I'm in pain, and yet ( Read more... )

It's amazing how one night of drunken debauchery with two women after more than a year of any such thing brought out that side of myself again... Perhaps it was in the day-after-day atmosphere of Victoria's Secret where every woman would show me their body completely readily, combined with my mundane (and I say that with utter love and positivity) ( Read more... )

I want my Lance back. I want the sea and the music and fresh lips and dirty (dirtier) feet and touching without having to have monotonous sex. I want to be free. I want to stop snapping into maddness. I want to write and fly again. I want to wear beauty like pearls. I want to become that person that I was again, that imperfect, lonely, romantic ( Read more... )

Today I felt normal for the first time in a year.
Today I felt calm for the first time in a year.

It may be redundant of me to tell you that emotionally I'm not doing too terribly well. Three of my acrylic nails have fallen off, but despite my darndest efforts, I cannot remove the others. My One Act opens tomorrow, and I think it's too early to know what I really feel about that ( Read more... )

you have to forgive me for possible typos. these damn acrylic nails, nails i'm so unused to. long superfluous glamour, and that i adore, but i despise the impracticality, being unable to pick things up, the fact that it took an hour to get them done. the overtly feminine and helpless quality about them. but they are the best thing i could have ( Read more... )

I've been having quite a difficult time with reality lately. Not that it's been particularly wonderful for the past however many months, but I just seem to float through life, hardly in a dream. When I look around to find where I am, I get scared, because I don't see anything. But I feel silly whenever I talk about this. My bipolar-whatever is not ( Read more... )

Tyler has spent the night at my house for the past one year two months and three days. I think it is finally starting to get to me ( Read more... )

The year of reinvention, eh?

I had a dream last night that Matt came back and we met up. That he asked me all about my life. I was in my work clothes, no make up, looking exactly as I always do when going to work. He looked disheveled and worn, in hand-me-down clothes and long brown hair. He started crying, and he said, "You used to be so beautiful ( Read more... )