earlier. And when Kinney Haulage’s senior staff arrived, Patrick introduced them to: “My son, Brian … and his partner … Justin … my son-in-law,” he continued, just to make sure they understood his usage of the word partner.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“Patrick didn’t bat an eye,” chuckled Justin, that night as he and Brian were undressing for bed.
“They recovered well,” admitted Brian, referring to Patrick’s staff’s initial reaction after their introduction and still finding it a little strange to have either of his parents so openly and proudly admitting their relationship to him.
“You don’t think he’s trying too hard?” asked Brian and Justin shrugged. “Maybe … but you can’t fault him for that … he’s enjoying being your dad.”
“You should let him … I know you enjoy having him around … you can’t fool me,” he continued, grinning and Brian nodded. “I get the feeling there’s enough for two,” answered Brian, referring to how well Justin and Patrick seemed to get along as well.
“He’s a really nice guy, Brian,” smiled Justin, sitting on the bed and undoing his shirt. “I wish my dad was more like him.”
Uncharacteristically, there was no reassuring reply to Justin‘s words and looking round, in the low light from the lamp on the night stand, he could make out Brian sitting stock still, almost looking as if he were afraid to move.
“Brian? Are you okay?” asked Justin, crawling up the bed towards him. Brian nodded, still unable to find his voice.
“Hey … it’s okay,” whispered the younger man, realizing something was wrong. Kneeling behind him, Justin reached out to rub Brian’s back reassuringly and he heard the man’s sharp intake of breath and then a sigh.
“I can’t … I can’t help thinking how differently things coulda been … if mom had ended up with Patrick after all,” admitted Brian and he swallowed. It took a lot to move Brian to tears with regards to his own circumstances, but over the last couple of weeks in Patrick’s company, the man acknowledging him and openly wanting to be a part of his life had touched Brian in a way he would never thought possible and the impact and significance of having him in his life and what he’d missed was catching up with him.
“He knew … he musta known,” stated Brian, not needing to explain who he was talking about and convinced Jack knew he wasn’t his father. “He only had to do the math for one thing,” he continued.
“It’s the only way I can make sense of it … all the times he hit me … or mom …” and Brian swallowed. “Why he used to tell me I should’ve been aborted …”
“That gives him no excuse,” stressed Justin and Brian nodded. “I know … but at least now I understand him.”
“And as weird as it may seem … that helps,” whispered Brian and leaning forward, Justin touched the back of Brian’s head with his forehead and put his arm around the man’s chest, drawing him in close.
Leaning back into Justin, Brian allowed himself to feel their closeness; their bond. The bond these two men shared outside of the bond they had with their own flesh and blood. A bond none the lesser for it.
“There’s just one thing that still puzzles me,” stated Brian after a few minutes silence and he frowned. “After I told Jack I was gay and he blew up at me … he came round a few days later to give me that photograph … you know the one?”
“The one where he’s holding you … as a baby?” asked Justin and still in his partner’s arms, Brian nodded.
“Why would he do that? Knowing he wasn’t my father after all?” frowned the older man.
Releasing him and moving around from where he was kneeling behind Brian, Justin now sat down beside him on the bed.
He knew Brian had wondered why Jack had allowed that photograph to be taken if he had any suspicions at all that he wasn’t Brian’s father. They’d both assumed the man had been too proud to admit the child might not be his. But why he’d chosen to give it to Brian then was a little mystifying.
“Maybe Jack couldn’t love you like a father should,” suggested Justin. “But after you told him that about yourself … maybe he felt something else … and wanted to tell you in his own way.”
“What?” asked Brian puzzled and looking at him. Justin smiled at him.
“Respect, Brian.”
“You earned his respect,” stated Justin and Brian allowed himself to smile and putting his arm around Justin’s shoulders, drew the younger man into his own body. He kissed the top of Justin’s blond head and then nodded.
Trust Justin to say just the right thing. Brian could make sense of that and at last it looked as if he might have some closure with Jack and reconcile their relationship.
“You know … there’s one reason why I’m glad mom didn’t go off with Patrick,” stated Brian mysteriously and turning to look up at him, Justin frowned in confusion.
“I wouldn’t have met you,” explained Brian, seeking Justin’s mouth with his own.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
“I’ll be back before you know it,” stated Patrick, standing at the front door with his luggage on the ground beside him.
“And don’t forget … you’re all coming to visit me before I sell up,” reminded Patrick and Brian smiled. “We’d love to.”
“Good,” grinned Patrick. “And I’ll take you out in my biggest truck,” promised Patrick to Gus who grinned back. “You can even have a drive if you like … I’ve got plenty of land,” offered Patrick, looking at Brian.
“Hey … I’d like that too,” grinned Justin and Brian sighed. “Sure … of course we’d have to put blocks on the pedals …” Thankfully, the: “I’ll get you back for that,” and the returned look of: “I can’t wait,” was masked as Gus moved forward.
“I’ll miss you grandpa,” stated the youngster and with no prompting, he stepped forward for a hug, which his grandfather was more than pleased to administer.
“You’ll miss your flight,” Brian told him as he watched his son and father embrace. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come to the airport?” Patrick shook his head. “No … I still have the car to take back.”
Patrick had wanted to deliver his rental car back to the airport, as in truth, he didn’t trust himself not to break down and cry like a baby while saying goodbye to Brian, even though he‘d already made firm arrangements to return.
“Have a safe flight, Patrick,” stated Justin and he held out his hand, which the man readily took and they shook warmly, with both hands.
“Wanna grab the car keys, Gus?” suggested Justin as he stooped down to pick up Patrick’s luggage, which the man didn’t object to. And smiling, Patrick handed the keys over as Justin took the bags down to the car, parked in the curb.
Of course Justin didn’t fool anybody, leaving Patrick and Brian alone on the doorstep, though of course neither of them really knew what to say at this point.
“Call me … when you get home,” instructed Brian and Patrick nodded and then smiled.
“I will,” came the confirmation. “And make sure you, Justin … and that grandson of mine ring me,” requested Patrick, determined to call at least one of them at least once a day. Them and Joan of course, whom Patrick had promised to call regularly and was planning to take on a trip west in the next few weeks.
“We will,” came the answer and Brian fought to make the smile genuine, even though the last thing he felt like doing at the moment was smiling as he said goodbye to his father.
“Well …” sighed Patrick, fighting to find the words, any words that might make some sort of sense. But they just wouldn’t come and instead he simply held out his hand.
“Bye Brian … I WILL see you soon,” he promised and Brian, reaching out, took his hand. “You’re damn right you will,” came the rasping answer. And then suddenly, Brian stepped forward. They’d had no real physical contact up until now, barring handshakes or a hand resting on a shoulder or arm. But this seemed so right, as Brian walked into his father’s arms and the two men hugged, for what seemed like eternity.
“Bye, son.”
“Bye, dad,” whispered Brian and finally, he drew back, the significance of their words not lost on either of them.
You can’t make up for a loss of 40 years overnight, and work would no doubt be needed on Brian and Patrick’s relationship for them to understand and grow to know each other more, like they should have, had they known each other all along. But the bond that already existed between them and their unequivocal willingness to achieve a genuine and loving father and son relationship was clearly visible and desired; all that was needed to make it work.
Eventually pulling back, Brian looked up to see Justin standing just behind Patrick, having slowly walked back up the driveway. To say Justin’s heart was beating so hard it threatened to burst out of his chest, wasn’t an understatement. Finally witnessing what he knew already existed between Brian and Patrick thrilled him to the core. It wasn’t difficult to work out what had passed between the two men, seeing how Patrick could hardly speak as he patted Justin on the arm as he finally moved away and made his way down to the car, where Gus handed over the keys.
“Bye, Grandpa,” repeated Gus, hugging the man again and the youngster returned to the front door of the house and all three of them then watched and waved as Patrick drove off.
“You okay?” asked Justin, as he followed Brian back into the house and he closed and secured the door behind them; Gus had already made his way up to his room to watch a little TV before bed time.
Turning, Brian nodded, but still found it hard to speak.
“Patrick … dad,” and Justin corrected himself. “He’ll be back soon … and we’ve got a trip to Texas to look forward to,” chuckled Justin and Brian nodded again.
“Yeah … and a new office to start setting up,” stated Brian, smiling back at him.
To be continued.
With many thanks to Lois, Pat and Judy AND a special thank you to rinmonsterer for the fab Brian manip to produce the picture of Brian and Patrick: deviantart at http://jigokunoneko.deviantart.com/ or http://rinmonsterer.livejournal.com/