i'm so full of it
the hate overflows I hate having such a hard time leaving my house, I hate all the annoying street people that always try to talk to me when ever i go out, I hate feeling trapped by my desire to not interact with certain people, I hate being so bored so often, i hate how much pot i smoke to tolerate the day, i hate having so few people around me that care, i hate the thought of going out and trying to meet new people, i hate being so lonely all the time, I hate my lack of interaction with people, i hate my fear of connecting with anyone, i hate my inability to express what the fucks going on, i hate being hungry, i hate eating, i hate cooking, i hate my complete lack of motivation, i hate feeling so guilty and weird and how hard it is to not answer my buzzer sometimes, i hate trying to say no to people cause i'm trying to be too considerate of them while i'm just there, i hate the lack of consideration people seem to have for me, i hate when people say somethings going to happen and it never does, i hate feeling like i'm peoples last consideration, i hate when people try to get me to offer something without coming out to ask for it, i hate shaving, i hate crying,i hate losing a peice of myself, i hate how stubornly i hang into thingseven if it's long since time to let go, i hate feeling unbalanced, i hate the guilt of trying to maintain my own space and say no to people, i hate turning down offers that the only reason i'm turning it down is fear, i hate stuble, i hate making eyecontact with people, i hate that feeling of trying to make myself smaller, i hate "nelson time", i hate baker rats, i hate trolls, i hate hanging out on the street feeling that everyone is clumping me in with the trolls and baker rats just cause i'm different looking, i hate being made to wait, i hate being rushed, i hate waking up too early way too fucking often, i hate not being able to get to sleep, i hate having people in my space, i hate not being close to anyone, i hate all the contridictions in my head, i hate my life.