(no subject)
[note: this was written for my own entertainment and posted here only for archiving purposes. it was left screened while the official mbh jose was active to avoid confusion or misunderstanding, and unscreened only after the official mbh jose vacated the journal.]
"You're an idiot."
"Yeah, we've only established that a billion times already."
Rock laughs despite his lecture. "So stop being an idiot and fucking go see him."
"He doesn't want to see me." I tap the ash off my cigarette and eye it critically; three more drags left before it hits the filter. "He wants to see you, if you want some nice fucking irony."
"Yeah, well, I am a charming motherfucker, what can I say."
I finish the cigarette and shake another from the box, chain-smoking on the balcony, because I enjoy being a cliche sometimes. I can picture Rock's easy smile, the way he's sitting kicked back in the chair with his feet up, probably a trucker cap pulled low over his eyes.
"Of course you are, you're a Theodore." He snorts at that but doesn't comment, just sits with me a moment in silence. He doesn't comment when I cough after the first fresh lungful, either, for which I am particularly grateful. "You scared?"
"Nah." He sounds so relaxed I almost believe him. He has the reassuring-big-brother routine down pat. "Hell, Jose, I've been in and out since I was 17, you know that. It's just a couple of months to lift weights and watch the weather change. Boring, you know, but not scary."
"Yeah." I don't know, and I feel guilty, as I always do a little when we talk about this, for not understanding. I ran faster, I cried more convincingly, I begged harder--and I never saw the inside of a prison cell. I let Rock take the fall, every time, and he did it because he knew that out of all of us, I was the only one who had a chance of making it.
"I gotta go." I hear the groan-creak of his chair, the soft thud as the front legs hit the floor. "Don't worry, little brother. I'll see you soon."