Kind of crackalicious OTP fic
Title: Rumors
Characters: (Byakuya) x Renji; Ukitake, Rukia, Yumichika, Matsumoto, Hinamori, Nanao, Isane…too many. Oddly enough, Byakuya doesn’t actually appear in his own fic.
Time Frame: Like my previous stuff, in the little window between the end of the SS arc and the shinigami's arrival in the living world in the arracar arc.
Genre: Humor…verges on crack.
Rating: PG-13 for implied sex and lots of discussion thereof.
Summary: Renji is having a hard time keeping his new relationship with Byakuya secret.
A/N: My Byakuya muse demanded a vacation, so I gave him one and tried to incorporate the rest of the Bleach cast (finally!) into my Bya/Ren series. This is the dubious result. XD
Ukitake Jyuushirou heard knock on his door. Although it was already slightly ajar, as he normally left it, he got up to open it properly and found Kuchiki Rukia there, looking rather despondent.
“Ukitake-taichou, are you busy?”
“Not at the moment. Please come in.”
Rukia entered and sat on one of the assorted cushions Ukitake had lying about his office. “I need to talk to someone,” she said.
It didn’t bother Ukitake that he was probably the only captain who acted as a guidance counselor for the younger members of his squad. To him, it came naturally. Seeing Rukia there surprised him, however. She wasn’t the type who wanted help very often, or at least, not the type to admit it. “What’s the matter, Rukia?” In the younger shinigami’s eyes, Ukitake could see cracks in the confidence she normally maintained, traces of indecision and self-doubt he had rarely observed in her.
"Ukitake-taichou,” she began, “I am beginning to wonder if I made the right decision to stay in Soul Society.”
The captain put a hand on the girl’s shoulder. “It must have been difficult to choose. That is one reason there is a limit to our stays in the human world. It’s always painful to part with friends,” he said, his tone changing very slightly. “We both know that.”
Rukia forced down the lump that swelled in her throat; she knew her captain was thinking of Kaien just as she was. In comparison, letting go of Ichigo seemed less of a loss. “I…I don’t know if I did the right thing. For me, I mean. Surely Nii-sama would not have wanted me to leave. At this point, in fact…I don’t know if he could bear it.”
“I know Kuchiki-taichou is often not the easiest person to talk to,” Ukitake said, “but have you tried asking him how he feels about it?”
“I looked for him today, but he wasn’t at home or in his office. And I looked everywhere for Renji after that - he’s the one I usually talk to about everything- but I couldn’t find him either.”
Ukitake’s brows furrowed. The Sixth Division vice captain was not known for being hard to find. If anything, he tended towards making himself painfully obvious.
Rukia continued, seemingly more distraught about the absence of her friend and her brother than about her original concern. “They’ve both been so hard to reach this whole past week. It’s so unlike Nii-sama. He usually keeps such a strict routine, but last night he still wasn’t home when I went to bed. And Renji has barely had time to get lunch with me! Does the Sixth Division have any sort of special mission right now?”
A strange expression like a poorly suppressed smile was spreading across Ukitake’s face. “A special mission?” he said, his eyes laughing. “Not that I was aware of.”
Rukia was indignant. “Taichou! What’s so funny?”
Ukitake did not know how Rukia would react to his theory, so he kept it to himself. But he knew Byakuya very well, and if he was not mistaken, he knew exactly what was keeping him and his vice captain so busy.
* * *
Yumichika practically owned the rumor mill, especially where beautiful people were concerned, and in his book, Kuchiki Byakuya qualified as beautiful. Lately, however, he had seemed more beautiful than ever. It was as if a thin veneer of his icy front had melted, letting the subtlest hint of vibrancy through. To the average observer, nothing would seem out of the ordinary, but to Yumichika, it was obvious. He couldn’t say he wasn’t surprised and envious, but there was sheer delight in being able to see though Byakuya’s facade so easily. “I know what’s going on, Kuchiki-samaaaa!” Yumichika sang to himself. It would only be a matter of time before the whole Eleventh Division was speculating as to whom the formerly frigid captain had deemed worthy of sharing his bed.
* * *
It was Friday night, and Matsumoto Rangiku was drunk. “Abarai-kun!” she shouted as she spotted Renji across the bar.
“Oi, Matsumoto!” he greeted her, uneasiness rising in his already sake-drenched stomach. She was sitting with Isane, Hinamori and Nanao - clearly a girls’ night out among the vice captains.
“Abarai-kun, where have you been?” Rangiku whined. “We missed you last weekend.”
Renji tried to remember last weekend. Had that been the time he and Byakuya had gone…or when they…oh yeah, the jacuzzi. That was it. “Um, right…Friday night. I had a meeting with Kuchiki-taichou.”
What Renji thought had been a perfectly respectable response sent the women into peals of laughter. “A meeting at night!” a very pink Hinamori chirped, choking on her giggles. “A night meeting!”
Great, Renji thought. She only regained consciousness last week and she’s already half lost it again. He was tempted to make her lose it permanently, but restrained himself with some effort.
“Yeah, I thought it was kind of bad timing too, but he had some important things to discuss with me before the weekend. Performance reviews an’ stuff.” This made Isane spit out the sake she had been about to swallow. “Jeez, what’s with you people?” Renji grumbled. “You know how that Kuchiki is. He doesn’t let you relax much. You’d understand if you were working under him.”
By now, the girls’ howling would have put Zabimaru to shame. “He just won’t get off your back, will he?” crowed Matsumoto. “You must be exhausted these days! ”
“And sore,” Isane added with a smirk.
“What?!?” Renji finally saw through his own stupor enough to catch on to their joke that was all too true. “Shut up you idiots! You sound like a flock of pigeons!”
“Is it true? Is it true?” begged Nanao, whose studious daytime persona had been washed away by several drinks too many.
“Why d’ you care? I’da thought late night captain-vice captain relations were old hat for you.”
Nanao’s flush deepened, but Matsumoto was ecstatic. “I’m so proud of you, Abarai-kun! All of us have been fantasizing about it for ages! So tell us. What’s it like?”
Renji blinked. Could his life have gotten any worse? He resorted to the only form of deception he was any good at: playing dumb. “What’s what like?”
“Sex with Byakuya!”
“What the hell! Are you kiddin’ me? I never-“
Yumichika came up behind him with a mischievous, sparkling grin. “Ah, Abarai! Are the women boring you? I suppose you don’t find them particularly interesting at the moment.”
“This is so your fault, you little bitch,” Renji snarled, lunging at Yumichika as Matsumoto and company looked on, more entertained than ever. To see the two friends fighting was only mildly distressing - they both had once been in the Eleventh together after all, and fighting was their lifeblood. But the womens’ attention was pulled away from the brawl by an unusual sight: Rukia had entered the bar.
“Renji!” she cried, running over to him, and pleading in a most uncharacteristic tone of voice. “Please, guys, please stop fighting! Renji, I’m so glad I found you!” She put one hand tenderly on Renji’s arm, but with the other pinched him hard so that no one could see.
“Oi, Rukia, what are you doing?” mumbled the startled Renji under his breath.
“Saving your ass,” she muttered before taking his head in her hands and kissing him passionately. Renji was stunned, but he thought he knew what his friend was up to, and he played along. After all, it was almost like kissing her brother. Yumichika was left forgotten on the floor, gaping in bewilderment at the public display of affection.
Everyone in the room looked equally confused and disappointed. How could they have been wrong? “So that’s what he was doing sneaking back from the Kuchiki manor,” Nanao said to herself in quiet shock. “I should have known.”
As they left the bar together, Rukia’s enamored smile quickly turned into a look that told Renji he had some explaining to do.
“Thanks a lot, Rukia,” Renji grumbled. “Now the whole world thinks we’re dating.”
“Better they think that than that they know the truth, right?” She kicked him sharply in the shin and glared at him as he hopped about in pain. “You moron! Why didn’t you tell me about Nii-sama?!?”
“Um, I didn’t want to jinx it?” he whined, holding his throbbing leg. “Also…I wasn’t sure you’d approve.”
“Oh, but I certainly approve of all Soul Society finding out before I do that my brother and my best friend are getting it on!”
“You’re not mad…about me and Byakuya, right?”
Rukia shrugged. “I don’t know. It’s kind of cute, I guess,” she said before suddenly hitting him over the head. “It’s also kind of annoying when you both become impossible to locate for days on end.”
“Sorry, Rukia,” he sighed, rubbing his head. “And thanks for covering my ass. So how long do we have to pretend to date for?”
“Two weeks. Then I’ll dump you. Very publicly.”
“What? Rukia, how come I have to get dumped?”
“Renji! Do you want this to actually fool people, or not? I mean, I could let them all go on thinking you’re fucking my brother. Or is it the other way around?”
She had a point. “Fine. It’s a deal.”
Rukia smiled. “I want ice cream,” she said sweetly. “You’re my boyfriend now; I guess that means you have to buy me some, right?”
Just what I need, Renji thought. Two Kuchikis bossing me around and demanding favors. It would definitely be the last time he kept a secret from Rukia.
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A/N: Yes, I know Hinamori shouldn’t be conscious yet, but she demanded to be in the fic, so what could I do.