(Untitled)

[jor_do520]

I'm going to post the little I have for my scary story (It's not scary yet)...please comment on my grammer and usage and if you have any ideas for where i should go that would be cool to read. This right now seems to be the easiest way to get in contact with people to do proof reading. I appreciate all comments...wait, on second thought, don't tell

Comments

[redhead21389]

I'm not very good at grammer corrections or anything but I have to say that that's a great story so far!! I want to find out what happens!

[whereswebb]

grammar seems good to me. you need jane to look at it, though. she's a grammar whore.

but where to take the story....
maybe everybody keeps telling her there's something wrong with her and she keeps insisting there isn't, and then more people think there is, and then her grandpa does too, and then... that's all i've got so far.

or she always notices this guy on the street, and then outside school, then at the apartment, etc, etc. (etc only because i can't think anything else up)

The Grammar Whore speaks

[amorousodious]

One minor mistake:

"“what’s wrong Lana?”" should be "What's wrong, Lana?"

Not a mistake, just a suggestion:

"This school just looks ramshackle."

It works fine like that, but you may want to replace 'ramshackle' with 'dilapidated'. They mean about the same thing, but dilapidated might sound a bit better. That's a nit-picky thing, though.

Also, you spelled 'sheer' wrong.

That's about all I'm good for. Andy's ideas sound good to me.

Re: The Grammar Whore speaks

[amorousodious]

PS. You don't suck.

[ledzypher]

You should totally put a character in there named Fiona....that'd be sweet...

[jor_do520]

Thank you Grammar Whore. Thank you Andy. Fiona I'm not sure if i will add a character named after you? would you like to die in my story....ha ha ha ok i thought it was funny. Maybe not so much. oh p.s. Jane your name was totally because i just love your name and I put it in almost all my stories. This one just so happens that Jane might very well be another side to Lana. Schizophrenia maybe? That's all.

[bethyboombaloti]

Schizophrenia always makes anything scary.