most times, it feels lovely to have something to look forward to. even if it is something small, like a mug of tea and honey, or a two hour plane ride to catch up on listening to some cds. actually, most times, looking forward to the small things is more comforting, because you know that usually it won't let you down. with big things, you build up
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my love for honey vanilla camomile tea = almost as strong as my love for coachie.
in other words: that's some beaver dam good tea.
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but yeah, i know exactly what you mean. i always build high expectations and most of the time they fail. rxcept for when it comes to schoolwork, lately, if i have high expectations of myself i usually do well. it is weird, atleast that kind snaps my priorities back to what they should be. hard work. haha. but yeah. hope things are going well for you. if you're ever bored and feeling like chatting, hit me up. i'd love to chat. a good chat is always fun.
well yeah, now i have to stop procrastinating and get to work on my philosophy paper. 5 pages about suicide, how depressing...
anyways, i'll talk to you later.
andrew b!
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i know exactly what youre saying about schoolwork though. and i think its because its just a lot easier to have expectations of yourself than of other people. because obviously, you can control what you do, whereas you have no way to control other peoples actions. youre only left with the effect. and a lot of times, the disapointment. whereas if you let your own expectations down, youre left with a feeling of "fuck man, i couldve done better." or else "hey, its cool, i tried as hard as a could." things like that. im rambling...
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but yeah, most of my let downs always come with problems with friends. especially at colby-sawyer. i expected the lifestyle to be different, which it is in a way, from highschool but drama still sucks. i avoid it at all costs, well, not at all costs because if i have a problem with someone and it is a huge deal i will confront them. but for the most part i try not to piss people off.
the biggest let downs i have are when people say they want to hang out, but then they never follow through. i don't know, that sort of thing just gets to me. alot actually.
but anyways, i am rambling now.
and no worries about the suicide deal, that paper is DONE! thank goodness.
sweet dreams and good night!
andrew b.
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I've often lived by the Cynic's Credo, which says that anything major we try is always more difficult and less rewarding than we expect, even when we take the Cynic's Credo into account. This is a pretty good way to stop oneself from developing big and silly expectations about big things and navigating those fascinating times when the shit is hitting the fan, but it leads to endless quiet watching and pondering and machinating and sometimes it's no fun at all. Therefore, props to looking forward to small things. I'm going to take your advice and make some tea and I have big expectations for it. As for the big stuff, I say we all navigate through it as level-headedly as we can knowing that we can expect great things of warm slippers and silent evenings and thoughtful friends.
And another thing. You keep dopplegangering my vacation! How do I get in touch with yer?
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but hey...you can look forward to seeing my black ass home this weekend!
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