Spirit of Love
Title: Spirit of Love
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 5, Spirit
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
Every day over here seems like an eternity. If ever there was anything to crush a person's spirit, it's trudging through the jungles and not knowing what they're going to see next, or even if they're going to live to see the next sunrise come up.
I don't want you to focus on that. I shouldn't have said anything about it. I want you to keep your spirits up, and to keep believing that I'll come home to you safe. You have to concentrate on that, and keep knowing in your heart that it's going to happen.
Sometimes I think I can almost feel the love you're sending out to me, even though I'm so far away from you right now. It's like your spirit is connecting with mine over all the miles keeping us apart, like you and I can't ever really be parted.
I can feel your spirit meeting mine when I'm just waking up from a dream -- usually when it's a good dream about you. It's almost like the two of us meet when we're both asleep, and that's how we're keeping our relationship strong while I have to be here.
I'm coming home to you, Jude. Don't ever doubt that. I'll be changed, obviously. Nobody could go through all the things I've dealt with here, and see everything I've seen, without it changing them. But I'll still love you just as much as I ever have.
And I'm not going to change in my heart. I'll still belong to you, and my spirit will still be intact. It might be frayed a little bit at the edges; I think that's kind of inevitable. But knowing that you're waiting for me back at home is keeping me strong.
I want you to find a way to keep your spirit strong, too. I know it's hard for you, with me being over here and you not knowing if I'm okay sometimes. I wish it was easier to get letters through, but that's the way it is when you're in the middle of a war zone.
Don't worry about me, Jude. I'm going to make it through. I'm going to keep my spirit intact, or at least keep it from breaking entirely. And I'm going to come home in one piece. I promised you that before I left, and I always keep my promises.
Well, at least I try to. But this is one that I am<.i> going to make sure I keep, no matter how hard it might be sometimes to do that. I'm not going to let you end up with a man who's less than he was when you met him and fell in love.
I guess that's my greatest fear, you know? I'm scared that I'll somehow be way too changed for you to still love me when I get home. I'll be the same man, with the same face and the same body, but my head will have changed so much that we won't connect any more.
I have dreams about that, too. Nightmares. Those are the bad ones, the ones when I feel so far away from you when I struggle up out of the arms of sleep that I wonder if you and I ever were, or if you're something out of one of my good dreams that never really was.
I'm trying not to think like that. It's demoralizing enough just to be over here day after day and see the things I have to deal with on a regular basis; if you're taken away from me, then I won't have anything to hold on to and I know my spirit would die.
So I keep holding on to us. To the memories I have of holding you and kissing you, and making love to you, and looking into your eyes. I remember your smile, your laugh, the way it feels to touch you. I try to remember everything about you and our time together.
We're going to have a lot more of that time, Jude. I promise you that, baby. We're going to be together again. I know it seems like a long time coming, and that we're both frustrated now -- but sooner or later, this damn war will be over.
When it is, I'm coming home to you and never looking back. Yeah, I might need to keep some of these memories in my head, and who knows? I might even need to see a shrink to keep my head together. But I'll never have to be in a place like this again.
And I'll never have to leave you again. Right now, I feel like when I get home, I'll want to be around you every second of every day. I'll never want to let you out of my sight, not even when you have to go to work. I won't even want you to leave the room.
But I'll get over that. I know that when we first see each other, we'll want to saturate ourselves with being together. We were like that when we first met, too, remember? We couldn't get enough of being together. I think it'll be just like that when I get back.
It's hard to hold on to the spirit of love when we're so far apart. I know that, baby. But we both have to try. If we lose each other, then we lose part of what I'm over here fighting for. I'm trying not to look at it as just fighting for the freedom of another country.
I'm trying to see it as fighting for every kind of freedom there is. For the right to be who and what we are, to love openly and not have to pretend to be something we're not. That might not happen for a long time, but we'll get there eventually.
It's so hard for us to be apart for so long. I hope you can hang on, and that I can too. Because if we lose each other, then my coming over here and fighting will have been for nothing. It almost feels like that's what this was all about sometimes, doesn't it?
Sometimes, when I'm really feeling down, I feel like all of this happened just to pull the two of us apart and break our spirits. That's why we can't let it happen, babe. We've got to hold on to the spirit of love, and to each other. We can't let this break us, not in any way.
I miss you, Jude. I want to be back with you more than anything else. And some days, it's like I can feel all of this chipping away at me, eating away at my spirit and my heart and my soul. But I've got to be strong. I can't give in to that relentless attack.
I've got to be strong for you. For us. And you've got to do the same thing. We've got to hold on to our love, to what we mean to each other, and to what we believe in. If we don't, then our spirits are going to be crushed, and neither of us will ever be the same again.
I might not be coming home to you exactly the same as I left. I'll be older, and hopefully wiser. I'll have seen a lot more of the ugliness in the world than anybody should have to see. But I'll be coming back to you with my spirit as strong as it was when I left.
I'm not going to let anything take that spirit of love away from me. I'm not going to let anything break us apart. Be strong, Jude. Keep that spirit strong in your heart. And know that I'm doing the same, and that I'm coming back to you as soon as I can.
Love always,
Jude
Characters: Jude/Max
Fandom: Across the Universe
Rating: PG-13
Table: 1
Prompt: 5, Spirit
Author's Note: This is entirely a product of imagination, and I do not own Jude Feeny, Max Carrigan, or any of the other characters depicted in the film Across the Universe.
Dear Jude,
Every day over here seems like an eternity. If ever there was anything to crush a person's spirit, it's trudging through the jungles and not knowing what they're going to see next, or even if they're going to live to see the next sunrise come up.
I don't want you to focus on that. I shouldn't have said anything about it. I want you to keep your spirits up, and to keep believing that I'll come home to you safe. You have to concentrate on that, and keep knowing in your heart that it's going to happen.
Sometimes I think I can almost feel the love you're sending out to me, even though I'm so far away from you right now. It's like your spirit is connecting with mine over all the miles keeping us apart, like you and I can't ever really be parted.
I can feel your spirit meeting mine when I'm just waking up from a dream -- usually when it's a good dream about you. It's almost like the two of us meet when we're both asleep, and that's how we're keeping our relationship strong while I have to be here.
I'm coming home to you, Jude. Don't ever doubt that. I'll be changed, obviously. Nobody could go through all the things I've dealt with here, and see everything I've seen, without it changing them. But I'll still love you just as much as I ever have.
And I'm not going to change in my heart. I'll still belong to you, and my spirit will still be intact. It might be frayed a little bit at the edges; I think that's kind of inevitable. But knowing that you're waiting for me back at home is keeping me strong.
I want you to find a way to keep your spirit strong, too. I know it's hard for you, with me being over here and you not knowing if I'm okay sometimes. I wish it was easier to get letters through, but that's the way it is when you're in the middle of a war zone.
Don't worry about me, Jude. I'm going to make it through. I'm going to keep my spirit intact, or at least keep it from breaking entirely. And I'm going to come home in one piece. I promised you that before I left, and I always keep my promises.
Well, at least I try to. But this is one that I am<.i> going to make sure I keep, no matter how hard it might be sometimes to do that. I'm not going to let you end up with a man who's less than he was when you met him and fell in love.
I guess that's my greatest fear, you know? I'm scared that I'll somehow be way too changed for you to still love me when I get home. I'll be the same man, with the same face and the same body, but my head will have changed so much that we won't connect any more.
I have dreams about that, too. Nightmares. Those are the bad ones, the ones when I feel so far away from you when I struggle up out of the arms of sleep that I wonder if you and I ever were, or if you're something out of one of my good dreams that never really was.
I'm trying not to think like that. It's demoralizing enough just to be over here day after day and see the things I have to deal with on a regular basis; if you're taken away from me, then I won't have anything to hold on to and I know my spirit would die.
So I keep holding on to us. To the memories I have of holding you and kissing you, and making love to you, and looking into your eyes. I remember your smile, your laugh, the way it feels to touch you. I try to remember everything about you and our time together.
We're going to have a lot more of that time, Jude. I promise you that, baby. We're going to be together again. I know it seems like a long time coming, and that we're both frustrated now -- but sooner or later, this damn war will be over.
When it is, I'm coming home to you and never looking back. Yeah, I might need to keep some of these memories in my head, and who knows? I might even need to see a shrink to keep my head together. But I'll never have to be in a place like this again.
And I'll never have to leave you again. Right now, I feel like when I get home, I'll want to be around you every second of every day. I'll never want to let you out of my sight, not even when you have to go to work. I won't even want you to leave the room.
But I'll get over that. I know that when we first see each other, we'll want to saturate ourselves with being together. We were like that when we first met, too, remember? We couldn't get enough of being together. I think it'll be just like that when I get back.
It's hard to hold on to the spirit of love when we're so far apart. I know that, baby. But we both have to try. If we lose each other, then we lose part of what I'm over here fighting for. I'm trying not to look at it as just fighting for the freedom of another country.
I'm trying to see it as fighting for every kind of freedom there is. For the right to be who and what we are, to love openly and not have to pretend to be something we're not. That might not happen for a long time, but we'll get there eventually.
It's so hard for us to be apart for so long. I hope you can hang on, and that I can too. Because if we lose each other, then my coming over here and fighting will have been for nothing. It almost feels like that's what this was all about sometimes, doesn't it?
Sometimes, when I'm really feeling down, I feel like all of this happened just to pull the two of us apart and break our spirits. That's why we can't let it happen, babe. We've got to hold on to the spirit of love, and to each other. We can't let this break us, not in any way.
I miss you, Jude. I want to be back with you more than anything else. And some days, it's like I can feel all of this chipping away at me, eating away at my spirit and my heart and my soul. But I've got to be strong. I can't give in to that relentless attack.
I've got to be strong for you. For us. And you've got to do the same thing. We've got to hold on to our love, to what we mean to each other, and to what we believe in. If we don't, then our spirits are going to be crushed, and neither of us will ever be the same again.
I might not be coming home to you exactly the same as I left. I'll be older, and hopefully wiser. I'll have seen a lot more of the ugliness in the world than anybody should have to see. But I'll be coming back to you with my spirit as strong as it was when I left.
I'm not going to let anything take that spirit of love away from me. I'm not going to let anything break us apart. Be strong, Jude. Keep that spirit strong in your heart. And know that I'm doing the same, and that I'm coming back to you as soon as I can.
Love always,
Jude