drabble: a map of you
short little pieces of 'a map of you'. there is no plot. there is a story. they might not be in a chronological order. there is only one world and that is seen by jessica.
1. Light
I should have known.
I should have known that the light you’ve brought in would blind me. Blinding me from foreseeing the future of what we would be. I should have known. I should have looked away from the face of love. I should have looked away. But it was too late. And now, all I could see is you.
How should I have known? Should I have known that your crescent eyes would lure me in like the moon up high in the sky and the stars come out and gawk at its beauty? Was it you, the moon, disguising in a human form?
Am I like one of the stars? I must have been as I was surely in awe of the light you bring in. I’d die with you over and over again for the sun to wake. But I have been too blind, too ignorant of the fact that you were the sun too.
And that must have been the cause of it.
I should have known by the time we sat in front of a fireplace, huddled against each other, feeling the warmth of the fire. Our palms connected by the sides, near enough to feel the heat sneaking across our skins. The heat we crave so feverishly. We would have traded the sun for a moment like this.
You are the light that I yearn in my wake. And when I go to sleep and a dream takes over me, you are the string I wrap around my little finger that binds me to your world.
I should have known that you would have burn me alive with your touch, igniting every nerve endings there is on my skin. I should have known how a great depth I have fallen into you as the days numbered away.
There are days when we are hidden behind the clouds. There are days when I wished my existence did not rely on you. There are days I was confused if the daylight was a night and the twinkling stars pretended to be the sun.
Most of all, I should have known that you brought the darkness too.
2. Static
You like that, don’t you?
You like it when we fight even though it is unlikely to do so. You like the slow buzz of the radio in the background and our raised voices in the air. The flapping of plastic blinds when the ceiling fan is on, and it does nothing to the growing intensity in the room. The static buzz comes and goes, not quite at the right station, the heated argument we have, and all the reflexive words that punctuates our skins.
We don’t mean it. At the same time, we are meant to say it. And I said in resignation, which I shouldn’t be, “I love you.” I wanted to know if those three words would have the same level of effect on you.
And you said, “Fuck off.”
It was the only argument when I dropped three words for the first time. I shouldn’t have said it. I should have said it on another time. Because in that very moment of fiery and frustration, there will always be a part of me where I doubted what I felt about you. That will never be true. It’ll fade in a blink. It is an illusion. It is a test.
Maybe that’s why I said it. I needed to say it. I needed to reassure myself. Even when I don’t have to. Because I do. I do love you. It’s the impulse that I could never quite get rid of it.
I want to kiss you at your worst. I want to kiss you when your hair is tangled in the morning. I want to kiss you even when you just ate a bag onion chips (but I’ll resist myself for a while). I want to kiss you. Like I said, it’s the impulse. It only worsens when I’m around you.
To tell you the truth, I like it too. I rather fight with you than with anyone else. Why would I want to?
1. Light
I should have known.
I should have known that the light you’ve brought in would blind me. Blinding me from foreseeing the future of what we would be. I should have known. I should have looked away from the face of love. I should have looked away. But it was too late. And now, all I could see is you.
How should I have known? Should I have known that your crescent eyes would lure me in like the moon up high in the sky and the stars come out and gawk at its beauty? Was it you, the moon, disguising in a human form?
Am I like one of the stars? I must have been as I was surely in awe of the light you bring in. I’d die with you over and over again for the sun to wake. But I have been too blind, too ignorant of the fact that you were the sun too.
And that must have been the cause of it.
I should have known by the time we sat in front of a fireplace, huddled against each other, feeling the warmth of the fire. Our palms connected by the sides, near enough to feel the heat sneaking across our skins. The heat we crave so feverishly. We would have traded the sun for a moment like this.
You are the light that I yearn in my wake. And when I go to sleep and a dream takes over me, you are the string I wrap around my little finger that binds me to your world.
I should have known that you would have burn me alive with your touch, igniting every nerve endings there is on my skin. I should have known how a great depth I have fallen into you as the days numbered away.
There are days when we are hidden behind the clouds. There are days when I wished my existence did not rely on you. There are days I was confused if the daylight was a night and the twinkling stars pretended to be the sun.
Most of all, I should have known that you brought the darkness too.
2. Static
You like that, don’t you?
You like it when we fight even though it is unlikely to do so. You like the slow buzz of the radio in the background and our raised voices in the air. The flapping of plastic blinds when the ceiling fan is on, and it does nothing to the growing intensity in the room. The static buzz comes and goes, not quite at the right station, the heated argument we have, and all the reflexive words that punctuates our skins.
We don’t mean it. At the same time, we are meant to say it. And I said in resignation, which I shouldn’t be, “I love you.” I wanted to know if those three words would have the same level of effect on you.
And you said, “Fuck off.”
It was the only argument when I dropped three words for the first time. I shouldn’t have said it. I should have said it on another time. Because in that very moment of fiery and frustration, there will always be a part of me where I doubted what I felt about you. That will never be true. It’ll fade in a blink. It is an illusion. It is a test.
Maybe that’s why I said it. I needed to say it. I needed to reassure myself. Even when I don’t have to. Because I do. I do love you. It’s the impulse that I could never quite get rid of it.
I want to kiss you at your worst. I want to kiss you when your hair is tangled in the morning. I want to kiss you even when you just ate a bag onion chips (but I’ll resist myself for a while). I want to kiss you. Like I said, it’s the impulse. It only worsens when I’m around you.
To tell you the truth, I like it too. I rather fight with you than with anyone else. Why would I want to?