(no subject)
Note: Posting with an ever present desire for feedback and alternative thoughts on the topic, but I'll warn ya now it bears the chance of either boring you to death with my rambling or pissing you off with some random personal thought that doesn't have such an intent. So read if ya want but don't expect sympathy from flack...
-the management
So you have to have a relationship? For sake of suspension, we’ll accept that as the constant. Now for the X-factors that shuffle themselves about like so many elderly people before retirement home Thursday night Matlock. The lines and thoughts that just don’t settle right with me for some reason. I’m gonna sort through it a little. Maybe to a conclusion, maybe to some form of circumclusion which, in turn, might swallow my soul. If, that is, I have a soul in the eyes of you, dear reader, after I rant a wee bit on the topic. The circumstances of which I speak aren’t a majority of relationships. Might not even be the plurality. They might just be the odds and ends, really. These are raw thoughts so I reserve the right to acknowledge later a slight shift in opinion from what’s contained within.
“You deserve better…”
Says who? I’m not sure where the “deserving” committee is formed, but I have yet to meet them. The fact is, there’s a lot of lonely people out there. Plenty of people into there 20’s who have never been kissed. People in there 30’s who have never gone on a real date. The classic “40 year old virgin.” And so on and so forth. Sometimes relationships aren’t perfect. One person might deserve better, but to sound like the harshest cynic type Judson I’ve been in a long time, they might not ever have a chance in their life for better. Does that mean they should settle for second best - absolutely nothing?
I hate to see people in bad relationships and I always want the best for people, but surely there’s some point where the silver linings, while possibly being the only things holding the relationship together, might need to be enough.
Incase I really have to say it, yes, if it's an abusive life or death relationship, get out of it. Don't be stupid. "Don't be gay, Pip. Don't be gay."
“He/She’s afraid of commitment…”
Is this always a bad thing? Especially in the late teens and 20’s when we’re first venturing out into a brave new world. When we’re make grand plans only to find ourselves working a 9 to 5, living off of fast food and PBR. Conversations full of “I’m going to…” and “Only a matter of months until…” rhetoric that somehow never gets old to our ears. We’re a generation of planners. Of dreamers. But we’re not very good at that whole “doing” thing. But by jingo if we’re not going to live as if we were. It’s not all of us. Sure, some make it out. Move on. Get a real job far away. Join the military. Or the circus. Do something.
The point?
Neck or no, we’re a generation lost in space. We don’t have the slightest clue what the future holds and the idea of planning, truly planning, for that future is almost beyond us. The idea of committing to anything in a future of would-be hopes and could-be dreams is almost farcical. Sure, there’s the classic, “if you love each other enough, distance will never matter” crap that works at a ratio of about 1 to 83621 attempts per million, but when someone has it set in their mind that they’re going to be gone in the near future, what would the point of seeking some long term commitment?
I would love to settle down at some point. Get married. Have kids. I’d prefer 2 over the average 2.5 but I’ll take what I can get. But settling down now? It’d scare the sh*t out of me. “I know you have no idea what’s in store, but here’s an added anchor.” And I know, I know, love shouldn’t be seen as some kind of anchor. But in most relationships, two people simply don’t seem to be allowed to live their own lives without the inherent (and easily understood) greed for the other person. You’re attached. And, again, if it’s the right person, that shouldn’t matter. He or she should be what you want at all times. But I’ve rarely met in my few years someone with whom I’d even think about considering a desire to truly commit my life to. Someone to timeshare. Not even purely for my own sake. I wouldn’t want nor would I expect someone to be willing to just follow me around wherever I end up. Nor could I even say that I’d want to follow them around either. For the right person, yes, but the world is rather short on right people. I want to live my life free and happy. I think this can be done with another person. I hope it can be done. It just takes the right type of person. But if you can hold off, wait until you feel more settled, more grounded, it makes the whole concept a lot easier to handle.
So where’s this leave us? We’re too short term, multitasking oriented to find a single station on the radio - why are we so surprised when people get wary of finding a person to spend their lives with. And if the relationship isn’t set up from the get go for marriage, then why the heck does it matter in the first place? If it doesn’t work out, so what? Have some laughs, have some memories. If it does, don’t force it. Be happy. Drinks all around. Not to say a relationship isn’t something that, at times, needs to be worked on to survive. If you actually reach the point of marriage, you’re basically signing a life long contract without a valid warranty. But before that, you have to keep in your mind that a relationship can be a lot like a car. If it’s taking more work to keep it running than to actually enjoy having it, the general consensus is to get rid of the thing. If you absolutely have to get another one, don’t get one with the exact same problems because it’s going to work just like the last one did.
I’d like to make a side note (that actually might continue the extended metaphor to more and more ridiculous measures) that I love my truck. It frustrates me at times. It can cost me money I don’t always have. Sometimes it makes me go way out of my way. But I love it. It has character. It ultimately gets me where I need to go and I don’t know where I’d be without it. As a minor example, had I a car, I would have had a half a dozen times where I’d have been screwed without the ability to load things up. Sure, she’s not in the greatest of condition, but I enjoy it and don’t mind the work that I have to put into it from time to time. Like anyone’s connection with their vehicle, maybe it’s the colour, maybe it’s something else, but I think she’s worth it.
*disclaimer: Though I tried to hint at it, I want to clarify that by no means does a relationship equate to “we’re gonna get hitched one day.” A relationship can be a simple matter of two people who enjoy spending time with each other in whatever form they so choose. It’s just that when people go overboard on the good ship Commitment, they’re worrying more about the forest than the trees all while forgetting why they decided to go hiking in the first damn place.
So I’m rambling to a degree that even the most obtuse tangents would find non-Euclidean. So I’ll stop. Mayhap I’ve said something through all of that. Mayhap I haven’t. Mayhap it was all for me to figure out some small glimmer of a portion of some other thought I was having; if so, I guess it was worth it. I don’t even feel rightly up to go back and editing odds and ends. After all, I warned ya it might not be worth your time…