Stupid Ideas 1 and 2
In the unlikely event -
- you are Ms. Allison Pearson, please read "thanks" at the bottom of this story first.
Hours of sleep: 8. Amazing.
Hours spent watching something with Richard Armitage in it: Counting last night's youtube gorge-fest, 100. Ta to all the fanvid makers.
Progress on really bad fan fiction for dear friends: 0 because I am not happy with one Allison Pearson, journalist.
Size 4-6, (depending on the jean manufacturer).
Height: 5' 5 1/2" (too short for Richard Armitage).
Weight: Don't own scales. Maybe I weigh less than 110 lbs. Maybe more. All I know is that my clothes fit and I eat ice cream whenever the hell I want.
I got a look at Allison Pearson's article on British actor Richard Armitage winning this year's Romance Novelists' Association poll for Sexiest Man on Two Legs.
www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-1141366/ALLISON-PEARSON-Grandma-knows-far-nursery.html
What exactly constitutes "sexy?" If sexy means one look at him and you're a goner, then OK, I get it. But what I don't get is Allison Pearson's opinion that for Geraldine Granger, played by Dawn French, "a woman that size, wearing that kind of comedy knitwear, could bag a bloke like Armitage" only through divine intervention. I fear dear Ms. Pearson has bought It, just like the rest of us.
It is a collection of at least 4 stupid ideas we women follow like sheep.
Stupid Ideas #1-2 lead those of us who are size 4, 36Bs of Amazon warrior height to look at our shorter, chubby sisters with secret smirks of superiority, confident our bodies will be the winners and theirs the losers in the fast up-coming Catch Him 'n Keep Him: Sexy Man Competition.
Not so fast, girlfriends.
First, we must thank the women who periodically wake us up to smell It by way of great personal sacrifice. They have shown us tight bodies, bouncy only the right places, don’t stop sexy men from amending "I love you" to mean “My mistake, honey. Bye.” Marilyn Monroe, Elizabeth Taylor, Nicole Kidman, Jennifer Aniston. Just think "Hollywood A list" if you want examples of breathtaking, gorgeous women who have been dumped.
Actually, sexy women have been trying to wake up the rest of us for hundreds of years. For one of those "once I'm in heaven interviews" we all wish we could do, one might ask Henry VIII's castoff Katharine Howard her opinion on body-beautiful buying lifelong love. She was his physically perfect female, his Rose Without Thorns. We know where that got her. Or maybe one could interview the mysterious Mona Lisa? Her beauty got her a portrait but not a real name or a life remembered. So much for beauty and "being loved" during her lifetime, (just an observation).
To top it off, the Geraldine Grangers of the world do catch sexy men. Frustrating, I know, for those of us who obsess about diet, exercise, and the latest moisturizer. The world is full of couples with such silhouettes. These women have lusciously desirable bodies to the men who married them. We're talking hot sex that has produced millions of cute kiddies.
If by now you're wondering, "Who is this Geraldine Granger?" sorry for the delay in proper introduction. Here she is with, you guessed it, The Sexiest Man On Two Legs:
Did I mention It is determined by culture and is therefore a contrived, changeable standard? Meaning, if most men of African cultures prefer large women, why are we having, taking, and dishing It out here? (Note to self: write severe, chastising e-mail to Ms. I'm Skinny, Dawn French Isn't, So Richard Armitage Will Love Me, Plus I am A Very Important Journalist.) Eating disorder “how to” sites? It has gotten insane.
Stupid Idea #1: To be worth loving, women must be beautiful.
Which is translated into English for us in -
Stupid Idea #2. Beautiful is thin.
Every woman knows these. Worse, we believe them despite all evidence to the contrary. If I inched up to the next dress size, I would die of mortification. I know thin (and therefore exceedingly gorgeous) women have been rated by very sexy men as just as worthy of abandonment as the next girl. So why am I as deep into It as the rest of us? (Hello, Ms. Pearson. Nice to meet you.) I'm not sure, but could part of the problem be Stupid Idea #3? Because no matter what I do, no matter who I am, that part of It comes and keeps coming.
This story continues in "Stupid Idea 3" here.
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Photo Credit: http://newsimg.bbc.co.uk/media/images/42410000/jpg/_42410759_dibley_bbc203.jpg
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Stupid Ideas 1-4 is mostly a work of fiction, save facts for which references are cited, so I will be kind to the innocent male by-stander currently standing in my kitchen.
Thanks
One of the best from last night's gorge-fest. Thanks, Spikesbint! www.youtube.com/watch
I know Ms. Pearson will not ever see Stupid Ideas 1-4 as it is located in this cyberspace version of the Superdome, New Orleans, USA when it’s sold out, but I would like to extend my heartfelt respect and thanks to her just the same - and to the makers of the Dove video (link below) - for inspiring me to write down a few things in a flurry of annoying, female venting.
I must stress that although this story begins with Ms. Pearson as some sort of arrogant journalist, the demeanor was a product my own, limited imagination. No disrespect toward Ms. Pearson, who I do not know at all, is intended. If by some crazy circumstance this very real human being should happen upon this story, I insist that she understands that and enjoys the fun (at least I hope some of this was fun).
A Dove Film: Onslaught http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SNFpoAt5PkA