More Christmas-y stuff! -- Fic: Bittersweet (complete)
Title: Bittersweet
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: pre-Clex
Rating: G
Spoilers: season 1, up through Jitters, takes place before Rogue.
Word count: 1900+
Summary: ...Is it any wonder that Clark hates Victoria?
Warnings: Unbeta'd. A bit angsty, but gets a little better at the end -- hence the title. If you're looking for a sugar-sweet uplifting piece? Don't read this.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex hummed to himself a few bars of 'Good King Wenseslas', dark and low as he walked through the deserted mansion. Christmas Eve, and everyone had the holidays off. Lionel was in Metropolis, and Lex was still stuck in Smallville. Exiled.
The penthouse had never had much Christmas cheer -- no tree, no holiday trappings -- but the mansion seemed even more gloomily dark and cold than Metropolis had. Maybe because he could still look out over the cityscape and see the little celebrations and decorations that other people had constructed in small bunches of cheer across the parks and twinkling lights strung along the rooftops, even if he had nothing to contribute himself.
The dim lighting and the softly falling snow outside that was covering the desolate landscape deeper and deeper in unending white probably wasn't helping any, either. The fire in the fireplace was casting a low glow across the room that added more shadows than dispelling them.
Lex strolled through the library doors and up to the stained glass windows for a better look out at the cold wintry world his father's property had become. His breath fogged against the glass a little, and he blinked and stepped back, sighing. He turned away and froze in place as his eyes adjusted to the dark and he espied a long, dark form stretched out on the couch, staring out the window with a faraway look.
"Clark?" Lex said quietly, barely audible above the soft crackle of the fireplace. Clark blinked slowly and turned his head a little to look up at Lex as he walked over and sank down to sit on the edge of the cushions next to him.
Clark gave Lex a small smile, but his heart obviously wasn't in it. He turned his head slightly to stare back out the window. Lex had never seen him so... lacking in energy before. It was as if some vital force had deserted him, leaving behind a worn and fatigued shell.
Lex sat next to his only friend, feeling helpless as to what he could or should do to help, when Clark finally spoke.
"I'm sorry." Clark let out a small sigh. "I just didn't want to be home, and... then I was here. And I didn't think you were here. I didn't see anybody else and it was so dark, I thought nobody was here. And once I was here, I didn't feel like leaving." He paused for a little bit, still not looking at Lex, but his eyes dropped from the window to the floor. "I thought you might not mind, if you weren't here. I didn't think that you might not..." He trailed off, then shifted a little. "I can go." His eyes drooped a little lower.
"Clark, you are welcome here anytime, you know that," Lex chided softly, with more than a little worry. "You're no bother, and a more than welcome intrusion," he smiled, leaning over him and propping his arm across the back of the couch, relaxing a bit as he looked down at his supine friend.
"You didn't send everybody away because you wanted to be alone?" Clark asked, turning to look up at him, eyes a little wide, and with far too much bleak hope stirring within them for Lex to feel anything but a sinking sadness.
"No Clark, I didn't. The staff all have their own families, and I wouldn't want to deprive them of their company," Lex explained gently. Clark seemed to think that over a little.
"But... your dad?" Clark asked after awhile.
Lex smiled softly and shook his head, almost feeling amused. "He's in Metropolis, quite possibly for the duration." And it occurred to him that perhaps that was for the best -- when had a Christmastime with Lionel ever gone well? And if Lionel had been here, Clark surely would not have been able to stay. "Luthor family customs aren't like your Kent ways, Clark."
Clark looked away, and at first Lex thought he was mistaken due to the low light, that it wasn't a grimace he had seen.
"Clark -- what's wrong?" Lex asked, touching his arm gently. Clark didn't flinch away from him at least, but he seemed to mentally withdraw somehow.
"Clark, please, if there is any way I can help--" Lex added desperately.
"You can't." Clark whispered, closing his eyes. "It's not something you can fix."
"But--" Lex started again, irritated. Surely he could do something--
"My parents were fighting."
Lex stared at him for a moment, then mentally shook himself. That wasn't at all what he'd expected to hear, but that still didn't mean Clark should dismiss his help and advice without a thought! So he asked, "What were they fighting about?"
"Me."
Lex started. Then he swallowed hard and said, "Clark, just because your parents are fighting, doesn't mean that you are--"
"No, Lex," Clark cut him off, sounding pained, and almost angry. "You aren't listening." He pulled away from Lex and turned his back to both Lex and the window, shutting his eyes tightly. "They were fighting about me. Over me. And what happened at the plant."
Shit. Lex ran a hand over his scalp. "I'm sorry, Clark, I--" Clark had saved his life again, and he really had no words. That Clark would get in trouble with Jonathan for exercising his good nature to help him...
But Clark just shook his head and pushed himself upright, pulling away even further into the corner of the couch and drawing his knees up to his chest. "It's not you, Lex. I told you. You didn't even come up. Not once. It was all about me, and how I was in the middle of everything."
"But... they just seemed happy that you were all right," Lex said, not understanding. He'd seen that loving hug in the aftermath, and remembered he'd wished he'd been a part of it. He winced at Clark's barked-out laugh.
"Sure, up until they realized I was ok. Then they stopped being worried and started getting angry instead." He looked down at his hands and his smile twisted into something truly horrible to gaze upon. "It wasn't an accident this time. I had put myself in the middle of everything on purpose, when I didn't have to." He grimaced and shook his head once. "When they thought I didn't have to. And I've been doing that a lot lately. But this time, they... noticed... I couldn't explain it away."
Lex thought back through the events that he knew about, that Chloe had written up in the Torch, and that Clark had been intimately involved in. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Clark hadn't always spent his free time running around town pulling his savior act. Had he only started when Lex had needed him? Was he part of the reason Clark was unable to stop?
"They were fighting about how they could stop me from doing things... like that. Dad was thinking about homeschooling me, since I get into trouble the most because I'm hearing things from Chloe, or they happen around school..."
"Can they do that?" Lex asked, aghast.
"Dad couldn't teach me, but mom could. She's super-smart and knows a lot. But if she did that, she wouldn't have time for anything else, and we need the money from her baking business and stuff to help keep the farm going."
Lex grimaced. He knew well how strapped for cash the farm was, and the state of their mortgage. Between what Clark let on at times, and his own discrete inquiries at the Smallville Savings and Loan, he had a very good picture of their financial situation. All they would need would be one bad growing season to put them under.
"Mom wants to move."
Lex felt like someone had ripped the sofa out from under him. "What?" he nearly squeaked. He fought his mental flailing by firmly telling himself that he would not lose Clark no matter what, and forced composure, "Can you afford that?"
"If we sell the farm, yeah."
Lex couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Your father is thinking about selling the farm?"
"No."
"But... how would that work?" Lex couldn't see any way that that would be possible.
Clark raised his gaze from his hands and looked Lex in the eye.
Understanding hit Lex like a kidney punch. "No, Clark, you're overreacting." Clark's expression didn't change, and his gaze never flickered. "They love each other. And you. They wouldn't!" Lex cried desperately, feeling confused and lost. It didn't make sense.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Clark said bitterly. "People have gotten divorced for less."
The word hung in the air poisonously.
"Clark, they are not getting divorced," Lex stated with as much force as he could muster. "They just... won't. It's not happening."
"It's Christmas Eve. And they're fighting. They've been fighting all day," Clark said morosely. "It's never been this bad before."
...Ad there wasn't anything either of them could do about it, Lex realized. Clark was right. So Lex focused on what he could do instead, and wrapped Clark up in a hug.
And maybe that was the right thing to do after all, because Clark slowly uncurled and returned the hug. Lex curled up next to him as Clark tucked his head against his chest, seeking comfort like the little brother Lex liked to think of him as being. Lex cradled him in his arms and rubbed his back, then kissed the crown of his head gently before turning his head and resting his cheek against him.
"It'll be all right, Clark. It'll all work out, somehow."
They stayed that way for awhile, and Lex felt a quiet lassitude spread through him. It felt almost nice. Relaxing. Which was odd, given the circumstances.
After an interminable period of time, Clark quietly said, "I-- Can I-- stay the night?" His voice broke on the last.
Lex started a little, thinking that that was rather manipulative for his young friend -- trying to tie his parents together through a manufactured crisis? He said carefully, "Clark, I don't think that running away and worrying your parents--"
"They won't know," Clark whispered in a rush into Lex's chest.
"...Did you sneak out of the house?" Lex asked, a little amazed.
"No, not really. They just didn't notice I was gone," he clarified.
"How could they not?" Lex frowned.
"They don't disturb me after I've gone to bed, and they were too busy yelling to hear me come down the stairs and go out the door."
Lex winced.
"...Please?" Clark begged, and that just would not do.
"Clark, I told you, you are always welcome here," Lex reiterated.
Clark pulled away and looked up into his eyes, and after a long moment he seemed to see what he was looking for and relaxed, giving Lex a sickly smile, but a smile nonetheless.
Clark still didn't seem to want to move, and Lex didn't like the idea of leaving Clark alone, so they both ended up laid out on the couch, tangled together. Clark's eyes fluttered closed as Lex stroked his hair softly and touched a kiss to his forehead. "It'll be better in the morning, Clark, you'll see," Lex quietly reassured him.
Lex fell asleep sandwiched between the back of the couch and a warm fourteen-year-old, entwined in his arms.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Early the next morning, Lex stirred as Clark realized it was time to go, and as Clark disentangled himself gently, Lex grumbled a little, only half-awake. He leaned over Lex, pressed a gentle kiss to Lex's temple and watched him slowly return to his slumber with a humming sigh and a slow sleepy-but-happy smile.
Clark smiled a little too, and slipped away.
Later, when the sun broke across the sky in blazing colors and Lex truly awoke, cold and alone, he slowly touched a hand to his temple, the half-remembered kiss, and thought it all a waking dream.
END
Author: josephina_x
Fandom: Smallville
Pairing: pre-Clex
Rating: G
Spoilers: season 1, up through Jitters, takes place before Rogue.
Word count: 1900+
Summary: ...Is it any wonder that Clark hates Victoria?
Warnings: Unbeta'd. A bit angsty, but gets a little better at the end -- hence the title. If you're looking for a sugar-sweet uplifting piece? Don't read this.
Disclaimer: Not mine, not-for-profit.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Lex hummed to himself a few bars of 'Good King Wenseslas', dark and low as he walked through the deserted mansion. Christmas Eve, and everyone had the holidays off. Lionel was in Metropolis, and Lex was still stuck in Smallville. Exiled.
The penthouse had never had much Christmas cheer -- no tree, no holiday trappings -- but the mansion seemed even more gloomily dark and cold than Metropolis had. Maybe because he could still look out over the cityscape and see the little celebrations and decorations that other people had constructed in small bunches of cheer across the parks and twinkling lights strung along the rooftops, even if he had nothing to contribute himself.
The dim lighting and the softly falling snow outside that was covering the desolate landscape deeper and deeper in unending white probably wasn't helping any, either. The fire in the fireplace was casting a low glow across the room that added more shadows than dispelling them.
Lex strolled through the library doors and up to the stained glass windows for a better look out at the cold wintry world his father's property had become. His breath fogged against the glass a little, and he blinked and stepped back, sighing. He turned away and froze in place as his eyes adjusted to the dark and he espied a long, dark form stretched out on the couch, staring out the window with a faraway look.
"Clark?" Lex said quietly, barely audible above the soft crackle of the fireplace. Clark blinked slowly and turned his head a little to look up at Lex as he walked over and sank down to sit on the edge of the cushions next to him.
Clark gave Lex a small smile, but his heart obviously wasn't in it. He turned his head slightly to stare back out the window. Lex had never seen him so... lacking in energy before. It was as if some vital force had deserted him, leaving behind a worn and fatigued shell.
Lex sat next to his only friend, feeling helpless as to what he could or should do to help, when Clark finally spoke.
"I'm sorry." Clark let out a small sigh. "I just didn't want to be home, and... then I was here. And I didn't think you were here. I didn't see anybody else and it was so dark, I thought nobody was here. And once I was here, I didn't feel like leaving." He paused for a little bit, still not looking at Lex, but his eyes dropped from the window to the floor. "I thought you might not mind, if you weren't here. I didn't think that you might not..." He trailed off, then shifted a little. "I can go." His eyes drooped a little lower.
"Clark, you are welcome here anytime, you know that," Lex chided softly, with more than a little worry. "You're no bother, and a more than welcome intrusion," he smiled, leaning over him and propping his arm across the back of the couch, relaxing a bit as he looked down at his supine friend.
"You didn't send everybody away because you wanted to be alone?" Clark asked, turning to look up at him, eyes a little wide, and with far too much bleak hope stirring within them for Lex to feel anything but a sinking sadness.
"No Clark, I didn't. The staff all have their own families, and I wouldn't want to deprive them of their company," Lex explained gently. Clark seemed to think that over a little.
"But... your dad?" Clark asked after awhile.
Lex smiled softly and shook his head, almost feeling amused. "He's in Metropolis, quite possibly for the duration." And it occurred to him that perhaps that was for the best -- when had a Christmastime with Lionel ever gone well? And if Lionel had been here, Clark surely would not have been able to stay. "Luthor family customs aren't like your Kent ways, Clark."
Clark looked away, and at first Lex thought he was mistaken due to the low light, that it wasn't a grimace he had seen.
"Clark -- what's wrong?" Lex asked, touching his arm gently. Clark didn't flinch away from him at least, but he seemed to mentally withdraw somehow.
"Clark, please, if there is any way I can help--" Lex added desperately.
"You can't." Clark whispered, closing his eyes. "It's not something you can fix."
"But--" Lex started again, irritated. Surely he could do something--
"My parents were fighting."
Lex stared at him for a moment, then mentally shook himself. That wasn't at all what he'd expected to hear, but that still didn't mean Clark should dismiss his help and advice without a thought! So he asked, "What were they fighting about?"
"Me."
Lex started. Then he swallowed hard and said, "Clark, just because your parents are fighting, doesn't mean that you are--"
"No, Lex," Clark cut him off, sounding pained, and almost angry. "You aren't listening." He pulled away from Lex and turned his back to both Lex and the window, shutting his eyes tightly. "They were fighting about me. Over me. And what happened at the plant."
Shit. Lex ran a hand over his scalp. "I'm sorry, Clark, I--" Clark had saved his life again, and he really had no words. That Clark would get in trouble with Jonathan for exercising his good nature to help him...
But Clark just shook his head and pushed himself upright, pulling away even further into the corner of the couch and drawing his knees up to his chest. "It's not you, Lex. I told you. You didn't even come up. Not once. It was all about me, and how I was in the middle of everything."
"But... they just seemed happy that you were all right," Lex said, not understanding. He'd seen that loving hug in the aftermath, and remembered he'd wished he'd been a part of it. He winced at Clark's barked-out laugh.
"Sure, up until they realized I was ok. Then they stopped being worried and started getting angry instead." He looked down at his hands and his smile twisted into something truly horrible to gaze upon. "It wasn't an accident this time. I had put myself in the middle of everything on purpose, when I didn't have to." He grimaced and shook his head once. "When they thought I didn't have to. And I've been doing that a lot lately. But this time, they... noticed... I couldn't explain it away."
Lex thought back through the events that he knew about, that Chloe had written up in the Torch, and that Clark had been intimately involved in. It suddenly occurred to him that perhaps Clark hadn't always spent his free time running around town pulling his savior act. Had he only started when Lex had needed him? Was he part of the reason Clark was unable to stop?
"They were fighting about how they could stop me from doing things... like that. Dad was thinking about homeschooling me, since I get into trouble the most because I'm hearing things from Chloe, or they happen around school..."
"Can they do that?" Lex asked, aghast.
"Dad couldn't teach me, but mom could. She's super-smart and knows a lot. But if she did that, she wouldn't have time for anything else, and we need the money from her baking business and stuff to help keep the farm going."
Lex grimaced. He knew well how strapped for cash the farm was, and the state of their mortgage. Between what Clark let on at times, and his own discrete inquiries at the Smallville Savings and Loan, he had a very good picture of their financial situation. All they would need would be one bad growing season to put them under.
"Mom wants to move."
Lex felt like someone had ripped the sofa out from under him. "What?" he nearly squeaked. He fought his mental flailing by firmly telling himself that he would not lose Clark no matter what, and forced composure, "Can you afford that?"
"If we sell the farm, yeah."
Lex couldn't believe what he was hearing. "Your father is thinking about selling the farm?"
"No."
"But... how would that work?" Lex couldn't see any way that that would be possible.
Clark raised his gaze from his hands and looked Lex in the eye.
Understanding hit Lex like a kidney punch. "No, Clark, you're overreacting." Clark's expression didn't change, and his gaze never flickered. "They love each other. And you. They wouldn't!" Lex cried desperately, feeling confused and lost. It didn't make sense.
"What does that have to do with anything?" Clark said bitterly. "People have gotten divorced for less."
The word hung in the air poisonously.
"Clark, they are not getting divorced," Lex stated with as much force as he could muster. "They just... won't. It's not happening."
"It's Christmas Eve. And they're fighting. They've been fighting all day," Clark said morosely. "It's never been this bad before."
...Ad there wasn't anything either of them could do about it, Lex realized. Clark was right. So Lex focused on what he could do instead, and wrapped Clark up in a hug.
And maybe that was the right thing to do after all, because Clark slowly uncurled and returned the hug. Lex curled up next to him as Clark tucked his head against his chest, seeking comfort like the little brother Lex liked to think of him as being. Lex cradled him in his arms and rubbed his back, then kissed the crown of his head gently before turning his head and resting his cheek against him.
"It'll be all right, Clark. It'll all work out, somehow."
They stayed that way for awhile, and Lex felt a quiet lassitude spread through him. It felt almost nice. Relaxing. Which was odd, given the circumstances.
After an interminable period of time, Clark quietly said, "I-- Can I-- stay the night?" His voice broke on the last.
Lex started a little, thinking that that was rather manipulative for his young friend -- trying to tie his parents together through a manufactured crisis? He said carefully, "Clark, I don't think that running away and worrying your parents--"
"They won't know," Clark whispered in a rush into Lex's chest.
"...Did you sneak out of the house?" Lex asked, a little amazed.
"No, not really. They just didn't notice I was gone," he clarified.
"How could they not?" Lex frowned.
"They don't disturb me after I've gone to bed, and they were too busy yelling to hear me come down the stairs and go out the door."
Lex winced.
"...Please?" Clark begged, and that just would not do.
"Clark, I told you, you are always welcome here," Lex reiterated.
Clark pulled away and looked up into his eyes, and after a long moment he seemed to see what he was looking for and relaxed, giving Lex a sickly smile, but a smile nonetheless.
Clark still didn't seem to want to move, and Lex didn't like the idea of leaving Clark alone, so they both ended up laid out on the couch, tangled together. Clark's eyes fluttered closed as Lex stroked his hair softly and touched a kiss to his forehead. "It'll be better in the morning, Clark, you'll see," Lex quietly reassured him.
Lex fell asleep sandwiched between the back of the couch and a warm fourteen-year-old, entwined in his arms.
~*~*~*~*~*~
Early the next morning, Lex stirred as Clark realized it was time to go, and as Clark disentangled himself gently, Lex grumbled a little, only half-awake. He leaned over Lex, pressed a gentle kiss to Lex's temple and watched him slowly return to his slumber with a humming sigh and a slow sleepy-but-happy smile.
Clark smiled a little too, and slipped away.
Later, when the sun broke across the sky in blazing colors and Lex truly awoke, cold and alone, he slowly touched a hand to his temple, the half-remembered kiss, and thought it all a waking dream.
END