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[jules_11]

I'm posting this here because I can't gather the energy to send out an email right now to everyone. One of my former students was killed. I am beyond devastated, and just when I think it can't get worse, it does.

I still can't think of how I will go in to teach on Tuesday, especially knowing that I lost one of them.

Comments

[mb_1978]

Julie, I am so incredibly sorry to hear this. I know this makes the horror all too real and all too terrible to come to terms with. Please take care and allow yourself to be as sad as you need to be. My heart is aching for you.

[jules_11]

thank you. i've been going back and forth from being sad, to angry, to shocked, to scared, and other emotions i can't name. we just keep getting more and more disturbing news, and more broke last night that hasn't hit the press yet, and i'm just frightened at this point.

if i'm frightened and feeling this way, how do my 18 year olds feel? i've only heard from four of them, and i have forty-five students this semester. i just can't begin to think about tuesday's class.

[1dioscuri]

how are you today? how was yesterday?

[jules_11]

i'm more emotionally drained this week than anything else. i've felt the need to be very strong for my students, and that's starting to take its toll.

yesterday was my first day back teaching, and honestly, it could not have gone better. i have never been more proud to be a teacher. my students are amazing, resilient, caring people, and i am so very proud to know them.

i think thursday will be my last day of teaching, as most are heading out this weekend or so, but some are coming tomorrow, even with them being done in my class (or most of them are done in my class), just to hang out and be together.

did i mention how much i love them?

[1dioscuri]

i'm so glad to hear that the community is coming together, that you are finding strength and love and support. hang in there. and take it easy on yourself. thanks for writing.