fic for sollasollew11
Title: Come And Go
Rating: R/NC-17
Threesome: Koki/Kame/Jin
Summary: It doesn’t surprise Jin that Kame is a little bit in love with London
Warnings: Angst.
Notes: This sort of became steadily more angsty as it went on but I hope I managed to include at least some of your prompts! Enjoy sollasollew11 <3 Thanks to my beta for taking time to read over this and make it somewhat readable and to everyone that listened to me bitch and moan about this. You know who you are!
Monday
It takes Jin a few days to get used to London. It’s not like LA with its bright sunshine and friendly, smiling locals. London’s busy and hectic, full of people who always look one step away from collapsing from sheer exhaustion. For Jin it’s both claustrophobic to be surrounded by strangers who don’t know who he is and exhilarating.
It doesn’t surprise him that Kame is a little bit in love with London; it’s almost easy to watch Kame as he oohs and aahs over expensive designer shops along Oxford Street before turning around and eagerly devouring Britain’s long and bloody history in the Tower of London.
“We should definitely hit the London Dungeons,” Maru calls from where he’s buried in Kame’s tourist guide.
“Oh yeah!” Junno replies, excitement laced through his words. “My cousin said you get to see all the torture implements. If we have time we have to go.”
Jin rolls his eyes at that and struggles not to laugh as he watches Koki throw Junno a slightly wary look.
They spend their first day off after a week of photo shoots and publicity stunts, arguing over where they want to go first. Maru is set on visiting Convent Garden whilst Junno wants to go to the Trocadero, the idea of spending the day blissfully playing video games lighting up his face. Ueda isn’t especially bothered enough to argue with them, but he thoughtfully mentions that he’d like to visit Leicester Square.
Jin sighs as he watches Koki and Maru squabble over the itinerary, but his attention is really on Kame who is diligently sipping his black coffee, the unusually bright sunshine emphasising the shadows under his eyes and the sharp lines of his brow and cheekbones. He fights down the urge to nag Kame into take better care of himself.
It’s silly really. They’ve agreed to be civil to each other in public, keep up the facade of colleagues and friends who sometimes hang outside of work and certainly the so-called sightings and rumours of them together have helped encourage the stories. But the truth is, that since the press conference the day of his return they’ve barely spoken to one another. He supposes they could blame it on a variety of things; they’re both too different, they’ve both grown up and a million and one other clichés.
Jin rolls his eyes when they finally decide on spending the morning in Oxford Street and the afternoon exploring Convent Garden, Kame sending Maru a slight smile and promising to explore the markets with him. He sighs and leads the way out of the brightly lit cafe they’ve been debating in and lights up a cigarette. He closes his eyes slightly when the first burst of nicotine hits his system and finally let’s himself relax.
“It’s pretty warm today, ne,” he hears Junno say brightly from behind him, and Ueda murmur in reply. And Junno’s right; the sky is cloudless, the sun bright and maybe, just maybe, he can get through the day without killing anyone.
~ ~ ~
They go to dinner in a local Steak House that Kame’s guide book highly recommends.
The minute they arrive Jin feels the tension from hopping from tube to tube and walking all day drain out of him in the company of good food and even better beer.
Junno is proudly wearing a huge Union Jack hat and laughing at one of Maru’s badly timed jokes as Ueda calmly engages the waiter in bad English. It’s weirdly relaxed in the way that KAT-TUN are-they aren’t the best of friends but they’ve developed an odd sort of familiarity with one another.
Jin stands and murmurs a quick apology as he moves to the toilet, and doesn’t see Koki pause from where he’s trying to sneak parts of his own 8 ounce T-Bone onto Kame’s plate when he isn’t looking, and make the same excuse before following him.
Jin is halfway through scrabbling to read the instructions on the condom machine when Koki comes into the bathroom. He sees Koki’s face crease in displeasure as he watches Jin slide a pound into the machine and select a pack of ribbed condoms, but he ignores him in favour of bending down to pull them out of the dispenser.
“Come to moan at me about my behaviour have you?” he asks flatly.
“Jesus, Akanishi. Can’t you wait until we’re back in Japan before you start fucking every girl in sight?” Koki demands as he moves to lean against the wall.
Jin swallows a laugh and catches Koki’s eye in the bathroom mirror.
“I can do what I want, Koki,” he says simply and feels a momentary flicker of pleasure as he watches Koki’s face darken in anger.
“Fuck, Jin. You come back from LA, exhausted and quiet and different. You don’t talk to anyone anymore except Maru and god knows he’s certainly not going to tell us what’s going on inside your head. What the hell is your problem?”
Jin opens his mouth, an angry retort on the tip of his tongue and flushes when Koki narrows his eyes and snarls, “And don’t give me that crap about adjusting”
“What the fuck, Koki? You don’t know anything about how I feel, so don’t stand there and give me your bullshit about being sick of my moods,” he says flatly, moving back to smooth his hair down in the bathroom mirror and trying to fight down the now familiar feelings of jealousy and hurt. “You didn’t give a crap when I got back from LA and you don’t give a crap now”
He’s never really understood where he stands with Koki, never really been sure if the flushes of lust he’d experience during their performances of Pinky were just that; lust, or something more and even now, even though they’re older and Koki seems far more interested in Kame, Jin still struggles to put his feelings for Koki into a category.
He hears Koki laugh, low and slightly bitter. “You know, we spent the entire time you were in LA telling ourselves that it would be better when you came back “ Koki says softly, voice so quiet Jin has to strain slightly to hear him.
“We used to sit around and talk about what we’d show you, about how we’d prove that while we could make it without you, that you were still part of KAT-TUN. That you mattered. I guess we were wrong.”
Jin doesn’t look at Koki when he leaves. He merely closes his eyes and snarls a stream of insults at his reflection, at the dark unhappy expression in his eyes and smiles bitterly.
~ ~ ~
Koki tries not to look at Jin for the rest of the meal and it’s only the barest shake of Kame’s head that keeps them from saying anything. Jin goes to his room first, nodding goodnight to the others and Koki feels something like rage and dislike and confusion churn in his stomach. They've been tiptoeing around Jin since his return and he's sick of it. Sick of worrying about what he says and in what tone in case Jin takes offense and decides to fuck off to some other country for six months.
He feels Kame's gaze on him and knows that Kame’s expression will be soft, a little bit concerned. But Koki isn't in the mood to pretend he's ok so he just yawns widely and mutters something about being more exhausted than he realises. He forces himself not to look at Kame as he leaves the room, not to meet his eyes and do what he wants because he’s always been weak when it comes to Kame, always been willing to go that little bit further for him than anyone else and this time he can’t. He won’t make things better with Jin just because Kame asked him.
Maru comes in not much later and Koki knows before he even opens his mouth that he’s going to say something about how he shouldn’t antagonise Jin, that Kame is only trying to help. Koki rushes to speak before Maru can begin.
“I know, ok,--” he mutters, fiddling with the covers, “that I shouldn’t get involved. That it’s none of my business what goes on between Jin and Kame. But I’m just so sick of it. Sick of dancing around Jin and pretending that everything’s all wonderful and perfect. Because it isn’t. And if we’re honest it hasn’t been for a long time.”
He expects Maru to argue with him, maybe say something about how they’re still getting used to having Jin back. But instead he just sighs, softly and sadly, and turns off the light. To Koki it says more than words can.
Tuesday
Jin’s angry, a steady burning rage slowly building into fury. He stalks into his hotel room, face carefully blank. The door swings open again and Jin doesn’t need to turn around to know it's Kame. He can almost imagine Maru pushing Kame through the door hissing that he’s the only one who can deal with Jin when he’s in one of his moods. Jin resists the urge to twist his lips into an ironic smile. After all, it’s been years since Kame’s been able to get through to him, least of all calm him down when he’s this angry.
He can feel Kame’s eyes on him as he moves towards the dressing table in the center of the room, feel him analysing his actions. He isn’t surprised when Kame closes the hotel door and moves to perch on the edge of Ueda’s bed.
He expects Kame to tell him to calm down, maybe go out and apologise to Koki but instead when he glances up at Kame through the mirror on the wall he’s simply watching him, head bowed slightly, eyes weary, and it’s with a start that Jin sees that Kame looks like he feels--reeled out and jaded.
Jin shifts slightly, the silence starting to grate on his nerves, but Kame just shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.
“Don’t.” he says and Jin blinks. “Just. Don’t, ok? I don’t need to hear your excuses. I don’t want to, to be honest. I’m not here to tell you to go and apologise.” He sighs and rubs at his eyes warily. “I’m merely in here to tell you that we need to be up tomorrow at 8. And that as far as I’m concerned, you can do what you want in your free time. Just don’t let it affect work.”
“What the fuck.” Jin snarls, and suddenly he’s angry again. “Jesus, Kamenashi. Would it kill you to say something that doesn’t relate to work for once?”
Kame flushes slightly and Jin can tell he’s going to give him one of those patronizing answers about the importance of work and he’s sick of it, sick of Kame treating him like he’s nothing more than a colleague.
“You know what? Don’t bother. I don’t even fucking care anymore. Just. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He expects Kame to protest, almost hopes he will but then he hears the door creak and a cough.
He swings his head round and scowls as he takes in Koki, standing awkwardly at the door.
“Come to protect your boyfriend?” he sneers, feeling an irrational stab of envy as he watches Kame and Koki exchange a look full of secrets and innuendos.
Kame frowns, a retort on the tip of his tongue but it’s Koki that spins around and glares at Jin.
“Don’t take it out on Kame just because you’re in a shitty mood,” he says flatly.
“What the hell? What, he needs you to fight his battles for him now?” Jin demands, lurching to his feet.
“It’s called looking out for a friend Akanishi. Then again, it’s not something you’d understand.” Koki says viciously.
“Friendship? You want to talk about friendship with me, Koki. Oh, I’ll talk about how you barely even looked at Kame when he was younger, when he wasn’t Johnny’s protégé, when--“
“Stop it” Kame shouts suddenly, moves so he’s standing between them. “Jesus. Both of you, just stop it.”
Jin snaps his mouth shut and moves back to the dressing table.
“Please, can we just make it through the rest of this week without any more arguments? After we get back to Japan you can scream at each other as much as you want, but right now we just need to get through the next few days without killing getting killed.”
Kame’s watching them both, frowning and tired. Koki gives in first, nods slightly like Jin knew he would and Jin’s almost tempted to say no just to spite them. But then Koki arches an eyebrow at him, eyes mocking and he narrows his eyes and nods once, sharply.
“Fine. Thank you,” Kame mutters and moves towards the door, not giving either of them a chance to say anything more. Koki lingers slightly and Jin watches him, sees him frown and fidget before he sighs, nods once and follows Kame.
Ueda comes in later, face calm and Jin feels a sudden rush of relief that he isn’t sharing a room with Maru. Ueda knows when to give him space, when to let him vent and when to intervene and it’s with relief that he climbs under the covers and mutters a quick goodnight to Ueda.
Wednesday
Jin frowns up at the grey sky as the photographer instructs Ueda and Junno to frolic in the fountain in the middle of Trafalgar Square. The weather is colder now, the air damp and the production team are impatient to get the last of the paired photo shoots done. Kame’s dragged Maru with him to go and grab lunch for everyone and even though they’re supposed to be presenting a united front, supposed to show to the fans and whoever’s watching that things are better now in KAT-TUN. Apart from a grunt from Koki they’ve barely spoken to each other.
Jin sighs and mentally goes through his wardrobe, remembering Maru’s earlier suggestion that they hit some cocktail clubs and maybe a club later for their last night, and suddenly the urge to get as drunk as possible is overwhelming. He fiddles with his zipper and impatiently watches Ueda and Junno wrap up their shoot before moving forwards with Koki so they can pretend to be best friends.
“Ok,” The photographer calls, frowning up at the sky, “we’ve got about half an hour left of sunlight. Let’s try to get this done as soon as possible.”
With another slight nod at Koki, Jin moves into place.
~ ~ ~
Jin is probably quite drunk now, the lights starting to blur until he isn’t sure whom he’s dancing with anymore. It’s an exhilarating feeling and for the first time in what feels like forever, he feels himself turn off. The cocktails he’s downed at the cocktail bar earlier mixed in with the shots of tequila Maru had convinced him to do with him are starting to take their effect, and he’s starting to have trouble moving to the beat of the music. He stumbles slightly and mutters a quick apology before he realizes that he’s just bashed into Koki, face flushed and sweaty and grinding hard against a beautiful girl in a stunning green dress.
Koki sends him a look up from under his black and gold fedora and arches an eyebrow slightly as Jin continues to stare. He blinks, and figures he’s drunker than he realises because he’s moving towards Koki, sliding so he’s in front of the girl who gives him a slow smile in response. He can feel Koki watching him and he resists the urge to smirk up at him as he works on moving his hips just so, so that the girl between them follows when he steps back slightly. Koki’s lip curls slightly and he moves a hand down to her hip, and Jin feels his pulse hammer in his throat as he catches the unreadable look in Koki’s eyes.
This is something he understands, something he excels at. And yet he can feel Koki pulling back, backing down and he watches in something like disbelief when he runs an apologetic hand down the side of the girls arm and heads towards the bathroom without a backwards look. And suddenly Jin is angry, furious and with a sharp nod at the girl watching them in confusion he moves quickly through the crowd.
He slams the bathroom door open, relieved that it’s empty apart from Koki who’s bent over the sink, and he gets a sudden flashback of the last time they were alone in a bathroom together, and the angry, furious words they exchanged. And later on he can claim it’s because he’s drunk, because he’s angry but he takes two steps forward, grabs hold of Koki’s wrist and shoves him towards a stall.
~ ~ ~
Koki tries to calm his heartbeat, tries not to think about the sudden surge of desire at the challenging, mocking look in Jin’s eyes out on the dance floor. But when the door swings open with a bang he isn’t surprised to see Jin, face dark and angry. What he doesn’t expect is for Jin to shove him through the door, eyes narrowed and lip curled back slightly into a snarl. His surprise quickly turns to irritation and then something darker as he spins round, an angry retort on the tip of the tongue. He opens his mouth about to demand what Jin thinks he’s doing, pushing them both into a stall when anyone could be watching. But the retort is swallowed by Jin’s mouth landing hard on his, tongue snaking into his mouth and hands moving to pin Koki’s arms above his head. It’s fast and hard and Jin doesn’t even let Koki breathe before he’s moving one hand down between their bodies and rubbing against Koki’s crotch, mouth curving into a smirk when Koki let’s out a desperate whimper.
“Does this turn you on? Us locked in this bathroom, my hand down your trousers and Kame outside blissfully unaware. Is this what you’ve wanted from me, huh? Is this why every time I try to have a conversation with you, you taunt me?” he whispers hotly against Koki’s ear, rubbing his own erection hard against Koki’s thigh.
“Tell me, does Kame like it when you take control, let’s you fuck him nice and hard until he’s keening and mm--”Koki is gasping by now, almost shuddering because he knows exactly what Jin means, and in his head he can picture Jin fucking Kame, and it turns him on more than it should. “--begging in that fucking sexy voice that makes you want to take your time, m-make him beg a little bit for making you want him even more?”
The idea of Kame and Jin together has always excited him, always made him hard, helped him get off when he’s alone at 3 am and horny. He bucks slightly when Jin rubs his thumb across the head of his cock and mouths at the side of his neck, and with a jerk he comes, shuddering beneath Jin. Jin grunts slightly as he presses once, twice against Koki’s thigh and then sighs as he comes.
Koki can feel his hands shaking slightly and Jin muttering a string of profanities as he impatiently grabs some tissue and rubs hard at the front of his jeans, silently passing him a handful. Koki closes his eyes at the silence, can’t quite bring himself to look at Jin and it isn’t until he hears Jin sigh, mumble something like ‘sorry’ and ‘fuck. I’m. I’m going to go’ and then the toilet door swing open.
It’s with a slightly hysterical laugh that Koki realises that he’s well and truly betrayed Kame.
~ ~ ~
Thursday
Jin groans as the bright sunlight fills the room, his head pounding and memories of last night filling his head. Blearily, he looks around the room, blinking in slight surprise when he sees Ueda’s empty bed. He frowns and moves towards the shower when a note on the table by the door catches his attention. He tenses as he recognises Kame’s precise Kanji and even as he’s considering ignoring it his hand is already reaching for it. The note is simple, asking him to meet him for breakfast at the café they’ve gone to nearly every morning and yet Jin still feels the normal mixture of emotions cloud in his mind whenever he thinks about Kame. He weighs up the pro’s and cons of grabbing a shower before wincing and forcing himself to stop procrastinating.
The day is unusually warm and Jin pulls up the sleeves of his jumper slightly, easily ducking the early morning commuters and Big Issue sellers. The café comes into view and Jin has to work hard not to show how nervous he feels.
Kame is already there, huddled over a cup of coffee, and Jin frowns as he takes in the frayed jacket and messy hair.
“Hey,” he calls and watches Kame jump slightly. It’s odd to catch Kame unawares and Jin frowns down at him slightly as he watches him smile weakly and gesture at the chair opposite.
“Hey. Take a seat.”
He nods his thanks and sinks into the soft leather seat. He frowns down at the menu for something to do as Kame merely turns back to his coffee and calmly ignores him. Jin busies himself with deciding between a mocha or cappuccino until he hears a small “oh” from behind him.
Frowning Jin turns round and freezes slightly as he takes in Koki, Nike baseball cap at one angle and looking as shell shocked and awkward as Jin feels.
“Hey Koki,” Kame says serenely, ignoring the way Koki is looking at a spot over Jin’s shoulder as Jin struggles to read Kame, figure out what the hell he thinks he’s doing arranging breakfast for the three of them when as far as he knows the only contact Jin and Koki have had is on Tuesday.
“Um, hi,” Koki says, awkwardly as he slides into the spot next to Kame, flushing as his feet bump Jin’s under the table, and mumbling an apology in halting English when a waitress delivers Jin’s breakfast and another cup of coffee for Kame.
Jin frowns down at his plate of egg and bacon, considering whether he wants to add brown sauce or not, and it takes him a few seconds to realise that Kame is merely staring down at the table, face carefully blank. He’s debating whether to ask Kame what’s wrong when Koki slides forward in his chair and pins Kame with a look.
“We need to talk.” Koki announces, face determined. “We’ve been dancing around each other for weeks now and it’s starting to piss me off.”
Jin narrows his eyes. “So what’s you grand idea, then? Dance around and hold hands like they do in NewS?”
Koki scowls up at Jin, retort on the tip of his tongue when Kame slides his coffee cup back onto the table.
“I saw you,” he says flatly. “The other night. When we were at the club.”
He sees Koki freeze in his seat, expression slowly sliding into horror and panic and even as he opens his mouth Jin knows he’s going to make an excuse.
“Kame. I. We were drunk and horny and I--” he begins and Jin feels that familiar rush of anger because Koki is treating him like a fucking dirty secret.
“Fuck you Koki. You wanted it as much as me,” he sneers, and feels a spark of satisfaction as he watches Koki’s face darken in anger.
“Don’t.” Kame snaps. “Don’t make this into another argument. It’s fine. You’re both free to date who you want, when you want. Just don’t let it mess with the bands dynamic. Please.”
Jin stares, and it’s only years of watching Kame from the sidelines, catching and cataloguing every move and gesture that allows Jin to realise that he’s upset, tense, that no matter what he says, he’s hurt and angry. And Jin has to swallow down the urge to apologise, because it’s as Kame says; he doesn’t owe Kame anything. But when he glances up and sees that familiar slightly desperate look on Koki’s face he sighs and tips his head back to the ceiling. He’s already made one step towards admitting that he wants Koki, and in a way he’s never really stopped wanting Kame.
“We didn’t mean for you to see us. We were drunk and horny and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And yeah, maybe it’d been building up.”
A shrug, and he can hear Koki splutter slightly, but Jin sighs and tips his seat back onto the ground and meets Kame’s eyes, lets him see that he’s being serious.
“Fuck, Kame. It’s not going to kill you to admit that, yeah, maybe it did bother you. That maybe when I was gone you developed…something with Koki. That maybe whatever the hell it is between us--and don’t try and feed me that bull about us being friends--didn’t disappear or go away.”
“Do you have a point, Akanishi? Or are you just here to start on Kame?” Koki demands when Jin pauses, taking a moment to sip his coffee.
“Yes” he snaps, takes a moment to fiddle with his knife. “I’m not saying that everything’s going to be ok, that we can become this perfect thing. Just. Maybe we can try. Tonight. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, right?”
Jin glances up at Kame and Koki, sees Koki get it first and open his mouth to protest, but then Kame tenses in his seat, and gives him that blank, slightly disbelieving expression.
“That’s your plan to solve things between us. Have sex.” he demands, voice tense and high. “Fuck, Akanishi. I was trying to be serious. If you’re just here to laugh at me just don’t bother.”
“Kame, just wait. I. I think it’s a good idea” Koki begins, voice unsure, nervous and it’s the first time Jin’s ever seen Koki like this. “Maybe we could try. I mean. Ok, look I know it sounds stupid and ridiculous and you’re worried about it fucking things up in the group. But, I think we could try, ok?”
Jin expects Kame to storm out, call them both idiots, and spend the next month carefully ignoring them. And as Kame sinks back into his chair and stares at them both in horror, it’s only the tightly clamped hand Koki has wrapped round Kame’s wrist that stops him from doing so.
“I can’t Koki,” Kame mutters, not looking at either of them, “Not again. I’m sorry”. Koki watches him and Jin feels his heart hammer in his chest as he sees Koki’s expression morph from hopeful to crushed.
Kame slides his hand out of Koki’s grip, slides out a twenty pound note and moves towards the door. Jin’s on his feet before he knows it.
“Don’t you dare walk away, Kamenashi. Fuck. For once I’m being honest, I’m telling the truth. This time it’s your turn. Or are you just scared” Jin says, quickly, voice low and sharp.
Kame freezes at the door, runs his hand along the handle.
“I’m not scared,” he snaps as Jin knew he would. “But if we mess this up, that’ll be it. I just don’t think we’ll be able to make it better if we do.”
Jin sighs, moves forwards and rests his hand against Kame’s back, feels him tense. He can see Koki move until he’s stood next to Kame, a silent pillar of support.
“I know. We know. Just one night ok?”
“One night,” Kame murmurs, moves his head so he can see them both in the reflection from the window and smiles slightly.
Rating: R/NC-17
Threesome: Koki/Kame/Jin
Summary: It doesn’t surprise Jin that Kame is a little bit in love with London
Warnings: Angst.
Notes: This sort of became steadily more angsty as it went on but I hope I managed to include at least some of your prompts! Enjoy sollasollew11 <3 Thanks to my beta for taking time to read over this and make it somewhat readable and to everyone that listened to me bitch and moan about this. You know who you are!
Monday
It takes Jin a few days to get used to London. It’s not like LA with its bright sunshine and friendly, smiling locals. London’s busy and hectic, full of people who always look one step away from collapsing from sheer exhaustion. For Jin it’s both claustrophobic to be surrounded by strangers who don’t know who he is and exhilarating.
It doesn’t surprise him that Kame is a little bit in love with London; it’s almost easy to watch Kame as he oohs and aahs over expensive designer shops along Oxford Street before turning around and eagerly devouring Britain’s long and bloody history in the Tower of London.
“We should definitely hit the London Dungeons,” Maru calls from where he’s buried in Kame’s tourist guide.
“Oh yeah!” Junno replies, excitement laced through his words. “My cousin said you get to see all the torture implements. If we have time we have to go.”
Jin rolls his eyes at that and struggles not to laugh as he watches Koki throw Junno a slightly wary look.
They spend their first day off after a week of photo shoots and publicity stunts, arguing over where they want to go first. Maru is set on visiting Convent Garden whilst Junno wants to go to the Trocadero, the idea of spending the day blissfully playing video games lighting up his face. Ueda isn’t especially bothered enough to argue with them, but he thoughtfully mentions that he’d like to visit Leicester Square.
Jin sighs as he watches Koki and Maru squabble over the itinerary, but his attention is really on Kame who is diligently sipping his black coffee, the unusually bright sunshine emphasising the shadows under his eyes and the sharp lines of his brow and cheekbones. He fights down the urge to nag Kame into take better care of himself.
It’s silly really. They’ve agreed to be civil to each other in public, keep up the facade of colleagues and friends who sometimes hang outside of work and certainly the so-called sightings and rumours of them together have helped encourage the stories. But the truth is, that since the press conference the day of his return they’ve barely spoken to one another. He supposes they could blame it on a variety of things; they’re both too different, they’ve both grown up and a million and one other clichés.
Jin rolls his eyes when they finally decide on spending the morning in Oxford Street and the afternoon exploring Convent Garden, Kame sending Maru a slight smile and promising to explore the markets with him. He sighs and leads the way out of the brightly lit cafe they’ve been debating in and lights up a cigarette. He closes his eyes slightly when the first burst of nicotine hits his system and finally let’s himself relax.
“It’s pretty warm today, ne,” he hears Junno say brightly from behind him, and Ueda murmur in reply. And Junno’s right; the sky is cloudless, the sun bright and maybe, just maybe, he can get through the day without killing anyone.
~ ~ ~
They go to dinner in a local Steak House that Kame’s guide book highly recommends.
The minute they arrive Jin feels the tension from hopping from tube to tube and walking all day drain out of him in the company of good food and even better beer.
Junno is proudly wearing a huge Union Jack hat and laughing at one of Maru’s badly timed jokes as Ueda calmly engages the waiter in bad English. It’s weirdly relaxed in the way that KAT-TUN are-they aren’t the best of friends but they’ve developed an odd sort of familiarity with one another.
Jin stands and murmurs a quick apology as he moves to the toilet, and doesn’t see Koki pause from where he’s trying to sneak parts of his own 8 ounce T-Bone onto Kame’s plate when he isn’t looking, and make the same excuse before following him.
Jin is halfway through scrabbling to read the instructions on the condom machine when Koki comes into the bathroom. He sees Koki’s face crease in displeasure as he watches Jin slide a pound into the machine and select a pack of ribbed condoms, but he ignores him in favour of bending down to pull them out of the dispenser.
“Come to moan at me about my behaviour have you?” he asks flatly.
“Jesus, Akanishi. Can’t you wait until we’re back in Japan before you start fucking every girl in sight?” Koki demands as he moves to lean against the wall.
Jin swallows a laugh and catches Koki’s eye in the bathroom mirror.
“I can do what I want, Koki,” he says simply and feels a momentary flicker of pleasure as he watches Koki’s face darken in anger.
“Fuck, Jin. You come back from LA, exhausted and quiet and different. You don’t talk to anyone anymore except Maru and god knows he’s certainly not going to tell us what’s going on inside your head. What the hell is your problem?”
Jin opens his mouth, an angry retort on the tip of his tongue and flushes when Koki narrows his eyes and snarls, “And don’t give me that crap about adjusting”
“What the fuck, Koki? You don’t know anything about how I feel, so don’t stand there and give me your bullshit about being sick of my moods,” he says flatly, moving back to smooth his hair down in the bathroom mirror and trying to fight down the now familiar feelings of jealousy and hurt. “You didn’t give a crap when I got back from LA and you don’t give a crap now”
He’s never really understood where he stands with Koki, never really been sure if the flushes of lust he’d experience during their performances of Pinky were just that; lust, or something more and even now, even though they’re older and Koki seems far more interested in Kame, Jin still struggles to put his feelings for Koki into a category.
He hears Koki laugh, low and slightly bitter. “You know, we spent the entire time you were in LA telling ourselves that it would be better when you came back “ Koki says softly, voice so quiet Jin has to strain slightly to hear him.
“We used to sit around and talk about what we’d show you, about how we’d prove that while we could make it without you, that you were still part of KAT-TUN. That you mattered. I guess we were wrong.”
Jin doesn’t look at Koki when he leaves. He merely closes his eyes and snarls a stream of insults at his reflection, at the dark unhappy expression in his eyes and smiles bitterly.
~ ~ ~
Koki tries not to look at Jin for the rest of the meal and it’s only the barest shake of Kame’s head that keeps them from saying anything. Jin goes to his room first, nodding goodnight to the others and Koki feels something like rage and dislike and confusion churn in his stomach. They've been tiptoeing around Jin since his return and he's sick of it. Sick of worrying about what he says and in what tone in case Jin takes offense and decides to fuck off to some other country for six months.
He feels Kame's gaze on him and knows that Kame’s expression will be soft, a little bit concerned. But Koki isn't in the mood to pretend he's ok so he just yawns widely and mutters something about being more exhausted than he realises. He forces himself not to look at Kame as he leaves the room, not to meet his eyes and do what he wants because he’s always been weak when it comes to Kame, always been willing to go that little bit further for him than anyone else and this time he can’t. He won’t make things better with Jin just because Kame asked him.
Maru comes in not much later and Koki knows before he even opens his mouth that he’s going to say something about how he shouldn’t antagonise Jin, that Kame is only trying to help. Koki rushes to speak before Maru can begin.
“I know, ok,--” he mutters, fiddling with the covers, “that I shouldn’t get involved. That it’s none of my business what goes on between Jin and Kame. But I’m just so sick of it. Sick of dancing around Jin and pretending that everything’s all wonderful and perfect. Because it isn’t. And if we’re honest it hasn’t been for a long time.”
He expects Maru to argue with him, maybe say something about how they’re still getting used to having Jin back. But instead he just sighs, softly and sadly, and turns off the light. To Koki it says more than words can.
Tuesday
Jin’s angry, a steady burning rage slowly building into fury. He stalks into his hotel room, face carefully blank. The door swings open again and Jin doesn’t need to turn around to know it's Kame. He can almost imagine Maru pushing Kame through the door hissing that he’s the only one who can deal with Jin when he’s in one of his moods. Jin resists the urge to twist his lips into an ironic smile. After all, it’s been years since Kame’s been able to get through to him, least of all calm him down when he’s this angry.
He can feel Kame’s eyes on him as he moves towards the dressing table in the center of the room, feel him analysing his actions. He isn’t surprised when Kame closes the hotel door and moves to perch on the edge of Ueda’s bed.
He expects Kame to tell him to calm down, maybe go out and apologise to Koki but instead when he glances up at Kame through the mirror on the wall he’s simply watching him, head bowed slightly, eyes weary, and it’s with a start that Jin sees that Kame looks like he feels--reeled out and jaded.
Jin shifts slightly, the silence starting to grate on his nerves, but Kame just shakes his head and runs a hand through his hair.
“Don’t.” he says and Jin blinks. “Just. Don’t, ok? I don’t need to hear your excuses. I don’t want to, to be honest. I’m not here to tell you to go and apologise.” He sighs and rubs at his eyes warily. “I’m merely in here to tell you that we need to be up tomorrow at 8. And that as far as I’m concerned, you can do what you want in your free time. Just don’t let it affect work.”
“What the fuck.” Jin snarls, and suddenly he’s angry again. “Jesus, Kamenashi. Would it kill you to say something that doesn’t relate to work for once?”
Kame flushes slightly and Jin can tell he’s going to give him one of those patronizing answers about the importance of work and he’s sick of it, sick of Kame treating him like he’s nothing more than a colleague.
“You know what? Don’t bother. I don’t even fucking care anymore. Just. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
He expects Kame to protest, almost hopes he will but then he hears the door creak and a cough.
He swings his head round and scowls as he takes in Koki, standing awkwardly at the door.
“Come to protect your boyfriend?” he sneers, feeling an irrational stab of envy as he watches Kame and Koki exchange a look full of secrets and innuendos.
Kame frowns, a retort on the tip of his tongue but it’s Koki that spins around and glares at Jin.
“Don’t take it out on Kame just because you’re in a shitty mood,” he says flatly.
“What the hell? What, he needs you to fight his battles for him now?” Jin demands, lurching to his feet.
“It’s called looking out for a friend Akanishi. Then again, it’s not something you’d understand.” Koki says viciously.
“Friendship? You want to talk about friendship with me, Koki. Oh, I’ll talk about how you barely even looked at Kame when he was younger, when he wasn’t Johnny’s protégé, when--“
“Stop it” Kame shouts suddenly, moves so he’s standing between them. “Jesus. Both of you, just stop it.”
Jin snaps his mouth shut and moves back to the dressing table.
“Please, can we just make it through the rest of this week without any more arguments? After we get back to Japan you can scream at each other as much as you want, but right now we just need to get through the next few days without killing getting killed.”
Kame’s watching them both, frowning and tired. Koki gives in first, nods slightly like Jin knew he would and Jin’s almost tempted to say no just to spite them. But then Koki arches an eyebrow at him, eyes mocking and he narrows his eyes and nods once, sharply.
“Fine. Thank you,” Kame mutters and moves towards the door, not giving either of them a chance to say anything more. Koki lingers slightly and Jin watches him, sees him frown and fidget before he sighs, nods once and follows Kame.
Ueda comes in later, face calm and Jin feels a sudden rush of relief that he isn’t sharing a room with Maru. Ueda knows when to give him space, when to let him vent and when to intervene and it’s with relief that he climbs under the covers and mutters a quick goodnight to Ueda.
Wednesday
Jin frowns up at the grey sky as the photographer instructs Ueda and Junno to frolic in the fountain in the middle of Trafalgar Square. The weather is colder now, the air damp and the production team are impatient to get the last of the paired photo shoots done. Kame’s dragged Maru with him to go and grab lunch for everyone and even though they’re supposed to be presenting a united front, supposed to show to the fans and whoever’s watching that things are better now in KAT-TUN. Apart from a grunt from Koki they’ve barely spoken to each other.
Jin sighs and mentally goes through his wardrobe, remembering Maru’s earlier suggestion that they hit some cocktail clubs and maybe a club later for their last night, and suddenly the urge to get as drunk as possible is overwhelming. He fiddles with his zipper and impatiently watches Ueda and Junno wrap up their shoot before moving forwards with Koki so they can pretend to be best friends.
“Ok,” The photographer calls, frowning up at the sky, “we’ve got about half an hour left of sunlight. Let’s try to get this done as soon as possible.”
With another slight nod at Koki, Jin moves into place.
~ ~ ~
Jin is probably quite drunk now, the lights starting to blur until he isn’t sure whom he’s dancing with anymore. It’s an exhilarating feeling and for the first time in what feels like forever, he feels himself turn off. The cocktails he’s downed at the cocktail bar earlier mixed in with the shots of tequila Maru had convinced him to do with him are starting to take their effect, and he’s starting to have trouble moving to the beat of the music. He stumbles slightly and mutters a quick apology before he realizes that he’s just bashed into Koki, face flushed and sweaty and grinding hard against a beautiful girl in a stunning green dress.
Koki sends him a look up from under his black and gold fedora and arches an eyebrow slightly as Jin continues to stare. He blinks, and figures he’s drunker than he realises because he’s moving towards Koki, sliding so he’s in front of the girl who gives him a slow smile in response. He can feel Koki watching him and he resists the urge to smirk up at him as he works on moving his hips just so, so that the girl between them follows when he steps back slightly. Koki’s lip curls slightly and he moves a hand down to her hip, and Jin feels his pulse hammer in his throat as he catches the unreadable look in Koki’s eyes.
This is something he understands, something he excels at. And yet he can feel Koki pulling back, backing down and he watches in something like disbelief when he runs an apologetic hand down the side of the girls arm and heads towards the bathroom without a backwards look. And suddenly Jin is angry, furious and with a sharp nod at the girl watching them in confusion he moves quickly through the crowd.
He slams the bathroom door open, relieved that it’s empty apart from Koki who’s bent over the sink, and he gets a sudden flashback of the last time they were alone in a bathroom together, and the angry, furious words they exchanged. And later on he can claim it’s because he’s drunk, because he’s angry but he takes two steps forward, grabs hold of Koki’s wrist and shoves him towards a stall.
~ ~ ~
Koki tries to calm his heartbeat, tries not to think about the sudden surge of desire at the challenging, mocking look in Jin’s eyes out on the dance floor. But when the door swings open with a bang he isn’t surprised to see Jin, face dark and angry. What he doesn’t expect is for Jin to shove him through the door, eyes narrowed and lip curled back slightly into a snarl. His surprise quickly turns to irritation and then something darker as he spins round, an angry retort on the tip of the tongue. He opens his mouth about to demand what Jin thinks he’s doing, pushing them both into a stall when anyone could be watching. But the retort is swallowed by Jin’s mouth landing hard on his, tongue snaking into his mouth and hands moving to pin Koki’s arms above his head. It’s fast and hard and Jin doesn’t even let Koki breathe before he’s moving one hand down between their bodies and rubbing against Koki’s crotch, mouth curving into a smirk when Koki let’s out a desperate whimper.
“Does this turn you on? Us locked in this bathroom, my hand down your trousers and Kame outside blissfully unaware. Is this what you’ve wanted from me, huh? Is this why every time I try to have a conversation with you, you taunt me?” he whispers hotly against Koki’s ear, rubbing his own erection hard against Koki’s thigh.
“Tell me, does Kame like it when you take control, let’s you fuck him nice and hard until he’s keening and mm--”Koki is gasping by now, almost shuddering because he knows exactly what Jin means, and in his head he can picture Jin fucking Kame, and it turns him on more than it should. “--begging in that fucking sexy voice that makes you want to take your time, m-make him beg a little bit for making you want him even more?”
The idea of Kame and Jin together has always excited him, always made him hard, helped him get off when he’s alone at 3 am and horny. He bucks slightly when Jin rubs his thumb across the head of his cock and mouths at the side of his neck, and with a jerk he comes, shuddering beneath Jin. Jin grunts slightly as he presses once, twice against Koki’s thigh and then sighs as he comes.
Koki can feel his hands shaking slightly and Jin muttering a string of profanities as he impatiently grabs some tissue and rubs hard at the front of his jeans, silently passing him a handful. Koki closes his eyes at the silence, can’t quite bring himself to look at Jin and it isn’t until he hears Jin sigh, mumble something like ‘sorry’ and ‘fuck. I’m. I’m going to go’ and then the toilet door swing open.
It’s with a slightly hysterical laugh that Koki realises that he’s well and truly betrayed Kame.
~ ~ ~
Thursday
Jin groans as the bright sunlight fills the room, his head pounding and memories of last night filling his head. Blearily, he looks around the room, blinking in slight surprise when he sees Ueda’s empty bed. He frowns and moves towards the shower when a note on the table by the door catches his attention. He tenses as he recognises Kame’s precise Kanji and even as he’s considering ignoring it his hand is already reaching for it. The note is simple, asking him to meet him for breakfast at the café they’ve gone to nearly every morning and yet Jin still feels the normal mixture of emotions cloud in his mind whenever he thinks about Kame. He weighs up the pro’s and cons of grabbing a shower before wincing and forcing himself to stop procrastinating.
The day is unusually warm and Jin pulls up the sleeves of his jumper slightly, easily ducking the early morning commuters and Big Issue sellers. The café comes into view and Jin has to work hard not to show how nervous he feels.
Kame is already there, huddled over a cup of coffee, and Jin frowns as he takes in the frayed jacket and messy hair.
“Hey,” he calls and watches Kame jump slightly. It’s odd to catch Kame unawares and Jin frowns down at him slightly as he watches him smile weakly and gesture at the chair opposite.
“Hey. Take a seat.”
He nods his thanks and sinks into the soft leather seat. He frowns down at the menu for something to do as Kame merely turns back to his coffee and calmly ignores him. Jin busies himself with deciding between a mocha or cappuccino until he hears a small “oh” from behind him.
Frowning Jin turns round and freezes slightly as he takes in Koki, Nike baseball cap at one angle and looking as shell shocked and awkward as Jin feels.
“Hey Koki,” Kame says serenely, ignoring the way Koki is looking at a spot over Jin’s shoulder as Jin struggles to read Kame, figure out what the hell he thinks he’s doing arranging breakfast for the three of them when as far as he knows the only contact Jin and Koki have had is on Tuesday.
“Um, hi,” Koki says, awkwardly as he slides into the spot next to Kame, flushing as his feet bump Jin’s under the table, and mumbling an apology in halting English when a waitress delivers Jin’s breakfast and another cup of coffee for Kame.
Jin frowns down at his plate of egg and bacon, considering whether he wants to add brown sauce or not, and it takes him a few seconds to realise that Kame is merely staring down at the table, face carefully blank. He’s debating whether to ask Kame what’s wrong when Koki slides forward in his chair and pins Kame with a look.
“We need to talk.” Koki announces, face determined. “We’ve been dancing around each other for weeks now and it’s starting to piss me off.”
Jin narrows his eyes. “So what’s you grand idea, then? Dance around and hold hands like they do in NewS?”
Koki scowls up at Jin, retort on the tip of his tongue when Kame slides his coffee cup back onto the table.
“I saw you,” he says flatly. “The other night. When we were at the club.”
He sees Koki freeze in his seat, expression slowly sliding into horror and panic and even as he opens his mouth Jin knows he’s going to make an excuse.
“Kame. I. We were drunk and horny and I--” he begins and Jin feels that familiar rush of anger because Koki is treating him like a fucking dirty secret.
“Fuck you Koki. You wanted it as much as me,” he sneers, and feels a spark of satisfaction as he watches Koki’s face darken in anger.
“Don’t.” Kame snaps. “Don’t make this into another argument. It’s fine. You’re both free to date who you want, when you want. Just don’t let it mess with the bands dynamic. Please.”
Jin stares, and it’s only years of watching Kame from the sidelines, catching and cataloguing every move and gesture that allows Jin to realise that he’s upset, tense, that no matter what he says, he’s hurt and angry. And Jin has to swallow down the urge to apologise, because it’s as Kame says; he doesn’t owe Kame anything. But when he glances up and sees that familiar slightly desperate look on Koki’s face he sighs and tips his head back to the ceiling. He’s already made one step towards admitting that he wants Koki, and in a way he’s never really stopped wanting Kame.
“We didn’t mean for you to see us. We were drunk and horny and it seemed like a good idea at the time. And yeah, maybe it’d been building up.”
A shrug, and he can hear Koki splutter slightly, but Jin sighs and tips his seat back onto the ground and meets Kame’s eyes, lets him see that he’s being serious.
“Fuck, Kame. It’s not going to kill you to admit that, yeah, maybe it did bother you. That maybe when I was gone you developed…something with Koki. That maybe whatever the hell it is between us--and don’t try and feed me that bull about us being friends--didn’t disappear or go away.”
“Do you have a point, Akanishi? Or are you just here to start on Kame?” Koki demands when Jin pauses, taking a moment to sip his coffee.
“Yes” he snaps, takes a moment to fiddle with his knife. “I’m not saying that everything’s going to be ok, that we can become this perfect thing. Just. Maybe we can try. Tonight. And if it doesn’t work, it doesn’t work, right?”
Jin glances up at Kame and Koki, sees Koki get it first and open his mouth to protest, but then Kame tenses in his seat, and gives him that blank, slightly disbelieving expression.
“That’s your plan to solve things between us. Have sex.” he demands, voice tense and high. “Fuck, Akanishi. I was trying to be serious. If you’re just here to laugh at me just don’t bother.”
“Kame, just wait. I. I think it’s a good idea” Koki begins, voice unsure, nervous and it’s the first time Jin’s ever seen Koki like this. “Maybe we could try. I mean. Ok, look I know it sounds stupid and ridiculous and you’re worried about it fucking things up in the group. But, I think we could try, ok?”
Jin expects Kame to storm out, call them both idiots, and spend the next month carefully ignoring them. And as Kame sinks back into his chair and stares at them both in horror, it’s only the tightly clamped hand Koki has wrapped round Kame’s wrist that stops him from doing so.
“I can’t Koki,” Kame mutters, not looking at either of them, “Not again. I’m sorry”. Koki watches him and Jin feels his heart hammer in his chest as he sees Koki’s expression morph from hopeful to crushed.
Kame slides his hand out of Koki’s grip, slides out a twenty pound note and moves towards the door. Jin’s on his feet before he knows it.
“Don’t you dare walk away, Kamenashi. Fuck. For once I’m being honest, I’m telling the truth. This time it’s your turn. Or are you just scared” Jin says, quickly, voice low and sharp.
Kame freezes at the door, runs his hand along the handle.
“I’m not scared,” he snaps as Jin knew he would. “But if we mess this up, that’ll be it. I just don’t think we’ll be able to make it better if we do.”
Jin sighs, moves forwards and rests his hand against Kame’s back, feels him tense. He can see Koki move until he’s stood next to Kame, a silent pillar of support.
“I know. We know. Just one night ok?”
“One night,” Kame murmurs, moves his head so he can see them both in the reflection from the window and smiles slightly.