you've got a lure i can't deny. . . but you've had your chance so say goodbye.
i'll sit and wonder
of every love that could've been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say.
"This" is what i was avoiding with Aram. I knew that at the end of summer, i would be going to San Francico so i pushed him away and never gave us a chance. I've done that countless amounts of times after my X Jonney. I've pushed away so many potential relationships and great boys.. and NOW the one time i don't push someone away.. the one time i take a chance, i'm hurt again.
Stephen and i got into this both knowing that i would be leaving for San Francisco at the end of January. Subconsciously, I tried so hard to find faults in him and hate him in an attempt to spare myself the hurt. I failed miserabley at it. I couldn't deny everything that was there. It was fate that he sold me a coat. It was fate that randomly made us run into each other 2 nights later, on my birthday, on Sunset Blvd. I truly believe in all the coincidences that happened between us.. from Phoenix to New Years.. to San Francisco.
So i walked into this "thing" not expecting ANYTHING from it.. a friend perhaps.. and i discovered this incredible boy. The truth is, i have fallen for him. --The 25th has quickly approached and i wonder why i'm not spending time with him. I wonder why he's not spending time with me.. probably because he doesn't care enough.. maybe it's cos i spent the whole day with him yesterday.. but who knows? --All i know is i'll miss him dearly.. and there is no point in me sulking about all this now ((even though i will)) because if it was meant to be, it'll happen in the future. ((thats such bullshit.. timing is everything))
I just can't help but feel i'm loosing this beautiful and talented boy, a musician none the less.. and it breaks by heart.
i feel as if he thinks like this:::
you touch her skin and you think..
she is beautiful but she doesn't mean a thing to me.