(no subject)
After my last live-in relationship (Not saying anything about the relationship, don't get me wrong; I am NOT Saying anything about it. Great person, great life, stop making me worry that I should feel guilty about typing you bastards!!!! :) ) I thought I just wanted to be alone. But I realized that I really missed having people in my life- especially in my bed. I Really REALLY love that feeling.
Living with my parents was tough, I was right below their bedroom, so whenever they got up, noise. I couldn't MAKE noise. We slept different hours, but close enough that any fun on my part would wake them... LOTS of shit involved and unhappy living situation. Also don't get me wrong, I love my parents, too. But it was shitty being closeted in a tiny room.
So I moved in with my roommates. Once again; LOVE them. She's fun when I see her though she doesn't clean up after herself quite as much as I'd like, He's a little too omnipresent for me, but I still enjoy his presence most of the time, and I do feel bad that he cleans more than me, but he hasn't complained yet. I seem to be the medium. I feel bad about both sides. I feel bad I don't clean as much as him, that I'm not around as much as him, but that I'm use more than her, and don't pay as much as she does. Though I do have the smallest, shittiest room.
ANYWAY, I have realized I desperately need my space. A refrigerator, a bathroom, and a private entrance. Also, as far as the company in my bed.. I love it. Having someone come over once and sleep as one night thing... I've had that 1.5 times. I can think of 2 specific times I wish it had happened. But the things is that there's usually specific warning or goal for this, I can prepare. I have a FUCKING TINY SPACE. I don't LIKE said space; I'm a messy person- yes, I don't mind this, get over it, it's not the end of the world!!!; and I don't trust that if I store it in our cellar, it {1: won't be sure I'll remember they're there. If I find I need something I might not remember I HAVE it down there. 2: It's a crappy environment, frankly. I worry about putting fabrics, anything less than plastic/metal. 3: while I'm SUPPOSED to have a work area down there, it took 2 weeks for one of my roommates to stack it full of their stuff, when I mentioned that some of their stuff fell over and coated the floor, the response was "well, I guess I'll get that cleaned up before you're going to be down there to worry about it" 4: I kinda don't trust a cellar that we don't lock, and I VERY VERY kinda (like .001%) Don't trust my roommates; at least their friends. I trust HIS friends, not hers, and I don't know that I trust the neighbors- I've met some!
Anyway. I Don't know where I was going with this, but it's just a rant about why I'm not happy with my living situation. I don't want to invite people over. Hell; I don't want my Boyfriend over; that kills me, because I want to see him tons, but at the same time every time I stay at his place I feel like SHIT for leaving Sadie here. it's a bad situation for me. I worry about possible moves because I'm worried that I will have the same problems. I also want to keep my bed 'neutral territory'. I love sharing my bed and I'm not the type that I'll every want to limit my bed to 1 person, but at the same time it's a matter of respect?
*sigh* I'm just conflicted about where my personal space ends and "the public space of those in my life" begins. Especially when I feel like if I open my door for 5 minutes INEVITABLY one of my roommates will end up 'scoping out' my room. MIND YOUR OWN ROOMS AND LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!!
Yeah. G'night.
Living with my parents was tough, I was right below their bedroom, so whenever they got up, noise. I couldn't MAKE noise. We slept different hours, but close enough that any fun on my part would wake them... LOTS of shit involved and unhappy living situation. Also don't get me wrong, I love my parents, too. But it was shitty being closeted in a tiny room.
So I moved in with my roommates. Once again; LOVE them. She's fun when I see her though she doesn't clean up after herself quite as much as I'd like, He's a little too omnipresent for me, but I still enjoy his presence most of the time, and I do feel bad that he cleans more than me, but he hasn't complained yet. I seem to be the medium. I feel bad about both sides. I feel bad I don't clean as much as him, that I'm not around as much as him, but that I'm use more than her, and don't pay as much as she does. Though I do have the smallest, shittiest room.
ANYWAY, I have realized I desperately need my space. A refrigerator, a bathroom, and a private entrance. Also, as far as the company in my bed.. I love it. Having someone come over once and sleep as one night thing... I've had that 1.5 times. I can think of 2 specific times I wish it had happened. But the things is that there's usually specific warning or goal for this, I can prepare. I have a FUCKING TINY SPACE. I don't LIKE said space; I'm a messy person- yes, I don't mind this, get over it, it's not the end of the world!!!; and I don't trust that if I store it in our cellar, it {1: won't be sure I'll remember they're there. If I find I need something I might not remember I HAVE it down there. 2: It's a crappy environment, frankly. I worry about putting fabrics, anything less than plastic/metal. 3: while I'm SUPPOSED to have a work area down there, it took 2 weeks for one of my roommates to stack it full of their stuff, when I mentioned that some of their stuff fell over and coated the floor, the response was "well, I guess I'll get that cleaned up before you're going to be down there to worry about it" 4: I kinda don't trust a cellar that we don't lock, and I VERY VERY kinda (like .001%) Don't trust my roommates; at least their friends. I trust HIS friends, not hers, and I don't know that I trust the neighbors- I've met some!
Anyway. I Don't know where I was going with this, but it's just a rant about why I'm not happy with my living situation. I don't want to invite people over. Hell; I don't want my Boyfriend over; that kills me, because I want to see him tons, but at the same time every time I stay at his place I feel like SHIT for leaving Sadie here. it's a bad situation for me. I worry about possible moves because I'm worried that I will have the same problems. I also want to keep my bed 'neutral territory'. I love sharing my bed and I'm not the type that I'll every want to limit my bed to 1 person, but at the same time it's a matter of respect?
*sigh* I'm just conflicted about where my personal space ends and "the public space of those in my life" begins. Especially when I feel like if I open my door for 5 minutes INEVITABLY one of my roommates will end up 'scoping out' my room. MIND YOUR OWN ROOMS AND LEAVE MINE ALONE!!!!
Yeah. G'night.