FFAF THIS, BITCH
Fun Facts About Fandom...
FFAF Golden Rule 1: Sex is the answer to everything (in stories). Your cat died? Hot sex on the couch will make the sadness go away. The world is about to end, and the night before, you realize you're a virgin? Hot sex on the kitchen table will solve your little dilemma. You're a complete stuffed shirt with people issues and a nice ass? Hot sex all over the place will make you more personable and answer all your questions about life.
FFAF 2: Everyone (in a story) can be summarized by an epithet. The missing-nin turned to look at the cat Animagus standing nearby with her arms crossed. "You know," the insane Uchiha said, "I think I may have forgotten what my name is. The writer is trying to remind the reader who I am, but obviously just calling me by my name is just too mundane." The Transfiguration professor shrugged helplessly and replied, "And I'm not sure who else is in the room with me, there are so many different names."
FFAF 3: Everyone canMUST MUST MUST be paired off with everyone else. If you leave them alone, they'll be lonely! Besides, the relationship is so obvious!
FFAF 4: Everyone has a right to their own opinion unless they disagree with yours. Because Kurama/Hiei is so totally canon and if you don't agree, you're a homophobe. Or Harry/Hermione is so canon, I can't believe the person who creates that canon disagrees with me!
FFAF 5: It's okay to be immature if everyone around you is the same way. You're just jealous that my subculture generation is whinier and somehow even more stupid than yours. And gaaaaawd you have standards and you're such an elitist prick because of it!
FFAF 6: Being someone other than yourself is encouraged. Role-play licenses are being handed out for free on the first floor of the insane asylum. They're a great way to utilize your propensity toward MPD/DID without having a nervous breakdown!
FFAF 7: That poster of a naked Squall Leonhart is totally not disturbing in all sorts of tingly ways. Nobody in real life is pretty enough for you. Don't worry. There are a lot of people who feel the same way. Unfortunately, these people probably enjoy Twilight. Good thing Final Fantasy is always ready to indulge your pretty-boy fetish!
FFAF 8: If two people are set up to be in love, they will always be the epitome of your standards of hotness and yet consider themselves ordinary. Well, one out of two isn't bad. Maybe more make-up will get you the second one?
ON SEX AND THINGS
FFAF 9: Anal sex is the only way gay men do it. It was his first time being on the bottom, but he'd never felt something so incredible in his life. Each thrust hit some point deep inside of him that, like, resonated with his entire being or some shit like that. But secretly he was wondering why his partner hadn't taken him up on his offer for some really fantastic frottage and a blowjob, because sheeeeee-it taking it up the ass without lube for the first time hurt like hell. Oh god, something in there just tore because his partner is saying, "Dude, are you supposed to be bleeding this much," and there is a very embarrassing trip to the emergency room in his immediate future...
FFAF 10: It is acceptable for female virgins to write any kind of sex scene as long as fellow female virgins think it's hot. Make sure to describe the orgasm in excruciating detail, and throw in a few 'he/she completed him/her' phrases that'll sweeten the deal. Guys are allowed to fuck each other through the urethra of their penises. A girl will totally get two male lovers to try sticking both dicks in her vagina at the same time and it'll be hot. It's not rape if he's got an erection while he's saying 'no'. A wax candle is an acceptable substitute for a strap-on in lesbian sex. Three of these four are in real stories I've read. Which one isn't?
FFAF 11: Real men always go for the nipples first. If they hone in on the vagina first, they just want you for sex.
FFAF 12: All girls are virgins and all boys are experienced. Who've the boys been fucking? This also applies to high schools in real life.
FFAF 13: Throwing up in the morning means she's pregnant. Because all pregnant women have the stereotypical symptoms like morning sickness and the insane craving for pickles and peanut butter...together.
FFAF 14: It's hot for a girl to get slammed against a wall by a desperately horny man. You can practically hear the author salivating from here...and the domestic abuse hotline phones are ringing off the hook.
FFAF 15: Guys get hard at the smallest things. Because they're teenagers with no self-control. I mean...they're so passionate that they have no self-control whatsoever! Overpowering emotions are such a turn-on for girls!
FFAF 16: Age means nothing in the face of true love. It's just an outdated social taboo like homosexuality is. Hot sex for young and old alike!
FFAF 17: Everyone is secretly desperate for hot sex and human company. That trembling passion is only being held back by an iron will--how delightful it would be to be the key to opening the gates and allowing the floodwaters through! You can have deep, meaningful talks about feelings late at night.
FFAF 18: Two people in love find everything the other does sexy, no matter what. That clown suit shows off your ass. I want to do you.
FFAF 19: There will always be sex. Why isn't there any sex? There needs to be sex. And maybe kissing and a bit of foreplay. Doesn't matter who as long as they're hot.
FFAF 20: Sex is a sign of true love.
THE REAL FACTS
1: Sex is never the answer to anything except quenching sexual frustration.
2: Epithets dehumanize.
3: Not everyone can be neatly paired up with anyone else. Actually, most people can't.
4: Everyone has a right to their own opinion even if it disagrees with yours.
5: It isn't okay to succumb to peer pressure mindlessly.
6: Be yourself and things will become easier as life goes on. Accept who you are.
7: The poster of the naked man drawing is disturbing because the anatomy is off.
8: Two people in love will meet their own standards of appearance, not yours.
9: Clever humans have progressed beyond the two basic sex positions, please read the Kama Sutra before you continue.
10: Virgins don't know what they're talking about when it comes to sex.
11: Everyone has a different way of having sex.
12: Believe me, some of those girls aren't virgins and some of those boys are.
13: She just had a 36-hour stomach bug. Not everyone throws up when they're pregnant.
14: This is the point where you kick him between the legs and call the police to arrest him.
15: If he hasn't gotten control of his dick by the time he's 22, his hormones are unbalanced and he should see a doctor.
16: There's a thing called a generational gap that you and I need to discuss...
17: Some people are just fine by themselves. Leave them alone.
18: Even newlyweds can annoy each other with the small things.
19: The apparent dependence on sex is actually very disturbing.
20: The sex is a lie.
Because trying to force other people to fulfill your fantasies isn't disrespectful at all.
FFAF Golden Rule 1: Sex is the answer to everything (in stories). Your cat died? Hot sex on the couch will make the sadness go away. The world is about to end, and the night before, you realize you're a virgin? Hot sex on the kitchen table will solve your little dilemma. You're a complete stuffed shirt with people issues and a nice ass? Hot sex all over the place will make you more personable and answer all your questions about life.
FFAF 2: Everyone (in a story) can be summarized by an epithet. The missing-nin turned to look at the cat Animagus standing nearby with her arms crossed. "You know," the insane Uchiha said, "I think I may have forgotten what my name is. The writer is trying to remind the reader who I am, but obviously just calling me by my name is just too mundane." The Transfiguration professor shrugged helplessly and replied, "And I'm not sure who else is in the room with me, there are so many different names."
FFAF 3: Everyone canMUST MUST MUST be paired off with everyone else. If you leave them alone, they'll be lonely! Besides, the relationship is so obvious!
FFAF 4: Everyone has a right to their own opinion unless they disagree with yours. Because Kurama/Hiei is so totally canon and if you don't agree, you're a homophobe. Or Harry/Hermione is so canon, I can't believe the person who creates that canon disagrees with me!
FFAF 5: It's okay to be immature if everyone around you is the same way. You're just jealous that my subculture generation is whinier and somehow even more stupid than yours. And gaaaaawd you have standards and you're such an elitist prick because of it!
FFAF 6: Being someone other than yourself is encouraged. Role-play licenses are being handed out for free on the first floor of the insane asylum. They're a great way to utilize your propensity toward MPD/DID without having a nervous breakdown!
FFAF 7: That poster of a naked Squall Leonhart is totally not disturbing in all sorts of tingly ways. Nobody in real life is pretty enough for you. Don't worry. There are a lot of people who feel the same way. Unfortunately, these people probably enjoy Twilight. Good thing Final Fantasy is always ready to indulge your pretty-boy fetish!
FFAF 8: If two people are set up to be in love, they will always be the epitome of your standards of hotness and yet consider themselves ordinary. Well, one out of two isn't bad. Maybe more make-up will get you the second one?
ON SEX AND THINGS
FFAF 9: Anal sex is the only way gay men do it. It was his first time being on the bottom, but he'd never felt something so incredible in his life. Each thrust hit some point deep inside of him that, like, resonated with his entire being or some shit like that. But secretly he was wondering why his partner hadn't taken him up on his offer for some really fantastic frottage and a blowjob, because sheeeeee-it taking it up the ass without lube for the first time hurt like hell. Oh god, something in there just tore because his partner is saying, "Dude, are you supposed to be bleeding this much," and there is a very embarrassing trip to the emergency room in his immediate future...
FFAF 10: It is acceptable for female virgins to write any kind of sex scene as long as fellow female virgins think it's hot. Make sure to describe the orgasm in excruciating detail, and throw in a few 'he/she completed him/her' phrases that'll sweeten the deal. Guys are allowed to fuck each other through the urethra of their penises. A girl will totally get two male lovers to try sticking both dicks in her vagina at the same time and it'll be hot. It's not rape if he's got an erection while he's saying 'no'. A wax candle is an acceptable substitute for a strap-on in lesbian sex. Three of these four are in real stories I've read. Which one isn't?
FFAF 11: Real men always go for the nipples first. If they hone in on the vagina first, they just want you for sex.
FFAF 12: All girls are virgins and all boys are experienced. Who've the boys been fucking? This also applies to high schools in real life.
FFAF 13: Throwing up in the morning means she's pregnant. Because all pregnant women have the stereotypical symptoms like morning sickness and the insane craving for pickles and peanut butter...together.
FFAF 14: It's hot for a girl to get slammed against a wall by a desperately horny man. You can practically hear the author salivating from here...and the domestic abuse hotline phones are ringing off the hook.
FFAF 15: Guys get hard at the smallest things. Because they're teenagers with no self-control. I mean...they're so passionate that they have no self-control whatsoever! Overpowering emotions are such a turn-on for girls!
FFAF 16: Age means nothing in the face of true love. It's just an outdated social taboo like homosexuality is. Hot sex for young and old alike!
FFAF 17: Everyone is secretly desperate for hot sex and human company. That trembling passion is only being held back by an iron will--how delightful it would be to be the key to opening the gates and allowing the floodwaters through! You can have deep, meaningful talks about feelings late at night.
FFAF 18: Two people in love find everything the other does sexy, no matter what. That clown suit shows off your ass. I want to do you.
FFAF 19: There will always be sex. Why isn't there any sex? There needs to be sex. And maybe kissing and a bit of foreplay. Doesn't matter who as long as they're hot.
FFAF 20: Sex is a sign of true love.
THE REAL FACTS
1: Sex is never the answer to anything except quenching sexual frustration.
2: Epithets dehumanize.
3: Not everyone can be neatly paired up with anyone else. Actually, most people can't.
4: Everyone has a right to their own opinion even if it disagrees with yours.
5: It isn't okay to succumb to peer pressure mindlessly.
6: Be yourself and things will become easier as life goes on. Accept who you are.
7: The poster of the naked man drawing is disturbing because the anatomy is off.
8: Two people in love will meet their own standards of appearance, not yours.
9: Clever humans have progressed beyond the two basic sex positions, please read the Kama Sutra before you continue.
10: Virgins don't know what they're talking about when it comes to sex.
11: Everyone has a different way of having sex.
12: Believe me, some of those girls aren't virgins and some of those boys are.
13: She just had a 36-hour stomach bug. Not everyone throws up when they're pregnant.
14: This is the point where you kick him between the legs and call the police to arrest him.
15: If he hasn't gotten control of his dick by the time he's 22, his hormones are unbalanced and he should see a doctor.
16: There's a thing called a generational gap that you and I need to discuss...
17: Some people are just fine by themselves. Leave them alone.
18: Even newlyweds can annoy each other with the small things.
19: The apparent dependence on sex is actually very disturbing.
20: The sex is a lie.
Because trying to force other people to fulfill your fantasies isn't disrespectful at all.