Stupid Idea 3
This story begins with Stupid Ideas 1 and 2 here.
This portion is rated PG-13.
Hours of sleep: 4, with 3 hour nap immediately after.
Hours spent watching something with Richard Armitage in it: Who is Richard Armitage?
Age: Over 40, (hence, stress-induced senior moments).
Wrinkle count: 4,569.
Seeing as I still have the hots for my husband, these wrinkles are craters of catastrophe. I am a horror film live from New York.
Look at the pressure. Hollywood. Now, I am not going to waste a second of my life researching casting choices, so this probably reflects only my neuroses, but it seems to me that in Hollywood men past puberty get treated to a delightful age discrepancy called the female lead. This is so no one confuses the romantic comedy with the scary movie in which a zombie snogs a sexy man against his will.
To put off the inevitable, my romance with the Sun began to take on its vampire quality about 12 years ago. It began innocently enough with a little sunscreen on the beach. I have since lost that loving feeling via long-sleeved shirts, pants, hats, gloves, and sunblock SPF 60.
Hands off, Wrinkle Rays.
"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied," (Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891).
The fact that a man living in the late 1800s noticed our great, great-grandmothers having wrinkle issues does show today’s media isn’t to blame for all of It. It's only to blame for omitting the small billion per year detail that money is the only thing that vanishes with Olay Regenerist.
This issue does seem to cross cultures and generations. For reproductive reasons, I suspect.
The more wrinkled the face, the less likely a woman can have babies - or at least that’s my theory. True, biological clocks are being smashed by first time mothers in their 40s all the time. What isn’t common knowledge, except maybe to these mothers, is that older mothers-to-be are at risk for difficulty conceiving, multiple births, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, having a baby with Down’s syndrome, and miscarriage. Today, some of these risks increase the likelihood the older mother will have a C-section. During the Stone-Age, they increased the likelihood the mothers and/or their babies would die. Maybe pre-Hollywood Henry VIII wasn’t being a jerk in marrying successively younger women in his quest for a son. Maybe he was unknowingly wired to see wrinkles as omens of sperm-meets-egg disaster.
Still, I’m not convinced that all men want to keep us only if we look young forever. There are just too many elderly couples who show there’s more to a man’s love than that. Plus, what’s supposed to happen - him trading me in for the latest model - isn’t. Every morning, he’s there, giving me - drowsy Death Breath in all her wrinkled glory - a gentle kiss on the mouth before he heads off to work.
At 14 years older than her guest star, Dawn French was snogging Richard Armitage in Vicar of Dibley. The story, the kisses (with tongues) - all of it constituted a heavenly third date with romantic comedy perfection. Speaking as a woman who comprehends that looking a perpetual 22 is why I was born, how extraordinary. How comforting. Smart woman, that Dawn French.
Stupid Idea #3: Wrinkles are the end to being loved, (per Stupid Idea #1).
Nightie of the Living Dead: Packed with drama and suspense, reaching a climax that will shock - he says he wants her, he says he loves her, that her being a zombie won’t stop him from tearing off that nightie of hers, not for a second.
He’s waiting. She must make the terrifying choice: him or It.
Facing death defying wrinkle counts, can she find real love, or will the most tragic stupid idea of them all - #4, which cuts to the core of all of It - tear them apart?
Concluded in "Stupid Idea 4" here.
____________________________________________
Various sources of information for this piece:
Wrinkle creams: selling hope in a jar. Consumer Reports. (Jan. 2007) http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/home-garden/beauty-personal-care/cosmetics/wrinkle-creams-1-07/overview/0107_cream_ov_1.htm
Looking good: our obsession with physical appearance may not be so shallow, after all. Von Drehle, D. (Nov. 12, 2006) http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/08/AR2006110801477_pf.html
Pregnancy after 35: healthy moms, healthy babies. (2007) Mayo Clinic Staff. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy/PR00115
Married Couples by Differences in Ages Between Husband and Wife: 1999 (unpublished data) US Census Bureau. http://www.allcountries.org/uscensus/56_married_couples_by_differences_in_ages.html
Age differences of married and divorcing couples (abstract). (1994) Gentleman, J. F., Park, E. Health Reports/Rapports sur la Sante, Vol. 6, No. 2, 1994. 225-40 pp. Ottawa, Canada. http://popindex.princeton.edu/browse/v61/n1/g.html
Pages for Richard Armitage, Dawn French on www.imdb. com
March 4, 2009: Since posting this portion of the story, I notice this page is usually decked out in anti-wrinkle cream ads. Readers may enjoy the Consumer Reports article cited above before buying any. I didn't incorporate the information about ages and couples, but readers who feel a pressure to look a perpetual 22 may be comforted to know there is a pattern: couples who wrinkle together are more likely to stay together than those with huge age differences, where one is smooth and the other is not.
This portion is rated PG-13.
Hours of sleep: 4, with 3 hour nap immediately after.
Hours spent watching something with Richard Armitage in it: Who is Richard Armitage?
Age: Over 40, (hence, stress-induced senior moments).
Wrinkle count: 4,569.
Seeing as I still have the hots for my husband, these wrinkles are craters of catastrophe. I am a horror film live from New York.
Look at the pressure. Hollywood. Now, I am not going to waste a second of my life researching casting choices, so this probably reflects only my neuroses, but it seems to me that in Hollywood men past puberty get treated to a delightful age discrepancy called the female lead. This is so no one confuses the romantic comedy with the scary movie in which a zombie snogs a sexy man against his will.
To put off the inevitable, my romance with the Sun began to take on its vampire quality about 12 years ago. It began innocently enough with a little sunscreen on the beach. I have since lost that loving feeling via long-sleeved shirts, pants, hats, gloves, and sunblock SPF 60.
Hands off, Wrinkle Rays.
"As long as a woman can look ten years younger than her own daughter, she is perfectly satisfied," (Oscar Wilde, Picture of Dorian Gray, 1891).
The fact that a man living in the late 1800s noticed our great, great-grandmothers having wrinkle issues does show today’s media isn’t to blame for all of It. It's only to blame for omitting the small billion per year detail that money is the only thing that vanishes with Olay Regenerist.
This issue does seem to cross cultures and generations. For reproductive reasons, I suspect.
The more wrinkled the face, the less likely a woman can have babies - or at least that’s my theory. True, biological clocks are being smashed by first time mothers in their 40s all the time. What isn’t common knowledge, except maybe to these mothers, is that older mothers-to-be are at risk for difficulty conceiving, multiple births, gestational diabetes, high blood pressure, having a baby with Down’s syndrome, and miscarriage. Today, some of these risks increase the likelihood the older mother will have a C-section. During the Stone-Age, they increased the likelihood the mothers and/or their babies would die. Maybe pre-Hollywood Henry VIII wasn’t being a jerk in marrying successively younger women in his quest for a son. Maybe he was unknowingly wired to see wrinkles as omens of sperm-meets-egg disaster.
Still, I’m not convinced that all men want to keep us only if we look young forever. There are just too many elderly couples who show there’s more to a man’s love than that. Plus, what’s supposed to happen - him trading me in for the latest model - isn’t. Every morning, he’s there, giving me - drowsy Death Breath in all her wrinkled glory - a gentle kiss on the mouth before he heads off to work.
At 14 years older than her guest star, Dawn French was snogging Richard Armitage in Vicar of Dibley. The story, the kisses (with tongues) - all of it constituted a heavenly third date with romantic comedy perfection. Speaking as a woman who comprehends that looking a perpetual 22 is why I was born, how extraordinary. How comforting. Smart woman, that Dawn French.
Stupid Idea #3: Wrinkles are the end to being loved, (per Stupid Idea #1).
Nightie of the Living Dead: Packed with drama and suspense, reaching a climax that will shock - he says he wants her, he says he loves her, that her being a zombie won’t stop him from tearing off that nightie of hers, not for a second.
He’s waiting. She must make the terrifying choice: him or It.
Facing death defying wrinkle counts, can she find real love, or will the most tragic stupid idea of them all - #4, which cuts to the core of all of It - tear them apart?
Concluded in "Stupid Idea 4" here.
____________________________________________
Various sources of information for this piece:
Wrinkle creams: selling hope in a jar. Consumer Reports. (Jan. 2007) http://www.consumerreports.org/cro/home-garden/beauty-personal-care/cosmetics/wrinkle-creams-1-07/overview/0107_cream_ov_1.htm
Looking good: our obsession with physical appearance may not be so shallow, after all. Von Drehle, D. (Nov. 12, 2006) http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/11/08/AR2006110801477_pf.html
Pregnancy after 35: healthy moms, healthy babies. (2007) Mayo Clinic Staff. http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/pregnancy/PR00115
Married Couples by Differences in Ages Between Husband and Wife: 1999 (unpublished data) US Census Bureau. http://www.allcountries.org/uscensus/56_married_couples_by_differences_in_ages.html
Age differences of married and divorcing couples (abstract). (1994) Gentleman, J. F., Park, E. Health Reports/Rapports sur la Sante, Vol. 6, No. 2, 1994. 225-40 pp. Ottawa, Canada. http://popindex.princeton.edu/browse/v61/n1/g.html
Pages for Richard Armitage, Dawn French on www.imdb. com
March 4, 2009: Since posting this portion of the story, I notice this page is usually decked out in anti-wrinkle cream ads. Readers may enjoy the Consumer Reports article cited above before buying any. I didn't incorporate the information about ages and couples, but readers who feel a pressure to look a perpetual 22 may be comforted to know there is a pattern: couples who wrinkle together are more likely to stay together than those with huge age differences, where one is smooth and the other is not.