[TWP] Will Rogers quote
[Response to THIS (WARNING: Major character death). Because apparently my Dean can’t let her Sam do anything without commenting on it. Go figure. Not binding on any other canon muse.]
“We don’t know what we want, but we’re ready to bite somebody to get it.”
This was-odd.
Once he died the second time, he didn’t really think he’d be the haunting spirit type. But this time around, he didn’t really think he was a-spirit. Because he wasn’t exactly bound to anywhere, and he didn’t exactly feel angry, he was just kind of-there.
As he said, this was kind of odd.
“So what am I supposed to be doing again?”
Tessa looked back at him with a smirk, before rolling her eyes. “You’re watching.”
They were both perched on the edge of Bobby’s couch, watching as the people moved through the house slowly. There weren’t many people-mostly Sam and Bobby with the baby on occasion, or the spare hunter or two coming by to express their condolences. It was a bit weird at first, until Dean figured out that he was actually dead, but there was a bit more zen to it, this time around. He was-surprisingly at peace with the whole deal. And he didn’t think that was quite of his own doing.
Then Tessa showed up.
“You know, I’ve never been all that good at watching stuff,” Dean said with a sigh, a brief smile crossing his face as he watched Bobby with his son. “I’ve always been more of an action kinda guy.”
Tessa gave him a small smirk, before shaking her head slightly. “This is what reapers do, Dean. We watch and wait. Provide balance.”
“Right,” Dean sighed slightly, leaning back against the wall behind him. He was surprised that it still felt solid against his back, that he still felt solid for that matter. Reapers apparently, weren’t like spirits. They couldn’t walk through walls or do any of those other tricks. They were-corporeal, in some senses, but not in others. They still weren’t there. He wasn’t even sure if his brother could sense that Dean was there. If he could-good for him. If he couldn’t-well, Dean couldn’t exactly say he was surprised. He was under the radar, away from everyone else. He still didn’t understand why he was here though.
There was a long period of silence before he spoke up again, not being able to deal with the quiet. “So. What are we doing here to-provide balance?” Dean said slowly, not sure if he wanted to hear it. He didn’t want to take the life of one of his own. That would be a really shitty way to welcome him into the business. Tessa just shrugged slightly as she leaned back with him, watching the people as they moved through the room.
“Right now? We’re just watching. Figured you’d want to see that the people you care about are okay.”
‘Okay’ was a term that Dean would have used loosely when it came to Sam, but he seemed to be doing better than he was when Dean died the first time around. Dean watched as his brother made his way into the room again, and Tessa shifted next to him so that she was sitting sideways, resting her feet on the armrest of the chair and almost as though he’d noticed her moving, Sam came and sat right where her legs had been, Dean’s bundled up little boy in his arms. The grin that stretched across Dean’s face was unconscious as he leaned over his brother’s shoulder, looking down at the tiny little baby in his arms. “Is this why I get to watch?” he asked. If Sam had even been aware that he was there, he probably would have yelled at Dean for shouting in his ear. “Because of Johnny?”
Tessa raised an eyebrow at him slightly. “Watching is pretty much all we get to do, Dean. I figured it would just be easier if we started off with someone you knew.”
Well, Dean could hope. His face fell slightly, and he moved to sit back against the wall again, watching his brother with his son, and wishing-not for the first moment since he’d gotten here-that he was real again. That he was real and human, and could actually hold and touch things, people, without being invisible and being told to wait in the background. He should be the one holding his son right now-not his brother. He wanted it to be him, more than anything. But it wasn’t, and for the time being, he had to make peace with that fact.
So he just sat there, listening to Sam talk to Johnny, and tried not to think about the shitty way the past year had gone for them. It’d started out so well-he was going to be a dad. Maybe not in the most conventional way in the world, and the timing sucked, but-it was a flash of maybe just this once he could have something normal for a change. For the first few months-it was good. Then it all went downhill from there. First the accident, Tina in a coma, him dying-Dean couldn’t seem to actually get what he wanted. Not that he knew what he wanted until it was staring him in the damn face, but he would give anything to have that back again. That sense of family, and togetherness, and something else that he could really do right and make a difference in.
He swallowed slightly after a moment, before leaning back to look at her again.
“Are you sure I can’t-” His voice broke after a moment, and he looked back at his son (his son), and sighed. “-I mean, after everything did for them, can’t they just let me have this?”
Tessa placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and her voice switched from that of a reaper who was all business to a person who understood. He wondered how she actually did that-so smoothly that it couldn’t have been real, and yet sounding real enough that he could believe her. “You know the answer to that.”
Dean’s eyes dropped to his hands, defeated and not liking that feeling. “It’s not fair.”
“You already know that life never is.”
Dean was quiet for a moment, before closing his eyes and leaning back again. “Doesn’t mean I can’t ever hope I’m wrong.” Dean looked over at her after a moment, his voice steady, yet his eyes pleading with her to be anywhere but here. “Can we just go somewhere else for a while?”
“Yeah,” Tessa nodded, before taking his hand in hers, and giving it a soft squeeze. “Not a problem at all.”
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“We don’t know what we want, but we’re ready to bite somebody to get it.”
This was-odd.
Once he died the second time, he didn’t really think he’d be the haunting spirit type. But this time around, he didn’t really think he was a-spirit. Because he wasn’t exactly bound to anywhere, and he didn’t exactly feel angry, he was just kind of-there.
As he said, this was kind of odd.
“So what am I supposed to be doing again?”
Tessa looked back at him with a smirk, before rolling her eyes. “You’re watching.”
They were both perched on the edge of Bobby’s couch, watching as the people moved through the house slowly. There weren’t many people-mostly Sam and Bobby with the baby on occasion, or the spare hunter or two coming by to express their condolences. It was a bit weird at first, until Dean figured out that he was actually dead, but there was a bit more zen to it, this time around. He was-surprisingly at peace with the whole deal. And he didn’t think that was quite of his own doing.
Then Tessa showed up.
“You know, I’ve never been all that good at watching stuff,” Dean said with a sigh, a brief smile crossing his face as he watched Bobby with his son. “I’ve always been more of an action kinda guy.”
Tessa gave him a small smirk, before shaking her head slightly. “This is what reapers do, Dean. We watch and wait. Provide balance.”
“Right,” Dean sighed slightly, leaning back against the wall behind him. He was surprised that it still felt solid against his back, that he still felt solid for that matter. Reapers apparently, weren’t like spirits. They couldn’t walk through walls or do any of those other tricks. They were-corporeal, in some senses, but not in others. They still weren’t there. He wasn’t even sure if his brother could sense that Dean was there. If he could-good for him. If he couldn’t-well, Dean couldn’t exactly say he was surprised. He was under the radar, away from everyone else. He still didn’t understand why he was here though.
There was a long period of silence before he spoke up again, not being able to deal with the quiet. “So. What are we doing here to-provide balance?” Dean said slowly, not sure if he wanted to hear it. He didn’t want to take the life of one of his own. That would be a really shitty way to welcome him into the business. Tessa just shrugged slightly as she leaned back with him, watching the people as they moved through the room.
“Right now? We’re just watching. Figured you’d want to see that the people you care about are okay.”
‘Okay’ was a term that Dean would have used loosely when it came to Sam, but he seemed to be doing better than he was when Dean died the first time around. Dean watched as his brother made his way into the room again, and Tessa shifted next to him so that she was sitting sideways, resting her feet on the armrest of the chair and almost as though he’d noticed her moving, Sam came and sat right where her legs had been, Dean’s bundled up little boy in his arms. The grin that stretched across Dean’s face was unconscious as he leaned over his brother’s shoulder, looking down at the tiny little baby in his arms. “Is this why I get to watch?” he asked. If Sam had even been aware that he was there, he probably would have yelled at Dean for shouting in his ear. “Because of Johnny?”
Tessa raised an eyebrow at him slightly. “Watching is pretty much all we get to do, Dean. I figured it would just be easier if we started off with someone you knew.”
Well, Dean could hope. His face fell slightly, and he moved to sit back against the wall again, watching his brother with his son, and wishing-not for the first moment since he’d gotten here-that he was real again. That he was real and human, and could actually hold and touch things, people, without being invisible and being told to wait in the background. He should be the one holding his son right now-not his brother. He wanted it to be him, more than anything. But it wasn’t, and for the time being, he had to make peace with that fact.
So he just sat there, listening to Sam talk to Johnny, and tried not to think about the shitty way the past year had gone for them. It’d started out so well-he was going to be a dad. Maybe not in the most conventional way in the world, and the timing sucked, but-it was a flash of maybe just this once he could have something normal for a change. For the first few months-it was good. Then it all went downhill from there. First the accident, Tina in a coma, him dying-Dean couldn’t seem to actually get what he wanted. Not that he knew what he wanted until it was staring him in the damn face, but he would give anything to have that back again. That sense of family, and togetherness, and something else that he could really do right and make a difference in.
He swallowed slightly after a moment, before leaning back to look at her again.
“Are you sure I can’t-” His voice broke after a moment, and he looked back at his son (his son), and sighed. “-I mean, after everything did for them, can’t they just let me have this?”
Tessa placed a gentle hand on his shoulder, and her voice switched from that of a reaper who was all business to a person who understood. He wondered how she actually did that-so smoothly that it couldn’t have been real, and yet sounding real enough that he could believe her. “You know the answer to that.”
Dean’s eyes dropped to his hands, defeated and not liking that feeling. “It’s not fair.”
“You already know that life never is.”
Dean was quiet for a moment, before closing his eyes and leaning back again. “Doesn’t mean I can’t ever hope I’m wrong.” Dean looked over at her after a moment, his voice steady, yet his eyes pleading with her to be anywhere but here. “Can we just go somewhere else for a while?”
“Yeah,” Tessa nodded, before taking his hand in hers, and giving it a soft squeeze. “Not a problem at all.”
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