Gross Post of Grossness -or- Oversharing, because undersharing sounds so mean.
I'd like to go a day without throwing up. It has been five days in a row of post dawn cookie tossing. And I know what you’re thinking, LJ, “Sickness? Morning? OMGRUD YOU’RE PREGGERZ!”
And to you I say- Cats. Cats are to blame. Cats are entirely to blame. Every goddamn day they craft some new and revolting stunt to push my buttons. Specifically rewind«dinner. And when they find me drowned in a pool of vomit, rockstar style, I want every accusatory finger on hand to be firmly pointed at Wookie and Ailura.
I’ll restrict storytime to just this morning’s events, however.
Lulu has a chewing problem. She’s like a puppy, except much, much worse. Because she’s a kitten. Kittens are sneaky, and they chew on much smaller things than shoes and tires and pillows. They go for phone chargers and window cords and shoelaces. You know, useful shit. So I’m lying in bed, drawing, and I hear this weird suckling sound coming from the other side of my sketchbook. I peek and Lulu is tugging the ribbon place marker off of my drawing book and chewing on it. Annoyed, I tug on the string to get it out of her mouth.
EIGHT INCHES OF RIBBON LATER I find out that Lulu was, in fact, sucking down my bookmark like a piece of polyester pasta. I drag it, horrified, from her tiny digestive tract, replete with slime and a bit of her breakfast. Onto my bed. Plop. (Did you hear that? I want you to really FEEL that plop, as I did.)
And that, my friends, is why kittens make me hurl.