But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
"I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't."
The mistakes I've made... I have to never forget. When I look back, I find I'm bitter and angry with myself, but when I look forward, I find I'm free and happy, finally. It's so very strange, I could not explain it if you asked me why. I now realise that as much as I wanted a second chance, that things would not have been very different. I now know that I must press on, there's nothing to look back to and all to look forward to, while I know I will always remember, I will remember facing forward, not drowning myself in my past. I don't hate myself, but I regret some things I've said and done, of course. Second chances are for people who've realised what went wrong the first time and done something about it, and in this case it's not so simple. But I may just yet have a second chance at a dear friend someday. That's all I could ask for.
As I sit here now, I ask myself why I couldn't realise my mistakes sooner and learn from them and if I could wish, it would be to learn from them at some other time, from someone else. But if it were all that easy, life just wouldn't be the same, ups and downs, just gotta turn it around. My life is my own again and I'll make sure I never lose it again, because I know I'll just lose myself again... and it's been so very hard to put myself back together from nothing. In some ways I feel more like I did years ago, in others I feel the changes I've gone through in the time being. I feel different and somehow more like I was, something I'd lost slowly and quietly along the way and one day couldn't find when I needed it most, leaving me desperate for help. I will never do that to myself again, or someone who relies on me to be me and not as hollow as I had become.
It's something you can't apologize for, to yourself or anyone else. Forgiveness is something to be given, not to be taken. As for now though, I feel I should apologize to Nic if I've felt a bit too clingy as a friend lately,(not sure if I have or not) I know I've just been lonely and your company just makes me feel more at ease with things, but that doesn't make it right to get attatched to you that way, not that I think you'd really care either way, because I know you'd like to know that you do help, just that I don't think it's right to treat you any differently out of circumstance. But that said, I would also like to Thank you here for being a friend who I feel I can trust and understands where I'm coming from so that I can feel at ease like that.
Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
Tomorrow is filled with fun and I'm happy about where I'm headed now. That's what's important. As much as I love nostalgia, contentness beats it by miles and miles. We all make mistakes and have our regrets, but I think what's important is that we don't dwell on them to only hurt ourselves and drown any others who try to help us. Important to make an effort to better yourself, but not necessarilly to redeem yourself, as you can't always hope for that second chance from your past, you must live for yourself. Better yourself for yourself, to prove to yourself that you're better than that, that you can be better and not make those kinds of mistakes again. I think if all I do is remember this and never stop just living to be happy with myself, that I'll not only be proud of myself, but that other people will be happy with me too and I'll be just fine.
Unfortunately we all go through it at some point I think, you can't understand it by just being told, it may as well be greek. You have to experience it, you can't just read it or say it. Maybe it's for the best I feel this way so young and not just tredge on so blindly and miserly about myself until I finally am taken to a height so high to fall so far and pick myself up again, at a later time. I could just as easily be one of those many men you see having a midlife crisis, or turn to drunks. So I may be quite the lucky one in the end that I feel this way now, I've seen plenty of adults who don't until many years later. I don't presume to be mature instantly, but I certainly feel differently, now.
"Whatever wind may blow us, under the sky of whatever color. You might as well smile." This is me. I've missed it so much.
The mistakes I've made... I have to never forget. When I look back, I find I'm bitter and angry with myself, but when I look forward, I find I'm free and happy, finally. It's so very strange, I could not explain it if you asked me why. I now realise that as much as I wanted a second chance, that things would not have been very different. I now know that I must press on, there's nothing to look back to and all to look forward to, while I know I will always remember, I will remember facing forward, not drowning myself in my past. I don't hate myself, but I regret some things I've said and done, of course. Second chances are for people who've realised what went wrong the first time and done something about it, and in this case it's not so simple. But I may just yet have a second chance at a dear friend someday. That's all I could ask for.
As I sit here now, I ask myself why I couldn't realise my mistakes sooner and learn from them and if I could wish, it would be to learn from them at some other time, from someone else. But if it were all that easy, life just wouldn't be the same, ups and downs, just gotta turn it around. My life is my own again and I'll make sure I never lose it again, because I know I'll just lose myself again... and it's been so very hard to put myself back together from nothing. In some ways I feel more like I did years ago, in others I feel the changes I've gone through in the time being. I feel different and somehow more like I was, something I'd lost slowly and quietly along the way and one day couldn't find when I needed it most, leaving me desperate for help. I will never do that to myself again, or someone who relies on me to be me and not as hollow as I had become.
It's something you can't apologize for, to yourself or anyone else. Forgiveness is something to be given, not to be taken. As for now though, I feel I should apologize to Nic if I've felt a bit too clingy as a friend lately,(not sure if I have or not) I know I've just been lonely and your company just makes me feel more at ease with things, but that doesn't make it right to get attatched to you that way, not that I think you'd really care either way, because I know you'd like to know that you do help, just that I don't think it's right to treat you any differently out of circumstance. But that said, I would also like to Thank you here for being a friend who I feel I can trust and understands where I'm coming from so that I can feel at ease like that.
Rascal Flatts - I'm Moving On
I've dealt with my ghosts and I've faced all my demons
Finally content with a past I regret
I've found you find strength in your moments of weakness
For once I'm at peace with myself
I've been burdened with blame, trapped in the past for too long
I'm movin' on
I've lived in this place and I know all the faces
Each one is different but they're always the same
They mean me no harm but it's time that I face it
They'll never allow me to change
But I never dreamed home would end up where I don't belong
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
At last I can see life has been patiently waiting for me
And I know there's no guarantees, but I'm not alone
There comes a time in everyone's life
When all you can see are the years passing by
And I have made up my mind that those days are gone
I sold what I could and packed what I couldn't
Stopped to fill up on my way out of town
I've loved like I should but lived like I shouldn't
I had to lose everything to find out
Maybe forgiveness will find me somewhere down this road
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
I'm movin' on
Tomorrow is filled with fun and I'm happy about where I'm headed now. That's what's important. As much as I love nostalgia, contentness beats it by miles and miles. We all make mistakes and have our regrets, but I think what's important is that we don't dwell on them to only hurt ourselves and drown any others who try to help us. Important to make an effort to better yourself, but not necessarilly to redeem yourself, as you can't always hope for that second chance from your past, you must live for yourself. Better yourself for yourself, to prove to yourself that you're better than that, that you can be better and not make those kinds of mistakes again. I think if all I do is remember this and never stop just living to be happy with myself, that I'll not only be proud of myself, but that other people will be happy with me too and I'll be just fine.
Unfortunately we all go through it at some point I think, you can't understand it by just being told, it may as well be greek. You have to experience it, you can't just read it or say it. Maybe it's for the best I feel this way so young and not just tredge on so blindly and miserly about myself until I finally am taken to a height so high to fall so far and pick myself up again, at a later time. I could just as easily be one of those many men you see having a midlife crisis, or turn to drunks. So I may be quite the lucky one in the end that I feel this way now, I've seen plenty of adults who don't until many years later. I don't presume to be mature instantly, but I certainly feel differently, now.
"Whatever wind may blow us, under the sky of whatever color. You might as well smile." This is me. I've missed it so much.