Banging on the proverbial walls, screaming help...

[jousterl]

So I usually try to keep my LJ happy and upbeat. I may rant about the various day-to-day or week-to-week goings on, but even though it's a journal, it should also contain some optimism. I do like to think of myself as a fairly optimistic person

Comments

[zipjay]

i wish i was 21 again.. :-\ But yeah I've felt like that before too buddy.. the thing to remember is don't miss yesterday, look forward to tomorrow.. tomorrow u wont be an old man.. theres ALOT left.. your not even halfway through life yet bro.. keep your head up and talk to me (online or IRL) anytime u need me *hugs*

[jousterl]

It's just... I can't -help- getting that feeling... I realize that I'm not an old man... I'm just afraid of that day that I wake up and I am. If I'm getting this feeling this intensely -now-... what's it going to be like later in life?

[jousterl]

That's definitely the feeling... the thoughts come, followed by a well of emotions that just lodge themselves in your throat until you can hardly breathe.

It's slightly comforting to know I'm not the only one who experiences what I'm going to start calling "time sickness"... similar to being home-sick, only it's for times past.

[jousterl]

Yeah... That's the real kicker... I'll be sitting there trying to get to sleep and suddenly my mind will be like "So... death. What do you think it'll be like when you no longer are aware?" and then I curl up into a ball with a pillow and try to stop the thought process.

[der_pudel]

All I have to say, is, dude, you are way too young to worry about that kind of stuff. You're not old. You're not close to old. Trust me. You've got lots of time. You can spend another 21 years on this earth and you still won't be old. Take a deep breath. Relax. It will be okay!

[jousterl]

I understand I've got lots of time... but I don't have infinite time. As long as that's not the case, these feelings will persist... doubts as to if I'm using it to maximize my life... worries of waking up and it being 1, 2, 5, 10, 20, 50 years in the future...

I know it'll be ok, because there's really not a whole lot I can do to counter the forwardness of time. But there are times where it all just threatens to completely overwhelm me...

[artic_dragoness]

*more hugs* From reading this, the things that used to keep you going were goals, or things to look forward to as you got older. Maybe you just need to make goals, or remember the things you can look forward to? Kinda like a bucket list or the like. I've been thinking similar morbid thoughts, and just realized if I got to do at least most of the things I wanted by the time I'm 77 (a lot of them involve going to specific countries, or being close to some animal, like a whale), then it won't matter that all that time has passed, because it will have been doing what I wanted. And that's another 57 years away

[jousterl]

What you said is all true... my fear is that I'll wake up one day, be that 77-year old, looking back... and while I'll be fairly sure at that point I'll be happy with how my life has been... I'll almost be jealous of myself now... wanting that opportunity to live life through again

[artic_dragoness]

Well, you could always believe in Hinduism or Buddhism and reincarnation XD Then you could be the same age again in a different life. Or create reverse time technology. Or something.

[jousterl]

I'd love to have reverse time technology... or the ability really to halt time, then live in the moment for a long time. Time would still run for us, but then you'd unpause and you'd still be the same age and only a second will have gone by, or something...

As for reincarnation/religion... The jury is still out on where I am in my beliefs... at this point I'd peg myself as Agnostic.

[kristynlioness]

*lays ears back and hugs you tight*

[jousterl]

*hugs back* I appreciate the gesture... I'll definitely be alright, this is just the most intense I've felt this feeling in a long while (maybe ever)