(no subject)
This was inspired by a herpes commercial, and a lack of descent updates on my part recently. It's quite the testiment to my insanity, coupled with sleep deprivation, factored in with a few mountain dews.
-----------------------------------------------
You may have a serious medical condition known as "Intelligence." Only recently discovered by the medical community, this dangerous condition affects millions upon millions of people around the world! Possible symptoms may include:
- Having a real life.
- Being able to spell correctly.
- Basic knowledge of grammar.
- Understanding how to make friends.
- Common courtesy.
The average person with intelligence is afflicted with at least 3-4 of these symptoms. If you currently suffer from any of these symptoms, and if you sometimes get sick of reading bullshit updates that fail to make a point, then you are one of the millions of people world-wide suffering from Intelligence.
Unfortunately, there is currently no known cure for intelligence. Once a person has been infected with intelligence, it is too late. Intelligence is contagious and, given time, an infected person has a good chance of spreading it to others in their immediate vicinity. However, it appears that some people are completely immune to the effects of intelligence. These people may very well never be able to contract intelligence.
As of yet, we cannot offer any hope for those currently afflicted with intelligence, and you must be responsible for your own sanity.
-----------------------------------------------
Where do I begin...
The last few days have been pretty amazing to say the least. Last night, and the night before it, Matt and I decided that we should:
-Go to the beach all night long. Well till 5:00am technically.
We also came to the conclusion we should take as many girls as we could sneak out in the process. This is how I met Mindy, she's pretty awesome. Really pretty too. Anyways.
Fuck this.. Nobody wants to hear about the beach. Moving on.
The other day, as I was walking towards the gym, I felt a pair of eyes burning a hole through the back of my skull. Curious, I turned to see an absolutely gorgeous woman 15 feet behind me staring directly at me. I smiled briefly and turned back to face the front door, which was now a dozen paces away.
I thought to myself, what do women love? And then it came to me! I'll hold the door for her, chicks love that. Besides, it is the polite thing to do. I knew from the way she was looking at me, she would be especially appreciative.
Here's how it went down:
I strutted up to the door, looking even cooler than usual. I was wearing sleeveless Under Armor and my rippling muscles were stretching it to the max. As I opened the door, a cool breeze passed over me and blew my flowing red hair back. I shook my head like I was starring in an Herbal Essence commercial and turned to face her, holding the door of course, waiting for her to reach me. She was 5 paces away when she caught my intoxicating scent. It was a mixture of awesomeness and irresistibility. From there, I knew she was mine. She walked through the door and coyly said, "Thanks". Being the charming, manly man that I am, I responded with the ever enticing, "No problem sweet thang."
Before I could let go of the door, she turned and pounced on me, pinning me against the door. She kissed me with a passion I had only previously dreamed about. Then she spoke;
"I know a fun way we could get a good workout."
Sorry. I'm a dreamer. Anyways, here's how it really went:
I walked up to the door thinking of things to say.
These were the best lines I could come up with on short notice:
"Which one of the Spice Girls were you?"
"I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk."
"I just shit in my pants. Can I get into yours?"
At the time, those all sounded like winners to me.
Anyways, I was wearing a ripped t-shirt and a pair of USMC sweat pants. I grabbed the handle and spun around to make sure my timing was right. I paused for a second to synchronize our motions then opened the door and turned to it at the same time. I hear chicks love guys who multitask.
So far, everything was going according to whatever plan I was following.
I opened the door and turned to walk in. (So I could turn around and face her as she came in). Unfortunately, my footwork is terrible and my right foot stopped the door from opening fully. At the exact moment the door hit my foot, I turned to go into what I expected to be an open doorway. Instead I was met with a large metal door in my face. More specifically, my nose.
She rushed over to me to see if I was alright.
"Oh my God, I saw what happened, are you ok?"
"So you're a girl, huh?"
How smooth am I?
She ended up giving me her number, but I still haven't called her.
Do I have better luck at video games than with dating? Sadly, yes.
-----------------------------------------------
You may have a serious medical condition known as "Intelligence." Only recently discovered by the medical community, this dangerous condition affects millions upon millions of people around the world! Possible symptoms may include:
- Having a real life.
- Being able to spell correctly.
- Basic knowledge of grammar.
- Understanding how to make friends.
- Common courtesy.
The average person with intelligence is afflicted with at least 3-4 of these symptoms. If you currently suffer from any of these symptoms, and if you sometimes get sick of reading bullshit updates that fail to make a point, then you are one of the millions of people world-wide suffering from Intelligence.
Unfortunately, there is currently no known cure for intelligence. Once a person has been infected with intelligence, it is too late. Intelligence is contagious and, given time, an infected person has a good chance of spreading it to others in their immediate vicinity. However, it appears that some people are completely immune to the effects of intelligence. These people may very well never be able to contract intelligence.
As of yet, we cannot offer any hope for those currently afflicted with intelligence, and you must be responsible for your own sanity.
-----------------------------------------------
Where do I begin...
The last few days have been pretty amazing to say the least. Last night, and the night before it, Matt and I decided that we should:
-Go to the beach all night long. Well till 5:00am technically.
We also came to the conclusion we should take as many girls as we could sneak out in the process. This is how I met Mindy, she's pretty awesome. Really pretty too. Anyways.
Fuck this.. Nobody wants to hear about the beach. Moving on.
The other day, as I was walking towards the gym, I felt a pair of eyes burning a hole through the back of my skull. Curious, I turned to see an absolutely gorgeous woman 15 feet behind me staring directly at me. I smiled briefly and turned back to face the front door, which was now a dozen paces away.
I thought to myself, what do women love? And then it came to me! I'll hold the door for her, chicks love that. Besides, it is the polite thing to do. I knew from the way she was looking at me, she would be especially appreciative.
Here's how it went down:
I strutted up to the door, looking even cooler than usual. I was wearing sleeveless Under Armor and my rippling muscles were stretching it to the max. As I opened the door, a cool breeze passed over me and blew my flowing red hair back. I shook my head like I was starring in an Herbal Essence commercial and turned to face her, holding the door of course, waiting for her to reach me. She was 5 paces away when she caught my intoxicating scent. It was a mixture of awesomeness and irresistibility. From there, I knew she was mine. She walked through the door and coyly said, "Thanks". Being the charming, manly man that I am, I responded with the ever enticing, "No problem sweet thang."
Before I could let go of the door, she turned and pounced on me, pinning me against the door. She kissed me with a passion I had only previously dreamed about. Then she spoke;
"I know a fun way we could get a good workout."
Sorry. I'm a dreamer. Anyways, here's how it really went:
I walked up to the door thinking of things to say.
These were the best lines I could come up with on short notice:
"Which one of the Spice Girls were you?"
"I know I don't look like much now, but I'm drinking milk."
"I just shit in my pants. Can I get into yours?"
At the time, those all sounded like winners to me.
Anyways, I was wearing a ripped t-shirt and a pair of USMC sweat pants. I grabbed the handle and spun around to make sure my timing was right. I paused for a second to synchronize our motions then opened the door and turned to it at the same time. I hear chicks love guys who multitask.
So far, everything was going according to whatever plan I was following.
I opened the door and turned to walk in. (So I could turn around and face her as she came in). Unfortunately, my footwork is terrible and my right foot stopped the door from opening fully. At the exact moment the door hit my foot, I turned to go into what I expected to be an open doorway. Instead I was met with a large metal door in my face. More specifically, my nose.
She rushed over to me to see if I was alright.
"Oh my God, I saw what happened, are you ok?"
"So you're a girl, huh?"
How smooth am I?
She ended up giving me her number, but I still haven't called her.
Do I have better luck at video games than with dating? Sadly, yes.