The Room thing.
Beware, this is poly stuff, so if you're going to go into the 'mono is the only way to go' stuff, just don't read it, please...
Ok, So I've covered how I feel about my living situation. One relief from this was a room at E's house. It's this (pretty crappy) room in the basement of their house, with a bunch of office-y stuff, some of C's personal belongings, and a crappy little mattress with some matching pillows. Not what many would call homey, but it is one of the few places I have never felt alone, alienated, unhappy, unloved etc. In fact even when I have had reason to, this room has made me feel the exact opposite of those things. Nice, right?
Bye bye room. Honestly, I'm keeping my mind open to what the layout, and inevitable change in decor is/shall be. But because of a conversation I had with C, I'm already uncomfortable thinking about staying in this room. Now, the main purpose of this room up until this point was a guest room, and the room that either E or C used when they were spending the night with someone and the other was sleeping in the master bedroom. I'd only heard of her using this room maybe once or twice, to be honest I don't know if it was more than that, I don't really hear about that part of their lives and that's ok, I really don't expect to be part of every aspect of them- I'm the girlfriend, not the... um.. family partner?
Apparently it was enough that she decided it wasn't good enough so she bought a new bed, and will soon buy a bedframe and such to raise it up to where she likes it. Today when we were talking she told me I had to "get over whatever it was I had a problem with" about the master bedroom, because she bought this bed, and she's going to want to use it and if I am going to stay over, I might have to stay in the master bedroom. Previously, if she was home she slept up there because I prefered the lower more comfortable bed downstairs, E didn't care, etc. I thought that it was a double bonus- She didn't like it down there, I did, everyone wins, eh? Apparently not, and now this thing I thought I was doing right was flung in my face with some very implicit insults. And now I've lost the feeling that made me feel like somewhere out there I could feel 'at home'.
The things that E has been so casually mentioning about her seemingly unilateral decisions has been making me feel like I"m being inked out, and Very insecure- and it's 99% not him, so I refuse to say that he's making me feel this way, it feels like C is doing it. Most of the time it seems like it's unintentional, because she would have to notice or care about people that she doesn't specifically want/need/plan on pursuing or have a use for.
I know of several poly couples whose secondary relationships don't interact with the other primary, and I don't think this would work with E&C's dynamic, but how do I deal with the fact that I never walk away from an interaction with C without feeling like less of a person (as in of less worth, liked I'd been 'taken down a peg' or 'put in my place by a superior')? How do I deal with the fact that I suddenly feel like I don't belong in their house now?
Ok, So I've covered how I feel about my living situation. One relief from this was a room at E's house. It's this (pretty crappy) room in the basement of their house, with a bunch of office-y stuff, some of C's personal belongings, and a crappy little mattress with some matching pillows. Not what many would call homey, but it is one of the few places I have never felt alone, alienated, unhappy, unloved etc. In fact even when I have had reason to, this room has made me feel the exact opposite of those things. Nice, right?
Bye bye room. Honestly, I'm keeping my mind open to what the layout, and inevitable change in decor is/shall be. But because of a conversation I had with C, I'm already uncomfortable thinking about staying in this room. Now, the main purpose of this room up until this point was a guest room, and the room that either E or C used when they were spending the night with someone and the other was sleeping in the master bedroom. I'd only heard of her using this room maybe once or twice, to be honest I don't know if it was more than that, I don't really hear about that part of their lives and that's ok, I really don't expect to be part of every aspect of them- I'm the girlfriend, not the... um.. family partner?
Apparently it was enough that she decided it wasn't good enough so she bought a new bed, and will soon buy a bedframe and such to raise it up to where she likes it. Today when we were talking she told me I had to "get over whatever it was I had a problem with" about the master bedroom, because she bought this bed, and she's going to want to use it and if I am going to stay over, I might have to stay in the master bedroom. Previously, if she was home she slept up there because I prefered the lower more comfortable bed downstairs, E didn't care, etc. I thought that it was a double bonus- She didn't like it down there, I did, everyone wins, eh? Apparently not, and now this thing I thought I was doing right was flung in my face with some very implicit insults. And now I've lost the feeling that made me feel like somewhere out there I could feel 'at home'.
The things that E has been so casually mentioning about her seemingly unilateral decisions has been making me feel like I"m being inked out, and Very insecure- and it's 99% not him, so I refuse to say that he's making me feel this way, it feels like C is doing it. Most of the time it seems like it's unintentional, because she would have to notice or care about people that she doesn't specifically want/need/plan on pursuing or have a use for.
I know of several poly couples whose secondary relationships don't interact with the other primary, and I don't think this would work with E&C's dynamic, but how do I deal with the fact that I never walk away from an interaction with C without feeling like less of a person (as in of less worth, liked I'd been 'taken down a peg' or 'put in my place by a superior')? How do I deal with the fact that I suddenly feel like I don't belong in their house now?