tiny tim?!?!
There is a tag for artists on last.fm that reads thus:
"people who are freakier and folkier than motherfucking devendra banhart"
I haven't been quite that amused in a long time.. hahahah.
I am so ready for True Blood. In the meantime, I'm gonna swim through some Dune Messiah readin'.
I also found out that the boy that I was so in love with (well, what do I know of love? not much, it seems.), the boy that I kissed and rubbed up against--betraying him by fucking his friend in the adjacent room--he has a 15-year-old girlfriend. But not before he allowed my roaming gypsy friend to make out with him, unknowingly in front of his current girlfriend, in a park.
Intimate intercourse between people doesn't make much sense to me. This boy parades himself as calculating and intelligent and perceptive; hmm, may be. He spoke of the pointlessness of his existence, of humanity's existence.. that people try to make themselves matter when nothing really matters.
And for me, it causes this dilemma: I want to make my life matter. I am trying every single day to find a point in anything, and yet, when he said that, I found a little bit of peace, because some part of me accepts that as truth. That my existence is not important. I just am, and I can cause good things and good feelings for myself--and that's all that matters. But that doesn't make sense to me, either. I don't see the point in causing good if it won't matter in the end, because the end matters more to me than the means.. or maybe.. I want to control what is at the end of my life, I want to control the result. I have no control over this result.. I think? I don't know. I can't let myself believe that my life is futile, and has no controllable end, no controllable fate, because I would regress. If I only look at the present and not the future, I will make horrible decisions. I will cause a negative ending for me. I will cause a negative present, as well.
He said he doesn't cry, after he took acid. He has complete control over himself, because that is what he desired when he took the drug. And I said I would rather control myself without the use of a drug. To each their own, we suppose.
But I am.. not satisfied in this. He promotes the use of drugs to keep my negative emotions at bay, in order to bypass the over-analysation so I can ENJOY my life, as it is supposedly meant to be lived... of course you can do that without drugs, but I have always been without drugs until very recently: that's how I know the difference. This young man has had them since his young age, maybe around 14. I don't think he knows how to find peace without his drugs (most of them psychotropic).
I can sense his dependency, but he would never admit it--except when it comes to cigarettes, which might be the thing that actually kills him! And I really don't have a concern for the man that actively tries to kill himself. In fact, I think I've lost my love for him.. until he grows up.
"people who are freakier and folkier than motherfucking devendra banhart"
I haven't been quite that amused in a long time.. hahahah.
I am so ready for True Blood. In the meantime, I'm gonna swim through some Dune Messiah readin'.
I also found out that the boy that I was so in love with (well, what do I know of love? not much, it seems.), the boy that I kissed and rubbed up against--betraying him by fucking his friend in the adjacent room--he has a 15-year-old girlfriend. But not before he allowed my roaming gypsy friend to make out with him, unknowingly in front of his current girlfriend, in a park.
Intimate intercourse between people doesn't make much sense to me. This boy parades himself as calculating and intelligent and perceptive; hmm, may be. He spoke of the pointlessness of his existence, of humanity's existence.. that people try to make themselves matter when nothing really matters.
And for me, it causes this dilemma: I want to make my life matter. I am trying every single day to find a point in anything, and yet, when he said that, I found a little bit of peace, because some part of me accepts that as truth. That my existence is not important. I just am, and I can cause good things and good feelings for myself--and that's all that matters. But that doesn't make sense to me, either. I don't see the point in causing good if it won't matter in the end, because the end matters more to me than the means.. or maybe.. I want to control what is at the end of my life, I want to control the result. I have no control over this result.. I think? I don't know. I can't let myself believe that my life is futile, and has no controllable end, no controllable fate, because I would regress. If I only look at the present and not the future, I will make horrible decisions. I will cause a negative ending for me. I will cause a negative present, as well.
He said he doesn't cry, after he took acid. He has complete control over himself, because that is what he desired when he took the drug. And I said I would rather control myself without the use of a drug. To each their own, we suppose.
But I am.. not satisfied in this. He promotes the use of drugs to keep my negative emotions at bay, in order to bypass the over-analysation so I can ENJOY my life, as it is supposedly meant to be lived... of course you can do that without drugs, but I have always been without drugs until very recently: that's how I know the difference. This young man has had them since his young age, maybe around 14. I don't think he knows how to find peace without his drugs (most of them psychotropic).
I can sense his dependency, but he would never admit it--except when it comes to cigarettes, which might be the thing that actually kills him! And I really don't have a concern for the man that actively tries to kill himself. In fact, I think I've lost my love for him.. until he grows up.