Supernatural: Scarecrow coda
I meant to post this last night, but I was trying to think of a title and kind of forgot. So, yeah. Still no title, but whatever. For now I shall call it Post Scarecrow Codaish Thingy and call it good.
Notes: This is what happens when I try and meta. Thanks to stone_princess for making it all coherent and stuff. BYOS.
Dean pretends that he's not scared of anything, but ever since Dad left, he's been in freefall, which is more than a little disconcerting. The only thing that keeps him from panicking completely is that every clue Dad has left behind is an order, and Dean needs that. With Dad gone, Dean is helpless to do anything but keep on following orders, and he doesn't know what will happen when there's nobody around to give them anymore. And maybe Dean is still coming from a four-year-old's logic, that Mommy got taken away because he was bad, so he has to be good to keep Daddy. Dean has never claimed to be well-adjusted.
When Dad finally calls, Dean thinks that it will break his fall, but when he gets the phone away from Sam, the only thing Dad says is, "I need you to take down some names."
The Yes, sir. comes out automatically, and Dean can feel the anger rolling off Sam as he searches for a pen and paper. But Dean isn't like Sam--he can't afford to go off half-cocked just because he's pissed.
***
There are too few things in Dean's life that might still be taken from him, so he clings to what he can. But he can't explain that to Sam, his baby brother who risked everything and lost. He'd rather have Sam hate him, to think of him as blindly obedient than to have him know just how fucking terrified he is of gambling with stakes that high.
So when Sam gets out of the car, says he's going to California to find Dad, Dean is helpless to stop him. Can't beg him to stay even though he already feels the loss like a punch in the gut.
Dean drives away and feigns that he's the one who left this time.
***
For reasons that Dean doesn't really want to think about, that stupid proverb runs through his head as he drives, some shit about If you love something, let it go, and if it returns, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
It pisses him off, because all the things he's loved have been torn from his grasp before he ever had a chance to test their love. Even Sam. Though maybe that's his answer.
Dean knows that if he hadn't asked Sam to come with him, Sam never would have returned on his own. But, then, Dean never let Sam go in the first place.
He picks up his phone and dials.
***
The phone conversation with Sam plays on repeat in Dean's head as he tries to get his hands free. Stupid, freaky, blood-thirsty, bondage-loving villagers. He knows he did the right thing, knows that Sam took it as the goodbye it was meant to be. None of which keeps him from wishing Sam was here right fucking now.
So when Sam shows up approximately three seconds later, all deus ex machina-like, it's all Dean can do to keep the hysterical laughter at bay. When Sam tells him he stole a car to get there, Dean feels like crying. Because for as fucked up as they might be, Dean has a family who would never sacrifice him to a blood thirsty pagan god, and that's something.
It isn't until later, when Sam is explaining why he's not leaving again that it sinks in. Sam came back. Dean let him go this time, and Sam came back to him. Which means he belongs to me.
Dean doesn't say that, though. Instead, he grins and says, "Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful."
And Dean can smile again, because Sam is here and Sam is his and it's a jarring way to break a freefall, but fuck it. Sam and Dean fit together in ways that maybe they shouldn't. Sam fills the parts of Dean that feel incomplete when he's not there, and maybe that should be disturbing but Dean is just glad to be on solid ground again.
Notes: This is what happens when I try and meta. Thanks to stone_princess for making it all coherent and stuff. BYOS.
Dean pretends that he's not scared of anything, but ever since Dad left, he's been in freefall, which is more than a little disconcerting. The only thing that keeps him from panicking completely is that every clue Dad has left behind is an order, and Dean needs that. With Dad gone, Dean is helpless to do anything but keep on following orders, and he doesn't know what will happen when there's nobody around to give them anymore. And maybe Dean is still coming from a four-year-old's logic, that Mommy got taken away because he was bad, so he has to be good to keep Daddy. Dean has never claimed to be well-adjusted.
When Dad finally calls, Dean thinks that it will break his fall, but when he gets the phone away from Sam, the only thing Dad says is, "I need you to take down some names."
The Yes, sir. comes out automatically, and Dean can feel the anger rolling off Sam as he searches for a pen and paper. But Dean isn't like Sam--he can't afford to go off half-cocked just because he's pissed.
***
There are too few things in Dean's life that might still be taken from him, so he clings to what he can. But he can't explain that to Sam, his baby brother who risked everything and lost. He'd rather have Sam hate him, to think of him as blindly obedient than to have him know just how fucking terrified he is of gambling with stakes that high.
So when Sam gets out of the car, says he's going to California to find Dad, Dean is helpless to stop him. Can't beg him to stay even though he already feels the loss like a punch in the gut.
Dean drives away and feigns that he's the one who left this time.
***
For reasons that Dean doesn't really want to think about, that stupid proverb runs through his head as he drives, some shit about If you love something, let it go, and if it returns, it's yours. If it doesn't, it never was.
It pisses him off, because all the things he's loved have been torn from his grasp before he ever had a chance to test their love. Even Sam. Though maybe that's his answer.
Dean knows that if he hadn't asked Sam to come with him, Sam never would have returned on his own. But, then, Dean never let Sam go in the first place.
He picks up his phone and dials.
***
The phone conversation with Sam plays on repeat in Dean's head as he tries to get his hands free. Stupid, freaky, blood-thirsty, bondage-loving villagers. He knows he did the right thing, knows that Sam took it as the goodbye it was meant to be. None of which keeps him from wishing Sam was here right fucking now.
So when Sam shows up approximately three seconds later, all deus ex machina-like, it's all Dean can do to keep the hysterical laughter at bay. When Sam tells him he stole a car to get there, Dean feels like crying. Because for as fucked up as they might be, Dean has a family who would never sacrifice him to a blood thirsty pagan god, and that's something.
It isn't until later, when Sam is explaining why he's not leaving again that it sinks in. Sam came back. Dean let him go this time, and Sam came back to him. Which means he belongs to me.
Dean doesn't say that, though. Instead, he grins and says, "Hold me, Sam. That was beautiful."
And Dean can smile again, because Sam is here and Sam is his and it's a jarring way to break a freefall, but fuck it. Sam and Dean fit together in ways that maybe they shouldn't. Sam fills the parts of Dean that feel incomplete when he's not there, and maybe that should be disturbing but Dean is just glad to be on solid ground again.