After The Blues: Ending
ENDING
After several days has passed, with the dustbin filled with tissues and the pillow cases wet with tears, Jessica has finally gotten out of the bed when the sound of tap water dripping from the bathroom becomes too loud.
Refusing to look at herself in the mirror, she groggily turns the tap off tightly with whatever strength she has and drags her feet back to the bedroom. She checks the clock beside her. It’s almost one in the morning.
A device on the bedside table catches her eyes. She contemplates to dial the number. Before she has the chance to back out, she jabs in the digits and waits with her breath held. Thousands of reasons and excuses she could use to shut the phone off swirl in her head but she pushes through it. Chewing her lower lip, the ringing on the line picks up.
“Hello?”
Promptly, Jessica ends the call and switches off her phone. Too many wasted words being said, too little progress being done. She grabs her house keys and run down the stairs. She grabs her coat and walks out of her flat. Her teeth chatters against the cold, suddenly regretting the lack of layers she’s wearing under.
//
Anxiety falls upon her face as she stands in front of familiar door. She lets out a heavy breath. Closing her eyes, she presses the bell and counts the seconds down until the door opens.
One, two, three, four, five, six ,..
She couldn’t stand still, moving about on the porch as she hugs herself, in desperate need of warmth. Maybe no one’s home. Maybe she’s not here. Maybe she’s here and does not care. Before Jessica becomes more paranoid..
ten, eleven..
The door opens and the heat from inside welcomes her in open arms. Her eyes fall on soft and warm ones. The girl standing before her, confused and still processing who the hell is at the door at a time like this.
The annoyance quickly disappears as Yoona recognises who it is. Yoona bites her lip, resisting the smile that’s working its way across her mouth.
“It’s over.” Jessica says. “It’s over between me and her.” She says again, more to herself. “And I know that it seems like I’m using you to replace her.. But I’m not. I’m not.” She takes a deep breath and calms her nerves down. “I like you. A little too much, it scares me. I’m just not sure if I can trust myself to let someone trust me. But I know.. I could learn.. I could learn to fall in love again..” Her gaze drops onto the ground. She could feel the tightness around her throat.
“I choose you, Yoona.” Realizing she has been rambling and Yoona just watching her, she says for the last time, “I’m sorry. I’ll go away. Maybe in the mo-“
Her words are cut off when Yoona pulls her into the flat by the arms and kisses her, taking her breath away literally. Everything has felt right. Right to be the arms of someone that feels like home.
//
Two weeks later
Jessica doesn’t know what possess Yoona to trust her and letting her go to see Tiffany for the last time. One afternoon ago, Yoona reasoned with earnest eyes, “I trust you.” After Jessica has explained the indescribable feeling she’s been getting the past few days to Yoona, the girl nodded in understanding and showed no signs of resentment or opposing.
She has been getting these dreams in little snippets of Tiffany. It has been difficult. Frankly, she’s still very much in love with her. But Yoona has been nothing but incredibly helpful and understanding and loving and really fucking sexy at times. It’s like a whole new world. Her heart mending and piecing together where it belongs every time Yoona kisses her and showers her with her beauty.
More and more, she’s falling for her. Not too fast. Not too slow. At a pace that’s wonderfully sweet. Creating trust that’s build on a strong foundation. Creating and sharing a world where they exists together.
So, here she is, waiting for the door of Tiffany’s apartment to open. She rings and rings but nothing. Then she looks to her right and left, making sure no one sees her as she tip-toes takes the key above the door panel.
Unaware of her heart pacing quickly and breath hitching, she unlocks and slowly opens the door to reveal an empty room. The air is too still and thick with uncertainty. She pads across the living room to the bedroom.
She doesn’t know why but she holds her breath as she feels a sense of heaviness coming down on her chest. As she nears the bedroom, she hears a song playing in the background at low volume. She pushes the crack door wider and sees Tiffany lying peacefully on the bed.
Tiffany’s pale white arm that was scrawled with blue veins is hanging on the edge of the bed. Jessica’s heart drops. Instinctively, she runs and drops to her knees beside Tiffany. And then takes the empty bottle from the ground. The white plastered paper read, “Methadone”.
She shakes her. She shakes her until she could hear a breath coming out of her mouth.
Panic rising up her spine. Her hand tremors terribly. Her knees weak. Her mind has blocked all such sounds. She couldn’t think. She couldn’t breathe herself as the person in front of her stays still and lifeless.
She feels the walls shifting and disintegrating before her. “Tiffany, wake up. Fucking wake up.” She pants and pants, trying to contain the tightness that’s forming in her chest. When her arms give in, she stares at Tiffany through her watery eyes. “Fuck. Tiffany.” She mutters under her breath and sinks her head into Tiffany’s shoulder. She sobs convulsively, wetting a dead person’s shirt.
Tiffany’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead. She’s dead.
Is all she hears in her head. She could feel her brain throbbing madly and her heart ready to burst. “I hate you. I fucking hate you.” Her fists hitting Tiffany’s chest, trying to revive a dead heart.
But there’s nothing. Nothing in Tiffany. Life has left her. Love has consumed her. And the sound of the clock from the living room chimes continuously.
Then there is the.. tick and tock.
Tick and tock.
Tiffany finally takes a breath.
Love can transpose to form and dignity.
Love looks not with the eyes but with the mind.
And therefore is winged Cupid painted blind.
Nor hath Love’s mind of any judgment taste -
…… And therefore is Love said to be a child.
Shakespeare
END.
pdf can be found under the masterlist
A/N: february 2022: So I changed the ending after 8 years. Because I can. Just one simple line.