Yagami Haru: Adventures in Solitude ~ Part 1/10
Title: "So I Guess This Is Growing Up" (1/1)
Pairing: Near x Haru
Rating: NC-17. It starts out as gen and then suddenly pronographies. XD
Words: 4500
Summary: It's not easy being 14, even when you're the brilliant and beautiful son of L, Misa, and Light. Includes flashbacks to 8- and 11-year old Haru as well for added cuteness.
Warnings: OC/AU/Futurefic. Semi-shota. Mentions of drug use and sexual abuse.
Note: This story is about Yagami Haru, the star of my earlier fic, L is For Legacy, which chronicles his young childhood. I highly recommend -- no, I insist -- that you read at least part of that story before this. XD And yeah, there will be more Haru fics to come.
[NPA Headquarters, Tokyo, 2019]
~*~
The boy slouched into the office unceremoniously. His black hair was uncombed and probably unwashed, streaked in front with neon pink. He looked somewhere between twelve and fourteen years old, but his eyes seemed much older. They were the flat gray-black of shadows, of graphite and ink on bright white paper. The beginnings of shallow, dark hollows had formed beneath the lower lids. He wore faded jeans that might once have been black, a black hoodie, and black tennis shoes, along with black and grey striped gloves with no fingers and an indescribable assortment of metal accessories.
“Haru-kun,” asked Matsuda, alarmed, “why aren’t you at school?”
“I got suspended.”
“Again?” Aizawa raised his eyebrows.
“What?” Matsuda cried. “How come they didn’t call me about this?”
“I don’t know, Uncle Matsu. Maybe you should be asking yourself why my aunt didn’t tell you. She's the one who got the phone call.” Haru dropped himself gracelessly into the room’s sole empty chair. The whites of his enormous eyes were bloodshot to a faint pink, perhaps from crying, or poor sleep habits, or something else.
“You just love to cause trouble, don’t you,” Aizawa grumbled.
“I do not love to cause trouble,” Haru retorted. “I love to do things that other people happen to find troublesome. There’s a difference.” He pulled a bag of Skittles from his pocket and opened it with fingers that were raw and inflamed around the cuticles from constant biting.
Aizawa shook his head. “You know, we are the police.”
Haru smiled brightly. “Which is precisely why I’m not going to tell you why I got suspended.” He poured the candy out into a multicolored heap on the desktop.
“It’s drugs again,” said Near, who was seated as usual in the middle of the floor, surrounded by toys. Haru turned to him abruptly, as if he hadn’t even noticed the young detective was in the room. “For someone who hangs out with law enforcement on a regular basis, you’d be wise to be more discreet about your recreational pursuits, Haru-kun.”
“If I wanted to be lectured on this subject, sempai, I’d have shown up to health class more than once.” He rolled his eyes. “Don't worry about me. I’ve never done anything illegal.”
“Maybe not yet,” Aizawa replied. “But which would upset you more: if someone took away your Skittles, or your Ritalin?”
“Hey, that’s just medicine. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been hyperactive my whole life.”
“This is true,” Matsuda said. “The Ritalin was prescribed by Haru’s doctor. It helps him focus.”
Near glared skeptically at Matsuda as if he were part of the problem. “If you ask me, it’s the last thing he needs. Hyperactivity is one thing, Haru-kun has never had trouble concentrating. He’s one of the most naturally attentive children I’ve ever observed.”
“You know, I’m right here,” Haru waved. “You don’t have to use the third person.”
Near turned to the teen, who was eating two Skittles at a time. “This has nothing to do with doctors’ orders, Haru. You were suspended for grinding up your pills into an obscene amount of powder and snorting it in the bathroom.”
Haru’s eyes widened, and he nearly choked on the lump of chewed Skittle in his mouth. Of course it was impossible to keep information from Near. Every pair of eyes in the room was fixed on Haru. He turned away, stammering, “But…how - ”
“I realize you must need a huge dose to feel any effect. Which is precisely my point.” Near was presently pushing a little toy truck closer and closer to the edge of a miniature bridge. “I’m worried about you, Haru-kun. One day you might feel the need to move on to more dangerous things. Things that aren’t legal, and that come from more dangerous people than doctors.”
“You know Sherlock Holmes was a cocaine addict, right?”
“Haru!” Matsuda exclaimed, trying ever too late to be the father figure.
“Case in point,” Near replied. “Of course, fictional detectives never have to suffer the consequences of their mistakes.”
Haru did not reply. He was separating the orange Skittles from the rest of the pack, as if saving them for last.
“You remind me of someone, Haru-kun,” said Near.
“Let me guess,” said Haru sarcastically, popping a green Skittle. “My father? Oh, wait. Which one?”
“Not your father, though that resemblance has not gone unnoticed by any of us here. No, the person I’m talking about was different. Determined, emotional, wild. Trouble. Brilliant trouble.”
“Mello,” Matsuda said, looking at Mogi, who just nodded.
“Mello?” asked Haru.
Near continued. “We were close for a while, he and I. Although, I don’t think he especially liked me.”
“I don’t especially like you either,” said Haru with a curious half-smile. Then his expression changed. “He’s dead now, right?”
“Yes,” said Near impassively.
“Figures. It seems I only remind anybody of dead people.”
“Maybe you should try wearing some color,” said Matsuda. “You look like you’re going to a funeral at the circus.”
Haru smiled and ignored him, rocking back in his chair. Everyone here at the NPA admired Haru’s tremendous intellect and respected his parentage. They all knew one day he would hold the title of L. No matter what he did, they would never throw him out. Their reprimands, if fretful, were always affectionate. Haru didn’t mind being chastised by the cops. They were his family, his teachers, and his friends. He learned more from loitering around headquarters than from a whole term of ninth grade, that was for sure.
“So what’re you guys working on?” he asked.
“The subway murders,” Aizawa answered.
“Still?” Haru twisted the industrial piercing in his left ear and made a face. “Jeez.”
“It’s the toughest case we’ve had since Kira,” said Aizawa. The sound of the name seemed to drag a thick silence into the room. Everyone felt it.
Haru looked about the room at the haggard faces of the detectives. “Do you miss Kira?” he asked bluntly. Everyone bristled with discomfort. Haru could feel it at the back of his neck, along with the thrill he got from provoking them. “Come on. Do you? Do you miss chasing him? Didn’t it feel great to be doing something so epic and internationally relevant?”
“No,” said Matsuda at last, with a shudder. “It was horrible.”
Haru popped the whole handful of orange Skittles into his mouth at once and chewed thoughtfully.
~*~
Haru looked just like his parents, his real ones, that is. He had L’s restless, nocturnal eyes, and underneath his pure Japanese coloring there was a vaguely European sharpness to his features. But in terms of style, he was a page right out of Misa’s book, or as it were, her Hot Topic catalogue. He liked crosses and metal things and black and white patterns, and his family teased that his early childhood passion for dress-up had resurfaced. He avoided colors like the plague, except for a thick streak of some neon shade dyed into his jet black bangs. His body, though quite slender, was not as severely angular as L’s, and he had a nice little round butt that looked great in the tight jeans he favored. There was an overall androgynous quality to his pale, graceful face and supple limbs. Misa’s gene pool seemed to have smoothed over L’s awkward edges and transformed him into something truly striking. Simply put, Haru was beautiful.
Near had never really had a sex life, or even a normal sexuality. His first feelings of attraction, before he was even old enough to recognize them as such, had been for L. How could they not have been? L was idolized at Wammy’s, placed on a pedestal for all the kids to imitate, an institutionalized fetishism that on occasion had gone disastrously wrong. Sometimes the line between wanting to be someone and wanting to be with that person was blurry indeed. He’d lusted after L, and when Mello emerged as a rival he’d felt a shadow of attraction there too. But Mello had Matt, and despite all their very public canoodling Near never felt jealous of them. He wasn’t sure he qualified as gay, or straight, or anything. He’d honestly never thought about it until now. What made it worse was the increasing sense that he wasn’t the only one of them thinking about it.
~*~
It had all started when Haru was just eight. They were casually playing jenga together on a Friday night when the kid suddenly dropped the bombshell.
“Near-sempai, will you kiss me?”
It took quite a shock to induce an expression on Near’s impassive face, but this did the trick. “Kiss you?” The tower of blocks collapsed in front of him and he barely batted an eye. “Haru-kun, what on earth brought this on?”
Haru shrugged. “I like you.”
“I like you too, but I think you misunderstand the essence of kissing.”
Haru just smiled at him, the littlest, cheekiest, faux-innocent smile Near had ever seen. It was quite apparent that Haru, not as socially delayed as Near by a long shot, had misunderstood nothing.
“Haru-kun…”
“You’re blushing, Near-sama.”
“Don’t call me that. And no, I am not.”
“You are!”
“I…”
“Please.” In a well-practiced ploy, he made his eyes seem sadder and more enormous than they already were. "Kiss me.”
Near looked away. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not? I want to know what it’s like.”
“You are far too young to be kissing people like that, Haru-kun. And besides, I am a boy.”
“So? What difference does that make?”
Near smiled half regretfully to himself. Yes, Haru certainly did take after his father. “I don’t think Sayu and Matsuda would be very pleased with me to know I had kissed you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just tell them I wanted it.”
“You can’t always get what you want, Yagami Haru.”
~*~
After that it had been fine for awhile, but sometime after Haru turned eleven he seemed to be casting devious looks Near’s way at every opportunity. Initially, Near had given him the benefit of the doubt, even when he was lasciviously sucking a popsicle and making eyes at him. The boy did have a longstanding passion for sweets, after all. He took the frozen treat all the way into his mouth, further than any popsicle needed to go, and pulled it back out, delicately licking up drips of melted juice from the sides. The whole situation was exacerbated by the fact that Haru was doing this while sitting in Near’s lap.
“Haru-kun, you’re too big to sit in my lap.”
Haru made an exaggerated expression of mock offense. “Are you calling me fat?”
“Far from it, but you will be one day if you keep eating like that.”
“My father never got fat,” Haru replied haughtily.
“He never got old,” Near replied, a trace of sadness slipping into audibility.
Haru continued sucking, keenly aware that Near was by turns watching him and avoiding eye contact. “Want some?” He held out the dripping popsicle towards Near, who raised a hand to block it.
“No. I don’t like lemon.”
Haru shrugged. “More for me!”
“I mean it. Get off my lap. I can’t concentrate.”
Haru complied with a pout. “Near-sempai, you’re not as much fun as you used to be, you know that?”
“I was fun?” Near was skeptical. He hadn’t exactly heard that one before.
“Yeah, with all your toys and puzzles.”
“Well, that hasn’t changed,” Near sighed. “I’ve still got the toys. You’re the only one who’s changed.”
“The logical implication being that I’ve outgrown your toys, and you haven’t.” Haru smirked. “Don’t you ever get bored?” Suck suck suck.
“Get off.”
“Near, are you a virgin?”
“I’m not going to answer that.”
“So…that’s a yes then.” He giggled.
“Haru-kun, when it comes down to it, you and I are colleagues, and I find the question entirely unprofessional.”
“But Legos and action figures are totally professional,” Haru rolled his eyes. “I still say it’s a Yes. 90%. You could have easily said No, and it would have been the obvious response. Since you’re what, twenty-five?”
Near shook his head. “Haru, what brought this on?”
“I just think it’s funny you’re a grownup and still playing with toys. It’s like you stopped maturing at ten.”
“There are different kinds of maturity, Haru-kun.”
Haru responded to this by dropping the remnants of his popsicle down the back of Near’s shirt and giggling. Near had quick reflexes and stopped the thing before it had slid too far, but in doing so he crushed it with his hand, sending a cold squelch of sugared ice all over his hand and back.
Near blew a controlled puff of steam through his white hair. “Very mature, Haru-kun. My shirt is ruined now.”
“You mean your pajamas? It’ll wash out.”
Holding his stickifying hand a safe distance from the rest of him, Near rose to find the sink. But Haru was instantly on his feet and grabbed his mentor’s hand.
“No no no! You’ll waste the popsicle!” Before Near could process anything, Haru began licking the sticky juice from his hand. Near pulled away, but Haru clung to him like a hungry animal.
“Haru, stop it. That’s disgusting.”
“It was my popsicle!” said Haru.
“I believe you forfeited it when you dropped it down my shirt. I’m going to go clean up.”
And so it went.
~*~
And so now, in the quiet of the office, they were alone. Near sat on the floor, amongst stacks of Rubik’s cubes. Haru sat in a swivel chair, idly spinning slow half-turns on its axis.
“Why did you call me in here privately, Near-sempai?”
Near didn’t have a reason. He just wanted to see Haru. The boy didn’t come around as much as he used to, and it had been awhile since it was just the two of them, master and pupil, L and his heir. Every time they met now, Haru seemed a little further away, and Near, who rarely felt fear, feared losing him.
“Do be careful, Haru-kun.”
Haru looked up, puzzled. “Huh?”
“If you get into trouble, you’re no more invincible than any of us. Light. L. Mello.”
“That’s the second time today you’ve mentioned this Mello,” said Haru. He got up from the chair and came to sit down next to Near on the floor. “What sort of ‘friend’ was he, exactly?”
Suddenly, to Near, the boy seemed uncomfortably close. “I don’t know what you are getting at, Haru-kun.”
“Oh, I think you do.” Haru bore down on Near, straddling him possessively. He was smaller than Near, but a little stronger, even at his tender age. Haru held down Near’s arms, pressing his pelvis against him hungrily.
“Stop!” Near exclaimed. “Haru - “
Haru laughed aloud. “Sempai, what’s gotten into you? You’re what, twenty-five? Don’t tell me you’ve never done this before.”
“I’m twenty-six.” Near tried to squirm out from under him but couldn’t. “And you, Haru-kun, are fourteen. This is inappropriate.”
“Oh really?” His eyes were dark, focused and yet wild.
“Haru-kun, are you high right now?”
“No.” He lightly stroked Near’s crotch, finding it already swelling with arousal. “Ahaa, I knew it. See, I knew you liked me too. You always have.” Haru fondled the hardness beneath the silky front of his pants. “Did Mello ever touch you like this, when you were young?”
Near just glared back at him icily.
“What about my father?”
Near’s eyes flashed. “That’s not your business, Haru - ”
But Haru cut him off with a furious kiss. Near reeled, tasting the boy's sweet lips, fighting off his own rising arousal. He couldn’t resist this, not with Haru literally throwing himself at him. Haru broke the kiss, breath short, pale face flushed. “I want you, Near. Take off your ridiculous pajamas. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He flashed a mischievous smile. “Come on. Don’t you want to play?”
Near stared back at the lustful dark eyes. “Where did you learn about this?” he demanded. “From the movies? Or books? Or…”
Haru smirked. “Don’t worry sempai. You’re the only one I actually like.”
Now Near’s own eyes went as wide as Haru’s normally were. “Haru-kun…did someone at school touch you?”
Haru tossed his black-and-pink hair. “Let’s just say it’s not your business, Near.”
Near swallowed, doubly chilled by how Haru mirrored his words. It explained everything, but… He couldn’t let himself believe it. Anything but that.
“Haru-kun, listen to me. If something happened to you, you should tell the police. That’s what they’re for. That’s what we’re for.”
“Never mind that,” said Haru, sprinkling light kisses over Near’s throat. “I want you. I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Near shook his head. “No, you’re not in love, you’re confused.”
“Touch me.”
Near could feel and see how hard the boy was, his tight black pants bulging with need. How many times had Near fantasized about L like this, leaning over him and ready to be pleasured? Just thinking about it made his groin ache. But this was not L. This was Haru, a child half his age, with L’s deceitful eyes. But then, L was twelve whole years older than himself when Near had felt the first stirrings of attraction. And here was Haru, looking every bit the miniature L, harboring the same desperate admiration for Near. He did not know what to do.
But for once, thinking was no use. Haru was kissing him again. Once their lips made contact, it was like a spell had been broken. Near resigned himself to the fact that each of them wanted the other, and there was no point repressing it any more. He kissed back, intoxicated by the sweetness on the boy’s breath, and moved his hands over Haru’s lithe young body. Haru shifted back and pulled Near up so they were both sitting, with Haru’s legs spread across Near’s lap.
“See, sempai? This isn’t so bad, is it?”
Wordlessly, Near shook his head. Haru smiled, peeling off his tight black T-shirt. Hesitating for a moment, Near touched the boy’s chest, so thin and smooth and flawless, and his lean, delicately muscled arms.
“Am I pretty, Near-sempai?” Haru asked in a mock-childlike tone.
“Yes,” breathed Near. “You are.”
“You’re pretty fucking hot yourself.”
“Language, Haru - ” But Haru was fumbling with the buttons on Near’s pajamas. He managed to get the top few undone and pulled the fabric back from Near’s body, licking and kissing his chest. Near ran his fingers through Haru’s crazy hair and gasped when he felt Haru’s hands at his crotch again, tugging down the elastic of his pants. Then Haru lowered his head and Near felt wet warmth engulfing his erection. He didn’t need to look to know what Haru was doing, but he did anyway, wanting to see the exquisite face of L’s son licking and sucking him. Oh god, it was…it was too much. Haru made little moans as he sucked, and his eyes frequently flitted upwards as if checking for approval. Near was approaching his breaking point all too quickly. Only his recurring worry for Haru kept his climax in check.
“Oh god, Haru…mnn.”
Haru’s pace slowed, and he pulled back, a beaded string of saliva and precum trailing between Near’s erection and his swollen lips, then breaking. Haru coughed. Near took his hand. “Are you okay? Do you need to stop?”
Haru shook his head. But at a downward glance Near saw how badly the boy was aching for him. Near unfastened the clasp of Haru’s shiny studded belt, and then unbuttoned his jeans. Without Haru’s cooperation, it would have been very hard to get his pants off; even on his slender legs they had little room to give, and his underwear came right off with them. Near was above Haru now, the young boy naked on his back on the cold floor. Near marveled for a moment in silence at the creature before him. Haru’s body was beautiful, his maturity just beginning to bloom. He was not a child after all, Near realized at once; he’d been expelled from childhood far too soon with the deaths of his parents. Haru looked up to him expectanly, and Near palmed Haru’s hard length. Haru thrust eagerly against his gentle strokes, and reached between Near’s legs to reciprocate.
After some minutes of fondling and kissing and murmurs of mutual admiration, Haru seemed to remember something, and he rolled over to see where his pants had disappeared to. Near stared at Haru’s little ass, firm and round and almost ample-looking on his slight frame, as the teen rummaged through the pockets of his discarded jeans and found what he was looking for. When he turned back to face Near he had a condom in his hand and a serious expression on his face.
“I want to go all the way with you,” Haru said.
Near hesitated. He put a hand on Haru’s narrow shoulder. “I can’t do that.”
“Please.”
Near looked at the beautiful boy, all brittle and exposed, somehow completely changed from the aggressive creature that had practically seduced him by force.
“No, Haru-kun, I can’t…not yet. You’re not ready.”
“Please, sempai. Please do it. I want to do it with you. I want you to show me.”
He shook his head. “You’re so young.”
“I know. Just…show me that it can be good.” His voice cracked. “Please.” Suddenly his eyes were his child’s eyes again, huge and liquid and earnest and afraid. “I have to… to erase…please...”
“Oh, Haru…” Near wrapped his arms around him in a gentle embrace, cradling his dark head. “I can’t give you what you need. This is not what you need.”
“I need it.” Haru was crying. “I need you. Sempai. Please, make it okay.”
“This won’t make it okay.”
“I know…but…it’s been done. I can’t go back now.”
Something inside Near’s chest hurt. He’d never felt feelings like this before, for anyone. But this poor, damaged child...Near held his shoulders and looked him in the eyes head on. “Do you really want to have sex now?” he asked.
Haru looked like he could have hit him. “What the hell? Haven’t you paid attention to a word I said this whole time?” He yelled, choking on a sob, which caught in his throat. “Of course I do!” He blinked back another wave of hot tears, and paused to swallow. “Don’t you want me?” he said quietly.
“Yes, Haru-kun. I do want you. I want you so badly.”
“Then...” Haru held out the condom to Near, who just stared back at it. Haru shook his head in frustration and unwrapped the thing, slipping it onto his partner with disconcerting ease. Near hoped it was lubricated enough, for he had nothing else to use. Haru slid down under him again and parted his legs, baring his ass. Near caressed its smooth round contours, breathing in all Haru’s scents. He sighed, shivering with desire and pity and…love? No, it couldn’t be; this was too twisted, too backwards and wrong. But it didn’t matter now. He licked his fingers and pressed gingerly against Haru’s opening.
“This is going to hurt a little.”
Haru nodded. “I know.”
Near pushed a finger up inside as gently as he could, feeling skin already rubbed raw and robbed of innocence. Recent bruises from less gentle hands marred the backs of Haru’s slender thighs, and Near felt sickened and enraged. Who could have done this to Haru? And what was he doing it for? But Haru moaned lowly in approval, and just the sound of the boy’s voice turned Near on, and urged him on. He looked at Haru. The huge Lawliet eyes were half-lidded and black, his cheeks flushed pink, his mouth half-open. In the raking light of the afternoon the subtle contours of his ribs and hipbones stood out against his tiny body. His legs were angled wide apart and open, and his cock hung heavy with desire.
“Haru…”
“Near.”
“Are you ready?”
Haru nodded. Near entered him, gasping at the hot tightness of Haru’s ass. He’d never done this, not even once, but he somehow knew what to do. Haru was very vocal, which helped. “Aanh…” he moaned, “Ohh Near, mmm, right th…oh shit, sempai, yes!”
Inferring that he had hit the boy’s sweet spot, Near angled towards it once more, feeling waves of pleasure course through his own body as he penetrated Haru again and again. Haru moved against him, in time with his slow thrusts, arching up against Near’s hips and digging his skinny fingers into his back.
“Near - more please…don’t ever stop…nnf…”
“Shh, Haru-kun. No one must hear us.” He bent to kiss the boy’s forehead, never stopping his driving rhythm. In and out. Hot wet young perfect Haru in all his desperate brokenness.
“Aaaannh-”
“Oh Haru, Haru…” This was heavenly, the close warmth of Haru; finally, after so much time, this was his, this body was his. His successor. His Haru-kun. For a second he looked at Haru’s face and saw L, but then it was gone and there was only Haru, even more beautiful and perfect. L’s face and Mello’s fire, that’s what Haru had. He drove into him, a steady rising pace, feeling the boy’s muscles tensing under and around him, back arching, toes curling.
“Near-sempai, I - uhhaaaaa!” Haru came in a thick white burst of relief, spattering them both with milky flecks. Near was only a few strokes away from the end himself, and nothing could have been a better catalyst than the look on Haru’s face as he came - his rolled-back eyes, his pale lips trembling and open, the dew beading along his brow. Near held on just barely long enough to watch before he was submerged beneath the euphoric flood of his own climax.
Together on the floor, eyes closed and chests heaving, they lay in the afterglow of bliss.
“Thank you so much,” Haru murmured, rolling on his side to face Near. The detective looked at the teenager curled beside him, so small and pale and young, as he too once had been.
“You’re bleeding,” he noticed suddenly.
Haru eyed the crimson trail and shrugged. “It’s nothing. It’s not your fault.”
A cold shiver coursed down Near’s spine, followed by a wave of hot fury. For the first time he felt, far beyond the desire to solve a puzzle, a real thirst for justice.
“Haru…we will find the man who hurt you.”
Haru just nodded quickly. “Thank you,” he said again with downcast eyes.
Near sat up. “Let me find something to clean up with.”
Haru made a face. He’d always hated cleaning. “Afterward, how about we get donuts? I’m starving.”
Near cracked a slight smile. “You never change.”
“Neither do you,” said Haru, eyeing the Rubik’s cubes that were scattered around the room, silent witnesses to their deeds. “I’ve liked you since the beginning.”
“So have I.”
Haru looked away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.”
“About any of it, I mean. The stuff I told you, about before. I don’t want them to know.”
Near nodded. “Okay.”
“And sempai?”
“Yes?”
“Hold me for a little while longer.”
~*~
Next chapter...
Pairing: Near x Haru
Rating: NC-17. It starts out as gen and then suddenly pronographies. XD
Words: 4500
Summary: It's not easy being 14, even when you're the brilliant and beautiful son of L, Misa, and Light. Includes flashbacks to 8- and 11-year old Haru as well for added cuteness.
Warnings: OC/AU/Futurefic. Semi-shota. Mentions of drug use and sexual abuse.
Note: This story is about Yagami Haru, the star of my earlier fic, L is For Legacy, which chronicles his young childhood. I highly recommend -- no, I insist -- that you read at least part of that story before this. XD And yeah, there will be more Haru fics to come.
[NPA Headquarters, Tokyo, 2019]
~*~
The boy slouched into the office unceremoniously. His black hair was uncombed and probably unwashed, streaked in front with neon pink. He looked somewhere between twelve and fourteen years old, but his eyes seemed much older. They were the flat gray-black of shadows, of graphite and ink on bright white paper. The beginnings of shallow, dark hollows had formed beneath the lower lids. He wore faded jeans that might once have been black, a black hoodie, and black tennis shoes, along with black and grey striped gloves with no fingers and an indescribable assortment of metal accessories.
“Haru-kun,” asked Matsuda, alarmed, “why aren’t you at school?”
“I got suspended.”
“Again?” Aizawa raised his eyebrows.
“What?” Matsuda cried. “How come they didn’t call me about this?”
“I don’t know, Uncle Matsu. Maybe you should be asking yourself why my aunt didn’t tell you. She's the one who got the phone call.” Haru dropped himself gracelessly into the room’s sole empty chair. The whites of his enormous eyes were bloodshot to a faint pink, perhaps from crying, or poor sleep habits, or something else.
“You just love to cause trouble, don’t you,” Aizawa grumbled.
“I do not love to cause trouble,” Haru retorted. “I love to do things that other people happen to find troublesome. There’s a difference.” He pulled a bag of Skittles from his pocket and opened it with fingers that were raw and inflamed around the cuticles from constant biting.
Aizawa shook his head. “You know, we are the police.”
Haru smiled brightly. “Which is precisely why I’m not going to tell you why I got suspended.” He poured the candy out into a multicolored heap on the desktop.
“It’s drugs again,” said Near, who was seated as usual in the middle of the floor, surrounded by toys. Haru turned to him abruptly, as if he hadn’t even noticed the young detective was in the room. “For someone who hangs out with law enforcement on a regular basis, you’d be wise to be more discreet about your recreational pursuits, Haru-kun.”
“If I wanted to be lectured on this subject, sempai, I’d have shown up to health class more than once.” He rolled his eyes. “Don't worry about me. I’ve never done anything illegal.”
“Maybe not yet,” Aizawa replied. “But which would upset you more: if someone took away your Skittles, or your Ritalin?”
“Hey, that’s just medicine. In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve been hyperactive my whole life.”
“This is true,” Matsuda said. “The Ritalin was prescribed by Haru’s doctor. It helps him focus.”
Near glared skeptically at Matsuda as if he were part of the problem. “If you ask me, it’s the last thing he needs. Hyperactivity is one thing, Haru-kun has never had trouble concentrating. He’s one of the most naturally attentive children I’ve ever observed.”
“You know, I’m right here,” Haru waved. “You don’t have to use the third person.”
Near turned to the teen, who was eating two Skittles at a time. “This has nothing to do with doctors’ orders, Haru. You were suspended for grinding up your pills into an obscene amount of powder and snorting it in the bathroom.”
Haru’s eyes widened, and he nearly choked on the lump of chewed Skittle in his mouth. Of course it was impossible to keep information from Near. Every pair of eyes in the room was fixed on Haru. He turned away, stammering, “But…how - ”
“I realize you must need a huge dose to feel any effect. Which is precisely my point.” Near was presently pushing a little toy truck closer and closer to the edge of a miniature bridge. “I’m worried about you, Haru-kun. One day you might feel the need to move on to more dangerous things. Things that aren’t legal, and that come from more dangerous people than doctors.”
“You know Sherlock Holmes was a cocaine addict, right?”
“Haru!” Matsuda exclaimed, trying ever too late to be the father figure.
“Case in point,” Near replied. “Of course, fictional detectives never have to suffer the consequences of their mistakes.”
Haru did not reply. He was separating the orange Skittles from the rest of the pack, as if saving them for last.
“You remind me of someone, Haru-kun,” said Near.
“Let me guess,” said Haru sarcastically, popping a green Skittle. “My father? Oh, wait. Which one?”
“Not your father, though that resemblance has not gone unnoticed by any of us here. No, the person I’m talking about was different. Determined, emotional, wild. Trouble. Brilliant trouble.”
“Mello,” Matsuda said, looking at Mogi, who just nodded.
“Mello?” asked Haru.
Near continued. “We were close for a while, he and I. Although, I don’t think he especially liked me.”
“I don’t especially like you either,” said Haru with a curious half-smile. Then his expression changed. “He’s dead now, right?”
“Yes,” said Near impassively.
“Figures. It seems I only remind anybody of dead people.”
“Maybe you should try wearing some color,” said Matsuda. “You look like you’re going to a funeral at the circus.”
Haru smiled and ignored him, rocking back in his chair. Everyone here at the NPA admired Haru’s tremendous intellect and respected his parentage. They all knew one day he would hold the title of L. No matter what he did, they would never throw him out. Their reprimands, if fretful, were always affectionate. Haru didn’t mind being chastised by the cops. They were his family, his teachers, and his friends. He learned more from loitering around headquarters than from a whole term of ninth grade, that was for sure.
“So what’re you guys working on?” he asked.
“The subway murders,” Aizawa answered.
“Still?” Haru twisted the industrial piercing in his left ear and made a face. “Jeez.”
“It’s the toughest case we’ve had since Kira,” said Aizawa. The sound of the name seemed to drag a thick silence into the room. Everyone felt it.
Haru looked about the room at the haggard faces of the detectives. “Do you miss Kira?” he asked bluntly. Everyone bristled with discomfort. Haru could feel it at the back of his neck, along with the thrill he got from provoking them. “Come on. Do you? Do you miss chasing him? Didn’t it feel great to be doing something so epic and internationally relevant?”
“No,” said Matsuda at last, with a shudder. “It was horrible.”
Haru popped the whole handful of orange Skittles into his mouth at once and chewed thoughtfully.
~*~
Haru looked just like his parents, his real ones, that is. He had L’s restless, nocturnal eyes, and underneath his pure Japanese coloring there was a vaguely European sharpness to his features. But in terms of style, he was a page right out of Misa’s book, or as it were, her Hot Topic catalogue. He liked crosses and metal things and black and white patterns, and his family teased that his early childhood passion for dress-up had resurfaced. He avoided colors like the plague, except for a thick streak of some neon shade dyed into his jet black bangs. His body, though quite slender, was not as severely angular as L’s, and he had a nice little round butt that looked great in the tight jeans he favored. There was an overall androgynous quality to his pale, graceful face and supple limbs. Misa’s gene pool seemed to have smoothed over L’s awkward edges and transformed him into something truly striking. Simply put, Haru was beautiful.
Near had never really had a sex life, or even a normal sexuality. His first feelings of attraction, before he was even old enough to recognize them as such, had been for L. How could they not have been? L was idolized at Wammy’s, placed on a pedestal for all the kids to imitate, an institutionalized fetishism that on occasion had gone disastrously wrong. Sometimes the line between wanting to be someone and wanting to be with that person was blurry indeed. He’d lusted after L, and when Mello emerged as a rival he’d felt a shadow of attraction there too. But Mello had Matt, and despite all their very public canoodling Near never felt jealous of them. He wasn’t sure he qualified as gay, or straight, or anything. He’d honestly never thought about it until now. What made it worse was the increasing sense that he wasn’t the only one of them thinking about it.
~*~
It had all started when Haru was just eight. They were casually playing jenga together on a Friday night when the kid suddenly dropped the bombshell.
“Near-sempai, will you kiss me?”
It took quite a shock to induce an expression on Near’s impassive face, but this did the trick. “Kiss you?” The tower of blocks collapsed in front of him and he barely batted an eye. “Haru-kun, what on earth brought this on?”
Haru shrugged. “I like you.”
“I like you too, but I think you misunderstand the essence of kissing.”
Haru just smiled at him, the littlest, cheekiest, faux-innocent smile Near had ever seen. It was quite apparent that Haru, not as socially delayed as Near by a long shot, had misunderstood nothing.
“Haru-kun…”
“You’re blushing, Near-sama.”
“Don’t call me that. And no, I am not.”
“You are!”
“I…”
“Please.” In a well-practiced ploy, he made his eyes seem sadder and more enormous than they already were. "Kiss me.”
Near looked away. “I can’t do that.”
“Why not? I want to know what it’s like.”
“You are far too young to be kissing people like that, Haru-kun. And besides, I am a boy.”
“So? What difference does that make?”
Near smiled half regretfully to himself. Yes, Haru certainly did take after his father. “I don’t think Sayu and Matsuda would be very pleased with me to know I had kissed you.”
“It’s okay. I’ll just tell them I wanted it.”
“You can’t always get what you want, Yagami Haru.”
~*~
After that it had been fine for awhile, but sometime after Haru turned eleven he seemed to be casting devious looks Near’s way at every opportunity. Initially, Near had given him the benefit of the doubt, even when he was lasciviously sucking a popsicle and making eyes at him. The boy did have a longstanding passion for sweets, after all. He took the frozen treat all the way into his mouth, further than any popsicle needed to go, and pulled it back out, delicately licking up drips of melted juice from the sides. The whole situation was exacerbated by the fact that Haru was doing this while sitting in Near’s lap.
“Haru-kun, you’re too big to sit in my lap.”
Haru made an exaggerated expression of mock offense. “Are you calling me fat?”
“Far from it, but you will be one day if you keep eating like that.”
“My father never got fat,” Haru replied haughtily.
“He never got old,” Near replied, a trace of sadness slipping into audibility.
Haru continued sucking, keenly aware that Near was by turns watching him and avoiding eye contact. “Want some?” He held out the dripping popsicle towards Near, who raised a hand to block it.
“No. I don’t like lemon.”
Haru shrugged. “More for me!”
“I mean it. Get off my lap. I can’t concentrate.”
Haru complied with a pout. “Near-sempai, you’re not as much fun as you used to be, you know that?”
“I was fun?” Near was skeptical. He hadn’t exactly heard that one before.
“Yeah, with all your toys and puzzles.”
“Well, that hasn’t changed,” Near sighed. “I’ve still got the toys. You’re the only one who’s changed.”
“The logical implication being that I’ve outgrown your toys, and you haven’t.” Haru smirked. “Don’t you ever get bored?” Suck suck suck.
“Get off.”
“Near, are you a virgin?”
“I’m not going to answer that.”
“So…that’s a yes then.” He giggled.
“Haru-kun, when it comes down to it, you and I are colleagues, and I find the question entirely unprofessional.”
“But Legos and action figures are totally professional,” Haru rolled his eyes. “I still say it’s a Yes. 90%. You could have easily said No, and it would have been the obvious response. Since you’re what, twenty-five?”
Near shook his head. “Haru, what brought this on?”
“I just think it’s funny you’re a grownup and still playing with toys. It’s like you stopped maturing at ten.”
“There are different kinds of maturity, Haru-kun.”
Haru responded to this by dropping the remnants of his popsicle down the back of Near’s shirt and giggling. Near had quick reflexes and stopped the thing before it had slid too far, but in doing so he crushed it with his hand, sending a cold squelch of sugared ice all over his hand and back.
Near blew a controlled puff of steam through his white hair. “Very mature, Haru-kun. My shirt is ruined now.”
“You mean your pajamas? It’ll wash out.”
Holding his stickifying hand a safe distance from the rest of him, Near rose to find the sink. But Haru was instantly on his feet and grabbed his mentor’s hand.
“No no no! You’ll waste the popsicle!” Before Near could process anything, Haru began licking the sticky juice from his hand. Near pulled away, but Haru clung to him like a hungry animal.
“Haru, stop it. That’s disgusting.”
“It was my popsicle!” said Haru.
“I believe you forfeited it when you dropped it down my shirt. I’m going to go clean up.”
And so it went.
~*~
And so now, in the quiet of the office, they were alone. Near sat on the floor, amongst stacks of Rubik’s cubes. Haru sat in a swivel chair, idly spinning slow half-turns on its axis.
“Why did you call me in here privately, Near-sempai?”
Near didn’t have a reason. He just wanted to see Haru. The boy didn’t come around as much as he used to, and it had been awhile since it was just the two of them, master and pupil, L and his heir. Every time they met now, Haru seemed a little further away, and Near, who rarely felt fear, feared losing him.
“Do be careful, Haru-kun.”
Haru looked up, puzzled. “Huh?”
“If you get into trouble, you’re no more invincible than any of us. Light. L. Mello.”
“That’s the second time today you’ve mentioned this Mello,” said Haru. He got up from the chair and came to sit down next to Near on the floor. “What sort of ‘friend’ was he, exactly?”
Suddenly, to Near, the boy seemed uncomfortably close. “I don’t know what you are getting at, Haru-kun.”
“Oh, I think you do.” Haru bore down on Near, straddling him possessively. He was smaller than Near, but a little stronger, even at his tender age. Haru held down Near’s arms, pressing his pelvis against him hungrily.
“Stop!” Near exclaimed. “Haru - “
Haru laughed aloud. “Sempai, what’s gotten into you? You’re what, twenty-five? Don’t tell me you’ve never done this before.”
“I’m twenty-six.” Near tried to squirm out from under him but couldn’t. “And you, Haru-kun, are fourteen. This is inappropriate.”
“Oh really?” His eyes were dark, focused and yet wild.
“Haru-kun, are you high right now?”
“No.” He lightly stroked Near’s crotch, finding it already swelling with arousal. “Ahaa, I knew it. See, I knew you liked me too. You always have.” Haru fondled the hardness beneath the silky front of his pants. “Did Mello ever touch you like this, when you were young?”
Near just glared back at him icily.
“What about my father?”
Near’s eyes flashed. “That’s not your business, Haru - ”
But Haru cut him off with a furious kiss. Near reeled, tasting the boy's sweet lips, fighting off his own rising arousal. He couldn’t resist this, not with Haru literally throwing himself at him. Haru broke the kiss, breath short, pale face flushed. “I want you, Near. Take off your ridiculous pajamas. I want you. I’ve always wanted you.” He flashed a mischievous smile. “Come on. Don’t you want to play?”
Near stared back at the lustful dark eyes. “Where did you learn about this?” he demanded. “From the movies? Or books? Or…”
Haru smirked. “Don’t worry sempai. You’re the only one I actually like.”
Now Near’s own eyes went as wide as Haru’s normally were. “Haru-kun…did someone at school touch you?”
Haru tossed his black-and-pink hair. “Let’s just say it’s not your business, Near.”
Near swallowed, doubly chilled by how Haru mirrored his words. It explained everything, but… He couldn’t let himself believe it. Anything but that.
“Haru-kun, listen to me. If something happened to you, you should tell the police. That’s what they’re for. That’s what we’re for.”
“Never mind that,” said Haru, sprinkling light kisses over Near’s throat. “I want you. I’ve been in love with you for years.”
Near shook his head. “No, you’re not in love, you’re confused.”
“Touch me.”
Near could feel and see how hard the boy was, his tight black pants bulging with need. How many times had Near fantasized about L like this, leaning over him and ready to be pleasured? Just thinking about it made his groin ache. But this was not L. This was Haru, a child half his age, with L’s deceitful eyes. But then, L was twelve whole years older than himself when Near had felt the first stirrings of attraction. And here was Haru, looking every bit the miniature L, harboring the same desperate admiration for Near. He did not know what to do.
But for once, thinking was no use. Haru was kissing him again. Once their lips made contact, it was like a spell had been broken. Near resigned himself to the fact that each of them wanted the other, and there was no point repressing it any more. He kissed back, intoxicated by the sweetness on the boy’s breath, and moved his hands over Haru’s lithe young body. Haru shifted back and pulled Near up so they were both sitting, with Haru’s legs spread across Near’s lap.
“See, sempai? This isn’t so bad, is it?”
Wordlessly, Near shook his head. Haru smiled, peeling off his tight black T-shirt. Hesitating for a moment, Near touched the boy’s chest, so thin and smooth and flawless, and his lean, delicately muscled arms.
“Am I pretty, Near-sempai?” Haru asked in a mock-childlike tone.
“Yes,” breathed Near. “You are.”
“You’re pretty fucking hot yourself.”
“Language, Haru - ” But Haru was fumbling with the buttons on Near’s pajamas. He managed to get the top few undone and pulled the fabric back from Near’s body, licking and kissing his chest. Near ran his fingers through Haru’s crazy hair and gasped when he felt Haru’s hands at his crotch again, tugging down the elastic of his pants. Then Haru lowered his head and Near felt wet warmth engulfing his erection. He didn’t need to look to know what Haru was doing, but he did anyway, wanting to see the exquisite face of L’s son licking and sucking him. Oh god, it was…it was too much. Haru made little moans as he sucked, and his eyes frequently flitted upwards as if checking for approval. Near was approaching his breaking point all too quickly. Only his recurring worry for Haru kept his climax in check.
“Oh god, Haru…mnn.”
Haru’s pace slowed, and he pulled back, a beaded string of saliva and precum trailing between Near’s erection and his swollen lips, then breaking. Haru coughed. Near took his hand. “Are you okay? Do you need to stop?”
Haru shook his head. But at a downward glance Near saw how badly the boy was aching for him. Near unfastened the clasp of Haru’s shiny studded belt, and then unbuttoned his jeans. Without Haru’s cooperation, it would have been very hard to get his pants off; even on his slender legs they had little room to give, and his underwear came right off with them. Near was above Haru now, the young boy naked on his back on the cold floor. Near marveled for a moment in silence at the creature before him. Haru’s body was beautiful, his maturity just beginning to bloom. He was not a child after all, Near realized at once; he’d been expelled from childhood far too soon with the deaths of his parents. Haru looked up to him expectanly, and Near palmed Haru’s hard length. Haru thrust eagerly against his gentle strokes, and reached between Near’s legs to reciprocate.
After some minutes of fondling and kissing and murmurs of mutual admiration, Haru seemed to remember something, and he rolled over to see where his pants had disappeared to. Near stared at Haru’s little ass, firm and round and almost ample-looking on his slight frame, as the teen rummaged through the pockets of his discarded jeans and found what he was looking for. When he turned back to face Near he had a condom in his hand and a serious expression on his face.
“I want to go all the way with you,” Haru said.
Near hesitated. He put a hand on Haru’s narrow shoulder. “I can’t do that.”
“Please.”
Near looked at the beautiful boy, all brittle and exposed, somehow completely changed from the aggressive creature that had practically seduced him by force.
“No, Haru-kun, I can’t…not yet. You’re not ready.”
“Please, sempai. Please do it. I want to do it with you. I want you to show me.”
He shook his head. “You’re so young.”
“I know. Just…show me that it can be good.” His voice cracked. “Please.” Suddenly his eyes were his child’s eyes again, huge and liquid and earnest and afraid. “I have to… to erase…please...”
“Oh, Haru…” Near wrapped his arms around him in a gentle embrace, cradling his dark head. “I can’t give you what you need. This is not what you need.”
“I need it.” Haru was crying. “I need you. Sempai. Please, make it okay.”
“This won’t make it okay.”
“I know…but…it’s been done. I can’t go back now.”
Something inside Near’s chest hurt. He’d never felt feelings like this before, for anyone. But this poor, damaged child...Near held his shoulders and looked him in the eyes head on. “Do you really want to have sex now?” he asked.
Haru looked like he could have hit him. “What the hell? Haven’t you paid attention to a word I said this whole time?” He yelled, choking on a sob, which caught in his throat. “Of course I do!” He blinked back another wave of hot tears, and paused to swallow. “Don’t you want me?” he said quietly.
“Yes, Haru-kun. I do want you. I want you so badly.”
“Then...” Haru held out the condom to Near, who just stared back at it. Haru shook his head in frustration and unwrapped the thing, slipping it onto his partner with disconcerting ease. Near hoped it was lubricated enough, for he had nothing else to use. Haru slid down under him again and parted his legs, baring his ass. Near caressed its smooth round contours, breathing in all Haru’s scents. He sighed, shivering with desire and pity and…love? No, it couldn’t be; this was too twisted, too backwards and wrong. But it didn’t matter now. He licked his fingers and pressed gingerly against Haru’s opening.
“This is going to hurt a little.”
Haru nodded. “I know.”
Near pushed a finger up inside as gently as he could, feeling skin already rubbed raw and robbed of innocence. Recent bruises from less gentle hands marred the backs of Haru’s slender thighs, and Near felt sickened and enraged. Who could have done this to Haru? And what was he doing it for? But Haru moaned lowly in approval, and just the sound of the boy’s voice turned Near on, and urged him on. He looked at Haru. The huge Lawliet eyes were half-lidded and black, his cheeks flushed pink, his mouth half-open. In the raking light of the afternoon the subtle contours of his ribs and hipbones stood out against his tiny body. His legs were angled wide apart and open, and his cock hung heavy with desire.
“Haru…”
“Near.”
“Are you ready?”
Haru nodded. Near entered him, gasping at the hot tightness of Haru’s ass. He’d never done this, not even once, but he somehow knew what to do. Haru was very vocal, which helped. “Aanh…” he moaned, “Ohh Near, mmm, right th…oh shit, sempai, yes!”
Inferring that he had hit the boy’s sweet spot, Near angled towards it once more, feeling waves of pleasure course through his own body as he penetrated Haru again and again. Haru moved against him, in time with his slow thrusts, arching up against Near’s hips and digging his skinny fingers into his back.
“Near - more please…don’t ever stop…nnf…”
“Shh, Haru-kun. No one must hear us.” He bent to kiss the boy’s forehead, never stopping his driving rhythm. In and out. Hot wet young perfect Haru in all his desperate brokenness.
“Aaaannh-”
“Oh Haru, Haru…” This was heavenly, the close warmth of Haru; finally, after so much time, this was his, this body was his. His successor. His Haru-kun. For a second he looked at Haru’s face and saw L, but then it was gone and there was only Haru, even more beautiful and perfect. L’s face and Mello’s fire, that’s what Haru had. He drove into him, a steady rising pace, feeling the boy’s muscles tensing under and around him, back arching, toes curling.
“Near-sempai, I - uhhaaaaa!” Haru came in a thick white burst of relief, spattering them both with milky flecks. Near was only a few strokes away from the end himself, and nothing could have been a better catalyst than the look on Haru’s face as he came - his rolled-back eyes, his pale lips trembling and open, the dew beading along his brow. Near held on just barely long enough to watch before he was submerged beneath the euphoric flood of his own climax.
Together on the floor, eyes closed and chests heaving, they lay in the afterglow of bliss.
“Thank you so much,” Haru murmured, rolling on his side to face Near. The detective looked at the teenager curled beside him, so small and pale and young, as he too once had been.
“You’re bleeding,” he noticed suddenly.
Haru eyed the crimson trail and shrugged. “It’s nothing. It’s not your fault.”
A cold shiver coursed down Near’s spine, followed by a wave of hot fury. For the first time he felt, far beyond the desire to solve a puzzle, a real thirst for justice.
“Haru…we will find the man who hurt you.”
Haru just nodded quickly. “Thank you,” he said again with downcast eyes.
Near sat up. “Let me find something to clean up with.”
Haru made a face. He’d always hated cleaning. “Afterward, how about we get donuts? I’m starving.”
Near cracked a slight smile. “You never change.”
“Neither do you,” said Haru, eyeing the Rubik’s cubes that were scattered around the room, silent witnesses to their deeds. “I’ve liked you since the beginning.”
“So have I.”
Haru looked away. “Please don’t tell anyone.”
“I won’t.”
“About any of it, I mean. The stuff I told you, about before. I don’t want them to know.”
Near nodded. “Okay.”
“And sempai?”
“Yes?”
“Hold me for a little while longer.”
~*~
Next chapter...