Transcript: Psych 3x09 Christmas Joy

[jpgr]

1987

INT. SPENCER HOUSE, DAY

It’s Christmas morning and SHAWN runs down the stairs, excited to open his presents. HENRY is in a corner of the living room putting together a bicycle. He tries to hide it from SHAWN.

HENRY:
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's barely morning, just hold up. I know you're excited, your adrenaline is rushing and your heart rate is pumping, just like you got a big case and this is hot crime scene.

SHAWN:
Dad, I just want to see what Santa brought me.

HENRY:
And you will soon enough. But first, I want you to recreate everything that went done here last night. (sits on couch)

SHAWN looks around the room and sees footprints going from the fireplace to the couch. They then go to the tree and then the window.

SHAWN:
Santa came in, sat down, ate milk and cookies, put the presents under the tree, then something spooked him and he ran out.

HENRY:
That’s right. Maybe you woke up a little earlier than he thought. It's a pity, too, because he didn't get a chance to finish putting together your brand new bicycle.

SHAWN smiles and hurries over to the bike. The seat comes off in his hand and he turns to face HENRY.

HENRY:
Merry Christmas, Shawn.

PRESENT DAY

INT, PSYCH, DAY

SHAWN is carrying a box of Christmas decorations. There are already some up in the office, as well as a tree. GUS is sitting at his desk.

GUS:
What took you so long? You know I have to get to my mom and dad's.

SHAWN:
Choosing the perfect holiday gift takes time, Gus. (pulls out portrait from Monarch lodge) You can't cut corners. You have to customize, match the gift with the individual. (pineapple with ribbon) Look, I took our Halloween decorations and put Santa hats on them. What do you think? (holds up pumpkins and the eyes glow red)

GUS:
Look, can we do this later? (stands) My sister Joy's flight gets in any minute now.

SHAWN:
You have plenty of time.

GUS:
No I don't, Shawn. You know she usually works during the holidays, London, Paris, Hong Kong. Now that she's home, we have to spend as much time together as possible.

SHAWN:
All that time away from home for work, precisely why I didn't go to law school.

GUS:
Yeah, that and the school part.

They hear the door close and turn to see a young GIRL enter.

SHAWN:
Well, hello there. May I help you?

GIRL:
Are you Mr. Psych?

SHAWN and GUS laugh.

SHAWN:
I'm Mr. Shawn, and this is Scrooge Jones. We're psychic detectives. Who might you be?

GIRL:
My name's Brittany. Mr. Shawn, I need to hire you.

SHAWN:
I see. What for?

BRITTANY:
To get Santa out of jail. All I have is $1.38. (holds out handful of coins) I hope it's enough.

GUS:
We couldn't possibly accept that.

SHAWN:
He's right. (whispers) What else do you have?

GUS hits him on the back with his elbow.

BRITTANY:
The policemen dragged him away from the Santa’s village in Solvang. Please. You have to help him.

SHAWN:
Don't worry, Brittany. There are some wonderful public defenders in the North Pole. Santa will be out in no time.

BRITTANY:
But if he's not out by Christmas eve, he can't deliver his toys.

SHAWN:
Uh, this is...

GUS:
This is a matter for the police.

SHAWN:
Yes, and we never interfere with police matters.

BRITTANY:
I understand.

SHAWN:
(laughing) Okay.

GUS:
Good.

BRITTANY starts crying, face scrunches up and tears falling down her cheeks. The guys stop smiling.

SHAWN:
Oh, boy. What are you supposed to do when a child's crying like this?

GUS is sympathy crying.

GUS:
You cave. Brittany, Mr. Shawn and I will get Santa out as soon as we get back.

BRITTANY:
(smiles) Thank you, Scrooge Jones. Thank you, Mr. Shawn. (leaves)

GUS:
Let's go.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, FRONT HALL, DAY

BILL and WINNIE arrive home with JOY. BILL carries in her bags and WINNIE calls ahead.

WINNIE:
Gus! Gus, we're back from the airport.

GUS comes running around a corner to greet them.

GUS:
(laughs) Hey, sis!

JOY:
Aw, Gussie!

They hug.

GUS:
I missed you.

JOY:
I missed you, too.

They end their hug. SHAWN has joined them in the front hall.

GUS:
You don't know what it's been like not having anyone to talk to.

JOY:
Well, I want to hear more about this psychic detective agency.

WINNIE:
It's very impressive.

SHAWN mouths “thank you”.

BILL:
As we found out last year when we were both brought up on murder charges.

JOY:
I still find that hard to believe.

WINNIE:
Well, we were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

BILL:
Nobody to blame.

BILL and WINNIE point fingers at each other.

JOY:
You two must be pretty good. It's funny, I don't remember you being psychic.

SHAWN:
Oh.

JOY:
When did this happen?

SHAWN and GUS exchange a look before answering together.

BOTH:
High School.

JOY:
Did you two just look at each other?

They look again.

BOTH:
No.

JOY:
You just did it again as if to corroborate what you are going to say.

SHAWN and GUS get defensive, their voices overlapping.

SHAWN:
(crosses one arm across his body and holds the other out) Joy, what is this?

GUS:
(holds hands out in a shrug) I mean…

SHAWN:
We're not on trial here.

GUS:
Joy…

SHAWN:
It’s Christmastime...

GUS:
You came through the door and it's like "what?"

SHAWN:
Be merry! This is not a court room.

GUS:
It's not about law.

JOY:
So why are you both striking defensive poses?

They both lower their arms.

SHAWN:
(stutters) I was just, I was keeping it loose.

GUS:
(rests arm on SHAWN’S shoulder) Yeah.

BILL:
(checks watch) Um, I’m going to be late to work. And don't forget, I’m covering the night shift.

WINNIE:
No, Joy just got here. Raytheon can wait.

BILL:
Government planes don't make themselves... yet.

JOY:
It's okay, daddy. It'll give me and Gus a chance to catch up.

BILL:
All right, well, I’ll see you in the morning, then. Okay, bye.

BILL kisses WINNIE and JOY goodbye before leaving.

WINNIE:
Sweetheart, your room's all ready, and I’ll just be a little longer in the kitchen. (leaves)

GUS:
Let me get this up to your room for you. (strains to left her bags) I doubt you need all of them. (takes the smallest and goes upstairs)

JOY:
(laughs) You can get them later.

JOY and SHAWN watch GUS as he goes upstairs. SHAWN sighs and looks at JOY. They then start kissing passionately.

**********************************************************************
PSYCH

“Christmas Joy”
By
Saladin K. Patterson

STARRING:
James Roday
Dulé Hill
Timothy Omundson
Maggie Lawson
Kirsten Nelson
And
Corbin Bernsen

DIRECTOR
John Landis

**********************************************************************

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY

SHAWN and JOY are making out on the couch. SHAWN pulls away.

SHAWN:
No, wait a minute. What are we doing? What are we doing? This… This cannot happen.

JOY:
I know.

SHAWN:
It was a one-time fling ten years ago, and that's it.

JOY:
I never told.

SHAWN:
Well, thank God. Gus would be crushed.

JOY:
We're both adults, okay?

SHAWN:
No, that's where you're wrong. We're not adults. You're Gus' big sister with the tassels on the handlebars of your banana-seat bike. And I’m Gus' best friend, who put a frog on top of your head. Listen, listen, we can't fool around, especially not in your living room. For Gus' sake, we have to fight it.

JOY:
Speak for yourself. (starts kissing him)

They break apart and stand when they hear GUS coming down the stairs.

GUS:
You know, Joy, since you're so interested in Psych, you should spend as much time with me and Shawn as possible.

JOY:
Great!

SHAWN looks at JOY before plastering on a fake smile.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

SHAWN, GUS and JOY enter the station. As GUS expounds on what they do, JOY tries to hold SHAWN’S hand and he keeps evading.

GUS:
This is where we do our thing, where it all goes down, where the magic happens.

SHAWN:
You realize you repeat yourself when you're trying to impress someone?

GUS:
Yeah, right. Whatever. Please.

JOY:
You kind of do.

SHAWN:
Told you so. Touché.

GUS:
You can't touché yourself.

SHAWN:
Sure I can. Your bad.

GUS:
It's not my bad. You can't "my bad" for someone else.

SHAWN:
Yeah, but you ain't mad at it, though. Know what you saying'?

GUS:
Will you stop it?

VICK:
Mr. Spencer, Mr. Guster, I don't remember hiring you for a case.

SHAWN:
Oh, we're here researching a case for uh, another client. Detective O’Hara’s expecting us.

VICK:
All three of you?

GUS:
Oh, this is my sister, Joy. She's our guest.

JOY:
Hi.

JOY and VICK shake hands.

VICK:
Um, well, technically, you are guests, so that doesn't give you the right to bring your own.

GUS:
I'm sorry, Chief. Joy was just excited to see what we do.

VICK:
Have you ever seen a movie about high school?

JOY:
Yes.

VICK:
Then you've pretty much seen what they do.

SHAWN:
(chuckles weakly) Oh, Chief, she’s just a joker.

VICK:
Sorry, no visitors beyond this point.

GUS:
Oh, yeah sure.

VICK enters her office.

GUS:
(to JOY) Wait here just a moment.

SHAWN and GUS go over to JULIET who is passing out files.

SHAWN:
Jules, wait up.

JULIET:
Hey, oh, I’m sorry, I got your message. Things have just been really hectic around here. Something about the holidays.

SHAWN:
(puts hand to head) Speaking of which, I’m sensing the Santa we've been looking for probably would've been brought in this morning. (lowers hand)

JULIET:
Must've been that fight down at Santa’s Village in Solvang we got a call about. Yeah, we sent a paddy wagon down to assist the county.

SHAWN:
Where are they now?

JULIET:
Well unfortunately, some poor guy was knocked unconscious during the fight, so we're holding everyone in a holding cell until we can find out who's going to face assault charges. This way.

INT. SBPD, HOLDING, DAY

JULIET leads them downstairs and to the cells.

JULIET:
And here we are.

Standing at the bars is a man who really looks like Santa with white hair and beard and dressed in a long-sleeve red shirt with suspenders.

SHAWN:
He really does look like Santa.

JULIET:
Excuse me, sir, could you please step out of the way?

“Santa” moves out of the way to reveal a MAN sitting on one of the benches, his head resting on the wall, one foot on the bench, one on the floor. He looks more like a bum than Santa.

JULIET:
That's your Santa.

SHAWN:
Of course, it is.

JULIET:
Let me know if you need anything else. (leaves)

SHAWN studies the man and sees a large bruise on his left arm around his elbow and others on his right arm. He then studies the other men in the cell. One has a red bracelet with Hebrew on it.

SHAWN:
(aside to GUS) Dude, our Santa only has defensive wounds. There's no way he put anybody in a coma. And I can tell from that guy's bracelet that he's a master of Krav Maga. His fists are considered deadly weapons.

GUS:
Since when can you read Hebrew?

SHAWN:
Since I spent a summer working at a Hasidic deli. Those were good times. (chuckles) Shlomo. Jules, (hand to head) I'm getting something here.

JULIET walks over.

SHAWN:
(moves his hands like he’s doing martial arts) I'm seeing hands, fast as lighting. It's more than a little exciting.

GUS:
Kung fu fighting.

SHAWN:
That's right. Someone in the fight was a master of martial arts, but not Santa.

GUS:
He brings peace and Joy.

SHAWN:
That's right, Gus. The man I’m thinking of is a lethal machine, trained in the martial arts of the Middle East. Hoy! That's him! (points) He's the one who knocked the victim unconscious, and he's the one that should serve time for assault with a deadly weapon.

MAN:
(stands) Assault?! (walks up to bars) I was minding my own business. I only hit that guy because I was defending Santa.

JULIET:
Nice job, Shawn. You just saved us hours of processing.

SHAWN:
Well consider it your Christmas gift.

JULIET:
(to officer) Take him to the interrogation room, please.

SHAWN:
And make sure this one gets back to Santa’s Village to spread some Christmas cheer. There's a very sweet little girl counting on it.

GUS:
We just saved Christmas.

SHAWN:
What?

They fist-bump and then do the dances from “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.

INT. SBPD, HALL, DAY

LASSITER is sitting next to JOY on a bench.

LASSITER:
So, when the cluster of bullets is very tight, we refer to that as precision, not to be confused with accuracy which has to do with the proximity to the intended target.

SHAWN and GUS arrive. GUS does not look pleased.

GUS:
What's going on here?

LASSITER:
Just having a conversation with your delightful sister.

JOY takes advantage of their arrival to stand.

GUS:
Really?

LASSITER stands to help her with her purse.

LASSITER:
Oh, let me get that for you.

GUS:
"Get that for you. " I know exactly what that means. Shawn, what is the sentence for assaulting a police officer?

SHAWN:
Whoa! It's okay, buddy. Sorry, Gus is a little overprotective of his older sister.

GUS:
What's the deal with you and people's sisters anyway? First Vick’s and now mine? And aren't you still married?

GUS:
You snow white...

SHAWN:
Lassie, I think Dobson is, uh, calling for you.

LASSITER:
(to JOY) Really nice to meet you. (leaves)

JOY looks at GUS as if to say “what was that all about?”.

GUS:
(watches LASSITER walk away) The nerve of some people.

JOY:
You know, Gus, hey! I'm a big girl, and I can see whoever I want, thank you.

GUS:
No, not if that person's supposed to be a friend of mine, uh-uh. Hell no. (walks off)

SHAWN and JOY look at each other and SHAWN smiles nervously.

EXT. SBPD, DAY

SHAWN and JOY walk down the stairs. SHAWN is on the phone.

SHAWN:
Yeah, well you weren't there to see it's little face looking up at me meowing for milk and warmth and shelter, were you, Garth? Fine, thanks. (ends call and join GUS) Apparently, my apartment is infested with fleas. It may or may not have something to do with the stray cat that I took in, but they cannot blame me for infesting the entire building.

BOTH:
One adult female flea lays thousands of eggs.

SHAWN:
Wow. That's a little bit frightening. I'll need some place to crash while they fumigate. I'd stay at my dad's, but he's got some of his lodge buddies in town.

JOY:
Well, Gus and I are staying with our folks for the holidays. Why don't you stay with us? (smiles)

SHAWN:
Oh, I don't know, Joy…

GUS:
Shawn, please.

JOY:
There, it's settled.

GUS turns to look at JOY but stops when he sees BRITTANY and the man they got from the holding cell.

GUS:
Look.

SHAWN:
What is it?

BRITTANY:
I saved your butt this time, Daddy! You're lucky I didn't leave you in there to rot!

SHAWN watches and shakes his head as BRITTANY gets into the car and her father shuts the door.

BRITTANY:
Now we only have three days left! Don't screw up again!

FATHER:
Jeez, I’m sorry. (walks to driver’s side)

GUS:
She's a little con artist.

SHAWN:
I bet she had more than $1.38 on her, too.

INT. SBPD, BULLPEN, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are with JULIET at her desk.

SHAWN:
Dude, we got conned on Christmas. I don't like having my emotions toyed with like that.

JULIET:
Well, we ran fingerprints on everyone. His name was Carl Wilcox, and, according to police records, he is a known con man.

SHAWN recalls BRITTANY saying they only have three days left.

SHAWN:
Whatever it is, they must be planning it for the 24th. We just need to get proof. Thank you, Jules.

SHAWN and GUS leave.

JULIET:
(calls after them) You're welcome.

EXT. SANTA’S VILLAGE, COURTYARD DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk through the main gates and into the courtyard. Among the typical displays is a pen with two reindeer.

SHAWN:
(points at reindeer) What?

GUS:
What?

They see people dressed as elves, large gingerbread men and a life-size manger scene.

SANTA:
Ho, ho, ho! Have you been good this year?

SHAWN and GUS see SANTA with a child on his lap and then look to where elves are selling the photos taken of the children.

ELF:
All right, so that will be 20 wallets and one 8 x 10. We can send it to a home address. Just check the box.

They make their way forward so they’re even with the front of the line.

SANTA:
(to girl) Okay, well, you keep those grades up so that we can give you everything on your list, okay? All right.

SANTA sets the little girl back down and an elf takes her back to her mother.

SANTA:
Who's next in line to see Santa?

SHAWN and GUS cut the line.

SHAWN:
Excuse us.

SANTA:
(laughs) I don't think Santa’s lap is big enough for you boys.

SHAWN:
Cut the crap, Carl. We know you conned us into getting you out of jail.

CARL:
(stands) Okay, not here, all right? (to line) Santa's going to take a five. Be right back.

CARL leads SHAWN and GUS to a side alley. BRITTANY is there playing a video game.

SHAWN:
Hey, what blind kid did you steal that from?

BRITTANY:
Why would a blind kid have a video game?

SHAWN:
(pauses) You have cooties on your face.

GUS:
Shawn!

SHAWN:
She started it.

GUS:
You started it.

SHAWN:
She gave me the stink eye.

GUS:
She was playing a video game.

SHAWN:
She's a little...

GUS:
Shawn!

CARL:
Okay, look, guys, I really appreciate you getting me out of jail. But I’m working here, okay? Why don't you come back when we have a little reindeer lunch break?

GUS:
Or maybe you'd like to tell us about that little con you have planned for the 24th.

SHAWN:
Here's the thing, Carl, we're on to you. (looks at BRITTANY) Both of you.

CARL:
(stands right in front of them) Couple of smart guys, huh? Well, you're too smart for your own good.

GUS:
(to SHAWN) This guy.

CARL:
(shouts and cowers) Don't hit me!

He runs out to the courtyard followed by SHAWN, GUS and BRITTANY.

GUS:
Whoa! Whoa! Slow down, Santa!

SHAWN and GUS grab CARL in front of a crowd of children.

SHAWN:
Not so fast, St. Nick, huh? International sign of guilt, buddy.

BRITTANY starts crying.

MAN:
Look at those guys!

MAN 2:
Hey, those were the same two guys who I saw cut in line.

WOMAN:
They don't even have kids.

SHAWN:
This is not good.

GUS:
No.

A security GUARD takes them both by the arm and CARL hugs BRITTANY.

GUARD:
All right, enough of you two. Let's go.

As they are lead away, SHAWN sees the lists of families getting photos on the laptop monitor.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, FRONT HALL, NIGHT

SHAWN and GUS hurry up the front stairs.

GUS:
I've never been kicked out of Santa’s Village before, Shawn.

SHAWN:
You’re gonna get used to it.

GUS:
I don't want to get used to it. It's humiliating.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, UPSTAIRS HALL, NIGHT

SHAWN:
We still don't know what crime Carl and Brittany are planning for Christmas Eve.

JOY steps out of the bathroom dressed in a short nightgown.

JOY:
Good night, guys.

GUS:
Good night.

SHAWN:
'Night, Joy. See you in the morning.

He waves as she enters her bedroom and closes the door.

SHAWN:
It's like they're mocking us, you know. Feels like a slap in the face. And not a Rhett Butler slap, an Ike Turner slap.

GUS:
Mmmm.

SHAWN:
But we still have a few days to figure it out. Let's just go to bed.

GUS:
Cool.

The two fist-bump and head to their rooms. SHAWN is next to the bathroom and GUS is across the hall next to JOY’S.

GUS:
Good night, dude.

SHAWN:
'Night.

Both men enter their respective rooms.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, SHAWN’S ROOM, NIGHT

SHAWN is lying in bed attempting to read.

SHAWN:
This is ridiculous.

He gets out of bed and leaves the room.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, UPSTAIRS HALL, NIGHT

SHAWN tiptoes down to JOY’S room but hesitates outside her door. He changes his mind and goes into the bathroom instead. JOY then slips out of her room and heads down to SHAWN’S, pausing to primp before going in. SHAWN comes out of the bathroom and makes his way to his bedroom before turning and going into JOY’S room. GUS steps out and looks down the hall towards the stairs. JOY comes out of SHAWN’S room but ducks back in before GUS sees her. GUS turns around at the sound of the door closing and SHAWN comes out of JOY’S room. He sees GUS and goes back in. GUS goes back into his room. JOY leaves SHAWN’S room and goes into the bathroom. SHAWN leaves JOY’S room and goes back to his, somewhat dejected. JOY goes back to her room. SHAWN steps out when he hears her door and goes down to the end of the hall.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Joy!

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, FRONT HALL, NIGHT

SHAWN goes down the stairs.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Joy!

SHAWN notices that the basement door is open. As he slips inside, he notices that one of the kings in the manger scene is black.

INT. GUSTERS’ HOUSE, BASEMENT, NIGHT

SHAWN opens the door to a large storage area.

SHAWN:
(whispers) Joy! Joy!

SHAWN is looking around as the door opens behind him and the light is switched on. It’s BILL. They both gasp in surprise. We see a mall living area set up with a TV and chairs.

BILL:
Shawn?

SHAWN:
Mr. Guster?

BILL:
You're supposed to be asleep. What are you doing here?

SHAWN:
I-I thought that I heard a noise or something. You're supposed to be working the night shift. What are you doing home?

BILL:
I- I forgot something.

SHAWN:
Oh! So, I guess you'll be going back to work then.

BILL:
And I guess you, you'll be going back to sleep?

They circle each other.

SHAWN:
Why aren't you leaving?

BILL:
It's my house. I can leave when I want to! You want to tell me what you were looking for down here?

SHAWN sees residue on BILL’S lapel.

SHAWN:
(puts hand to head) Whoa, I’m getting something here. You weren't at work like you said you were. I see a projector, a movie projector.

BILL:
You're not going to be reading me.

SHAWN:
Yes.

BILL:
Uh-uh. No, no. (ducks and dodges like a boxer)

SHAWN:
Oh, Mister, please…

BILL:
No, no.

SHAWN:
That's ridiculous.

BILL:
No, stick and move. Stick and move.

SHAWN:
Sir, please don't do that. I've already had the vision. It's over. The vision is over. I’ve had it. It's done.

BILL stops and breathes heavily.

SHAWN:
You lied to your family about working the night shift.

BILL:
The truth is... I lost my job at Raytheon a month ago.

SHAWN:
Oh, I’m sorry.

BILL sighs.

SHAWN:
Why are you keeping it a secret?

BILL:
It's Christmastime. Joy's home. I didn't want everybody to worry. So, I go out on interviews all through the day and hang out at the movies or a coffee shop at night. My family thinks I’m doing my night shift. And this is between me and you and that lamp over there, all right?

SHAWN:
You're saying the lawn chair isn't trustworthy?

BILL:
Oh, be serious, boy! So, we’re cool, right?

SHAWN:
We're cool, Mr. G. Yeah.

BILL:
I would hate to think that things changed because you betrayed my trust.

SHAWN:
(scoffs) Believe me, you don't have to worry about that. (leaves)

INT, PSYCH, DAY

SHAWN is lying back in his desk chair, tired from little sleep.

GUS:
(pacing) The problem is, Carl already knows we're on to him. He's not going to let us get close enough to figure out what he's up to.

SHAWN:
(yawns) Unless...

JOY:
You guys ready to grab lunch?

SHAWN and GUS look at JOY as she enters the office. SHAWN waves.

GUS:
Good idea. You could use a pick-me-up.

SHAWN:
I'm sorry, man. I just, I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Um, unless, of course, we could figure out a way to snoop around Santa’s Village without Carl knowing.

GUS:
How are we going to do that?

JOY:
I can help.

EXT. SANTA’S VILLAGE, COURTYARD DAY

SHAWN and GUS walk over to the office just as JOY, in an elf costume, exits with a MANAGER.

MANAGER:
Welcome aboard.

JOY:
Thank you.

MANAGER:
We can use all the help we can get for the Christmas rush.

The MANAGER has an open file with CARL’S application. SHAWN reads it over her shoulder. Under “References” he sees the name Theodore and immediately remembers the name of the security guard was Ted. The MANAGER spots SHAWN and closes the file.

JOY:
Merry Christmas!

MANAGER:
Merry Christmas. (goes inside)

SHAWN:
(claps) Great job.

JOY:
Thank you.

SHAWN:
Make sure you sign up for Carl’s shift.

JOY:
Okay.

GUS:
Stay close to him. Let us know what you find out. We'll pick you up later.

JOY:
I'm on it.

JOY walks away and SHAWN watches just a smidge too long for GUS’ liking.

GUS:
What the heck are you looking at?

SHAWN:
That is a beautiful wreath.

GUS:
I hear that.

EXT. SANTA’S VILLAGE, GATES, NIGHT

JOY comes through the main entrance and meets SHAWN and GUS.

SHAWN:
(claps) So? Did Carl realize you were checking up on him?

JOY:
He didn't suspect a thing.

GUS:
What did you find out?

JOY:
I'm sorry, guys, but Carl seems like he's on the up and up.

GUS:
You didn't see him talking with any shady characters?

JOY:
No, just the kids. And you know what? He's a pretty good Santa. I mean, he just doesn't ask them what they want, he asks the kids what they like most about Christmas, what they're most thankful for, what relatives they're going to visit. It's quite touching.

SHAWN remembers one of the elves asking for an address to mail the photos to.

SHAWN:
Wait a minute, that's it. (puts hands to head)

GUS:
What? What do you see?

JOY:
Are you having a vision?

SHAWN:
(stutters) It's a small, it's a small, it's just a... tiny vision.

JOY makes an appreciative “ooh” that comes out rather sultry.

SHAWN:
(closes eyes) Cold shower, baseball stats, watching my grandmother eat meatloaf.

GUS:
Shawn!

SHAWN:
I see Carl and Ted standing in front of a computer screen, uh, with a list of addresses, getting the information from the kids about who's traveling over the holidays, gives them a built-in list of empty houses to rob. That's why he had to be out of jail on Christmas Eve.

We see the action unfold as SHAWN speaks.

GUS:
We need to warn the police before tomorrow.

JOY hurries off and SHAWN watches her go.

GUS:
What the heck are you looking at?

SHAWN:
(laughs) That… Look how cute that little snowman is.

GUS:
I hear that.

GUS walks away and SHAWN follows. The look on his face says “Thank God, he bought that”.

EXT. SANTA’S VILLAGE, COURTYARD, NIGHT

JULIET and LASSITER have joined them as they enter the courtyard.

SHAWN:
His car's still here, so where's Carl?

LASSITER turns on his flashlight and casts a beam around the area.

SHAWN:
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, much less a robber. Really? No one is here? Not a single person? Hello?

LASSITER:
(turns off flashlight) Great. Thanks for dragging us out here for nothing, Spencer.

JULIET:
You're sure you sensed something was going to happen tonight?

SHAWN:
Maybe we just missed them. We could try and figure out which houses they were planning on robbing.

LASSITER:
What do you doing, just randomly start knocking on doors? We've got better things to do. Come on, O’Hara.

LASSITER and JULIET turn around and head back out.

JOY:
How often are you wrong like this?

SHAWN:
Not often.

GUS:
(whispers) Often.

GUS turns on his flashlight and aims it at the manger scene.

GUS:
As usual, they neglected to make one of the wise men black.

JOY:
And I thought everyone knew about Balthazar.

SHAWN remembers one of the kings being black earlier. He goes over and the others follow. He walks up to the king in question and pokes it in the side of the face. It falls to the ground, and they all scream. JULIET and LASSITER hurry back, guns drawn. SHAWN kneels by the body.

SHAWN:
It's Ted.

JULIET hurries over and feels the neck for a pulse. She and SHAWN both straighten up.

JULIET:
We're not dealing with con artists. We're dealing with murderers.

INT. SBPD, VICK’S OFFICE, DAY

SHAWN and GUS enter the office. VICK is sitting behind her desk and LASSITER is on one of the chairs facing it.

VICK:
Thank you for coming, Mr. Spencer. Now that this has become a murder case, we're amping up the investigation. As you can imagine, the city wants people to feel safe this holiday season.

LASSITER:
We brought Carl into custody this morning. Brittany's in the conference room with Child Protective Services. So far, we haven't found anything to link Carl to the murder, so technically, we can only charge him with conspiracy to commit burglary. But we're willing to recommend that the D.A. cut a deal if he cooperates in the murder investigation.

GUS:
Did he take it?

LASSITER:
He says he'll only talk to you guys.

VICK:
So, I need to know what you can get out of him. Let's close the book on this one, pronto.

SHAWN and GUS leave the office.

SBPD, INTEROGATION, DAY

SHAWN and GUS are sitting at the table while CARL, still in costume, paces. An officer is present, standing against a wall.

CARL:
I... I admit it, the Santa job was just a long con to rob some people, okay? But you got to believe me, I...I could never have killed Ted.

SHAWN:
I know. Ted was your inside man.

CARL:
(stops and points at SHAWN) I kept that from the police. (paces) Ted and I were partners for a long time. We scammed people all up and down the coast, but we were just con men. We never physically hurt anybody. That wasn't our thing. (sits across from them) Listen, whoever it was that killed Ted might be coming after me next, or, even worse, after Brittany. I don't trust the cops to protect us. You got to stop them.

SHAWN:
How can we believe anything you say, Carl?

GUS:
Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, shame on us.

SHAWN:
Fool us thrice makes an ass out of "u" and "me”.

GUS:
Nope.

SHAWN:
We're soon parted?

GUS:
That's a fool and his money.

SHAWN:
What a fool believes?

GUS:
Shawn.

CARL:
(yells) Look, if they kill me, they're just going to throw Brittany back in the system. Now she's a tough little girl, but she's already been through a lot, all right? And I’m all she's got.

SHAWN:
Sorry, man. We don't trust you as far as Gus can throw you.

CARL’S lip begins to quiver and he starts crying.

SHAWN:
Well, now we know where Brittany got this little trick.

CARL’S crying gets more intense and GUS fights crying himself.

SHAWN:
Oh, dude, I think he's really crying.

GUS:
Shawn, you know I can't handle it when a grown man cries. I'm a sympathetic crier.

SHAWN:
What?

GUS gives in and soon both men are sobbing.

SHAWN:
I… Okay, fine! Fine. We'll see what we can do, but you have to promise to cooperate fully. Otherwise, we'll have you dragged right back in here for this Christmas con.

CARL:
Deal. Thank you.

SHAWN:
(to GUS) Stop it. (to CARL) Do you know who may have wanted to hurt you or Ted?

CARL:
We might've kind of owed someone a little money.

SHAWN:
How about you be a little bit more specific?

CARL:
We were into our bookie for ten grand. That's why we were going to do the robberies.

GUS:
(tearfully) Do you know where we can find this bookie?

CARL:
Frank works at two bars, O’Neil’s and The Wild Ox.

SHAWN:
Sweet.

SHAWN and GUS stand. SHAWN sighs and whispers to GUS.

SHAWN:
We'll have to split up. You in the mood for Hepatitis A or C?

They leave.

INT. O’NEIL’S BAR, NIGHT

SHAWN walks up to the bartender.

SHAWN:
Excuse me. Where's Frank?

The bartender nods and SHAWN turns around to see a man working at one of the booths. He goes over and sits down with a sigh and a brief look at a moving Santa statue.

SHAWN:
All right, get me $10 on Do Not Resuscitate in the fifth race. I don't have any cash but give me your PayPal account, and I’ll make a secure deposit online.

FRANK:
(crushes cigarette in ashtray) Some kind of joke?

SHAWN:
Maybe I should introduce myself. Shawn Spencer, psychic detective. I'm here to talk to you about a couple of your customers, namely Carl and Ted.

FRANK:
Well, I hope it's about those two bums paying me the money they owe me.

SHAWN:
It's going to be tough for Ted to pay you back, seeing as how he's dead and everything.

FRANK:
When did this happen?

SHAWN:
(scoffs) Last night. As if you didn't already know. Come on, Frank, I know the game. Somebody loses big, they can't come up with the cash, you got to send a little message. Isn't that the code?

FRANK:
There's a bigger code than that. Dead men don't pay back debts. Injured men do. So, I’m not your guy. Besides, there's a bar room full of witnesses that can vouch for my whereabouts last night. Now, if you'll excuse me, a paying customer has just arrived.

SHAWN:
Fine. (points at Santa) That's weird.

SHAWN gets up to leave and nearly bumps into WINNIE.

SHAWN:
Mrs. G?

WINNIE gasps.

SHAWN:
What in the world are you doing here? Do you know what this guy does?

WINNIE:
Oh, this is so embarrassing. Um, Shawn… (clears throat) I’ve recently made the first and the only bet in my life.

SHAWN:
But you're Gus' mom, for goodness sakes.

WINNIE:
I know. I know. And normally gambling isn't something that I would approve of, but Susan in accounting has this cousin, Jeff, nice guy. He knows someone who knows someone who knows Frank. I already told you this, Frank.

FRANK:
(doing paperwork) I wasn't listening.

WINNIE:
Anyway, it all seemed like fate at the time until I lost. Oh, oh, I felt terrible and I learned a valuable lesson about the perils of gambling. Long story short, I… I lost my Christmas money.

WINNIE gives FRANK the envelope of money.

WINNIE:
Shawn, you have to promise not to tell my husband. I don't want him to know about my secret vice.

SHAWN:
Oh, Mrs. G. First of all, one time is not a vice. It was a momentary lapse in judgment, maybe a jones. Secondly, I am psychically detecting that Mr. Guster will not be angry with you for keeping a secret from the family. He'll understand.

INT. GUSTER HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, DAY

The four family members are sitting around the coffee table eating when SHAWN comes in.

SHAWN:
(yawns) What are you guys doing up? It's barely light outside.

WINNIE:
Have a seat, dear.

WINNIE tosses SHAWN a cushion and he sits on the floor like GUS and JOY.

SHAWN:
Wow! Christmas at my house never starts 'til after the football game.

GUS:
Well, you're just in time to open presents.

GUS gets up and walks to the fireplace while JOY hands SHAWN a gift.

GUS:
(hand in stocking) Gee, I wonder if Santa put money in our stockings even though he knows we don't need it.

JOY checks her stocking as well. BILL and WINNIE look guilty on the couch.

GUS:
Hey, where's my Christmas money? I was looking forward to that.

JOY checks the other stockings.

BILL:
I thought you had this handled. With me working the night shift, I didn't have time...

WINNIE:
I have been cooking, cleaning, getting the house ready. I’ve been swamped. (looks at SHAWN) I'm not going to lie. Honey, I made a horrible mistake. I know how you feel about gambling, there's no place for it in the Guster house, but I placed a bet with a bookie and I lost all my spending money.

JOY and GUS stop their search and hear everything.

BILL:
(stands) Oh, Winnie!

GUS:
Mom!

JOY:
You know how to find a bookie?

WINNIE:
(stands) I am sorry. I am so, so sorry. Please forgive me.

BILL:
Winnie Guster placed a bet.

BILL, GUS and JOY start laughing and SHAWN joins in.

SHAWN:
(claps) She…

BILL:
Oh honey, of course we forgive you. Come here. (hugs her) In fact, you've inspired me to come clean about something, too. (clears throat) I, uh... I got laid off from my job a month ago. And before you all start worrying, it's okay. I've already got a couple of call backs for some interviews. I just couldn't bring myself to admit it to you guys.

JOY:
Oh, Daddy. You know you could've come to us.

GUS:
(walks over) Yeah, I mean, layoffs are common in this economy. We understand.

WINNIE:
Oh sweetheart, you'll always be a good provider.

GUS:
Yeah.

BILL:
Thank you.

They have a family hug and SHAWN tries to get out of the way.

WINNIE:
Hey! Hey you, down there. You deserve some of this.

SHAWN:
Oh, no.

WINNIE:
Oh, yes. It was Shawn who helped me realize that I could trust you guys with the truth.

BILL:
Yes, he was there when I needed him, too. Come on up here, boy.

SHAWN:
Oh. Oh, okay.

GUS helps him stand.

WINNIE:
Group hug.

SHAWN is pulled into the hug. JOY ends the hug.

JOY:
I have something to confess, too. Well, actually, Shawn and I do.

SHAWN:
No, we don't.

JOY:
Yes, we do.

SHAWN:
No, we don't. Please, no.

JOY:
We had a romantic tryst ten years ago. Just a little something something.

GUS looks at SHAWN.

JOY:
But with everyone's blessing, we would like to pick up where we left off.

GUS:
You fooled around with my sister?

SHAWN:
Please don't say fooled around. That makes it sound so dirty. One time. Ten years ago. You were off at college.

GUS:
Just because I’m not here, doesn't make her not my sister!

BILL:
(hands on hips) Or our baby girl.

JOY:
Point of information, I'm not a baby.

GUS, BILL and WINNIE turn and shush JOY.

JOY:
What happened to all the love and forgiveness from just a second ago?

WINNIE:
Oh, my mistake wasn't this bad.

BILL:
Wait a minute, wait a minute. Are you implying that my mistake was worse than yours? Because yours was a lot worse.

WINNIE:
Excuse me, I have a job.

BILL:
I knew it! I knew it was coming.

WINNIE:
Who loses a job after 35 years?

BILL:
You see? That's why you lost all your little money. God don't like ugly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. (leaves)

WINNIE:
(laughs) Oh, no he didn't. Oh, no he did not. (leaves)

GUS:
Wait, wait a second. I'm the one that should be upset here. Everyone in here was lying to me.

JOY:
Grow up! I can't see who I want because you can't handle it.

GUS:
You fooled around with my best friend. You'll do whatever you can just to be the center of attention, won't you?

JOY:
Forehead!

GUS:
Ears!

JOY puts her hands over her ears and hurries from the room.

GUS:
What?

SHAWN:
I'm so sorry, man.

GUS:
Goodbye, Shawn.

GUS leaves the room, going in a different direction from everyone else.

INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, KITCHEN, NIGHT

HENRY grabs a serving tray off a table as he heads into the room.

HENRY:
Yeah, yeah, shrimp. I got it. I'm coming, I’m coming.

HENRY walks into the room proper just as SHAWN enters through the back door.

SHAWN:
Hey Dad, merry Christmas.

HENRY:
Hey Shawn, I thought you were staying over at the Gusters. (replenishes shrimp)

SHAWN:
Yeah, well I kind of, sort of ruined Christmas at that house.

HENRY:
(laughs) What'd you do this time?

SHAWN:
Gus' sister and I sort of hooked up a while back, and for some unknown reason she announced it to the whole family, and now Gus is pissed and he's kicking people out.

HENRY:
Yeah, well fooling around with your best friend's sister certainly wasn't your most brilliant idea.

SHAWN:
No, that was the toaster alarm I invented in the third grade, that woke you up by smacking you in the face with a waffle. I think I peaked too soon.

HENRY:
All right, look, Shawn, of course Gus is going to overreact. He's more than just your friend, he's your partner. There's a special kind of trust there. When you find out that you've been lied to by your partner, you get angry. I saw it on the force all the time.

SHAWN remembers when CARL says they used to run cons along the coast.

SHAWN:
Dad, that's it. That's it! I bet Carl and Ted have another partner.

HENRY:
What? Carl and Ted? How many relatives do the Gusters have?

SHAWN:
(grabs a shrimp) I gotta go! I have a break in the case! (runs out)

HENRY:
Wait… Merry Christmas.

(off-screen)
Where's the shrimp?

HENRY:
Yeah, yeah. (leaves)

INT. SBPD, CONFERENCE ROOM, NIGHT

SHAWN and JULIET are sitting at the table, documents spread in front of them.

SHAWN:
I'm sorry for taking you away from your family on Christmas, Jules.

JULIET:
Oh, it's fine. (faces him) Where's Gus?

SHAWN:
We had a fight.

JULIET gasps.

SHAWN:
He totally overreacted. Back in the day, his sister and I had this teeny, weenie little fling.

JULIET:
Ew!

SHAWN:
You're going to take his side. I can't believe this.

JULIET:
I'm just saying it's a little inappropriate.

SHAWN:
Don't worry, it was way before I knew you.

JULIET:
Why would that matter?

SHAWN:
It might.

JULIET:
It doesn't.

SHAWN:
It could.

JULIET:
It won't.

They stare at each other awkwardly.

JULIET:
Let's carry on.

They turn back to the papers.

JULIET:
So I pulled all of Carl and Ted’s court records from across the state like you said. Your psychic sense about them was right. Look at this. Ten years ago in Fresno, Carl and ted turned state’s evidence in an assault and robbery case.

SHAWN:
They implicated someone named Moncrieff Johnson.

JULIET:
See, I knew I had heard that name before, but I thought it was the black quarterback that replaced Woody Harrelson in Wildcats. And then I remembered he was the guy who was knocked unconscious in the fight at the mall. (shows SHAWN photo)

SHAWN:
It was the same fight Carl was involved in.

JULIET:
And guess what else? He was released from the hospital the same day that Ted’s body was found at the mall.

SHAWN remembers CARL saying they never hurt anyone.

SHAWN:
Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm getting something here. Carl and ted turned state’s evidence because he started using violence, which wasn't their M.O. Moncrieff wasn't an innocent victim in the fight at the mall. He started it. Carl didn't realize he had gotten out of prison and was hunting him down. But the Krav Maga expert knocked him out before he could get to Carl.

We see the action of the fight as SHAWN describes it.

SHAWN:
(stands) When Moncrieff got out of the hospital, he picked up right where he left off. Only this time, he didn't rely on his fists. He's probably going to make his move before Carl can get away again. You call Lassie. I have to warn Carl. (runs off)

INT. CARL’S APARTMENT, NIGHT

CARL is in his Santa costume in the kitchen area of the apartment as Moncrief enters. CARL bends over to look in the fridge and Moncrief approaches with a knife. Carl turns around and we see it’s really LASSITER and it aims his gun at the intruder.

LASSITER:
Ho, ho, ho.

Two officers come in the door behind him, guns drawn.

LASSITER:
(pulls down beard) Moncrieff Johnson, you're under arrest for the murder of Theodore Meltregger and the attempted murder of Carl Wilcox. I think you made the naughty list.

One of the officers cuffs Moncrief and leads him away.

EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING, NIGHT

SHAWN, JULIET, CARL and BRITTANY watch as Moncrief is put in the back of a police car.

JULIET:
Congratulations, Shawn. We got him.

CARL:
Thanks for believing me this time, man. (shakes SHAWN’S hand)

BRITTANY:
Thanks for saving my daddy. (hugs SHAWN)

SHAWN:
Uh, uh, uh, uh.

SHAWN holds out his hand and BRITTANY puts his wallet in his palm. SHAWN puts it back in his pocket.

LASSITER:
All right, folks, let's clear the area.

JULIET:
All right, you guys can come with me.

JULIET puts an arm around BRITTANY and leads her away. SHAWN puts a hand on CARL’S arm to keep him from following.

SHAWN:
Hey, man, look. I’m not a parent, or an uncle, or even a godfather. I think children are sticky. But look, one thing's for certain, and that's that Brittany is a very smart little girl. She's not going to be little for long. When these times are gone, she'll be out there making her own choices. I mean, do you really think that you're teaching her to make the right choices?

CARL leans in to hug SHAWN.

SHAWN:
Please don't. I’m a grown man. She's right over there.

CARL starts to walk away.

SHAWN:
Carl.

CARL hands SHAWN his wallet.

SHAWN:
Thank you.

JULIET:
Oh, here comes your dad.

CARL picks BRITTANY up in a hug.

BRITTANY:
Daddy.

CARL:
Come on, come on, let's go home.

EXT. GUSTERS HOUSE, NIGHT

SHAWN peers in through the front door before knocking. We hear GUS laughing as he approaches the door. The moment he opens it and sees who’s there, he stops. SHAWN looks apologetic.

GUS:
What do you want?

SHAWN:
I feel uh...

GUS:
Good enough for me. Come on in.

SHAWN enters and GUS closes the door.

INT. GUSTER HOUSE, DINING ROOM, NIGHT

GUS bring SHAWN into the living room where WINNIE, BILL and JOY are laughing while having dinner.

SHAWN:
What is going on here? When I left, you guys were furious with each other.

GUS:
We stayed that way for a while, but we got over it.

BILL:
Like we always do. See, it's not the first time that we got mad because one of us did something stupid. And it won't be the last.

WINNIE:
Our rule is, you can get as mad as you like, as long as you spend the same amount of energy working it out after.

BILL:
It took a lot of energy to work out how we felt about the secret the two of you were keeping.

JOY:
But they got over it.

GUS:
Then we realized, you frustrated us the way only family can, so we decided to forgive you too.

SHAWN:
(softly) Thanks, man.

GUS:
Merry Christmas.

They fist-bump then point fingers at each other before sitting at the table.

BILL:
Oh, and as far as your sleeping arrangements, well, you don't have to go home. but you got to get the hell up out of here.

GUS:
I hear that.

WINNIE:
Say that.

SHAWN:
Got you.

BILL:
Merry Christmas, though. (holds up wine glass)

WINNIE:
Merry Christmas.

SHAWN:
Merry Christmas.

ALL:
Merry Christmas.

They clink their glasses over the center of the table.

INT. HENRY’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM, NIGHT

HENRY is lying back on his couch, feet on the coffee table. There are paper plates and plastic cups strewn around. SHAWN enters carrying a gift bag.

SHAWN:
Hey!

HENRY:
Oh, hey! Hey, Shawn.

SHAWN:
Just came by to drop off your gift. What happened to your lodge buddies?

HENRY:
Oh, I made the mistake of telling Singleton his wife was getting hippy. It was just a joke, I didn't mean anything by it. (sits up) But tempers started to flare, and the next thing you know, the room is divided into two camps, hippy and not hippy. Needless to say, it was time for me to send everybody's ass home.

SHAWN:
Wow. I'm really sorry to hear that, Pop.

HENRY:
No worries because we still have our tradition to do, right?

HENRY shoves stuff off the table, clearing a space. He then brings out a large box and sets it down.

SHAWN:
And my winning streak is about to be extended.

SHAWN clears off the other side of the table and pulls a box from the gift bag and puts it on the table. The boxes are identical.

SHAWN:
Oh, my! Did we get each other the same...

HENRY:
No. Now, you see, I figured you'd pull a stunt like this, so mine is just a decoy.

SHAWN gasps theatrically.

HENRY:
Your real present...

They both lift up the outer box to reveal identical smaller boxes.

HENRY:
You're so predictable, which is why I hid your real present...

They both reach under the coffee table to pull out identical smaller boxes.

SHAWN:
Now this is just uncanny.

HENRY:
You better not have gotten me the same iPhone I got you.

They give each other their presents.

SHAWN:
Don't be ridiculous. I got you the Psych iPhone skin. (reaches into HENRY’S box and pulls out skin) But, silly me, you don't have an iPhone so I’ll just keep it for my new one. (puts the phone in skin) And my winning streak continues. Merry Christmas. (leaves)