Catching up
Lately I've had this feeling inside. It's like I always feel hungry. No it's not for food! haha But ever since I got back from the trip to San Diego and LA it's been there. Like I want more. If money wasn't a problem, I swear I'd just travel all the time to experience new things and fight different kinds of jet lag.
I've got some options lined up. I've applied to a few different positions at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. They're competing firms and it might be cool to play them against each other to see what offers I get. I even spent a few hours looking around the web for jobs in CA for the hell of it. In two years, I want to be there. Either in the Bay or in San Diego. That might change later, but I'm really feeling that now.
The vacation itself was wonderful. I just realized now that I haven't written about it. Guess it's cuz I haven't had the time. I don't even play video games anymore. Imagine that. If I'm in front of the PC it's for work or for checking e-mail, message boards and myspace messages. Yeah they're guilty pleasures. But I digress.
I loved it out there. Moreso in San Diego than LA. The weather, the sights, the people, the food...everything. It just felt good you know? I thought to myself no wonder the people out here are so relaxed and nice. If you lived out there what the hell do you have to complain about? Oh no the sun's too bright! This breeze is too cool! Boohoo.
In a nutshell, I met different people, saw new things. Drove around and swam in a few different beaches. We bar hopped. Went shopping. Made new friends. Met an actress. Partied in the clubs on Hollywood Blvd. Gawked at girls. Got denied by some really stuck up ones. Ate some really good food. The works. The trip changed me. I can feel it. Never before have I been affected by a trip like that. Coming back home was kind of a downer. I feel stifled here. I felt like I tasted real freedom and independence out there and it was a rush I want back. I want to cut the ties I feel on me and just go.
Last weekend was the wedding of Pat and Luzette. Both of whom I've known for years. Pat is Chris' older brother and in a lot of ways I feel like he's the older brother I never had. They asked us to sing and we did. It wasn't perfect, but it was ok. The "Tito" playing bass for us kind of missed his cue and we all had a bit to drink.
But man it was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was fun. It was amazing to be in the presence of real love you know? I've been to some weddings before, but they were of people I didn't know very well. This was just different. You could just feel it there. I had a lot of fun, but there were moments when I felt like an outsider. Just about everyone there was paired off. You hear stories about weddings being great places to meet single people, but I just didn't feel right trying to flirt around while I was there.
Now this next part I just need to get off my chest. Chrit I know you read this from time to time so don't take offense. I love you bro, but I didn't need you to announce to everyone with the mic that I was single after we were done singing. I know you meant well and we were all drinking and joking around but it kinda hurt, sobered me up real quick. Especially b/c no one responded, not even jokingly with a woohoo or something. Ok now that's done. Water under the bridge now, just had to get it out and say it.
There are supposed to be moments in your life where you learn who you really are. I feel like right now is a big one. I feel like I'm on the cusp of finding out just who I really am and it's kind of exciting. I know I've said that before like a million times but this just feels different.
I tried out Match.com Yeah. Well no luck there. I got a few "winks" and what not, but no one responded to my messages. I hear that a lot of the women on there just sign up for the free profile to see what they get. See with the free profile you can't message people back. But you can get messages. It's like they use it for an ego boost. So I'm going to cancel that shit. I tried b/c I got some recommendations from people but yeah, no more.
Yes, that's still an issue for me. Sometimes it's hard to stay optimistic. Especially when you constantly try to put yourself out there without returns. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, fuck that. I'm just saying how it feels sometimes. I believe that in order for things to happen, you have to make them happen. I really believe that now. Which is why I've decided that I'm no longer going to be a "nice guy". I'm going to be a gentleman.
Nice guys aren't challenges. They aren't interesting. They're predictable. And that's not exciting. A nice guy will forgo arguing his point just to avoid the fight...even if he's right. That's just one example; an example that I was guilty of. That's why they get left behind. That's why they get taken for granted. It's because they aren't respected and they don't demand respect. And it stems from a lack of self respect.
Well no more. I will call you out on your shit, but I'll still pay for dinner. I won't be your servant, but I will be there for you when you need it. I will notice the little things you do for me, but I won't be manipulated. If you wrong me, you will hear about it, but I will still be understanding. I'm as much a prize to be won as you are.
Pedestals are for statues.
I've got some options lined up. I've applied to a few different positions at Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac. They're competing firms and it might be cool to play them against each other to see what offers I get. I even spent a few hours looking around the web for jobs in CA for the hell of it. In two years, I want to be there. Either in the Bay or in San Diego. That might change later, but I'm really feeling that now.
The vacation itself was wonderful. I just realized now that I haven't written about it. Guess it's cuz I haven't had the time. I don't even play video games anymore. Imagine that. If I'm in front of the PC it's for work or for checking e-mail, message boards and myspace messages. Yeah they're guilty pleasures. But I digress.
I loved it out there. Moreso in San Diego than LA. The weather, the sights, the people, the food...everything. It just felt good you know? I thought to myself no wonder the people out here are so relaxed and nice. If you lived out there what the hell do you have to complain about? Oh no the sun's too bright! This breeze is too cool! Boohoo.
In a nutshell, I met different people, saw new things. Drove around and swam in a few different beaches. We bar hopped. Went shopping. Made new friends. Met an actress. Partied in the clubs on Hollywood Blvd. Gawked at girls. Got denied by some really stuck up ones. Ate some really good food. The works. The trip changed me. I can feel it. Never before have I been affected by a trip like that. Coming back home was kind of a downer. I feel stifled here. I felt like I tasted real freedom and independence out there and it was a rush I want back. I want to cut the ties I feel on me and just go.
Last weekend was the wedding of Pat and Luzette. Both of whom I've known for years. Pat is Chris' older brother and in a lot of ways I feel like he's the older brother I never had. They asked us to sing and we did. It wasn't perfect, but it was ok. The "Tito" playing bass for us kind of missed his cue and we all had a bit to drink.
But man it was a beautiful ceremony and the reception was fun. It was amazing to be in the presence of real love you know? I've been to some weddings before, but they were of people I didn't know very well. This was just different. You could just feel it there. I had a lot of fun, but there were moments when I felt like an outsider. Just about everyone there was paired off. You hear stories about weddings being great places to meet single people, but I just didn't feel right trying to flirt around while I was there.
Now this next part I just need to get off my chest. Chrit I know you read this from time to time so don't take offense. I love you bro, but I didn't need you to announce to everyone with the mic that I was single after we were done singing. I know you meant well and we were all drinking and joking around but it kinda hurt, sobered me up real quick. Especially b/c no one responded, not even jokingly with a woohoo or something. Ok now that's done. Water under the bridge now, just had to get it out and say it.
There are supposed to be moments in your life where you learn who you really are. I feel like right now is a big one. I feel like I'm on the cusp of finding out just who I really am and it's kind of exciting. I know I've said that before like a million times but this just feels different.
I tried out Match.com Yeah. Well no luck there. I got a few "winks" and what not, but no one responded to my messages. I hear that a lot of the women on there just sign up for the free profile to see what they get. See with the free profile you can't message people back. But you can get messages. It's like they use it for an ego boost. So I'm going to cancel that shit. I tried b/c I got some recommendations from people but yeah, no more.
Yes, that's still an issue for me. Sometimes it's hard to stay optimistic. Especially when you constantly try to put yourself out there without returns. I'm not trying to make anyone feel sorry for me, fuck that. I'm just saying how it feels sometimes. I believe that in order for things to happen, you have to make them happen. I really believe that now. Which is why I've decided that I'm no longer going to be a "nice guy". I'm going to be a gentleman.
Nice guys aren't challenges. They aren't interesting. They're predictable. And that's not exciting. A nice guy will forgo arguing his point just to avoid the fight...even if he's right. That's just one example; an example that I was guilty of. That's why they get left behind. That's why they get taken for granted. It's because they aren't respected and they don't demand respect. And it stems from a lack of self respect.
Well no more. I will call you out on your shit, but I'll still pay for dinner. I won't be your servant, but I will be there for you when you need it. I will notice the little things you do for me, but I won't be manipulated. If you wrong me, you will hear about it, but I will still be understanding. I'm as much a prize to be won as you are.
Pedestals are for statues.