Transcript: Psych 3x08 Gus Walks Into a Bank
INT. ECHO, DAY
The Echo is parked in the street outside a bank. SHAWN reclines his seat with a sigh. GUS looks at him in disbelief.
GUS:
You're not coming in? You're going to make me stand in that deposit line all by myself?
SHAWN:
No, buddy, I will be with you in spirit, like a tiny wood nymph. Besides, what's your glitch with the ATM machine, anyway?
GUS:
(prepares deposit) It's a "people thing", Shawn. Business should always be done face-to-face.
SHAWN:
Well, if you remember, I’m holding a bit of a grudge against this particular banking institution.
GUS:
Why? Because they turned you down for a small business loan last year?
SHAWN:
Yes, because they turned me down for a small business loan. That was completely legitimate, Gus.
GUS:
Shawn, it was for a zip line pulley system to transport snacks from the kitchen to your desk.
SHAWN:
Or the reception area. What's your point?
GUS:
Part of running a business together, Shawn, is sharing in the responsibilities of the "business" side of the business, like making deposits.
SHAWN:
What about the "bidnizz" side? 'Cause I feel like I'm more of a "bidnizz" man. Who's covering that?
GUS:
(unclips seatbelt) You know what? Fine. I'll do it myself. (leaves)
SHAWN turns on the radio and puts his feet on the dashboard.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
GUS fills out a deposit slip at the podium in the center of the room. Customers being taken care of by cashiers with others waiting in line. A MAN walks into the bank and is escorted to one of the offices. GUS gets in line and, when he sees a pretty cashier, straightens his collar and tries to appear cool. The MAN is lead back into the lobby, a gun hanging partway out of his jacket pocket.
WOMAN:
(screams and points) Ah! He's got a gun!
The customers duck and try to run. The cashier that GUS was eyeing hits a silent alarm. The MAN turns in a circle before taking out the gun.
ROBBER:
Don't anybody move! (to MANAGER) You, go! Now, don't anybody move!
An older security GUARD confronts him with a gun.
GUARD:
Drop the gun!
ROBBER:
You drop your gun!
The GUARD drops his gun the ROBBER accidentally fires his. He puts a hand to his head, nervous and scared. The people in the bank are even more scared.
ROBBER:
(to GUARD) Get over there! Get back! Don't anybody do anything!
GUS, sitting on the floor, presses himself into the counter.
INT. ECHO, DAY
SHAWN sits up and looks towards the bank. He then hears sirens. LASSITER and JULIET pull up right in front of the Echo. He gets out of the car.
EXT. BANK, DAY
A number of patrol cars pull up as LASSITER and JULIET get out of the car.
SHAWN:
Lassie, Jules... what are you doing here?
LASSITER:
What are you doing here?
JULIET:
Shawn, we have a situation. Some guy held up the bank and we think he's taken hostages.
SHAWN rushes to the bank but LASSITER grabs him.
LASSITER:
Whoa! Whoa, take it easy.
SHAWN:
(takes deep breath) Gus is in there.
**********************************************************************
PSYCH
“Gus Walks Into a Bank”
By
Andy Berman
STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen
DIRECTOR
Eric Laneuville
**********************************************************************
INT. HENRY’S, KITCHEN
HENRY turns on the TV while he has coffee. The news is covering the situation at the bank.
SUE ELLEN:
This is Sue Ellen Jasper reporting to you live outside the Santa Barbara National Savings Bank where an as-yet-unnamed assailant has attempted to steal over a million dollars' worth of diamonds and is now holding hostages inside.
EXT. BANK, DAY
SUE ELLEN continues her report.
SUE ELLEN:
Police are on the scene but have yet to reveal any further details. We'll report back to you as soon as we have more information.
SHAWN and JULIET are standing behind a police van where they are watching surveillance from inside the bank.
JULIET:
You didn't see anything?
SHAWN:
I wasn't in the bank, Jules. Whoa! Hold it right there.
SHAWN watches the replay of the ROBBER entering the bank and being greeted by the MANAGER.
JULIET:
Why didn't you go into the bank?
SHAWN:
We came here to make a deposit. That's not really a two-man job. What, we both should've grabbed a corner of the check and gingerly walked it in together?
SHAWN looks at video from the vault and sees the MANAGER raise his hands before the ROBBER pulls his gun.
JULIET:
I just find it oddly un-psychic of you to have not known this was going to happen.
SHAWN:
(frustrated) I don't see into the future, Jules. I read things in the present. And I get it. You think I'm not kicking myself enough? I let my best friend go in there without me and now he's stuck in there and I'm stuck out here. (walks off)
LASSITER is standing behind his car looking into the bank with binoculars. BUZZ is with him. SHAWN and JULIET walk over.
SHAWN:
Detective Lassiter, that guy could be a loose cannon. Someone needs to go inside the bank.
VICK:
(joins them) O'Hara, I need you to take statements from the remaining witnesses that were outside the bank.
JULIET:
Got it, Chief. (leaves)
VICK:
Now, Detective...
LASSITER:
Yeah.
VICK:
I just wanted you to know that I've informed the FBI and SWAT and their chief negotiator is moments away.
SHAWN is a bundle of nervous energy and keeps looking at the bank.
LASSITER:
No.
VICK:
It's protocol and you know it.
LASSITER:
Chief, this thing's already turning into a three-ring circus without bringing those adrenaline monkeys down here.
VICK:
Look, we have a hostage situation, Detective, and I expect you to fully cooperate.
LASSITER:
Just make a call in the bank. See where we're at. Maybe I can wrap this thing up here and now. Save the city a whole lot of time and money.
SHAWN:
Somebody needs to call into the bank!
LASSITER holds up his phone just as sirens are heard as SWAT arrives in two SUVs and a van. Men in tactical gear jump out and automatically take up position. The ROBBER cautiously peers out the front door of the bank. The back of the van opens to reveal an older man in a bulletproof vest over a dress shirt. He jumps down and runs a hand through his hair. SHAWN doesn’t know what to make of him. The man puts on sunglasses and walks over to them as more officers exit the van.
MAN:
Heads up, we're on the clock!
SHAWN:
And cut! Great. Dripping with swagger. Let's go again, though, and maybe ease up on the cocksure smile just a bit. I liked it. I'm just not sure it's going to play in the Midwest.
MAN:
Who the hell are you?
SHAWN:
Oh, my apologies. I'm Shawn Spencer. Lead psychic for the SBPD. And dilettante of shadow puppetry. (holds hands up) What's this? What's this right here? (makes kissing sound) Oh, that's a swan kissing the moon.
MAN:
Well, I'm Commander Luntz, hostage negotiator, and I will thank you to step aside and let me handle things from here.
LASSITER:
(clears throat) Luntz.
LUNTZ:
(sighs) Lassiter.
LASSITER:
Perhaps as head detective I can brief you on what's going on here.
LUNTZ:
Listen, Detective, I don't want to play the title game with you.
SHAWN:
(legs twitch with pent up energy) Title game? Is that anything like Celebrity? ‘Cause if it is, I'm going to kick your ass.
Nobody responds.
SHAWN:
What? I will. I'm really good at the game.
LUNTZ:
Little refresher, I have 26 years of experience and I'm sort of an expert in human psychology and conditioning so I do know two things. One, your friend here is acting out of a place of fear. A little sweat on the temple, a little vibrato in the voice. This is personal for you. And number two, I have about 40 seconds to initiate a call into that bank before all the wheels spin off of this thing. So, excuse me. (calls to he men) Boys, fire me up a call inside the bank and patch me in. (walks away)
MAN:
Yes, sir. Right away.
SHAWN:
We're not just going to let him do this, right, Lassie?
LASSITER:
It's protocol. We have no choice.
With a sigh, SHAWN backs away and dials his phone.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
The hostages in the bank are sitting on the floor as the ROBBER paces. GUS’ phone starts to ring and he ignores it.
ROBBER:
Whose phone is that?
MAN:
(points at GUS) It's his phone.
GUS:
Thank you, sir. We're hostages together. We're supposed to be on the same side here.
ROBBER:
(walks over to GUS) Give me the phone.
GUS:
I apologize. I would, but it's my work phone. (takes phone from jacket pocket) And I get charged the deductible for any lost or stolen items, so how about I just turn the ringer off?
The ROBBER takes the phone from GUS and throws it to the floor where it breaks apart. GUS gasps.
ROBBER:
Everyone, cell phones, now!
The hostages pull out their phones and throw them on the floor by GUS’. The phone on one of the desks begins to ring. The ROBBER walks over slowly and picks it up.
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ walks around the cordoned area as he talks.
LUNTZ:
This is Commander Luntz. My friends call me Luntz. You are? That's good. That's fine. You don't have to say anything. I can do all the talking for now. I'm real good at these one-sided conversations, just ask my ex-wife. What about you? You married?
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
As LUNTZ talks, the ROBBER looks out the window and sees the SWAT men moving as they change position.
ROBBER:
Get those guys away from the bank! Tell them to get the hell back!
LUNTZ: (over phone)
I can do that.
ROBBER:
Do it now!
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ:
Well, you got to do something for me then. That's how these things work.
ROBBER:
What?
LUNTZ:
How 'bout we start with a name? You give me your name and I will back those guys so far up they'll have to put two stamps on any letter they mail to you. How's that?
LASSITER:
(aside to SHAWN) Like he's just going to give him his name.
LUNTZ:
Phil, that's good. I've got a nephew named Phillip.
LUNTZ walks in front of SHAWN and LASSITER and they share a look like “Do you believe this guy?”.
LUNTZ:
He's a real rascal. He's got a killer arm for an eight-year-old. He plays right field. What's your last name, Phil?
VICK and JULIET arrive as he’s talking.
PHIL:
Get 'em back!
LUNTZ:
Well, I just need to know who I'm dealing with. That's how I can help you. Otherwise, these guys with the guns, they get really, really nervous. So, if we get to know each other, we can be friends. Then I can vouch for you, and I can protect you. I protect all my friends.
PHIL:
Stubbins.
LUNTZ:
(taps BUZZ) Stubbins.
BUZZ:
I'm on it. (leaves)
A WOMAN calls from outside the tape.
WOMAN:
My fiancé, Michael Lenhart is in there. He's a diabetic. He's going to need to eat soon. Help him, please.
JULIET:
(to WOMAN) Okay, okay, just stay calm. (whispers in LUNTZ’ ear) Hey. There's a woman over there who is hysterical. Her fiancé’s inside. He's a diabetic.
SHAWN sees JULIET put her hand on LUNTZ’ arm and LUNTZ leans in a bit too close.
LUNTZ:
Uh, now, look, Phil, nobody is in a rush here. I'm in this for the long haul as long as you are, so we'll take our time, but you have a bunch of hungry people in there and you've got a young guy who's a diabetic and his fiancée is out here worried about him. You know how women worry. So, it would go a long way if you let me send you guys some food in there. You like pizza?
>>>LATER>>>
A couple of FBI agents walk past with pizzas. SHAWN is walking with LASSITER and JULIET.
LASSITER:
That's because you don't understand how protocol works. And you may have gotten Guster in real trouble in there dialing his cell phone.
SHAWN:
At least I did something.
JULIET:
Look, Shawn. He is SWAT. And he is good at what he does. I am fine with backing off here.
SHAWN stops and looks back before turn to answer JULIET.
SHAWN:
He's SWAT? He's SWAT? That's your argument? He's not Colin Farrell.
JULIET:
I get that you are concerned about Gus, but I can assure you he is in capable hands.
SHAWN remembers when JULIET spoke to LUNTZ and he put his hand on the small of her back.
SHAWN:
Wait a minute. I get what's happening here.
JULIET:
You do?
SHAWN:
Yes, I do. I'm sensing a relationship here.
JULIET:
You are?
LASSITER looks at her.
SHAWN:
Yes. You and Luntz. There's a familial thing happening. He's like an older uncle. What? Are you related to him?
LASSITER:
Not yet.
JULIET:
Lassiter!
LASSITER:
What? He's psychic. Shouldn't he know already?
SHAWN:
Know what? What is he getting at?
JULIET:
It's nothing. But I do know Cameron… Luntz. Commander Cameron Luntz.
SHAWN:
Cameron?
JULIET:
Yes. And he's not my uncle. I met him at a police district conference. He asked me out. We went on a few dates. I like him.
SHAWN:
(laughs) Oh, my God! You're dating this guy?
LASSITER:
(grins) Ding, ding, ding! Tell him what he won, O'Hara.
JULIET:
Lassiter!
LASSITER leaves.
JULIET:
Look, Shawn. I was…
SHAWN:
Don’t… Don’t… Don't worry. It's fine, Jules, really. Dare I say, dandy? Isn't that a word from his generation?
JULIET:
That's not fair. And, look, I was going to talk to you about it earlier, but…
SHAWN:
That's great. It's really great, congratulations. I'm so, so happy for you. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a best friend to save. (leaves)
JULIET sighs and watches him go. SHAWN goes to the van where LUNTZ and VICK are watching video. Behind them, FBI agents are preparing to deliver the pizzas.
SHAWN:
Chief, elder Commanding Officer Luntz, you need to let me get involved here. You need to let me scope things out.
VICK:
Absolutely not. You're not a trained tactical officer, Spencer.
LUNTZ:
Are we positive he's even house-trained?
SHAWN:
(scoffs) Okay. All right, maybe you and I got off on the wrong foot. And you know what? You're correct. I have had a few close calls around the house recently. But I can help you.
LUNTZ:
Oh? How's that?
SHAWN:
What do you know about this guy, other than his name?
LUNTZ:
We know that he's a longtime customer of this bank. Owed a huge load of back taxes to the IRS, he's just had his house foreclosed on. And he's a middle child. (pours breath freshener onto his tongue)
VICK:
You know he's a middle child?
LUNTZ:
I could hear it in the timbre of his voice, and the fact that he doesn't use contractions, yes.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine. What about everyone else in the bank? Look, you send your guy in there and what? Maybe he gets you a guesstimate of how many hostages there are? I can walk into that bank, I can psychically read every single hostage and Stubbins.
LUNTZ:
He's freaked out. He won't talk to you.
SHAWN:
He doesn't need to. I can read his mind.
LUNTZ:
Can you read my mind right now? 'Cause it's sending a very clear message where I want you to be.
Cut to SHAWN standing behind the police barricade. A cell phone rings in the van and one of the officers passes it to LUNTZ.
OFFICER:
Sir!
LUNTZ: (into phone)
Luntz here.
PHIL: (over phone)
Do you think I'm stupid?
LUNTZ: (into phone)
What are you talking about?
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
PHIL:
I can see what you are doing. You are sending a cop in here with the pizzas.
LUNTZ:
Look, Phil. Calm down now. That's just for everybody's safety, that's all.
PHIL:
Well, it is not happening.
LUNTZ:
I'll bring them up there myself if you like.
PHIL:
I do not think so. You will send in a regular person.
LUNTZ:
Regular person?
PHIL:
Yes, a regular person. You will send in someone from behind those barricades. A regular person, not a cop.
LUNTZ leans around the van and sees SHAWN who slowly raises his hand.
>>>LATER>>>
SHAWN walks up to the bank door carrying the pizzas. He sets them down on the ground and raises a hand to say “wait a minute” as he inspects them. LUNTZ sees this.
LUNTZ:
What the hell is he doing?
SHAWN:
I wouldn't accept these if I were you.
LUNTZ:
(takes a few steps) Spencer! Just put the pizzas down and walk away. Get outta there.
SHAWN:
(stands up with pizzas) Eight pies, four of them are vegetable. (turns around)
LUNTZ:
What? Is this guy for real?
SHAWN:
No pepperoni? Really? Plus the blatant disregard and utter criminal lack of ham and pineapple?
LUNTZ:
Spencer…
SHAWN:
What kind of good faith negotiation, is this? (backs up to door) I mean, this is a hostage negotiation.
LUNTZ:
Well, I don't care if you're not happy with the ingredients! Put the pizzas down and walk away!
SHAWN:
(to PHIL) I won't let you accept these.
LUNTZ:
Walk away! This is my operation! (to armed men) Go get him. Go get him out of there!
SHAWN:
He's not going to accept these-- aah!
PHIL grabs his arm and pulls SHAWN into the bank, locking the door behind them.
OFFICER:
All right, then, move! Fan out! Fan out! Fan out! Go, go, go, go!
LUNTZ:
Spencer! (sighs) Terrific.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
PHIL has SHAWN enter in front of him and motions with the gun.
PHIL:
Put those pizzas down right over there.
SHAWN notices that the gun’s safety is on. He sets the pizzas down on the middle island. GUS tenses a little on seeing him. SHAWN turns to face PHIL, hands up.
SHAWN:
All right, Phil, I'm just as mad about this as you are. Why don't you let me go out there and make this right? And on the way back in, I'll have them throw in a couple liters of old-fashioned root beer and some Cinnastars. They're like Cinnadots, they're just-- they're pointy. They're good. They're not great. But I can get them, free of charge. I'll be right back.
SHAWN starts to leave but PHIL grabs him by the shoulder and pulls him close, holding the gun on him.
PHIL:
You're not going anywhere. You’ve just become my next hostage.
>>>LATER>>>
PHIL has some of the hostages behind the counter, some in front and a few in the waiting area. They are all without shoes. SHAWN and GUS are next to each other and have a whispered conversation.
GUS:
Why does he keep separating everybody?
SHAWN:
Jules is dating an old SWAT guy?
GUS:
We're in a hostage situation, Shawn. You don't get that?
SHAWN:
I do get it. What I don't get is the bulletproof vest over the shirt, what is that?
GUS:
I'm telling you, something's not right with this guy. I mean, he makes us take our shoes off. Who does that? why?
SHAWN:
It's a way of containing people. You know, slowing them down and whatnot.
GUS:
So we can't run away when he starts shooting us! He's going to start killing us off one-by-one. Oh, my God.
SHAWN:
Would you please relax? Clearly, I have a handle on the situation.
GUS:
A handle? A handle! You mouthed off to him and got yourself taken hostage!
SHAWN:
Of course I did. That was my plan all along, you sweet dollop of spicy goodness. I had to get myself in there, so I could see what I'm dealing with. And I have this feeling that we are not dealing with the person they think we are. Why would a bank robber keep his gun safety on? So help me out. Think. What do you remember seeing the moment that the robbery went down? Features? Noses? Maybe a chin?
GUS:
I did see a chin, a beautiful one. A glorious one.
GUS leans forward and looks down the line to the cashier he was eyeing earlier. She is sitting next to an older Asian woman.
SHAWN:
There's a good chance she's over a hundred. Are you sure you've thought this through?
GUS:
Not her, Shawn!
SHAWN:
Oh.
GUS:
I've had a lot of time to think in here, Shawn. And I've realized some things about life.
SHAWN:
It's been two hours.
GUS:
Yes. But two hours hostage time. Things happen fast in here Shawn. Life is fleeting. And I need to live it. I need to say the things I'm feeling and act on those feelings before it's too late. And so do you.
SHAWN:
Okay. In other news… Phil! Phil!
SHAWN raises his hand and waves it to get PHIL’S attention.
GUS:
What are you… What are you doing? You want to get yourself shot?
GUS tries to hold SHAWN down but he gets up just as PHIL comes over.
PHIL:
What?
GUS:
Sorry. Nothing. Our bad. You just go back to your whole robbering thing.
SHAWN:
I need to potty. I’m sorry, I'm sorry. (faces hostages) I'm sorry, everyone. I downed an Orange Julius right before I was taken captive And it--it went right through me. (turns back) I need to potty, okay? Look, I know my body, and I know my stomach, and this could get really ugly.
PHIL:
All right. All right, all right. All right, don't anybody move. I'm watching you. I'm just going to be right here. Don't move. (escorts SHAWN out)
INT. BANK, HALL, DAY
PHIL has SHAWN walk the hall between the enclosed glass offices. PHIL keeps a hand on SHAWN’S shoulder while the other holds the gun.
SHAWN:
You know I'm not really a regular person, right, Phil?
PHIL:
What does that mean?
SHAWN:
‘Cause I tried once and failed. I'm just too unique and interesting. The French call it du fromage, Which, loosely translated, means "of cheese."
They walk through the breakroom and stop in front of the bathrooms.
SHAWN:
The truth is, I'm actually a psychic, a professional one. And I am getting a major reading right in here. (moves his hand in front of PHIL)
PHIL:
You are?
SHAWN:
(hisses) There it goes again. (puts hand to his head)
PHIL:
What? What's it saying?
SHAWN:
It's saying that you are a middle child.
PHIL:
Yes, yes, I am!
SHAWN:
It is also saying that you are not a bank robber.
PHIL’S eyes widen. He looks back to the lobby then whirls SHAWN around.
PHIL:
You know this?
SHAWN:
Yes. Very much so. There is something else at play here, Phil. Something nefarious and also evil.
PHIL:
Oh, God! (hugs SHAWN) You do know. (hugs again)
SHAWN:
All right. Okay.
PHIL:
I can't keep up this ruse any longer. Please, how's my wife?
SHAWN:
Your wife?
PHIL:
Yes, is she scared?
SHAWN:
Is she scared? Uh... Yes, she is scared.
PHIL:
Oh, my God. Joanna, I'm so sorry. Can you, can you get a message to her?
SHAWN:
(hesitates) Yes, I believe I can, yes.
PHIL:
(speaks into SHAWN’S ear) Joanna. Joanna. Listen, Joanna, this morning I was confronted by a man, I don't know who, and he told me that he had kidnapped you and was holding you somewhere, and if I didn't walk into this bank right then and get him these diamonds and drop them in a mailbox down the road, he was going to kill you. I screwed up. And I don't know how to get out of this, honey. I'm so sorry.
SHAWN:
Oh, wow. Phil, that was something. I mean, it was just really jam-packed with, uh, information. It was also a little breathy. Oddly soothing. She said not to worry. Everything is going to be okay.
PHIL:
(speaks into SHAWN’S ear) But how?
SHAWN:
You don't have to...
PHIL:
Okay, yeah. But how? I mean, I feel like I'm being watched. By the cops, by someone in here.
SHAWN:
Phil, I will help you, but you have to trust me. I'm working with the police department. I know who all the players are out there. I will get you out of this bank and I will find out where your wife is. But you have to let me lead this negotiation. Do you think you can do that?
PHIL:
I think so.
SHAWN:
Okay, here's the plan. First, keep up the crazy guy routine. We need that.
PHIL:
All right.
SHAWN:
But do not speak to anyone here, unless I am with you. Secondly, you're going to have to give me some privacy. I wasn't kidding about the Orange Julius.
SHAWN slips into the bathroom.
EXT. BANK, DAY
At the van, the cell phone rings and an officer passes it to LUNTZ.
LUNTZ:
Luntz here.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
INT. BANK, BATHROOM, DAY
SHAWN paces in the stall.
SHAWN:
I have some info for you. Stubbins is not behind this. Someone…
LUNTZ:
Look, Spencer, the first thing you gotta realize about these guys is that they will try to manipulate anybody they can to get out of there alive. I think that you have interfered and screwed up enough, don't you? Why don't you find yourself a quiet little corner in there and lay low. Copy? (ends call)
SHAWN:
But I’m telling… (sighs and closes phone)
LUNTZ:
Kenny, I need to talk to you!
KENNY:
Yes, sir. What's up, sir?
LASSITER is walking along the sidewalk when his phone rings.
LASSITER:
Hello?
SHAWN:
Lhasa apsos. I have an idea that might put you back front and center on this case.
LASSITER:
I'm listening.
SHAWN:
Stubbins isn't behind the robbery. Somebody kidnapped his wife and put him up to it.
LASSITER:
Spencer, you know that sounds a little nutsy, right?
SHAWN:
What do you have to lose? Just send a couple black and whites out to look for the wife and see what blows back.
LASSITER:
How can you be so sure that sh-(hears flushing) What was that sound? (call ends) Spencer? (closes phone) Hey, McNabb!
BUZZ:
(hurries over) Yes, sir.
LASSITER:
I've got something I'm going to send you out on.
BUZZ:
Okay.
The two walk off.
INT. BANK, MANAGER’S OFFICE, DAY
PHIL:
What are we doing in the bank manager's office?
SHAWN is sitting at the desk with his feet up. PHIL is standing in the doorway.
SHAWN:
I've taken the liberty of putting together a list of demands that you can give to Luntz. (throws a legal pad onto the desk)
PHIL:
Demands?
SHAWN:
Yep. Yeah, we're going to call out there and you're just going to read these off to him.
PHIL walks over and picks up the pad and reads.
PHIL:
"My Demands by Phil. An airplane to take me wherever I want. Tour bus, blue, with full tank of gas and groupies.”
SHAWN:
That's non-negotiable.
PHIL:
“$5,000 in unmarked bills.” This is a huge list. What if they won't give me any of this stuff?
SHAWN:
I don't expect them to, Phil. That's just to buy us time, so that we can figure out who in here has put you up to this.
PHIL:
“A zip line pulley system used to transport deliciously flavored snacks and such from one location to another.” What is this?
SHAWN:
Look, just call out to Luntz, okay? And remember, I need to speak to him first.
As PHIL dials using the landline, SHAWN sees a list of foreclosures on the desk and files away the names and addresses.
PHIL:
Luntz, it's Phil.
CONTINUED, INTERCUT WITH -
- CUT TO:
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ:
Hey there, friend. I was wondering why I haven't heard from you.
PHIL:
Well, I'm going to put Shawn… Spencer? Shawn Spencer on the phone. He will be negotiating on my behalf from here on in. (hands the phone to SHAWN)
LUNTZ:
No, no, Phil. Don't do that. That's a mistake. This is between you and me…
SHAWN:
Hey, Cam, it's Shawn. What's up, buddy?
LUNTZ:
(sighs) Spencer, put Stubbins on the phone now.
SHAWN:
Eeh, that's, uh... That's going to be a little awkward. uh-- I'm not really sure how to put this, and bear with me because this is my first hostage negotiation. But it would appear that I am, in fact, making the demands now. So why don't you go ahead and put Detective O'Hara on the phone, please.
LUNTZ:
Why in the world would I do that?
SHAWN:
Oh, I don't know, isn't the timbre of my voice telling you why?
After a pause, LUNTZ hands the phone to JULIET.
LUNTZ:
It's Spencer.
JULIET:
Shawn, are you all right?
SHAWN:
Jules, how serious is this thing with you and Luntz, really?
JULIET:
(sighs) I'm so not having this conversation with you right now.
SHAWN:
Is he standing next to you, sniffing your hair? Huh? Is he listening to me?
The agents monitoring the phone look over at her.
JULIET:
Shawn, half the Santa Barbara Police Department can hear us.
SHAWN:
Okay, fine, you're right. I'm sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Just... Just answer me this. Does he have those older guy boobies that sort of droop at the ends?
The agents laugh.
JULIET:
Okay, I'm hanging up on you now.
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on, hold on. I'm putting Phil… I'm putting Phil on for Luntz.
Both SHAWN and JULIET pass the phone.
LUNTZ:
Hey there, buddy. You there?
PHIL:
Yeah. Okay. First, I need a plane.
LUNTZ chuckles in disbelief, knowing SHAWN created the list.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
SHAWN rejoins the hostages and sits so the MANAGER is between him and GUS.
SHAWN:
Oh, gosh.
SHAWN opens a bag of cookies, making noise. GUS shushes him.
SHAWN:
(whispers) This bank sucks. Wait a minute, you're the bank manager.
MANAGER:
Yes. I'm Nathanial Gresling.
SHAWN:
Do you recall rejecting a small business loan for a zip line snack transportation system, calling it, and I quote, "fiscally irresponsible”?
GUS:
Shawn…
GRESLING:
Yes, I do.
SHAWN:
Well, Mr. Nathanial Gresling, this little task of retrieving the Mini Oreos took me 14 seconds. Zip line? (makes whooshing noise) Five. Fiscally irresponsible? Nay! I call that my fiscal obligation to my shareholders, namely, Gus here.
GUS:
Shawn!
GRESLING:
Look, I'm sorry, you think that was all my decision? I'm just a dupe for the upper management. I don't have the power you think I do.
GUS:
We understand, Mr. Gresling. I'm still a little fuzzy on the details. Do you remember what happened this morning, when Mr. Stubbins came to the bank?
GRESLING:
I remember him entering the bank and he approached me.
The scene is intercut with flashbacks as GRESLING tells his story.
GRESLING:
I was busy with a customer but he caught my attention.
We see that GRESLING is lying. There was no customer and he approached PHIL.
GRESLING:
He asked me to take him to the safety deposit vault, which I did.
GUS:
Hmm.
GRESLING:
Once inside the vault he drew his gun.
We see that GRESLING raises his hands before PHIL takes the gun from his pocket.
SHAWN:
How do you suppose he knew about the diamonds?
GRESLING:
The diamonds were deposited in that particular box one week prior. I very distinctly remember Mr. Stubbins being in the bank that day.
GUS:
How do you distinctly remember that?
GRESLING:
Well, the gentleman who deposited the diamonds was a very wealthy customer, who management considers to be a VIP client. Therefore, I'm instructed to treat him as such.
GUS:
Right.
GRESLING:
Mr. Stubbins was in the bank before to get to his safety deposit box, but I skipped him over.
GUS:
Oh, that never feels good.
GRESLING:
He was very upset. He complained. I felt bad for him and maybe this was my mistake, but I told him that the gentleman was depositing some very valuable merchandise.
GUS:
Oh.
GRESLING:
Therefore, he knew about the diamonds.
GUS:
Right.
SHAWN:
Don't beat yourself up, man. It's not your fault.
GRESLING:
Thank you very much.
GUS sighs and looks away.
SHAWN:
God. (winces and holds stomach) Nothing is agreeing with me today. Excuse me. I'm going to have to, uh, take care of some more business. (leaves)
PHIL is holding the phone to his ear as he watches LUNTZ through the window. SHAWN returns from the bathroom and walks over.
SHAWN:
Phil, buddy. What're you doing?
PHIL:
They're going to meet all my demands.
SHAWN:
Seriously? Even the plane?
PHIL:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
What about the snack line?
PHIL:
Yeah.
SHAWN’S eyes practically bug out.
PHIL:
Um, they wanted me to come take a look at the bus. It's not blue. Is that okay?
SHAWN:
Yeah.
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ: (into radio)
You have a shot, take it.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
Looking out the window, SHAWN sees a sniper on the roof. He then sees the red dot on PHIL’s chest that marks the sight for the shooter. He tackles PHIL to the floor just before the shot comes through the window.
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ and VICK are behind a car.
SNIPER:
That's a negative on the target, sir.
LUNTZ:
How did you miss?
SNIPER:
He just fell out of my scope. Very strange.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
GUS and the other hostages look over at SHAWN with disbelief. He had just saved the life of the man holding them, prolonging the situation. The looks soon turn to hate.
SHAWN:
Free hugs. Who's next?
INT. HENRY’S, KITCHEN
HENRY still has the news on the TV.
SUE ELLEN:
Well, we're still coming to you from outside the National Savings Bank where the hostage situation has escalated. Shawn Spencer, psychic detective for the Santa Barbara Police Department, is now inside the bank. And is not only a hostage...
HENRY:
You got to be kidding me.
SUE ELLEN:
…he appears to be calling the shots on behalf of the now-named assailant, Phillip Stubbins.
HENRY:
Oh, this can't be good.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
SHAWN scurries over to GUS on his hands and knees and sits with a groan.
GUS:
Dude, don't even sit by me right now. They already hate me for the phone thing, I don't need them to know I'm friends with the guy that kept them from being rescued.
SHAWN:
Okay, you know something, maybe before you admonish me with that tone of voice, you'd like to hear my insanely good news.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
As a sign of cooperation, Phil and I are going to release a hostage, you happy now?
GUS:
(shakes SHAWN) Yes, yes, yes, yes yes, yes, yes, yes!
SHAWN:
Okay.
GUS:
I knew you would get me released! Thank you!
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait, Dude, it's not you.
GUS:
What?
SHAWN:
Think about it for a minute.
GUS:
Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I'm a horrible person. There's older people here and women.
PHIL:
Shawn, are you ready?
SHAWN:
Phil, I will be with you in one minute.
PHIL leaves.
GUS:
What? You are the hostage being released?
SHAWN:
Gus…
GUS:
I can't believe this.
SHAWN:
I have a hunch about where Phil's wife is being held. I think it's directly linked to a list of foreclosed houses in the area. And I have to check it out. Don't you see? It's got to be me.
GUS:
Just figure this out and get me out of here before there's a red laser light shining on my forehead. And be careful, Shawn.
SHAWN:
I will, buddy. (stands)
GUS:
(stands and puts a hand on SHAWN’S arm) Oh, and, Shawn, I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I care about you and I appreciate you. And, well, I love you, Shawn. (hugs him)
SHAWN:
Okay, buddy, I hear ya. (pats him awkwardly on the back) You know I'm going to be back in, like, half an hour, right? Wow, that is a tight hug. All right. All right. Okay.
Later, SHAWN is walking towards the door with PHIL.
SHAWN:
Okay, I'm pretty sure Gresling is our guy.
PHIL:
You are?
SHAWN:
Yeah. This morning when you walked into the bank, you didn't find him, he found you. His hands were quicker than your gun.
PHIL:
What?
SHAWN:
Just stay away from him, say nothing. Do not pick up the bank line. Do not field any calls until I return. Okay?
PHIL unlocks the door and SHAWN opens it partway.
PHIL:
All right. Shawn, I love my wife.
SHAWN:
I know you do, man. (goes outside)
EXT. BANK, DAY
SHAWN exits the bank and squints at the sun, using his hands to block the light. JULIET spots him with the binoculars.
LUNTZ:
All right, go get him.
SHAWN raises an arm in response to the cheers and applause. Three SWAT officers grab him and bring him to the van. JULIET, VICK and LASSITER rush over.
LUNTZ:
All right, put him in a holding van. I want to debrief him.
LASSITER:
(pulls SHAWN’S free arm) No, no. No way, Luntz. This is our guy. Any debriefing is going to be done by us.
LUNTZ:
No, this is my investigation.
The SWAT officer pulls SHAWN’S other arm.
SHAWN:
Well, guys, guys, I appreciate you arguing over me, but let me just point out, I'm not wearing briefs.
VICK:
Commander Luntz, Mr. Spencer is in our department, so we will debrief him first, but we'll share any information that we gather.
LASSITER:
Hands off. (pulls SHAWN away)
HENRY:
(behind barricade) Shawn! Shawn!
SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Dad? (holds up a finger)
LASSITER:
Hurry up.
SHAWN:
(walks over) What are you doing down here?
HENRY:
Look, I don't know what you and Gus have gotten yourselves into, but I came down here to warn you.
SHAWN:
Warn me of what?
HENRY:
This guy doing the negotiating, he's done negotiating.
They look over at LUNTZ who is signing a form on a clipboard.
SHAWN:
Meaning?
HENRY:
He's getting ready to take this guy out.
SHAWN:
Yeah, Dad, I know. He already took a shot.
HENRY:
Yes, but Shawn, he's getting ready to go in with tear gas. I've seen it before. It's not pretty.
SHAWN:
(sighs) How much time do I have?
HENRY:
I don't know. Hour, tops.
SHAWN:
(sighs) All right. Thanks, Dad.
SHAWN starts to go but HENRY grabs his arm.
HENRY:
Shawn, you be careful.
SHAWN:
All right.
The crowd whoops as DHAWN jogs past the barricade. He stops when he sees a pretty woman and goes back to shake her hand.
SHAWN:
Hi. Shawn Spencer. Thanks for coming out. It means a lot.
HENRY:
Shawn!
SHAWN continues on his way and meets LASSITER at the police van.
SHAWN:
Look, Lassie, I am telling you that Stubbins is not behind this and I know at the very least that Gresling, the bank manager, is involved.
LASSITER:
It's a moot point. He's going to do what he's going to do. There are hostages in there.
SHAWN:
I know that, my best friend is one of them. If we can get out of here and find this guy's wife, we can show that the kidnapping thing holds water.
LASSITER:
Look, I am breaking about 50 codes of police procedure just by talking to you about this.
SHAWN:
Ugh, the codes! That is your biggest problem.
LASSITER:
Oh, it's my problem?
SHAWN:
Yeah, just once, can you grab life by the little Lassiters and follow your instincts? I know you don't like my methods, I know you don't like me. But we are pressed for time and I am telling you, I am vibing like crazy. Can we screw protocol and get the hell outta here?
LASSITER closes the back door of the van and SHAWN rolls his eyes.
LASSITER:
You take shotgun. (walks to driver’s side)
SHAWN:
You are so sexy right now.
SHAWN goes around to the passenger side and uses hand signals to let JULIET know. He starts bouncing on his feet and waving his arm to get her to join them. She walks past LUNTZ.
LUNTZ:
Where are you going?
JULIET:
I'm sorry, but you're not the only one here who has a job to do. (walks away)
LUNTZ:
Well, wait. Are we still on for tonight?
INT, POLICE VAN, DAY
LASSITER is driving, SHAWN is shotgun and JULIET is in the back.
LASSITER:
All right, where am I driving?
SHAWN:
Just head down to State Street. Then you're going to be making a left on Laporte. (remembers address) Yes, left. I'm being drawn there by the wife now. (lowers hand) All right, Jules. Give me one good reason why you find this guy attractive.
JULIET:
Shawn!
SHAWN:
You can't give me one?
JULIET:
I can think of many.
SHAWN:
Is one of them that you're looking forward to giving him sponge baths in the near future?
JULIET:
I happen to find his age and his maturity appealing. He's distinguished and virile. And most importantly, he knows who he is. And that is attractive.
LASSITER:
You two know I'm in the van, right?
SHAWN:
(looks out window) Here! Stop here!
LASSITER stops the van in front of a non-descript brown house.
SHAWN:
This is it. She's being held right in there.
LASSITER:
(checks weapon) All right, Spencer. You stay put. I will not be responsible for you. O'Hara, we go on three. You ready? One, two…
SHAWN:
Can I say it? Let me say it.
JULIET and LASSITER exit the van.
EXT. HOUSE, DAY
JULIET and LASSITER approach stealthily, guns drawn. SHAWN watches from the van. LASSITER goes first into the open car port. He takes one side of the house and JULIET goes down the other. SHAWN is waiting for her.
SHAWN:
Hey.
JULIET:
(whispers) Shawn, get back in the car, this could be dangerous.
SHAWN:
I will, but I have to tell you something.
JULIET:
Shawn, get back in the car!
SHAWN:
Go out with Luntz.
JULIET:
What?
SHAWN:
I want you to go out with Luntz.
SHAWN presses himself against the wall as he and JULIET make their way along the side of the house.
JULIET:
Shawn! What are you trying to pull?
SHAWN:
I'm not trying to pull anything. I just want you to be happy. So, if you think this guy can make you happy or even if you're not sure and there's just a tiny part of you that thinks that there might be a chance for that, I think you owe it to yourself to go for it.
JULIET peers around the corner and sees LASSITER on the other side who holds up his palm. She leans back against the wall next to SHAWN.
JULIET:
Thank you, Shawn.
SHAWN:
You're welcome. When are you supposed to go out next?
JULIET:
Uh, tonight actually…
SHAWN:
Wow! That's so fast. Where's he going to take you?
JULIET:
Mario's.
SHAWN:
Mario's? That place is a little stuffy, don't you think?
JULIET looks around the corner as LASSITER counts down with his fingers.
JULIET:
I like their bread.
JULIET and LASSITER take up position by the back door. LASSITER tries the doorknob. When it doesn’t open, he kicks the door down.
INT. HOUSE, DAY
LASSITER and JULIET check the rooms by the door.
LASSITER:
Clear.
JULIET:
Clear.
They go to enter the room where JOANNA is tied up but SHAWN is already there.
LASSITER:
Split! Spencer, what the hell are you doing? I told you to stay in the car.
SHAWN looks out the back window and sees footprints in the grass, a swing still moving and a gate in the back fence.
SHAWN:
If I'd stayed in the car, I wouldn't be able to tell you that someone just took off running that way through the yard!
LASSITER:
(checks) They're gone. I'll call in a perimeter request. Get K-9 down here.
JULIET and SHAWN help JOANNA.
JULIET:
You want to help me with this gag?
SHAWN:
Yeah.
SHAWN kneels and undoes the gag while JULIET unties her hands.
SHAWN:
Hello, Joanna. I have a message from your husband.
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ is on his radio.
LUNTZ:
I'm going to try to make contact one more time and then that's it. Prepare to go in with the gas.
He then picks up his phone.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
Someone throws a shoe over at GUS, startling him. The phone starts ringing. PHIL keeps checking his watch, impatient. He then goes over to GRESLING.
PHIL:
You, come on.
GRESLING:
What do you want?
PHIL:
(pulls GRESLING up by the collar) Come on, right now.
GRESLING:
Why? What do you want?
PHIL:
Right now.
GRESLING:
Oh!
PHIL:
(to the hostages) Don't move! Don't talk! Look at the floor! Look at the floor!
PHIL pushes GRESLING down the hall.
PHIL:
Come on. Right now.
GRESLING:
What?
PHIL:
Right now. In here, in here. Get in there. (shoves him into the office)
INT. BANK, MANAGER’S OFFICE, DAY
GRESLING:
What?
PHIL closes the door and pushes GRESLING against the wall and aims the gun at him.
PHIL:
You have my wife.
GRESLING:
What are you talking about?
PHIL:
You know where she is. Tell me where she is. Tell me where she is.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
The hostages can hear them arguing.
INT. BANK, MANAGER’S OFFICE, DAY
GRESLING:
I don’t know what you’re talking about!
PHIL:
You know where she is. Tell me where she is.
GRESLING:
I swear. You're crazy.
PHIL:
Where's my wife?!
GRESLING:
I don't know!
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
While PHIL and GRESLING continue to argue, GUS crawls on all fours.
INT. BANK, MANAGER’S OFFICE, DAY
PHIL:
I’m gonna shoot you right now! Where’s my wife?
INT. HOUSE, DAY
JOANNA remains sitting on the chair as LASSITER kneels beside her. SHAWN and JULIET stand to the side.
LASSITER:
All right, Mrs. Stubbins, what can you tell us about the man that kidnapped you?
JOANNA:
Well, there were actually two men.
SHAWN:
Two? Are you sure?
INT. BANK, MANAGER’S OFFICE, DAY
PHIL:
Where's my wife?
An unknown person knocks PHIL out from behind.
INT. BANK, HALL, DAY
GUS creeps along the hall and listens at the office door.
INT. HOUSE, DAY
JOANNA:
I was blindfolded, but through a crack in the bottom, I was able to make out two pairs of feet. I didn't see much, but I know one of them was wearing a pair of brown wing-tip shoes.
SHAWN goes through his memory of all the shoes of the hostages at the bank.
SHAWN:
I got it. The other one's in the bank. I gotta call Phil and warn him.
INT. BANK, HALL, DAY
GUS hears the phone ring. He opens the door to the office and puts his hands up when a gun is aimed at him.
EXT. BANK, DAY
LUNTZ: (into radio)
That's it, men, it's go time. Hit 'em with the tear gas, and go in on my call.
The SWAT members shout orders to each other as they take position and aim their weapons at the bank.
INT. BANK, OFFICE, DAY
The man who ratted GUS out about his phone has his gun aimed at GUS, PHIL and GRESLING. They are bound and have duct tape over their mouths.
INT, POLICE VAN, DAY
LASSITER is driving, SHAWN is shotgun and JULIET is in the back.
JULIET:
Morgan Phelps is the second man inside the bank. Canine caught the guy running away from the house who gave him up. But I don't get the bank manager. Gresling knew the bank was going to be robbed?
SHAWN:
He planned the whole thing from the beginning. He knew that his VIP client had dropped off the diamonds. He figured this was his chance to score big, so he contacted Morgan Phelps.
JULIET:
Who has a rap sheet as long as my arm.
LASSITER:
So why didn't Phelps just steal the diamonds himself?
SHAWN:
They didn't need a professional bank robber because Gresling would basically just be handing the diamonds over. And Phil was a perfect mark. They could put him in the bank on the day the diamonds were delivered. That, plus the back taxes and the recent foreclosure made him seem like a really desperate guy who need cash in a big way.
LASSITER:
So Phelps plants himself at the bank to make sure everything goes smoothly and then finds himself caught as a hostage when the whole deal goes sour.
JULIET:
I'll keep trying Luntz, but I'm pretty sure he's blocked all calls not coming from inside the bank. We need to get back there before he goes in.
EXT. BANK, DAY
The van arrives at the bank. SHAWN and LASSITER go over to LUNZ while JULIET goes to VICK.
SHAWN:
Luntz! Have your guys grab Gresling, the bank manager. Take him into custody. He's in on it. We're looking for Phelps.
GUS joins them.
LUNTZ:
Who?
SHAWN:
Phelps. Have you accounted for all the hostages?
LUNTZ:
We're counting bodies now. It's a mess out here.
SHAWN:
All right.
SHAWN runs into the bank followed by LASSITER, LUNTZ and GUS.
INT. BANK, LOBBY, DAY
SHAWN looks at the remaining shoes.
SHAWN:
There's no wing-tips. Phelps is gone. He must've taken off somewhere. When did you last see him?
GUS:
We were being held in a back room.
INT. BANK, OFFICE, DAY
They enter the room and SHAWN’S gaze goes straight to the air shaft. He then sees a screw on the floor. He puts a hand to his head.
SHAWN:
I know where Phelps is.
LASSITER:
Where?
SHAWN:
He's in the sewer. He's in the sewer system.
LUNTZ:
(checking closet) That's ridiculous.
SHAWN:
Is it, Luntz?
LASSITER:
All right, I do know this much. If someone were to access the sewer system out back it would dump them almost anywhere in the city.
SHAWN:
Luntz, I'm a psychic, you're just going to have to trust me. Plus, listen to my voice. It's even. It's steady. No vibrato.
LUNTZ runs from the room. SHAWN hurries to the vent and pulls the cover off.
SHAWN:
Gus, quick! Help me boost Lassie up to the ceiling. Phelps is inside one of these ducts.
LASSITER:
What? Whatever happened to the whole psychic sewer vision thing?
SHAWN:
Lassie, do we really have time to answer these questions? Now, come on. Just give me one of those size 12 narrows.
LASSITER puts one foot in SHAWN’S cupped hands as he reaches for the opening.
GUS:
Give me the other.
SHAWN and GUS lift LASSITER up and he pulls himself in with a grunt.
INT. BANK, AIR DUCTS, DAY
LASSITER crawls through the duct on his stomach, gun in hand. PHELPS has paused, listening. He hears LASSITER grunt and starts moving. LASSITER comes to an intersection and sees PHELPS.
LASSITER:
Freeze!
He grabs PHELPS’ legs.
LASSITER:
Come here. Hold still. I got him!
INT. BANK, OFFICE, DAY
SHAWN:
Good work, partner! We'll grab backup.
EXT. BANK, DAY
SHAWN and GUS exit the bank.
GUS:
Partner? Uh, excuse me? What was that about?
SHAWN:
Well, you got to admit, it's better than a little boy cat or a little girl cat.
GUS:
Not appreciated, Shawn.
SHAWN:
But, look at you, man, surviving a bank hostage crisis and still looking all “Poitier on a hot day”.
GUS:
What? (touches the side of his nose with his thumb)
SHAWN:
Go ahead, slap me in the face. Tell me they call you “Mr. Tibbs”.
GUS:
I'm not doing that.
SHAWN:
Come on, it'll make you feel better.
GUS:
They call me Mr… I'm not doing that.
SHAWN:
(laughs) Look at you. You were one word away! Come on. What do they call you?
GUS:
Will you get in the car?
SHAWN:
(gets in car) They call you, what? They call you Mr… (laughs)
INT. PSYCH, NIGHT
SHAWN is trying to unstick a sliding door when there’s a knocking. He turns around to see JULIET dressed for a date.
SHAWN:
Jules!
JULIET:
Hi.
SHAWN:
What are you…
JULIET:
(holds out a pair of shoes) Uh, Evidence turned these over to me. I think they're Gus' shoes. So, I just… I thought I'd bring them by and drop them off. (sets them on a desk)
SHAWN:
That is very sweet of you. You can burn them.
JULIET:
What?
SHAWN:
He was devastated the whole way home. He cried about them already, on my shoulder, like a baby. I just put him down. He's resting now. So what is this? What am I seeing here? (motions up and down with his hand) This is the, uh, "returning footwear to a friend" outfit?
JULIET:
Oh, Cameron had to cancel tonight.
SHAWN:
No.
JULIET:
Yeah.
SHAWN:
No!
JULIET:
Yeah, he said he took, like, four showers, but he still couldn't get that sewer smell out of his skin.
SHAWN:
Aw, jeez! That damn sewer! We wrapped everything up so nicely so that you guys could... But you know what? The man followed a hunch. And that's all you can ask from a guy. Hey, follow your hunches. And he did. I'm sorry it didn't work out for you kids. But you gave it a real shot, a fair shot.
JULIET:
Shawn, I'm seeing him tomorrow night.
SHAWN:
Really? Wow, that's so fast on the rescheduling. It's… No conflicts either way? Huh?
JULIET:
Yeah, we'll see. Well, I should go. (starts for door)
SHAWN:
Hey, uh, have you eaten?
JULIET:
(walks back) No.
SHAWN:
Well, I can't offer anything as fancy as Mario's. But.. What you think of a Ball Park and a stroll on the boardwalk? It is golden time. I’ve been told, I, uh, look pretty good in that lighting.
JULIET:
Really?
SHAWN:
It’s true.
JULIET:
Is that right?
SHAWN presses a button on a remote on the table next to him. With a soft whir, a small device carries two hot dogs down on a zipline. JULIET chuckles.
SHAWN:
(picks up hot dog) They plump when you cook them.
JULIET:
(picks up the other) They plump?
SHAWN:
(hits button a carrier goes back) Literally.
SHAWN and JULIET walk to the door.
SHAWN:
As the temperature rises, the wiener absorbs all additional moisture. Causing it to double. Sometimes even triple in diameter.
JULIET:
Triple? Wow.
They exit together.