My soul is exceeding sorrowful unto death ....
Dust floated up and away as the feet of Judas Iscariot wore a circular path in the ground. His arms firmly wrapped around himself to keep warm, he studied the ground as he muttered to himself. Abruptly, he stopped, his head snapping upwards.
“Is this what You feel like?” he shouted at the night sky. “Is this what it feels like to be truly mad?”
For a few moments, he waited patiently for an answer. Then he laughed harshly at his own stupidity and began pacing again.
“What a fool I have been,” he hissed. “Why did I listen to him, why did I listen to You? No good can come of this, I know. So then why did I believe that it could help?”
He paused a moment, feeling as if he might be sick. When the moment passed, he faced the heavens once again.
“You, who are Lord of all, have betrayed me,” he cried angrily. “But worse than that, You have betrayed him. He who spoke of nothing - who lived - nothing but a life of love and devotion to You and Your creation ... and You have sent him to slaughter, by my hand.”
His stare turned cold.
“What kind of God are You?” he whispered. After a few moments, the anger subsided into grief, and he fell to his knees, weeping silently.
“If he is truly Your son, how can You bear to do this to him?” he asked quietly. “How can You bear to make him suffer this way? How can You bear to make me suffer?”
He shook his head in frustration.
“Have I not been faithful? Have I not been humble and compassionate, as he taught me to be? Have I not loved You with every fiber of my being?”
The anger returned, fire replacing ice within his veins.
“My Lord, you are a wicked God!” he screamed. “I will be Your pawn no longer!”
He stood defiantly. In the East, the dark sky was touched by pink on the horizon, just beyond the city in the distance.
“I will not be judged guilty of Your crime,” he whispered.
Determined, he walked toward Jerusalem, into the early sunrise, knowing it would be his last.
Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,
Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What d that to us? see thou to that.
And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself. (Matthew, 27:3-6)
“Is this what You feel like?” he shouted at the night sky. “Is this what it feels like to be truly mad?”
For a few moments, he waited patiently for an answer. Then he laughed harshly at his own stupidity and began pacing again.
“What a fool I have been,” he hissed. “Why did I listen to him, why did I listen to You? No good can come of this, I know. So then why did I believe that it could help?”
He paused a moment, feeling as if he might be sick. When the moment passed, he faced the heavens once again.
“You, who are Lord of all, have betrayed me,” he cried angrily. “But worse than that, You have betrayed him. He who spoke of nothing - who lived - nothing but a life of love and devotion to You and Your creation ... and You have sent him to slaughter, by my hand.”
His stare turned cold.
“What kind of God are You?” he whispered. After a few moments, the anger subsided into grief, and he fell to his knees, weeping silently.
“If he is truly Your son, how can You bear to do this to him?” he asked quietly. “How can You bear to make him suffer this way? How can You bear to make me suffer?”
He shook his head in frustration.
“Have I not been faithful? Have I not been humble and compassionate, as he taught me to be? Have I not loved You with every fiber of my being?”
The anger returned, fire replacing ice within his veins.
“My Lord, you are a wicked God!” he screamed. “I will be Your pawn no longer!”
He stood defiantly. In the East, the dark sky was touched by pink on the horizon, just beyond the city in the distance.
“I will not be judged guilty of Your crime,” he whispered.
Determined, he walked toward Jerusalem, into the early sunrise, knowing it would be his last.
Then Judas, which had betrayed him, when he saw that he was condemned, repented himself, and brought again the thirty pieces of silver to the chief priests and elders,
Saying, I have sinned in that I have betrayed the innocent blood. And they said, What d that to us? see thou to that.
And he cast down the pieces of silver in the temple, and departed, and went and hanged himself. (Matthew, 27:3-6)