Brace Yourself - Dentist!AU, RPS, Hard R
Title: Brace Yourself
Series: Dentist!Verse
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Chad
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, the unrequited Chad/Jared again - if you squint!
Word Count: 3,953
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Frottage, angsty sex, "The Relationship Talk"
Disclaimer: These people belong only to themselves. and each other
Beta: confused_one06 :)
Author's Note(s): Sorry this took so long to get up! Stuff kept happening! Like birthday parties and weddings and rehearsals and school (and Nickelback concerts)! I tried to get it up this past weekend, but to no avail. I hope you all are still with me anyway! :)
I'm also not entirely sure that I like this, so...I guess we'll see if you do! Thanks for reading! :)
And, of course, we can't forget to thank mss_celestal for the wonderful little plot bunny, now can we?!
Previous Parts of the Dentist!AU found here or here.
All fics found here or here!
Summary: Jared asks Jensen about what happened in Dallas - and Jensen doesn't exactly take kindly to the idea of talking about it.
Banner made by the lovely mss_celestal
Brace Yourself
“So…tell me about Dallas?”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jared knew he’d made a mistake.
Jensen, sitting across from Jared at his own kitchen table, immediately tensed up and the knuckles on the hand holding his coffee cup started to turn white. His eyes slowly moved from the newspaper to meet Jared’s gaze.
“W-what?” he spluttered, eyes showing a mixture of emotion, too cloudy for Jared to place any one before the next moved into position.
Jared cleared his throat and sat up straighter in his chair, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. But, he was curious. The details he’d found online showed Jensen in a terrible light and, from what he’d been able to understand - what he wanted to believe - Jensen had been innocent, not the monster the press, and his accuser, tried to turn him into.
“Dallas? Can…I mean, you…” He stopped for a moment and rubbed at his eyes. Then, he reached over and placed his hand atop Jensen’s, the one that wasn’t threatening to shatter the porcelain mug; he wasn’t surprised when Jensen flinched and yanked his hand back to his lap.
Jared sighed. “Jen…we’ve been…this…thing…has been going on for a while now and…Dallas was such a huge part of your life, whatever happened was a major event and I just…I want to know, to understand…”
“It’s not important,” Jensen cut him off, the shaking of his voice, his entire body, betraying his nonchalant words. “You and I…I mean…We’re… Look, it happened, it’s done.”
Jared could feel a sliver of anger start up his spine, mixing in with the frustration, the fear of not knowing. Ignoring the small, offhand denial that they were anything too serious, he wanted to believe Jensen was this good person, the victim of the situation. But, without the whole story, he couldn’t convince himself of that. And though he hated to admit it, he was afraid that Jensen could actually be that guy, the one who sexually harassed patients, coworkers, anyone standing in the vicinity.
He didn’t want the feelings building up inside his heart to be for nothing.
“Jensen. It is important. Look at you! You’re shaking.”
Jensen stood up so suddenly that his chair wobbled on its legs for a moment, threatening to topple over. He moved over the sink and dumped out his coffee, unceremoniously throwing the cup down. He stood there, gripping the countertop for a minute, taking deep breaths, before he turned back to Jared, his features schooled into a mask of indifference.
His eyes, though. His eyes were still muddled, undermining his resolve. And, he was breathing heavily, causing Jared to worry - he’d seen people have panic attacks before and they weren’t fun.
“Jared,” Jensen said slowly, composing his voice as he went along. “If I say it isn’t important, then it isn’t important. Okay? Just…just drop it. Please.”
His voice broke on the last word, despite his best efforts, and Jared only got angrier. He pushed his chair back quickly, standing up and striding over to Jensen in two movements of his legs.
“That’s bullshit,” he spat out, hardly recognizing the fear shining up at him from Jensen’s eyes. “I’ve read up about it online. Those are some pretty heavy accusations.”
Jensen’s eyes widened, anger moving in. “You’ve what? You’ve been reading about this behind my back? Did you go to Tommy, too? Hell, he’s my cousin; he can tell you whatever the fuck you need to know!”
“Oh, come off it. Behind your back - it’s on the internet for Christ’s sake! It’s not like I’m snooping!”
Jensen pushed Jared back, so that he could move from his trapped position against the counter, and started to walk away. He got as far as the living room before Jared grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“Why won’t you tell me? Why is it such a big deal?” Jared asked, not as soft and pleading as he intended. He hadn’t meant to attack Jensen, but he needed to know. And, Jensen was being ridiculous. All he had to do was tell Jared that the person was wrong, was just throwing out accusations to get some money.
Jensen stared defiantly back, though he was trembling underneath Jared’s fingertips. “I told you it wasn’t a big deal. I’m not talking about this anymore. Drop. It.”
Jared, frustrated that he wasn’t able to verbalize the reason behind the questioning, did the one thing that could do that, stood a chance of showing that he cared. He grabbed Jensen’s other arm and crashed their lips together. Jensen let out a surprised squeak and Jared took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen got over his surprise quickly and responded, battling Jared’s tongue almost brutally. The kiss quickly turned forceful, needy, teeth playing far more of a role than they should have. Jensen’s hands came up to grab Jared’s waist and he twisted them, all but slamming the younger man into the wall. Keeping him there with his mouth, he began to undo Jared’s jeans, hand slipping into his boxers and grasping his half-hard cock, stroking it to full hardness.
Jared, unsure of when the tables turned and a mere question ended in sex, decided not to complain, and moved his hands down to Jensen’s ass, pulling their hips together. Much to Jared’s dismay, Jensen’s grip on his dick faltered, then stopped altogether as he pulled his hand out and grabbed onto Jared’s hips, fingers digging in almost painfully. Jared could feel the older man’s erection pressing against his own and thrust up against it, drawing a moan out of Jensen that he greedily swallowed.
Keeping his hands placed where they were for leverage, for control, he pulled Jensen impossibly closer and continued thrusting, rubbing himself against Jensen, who was matching his every move. He detached his mouth from Jensen’s and moved down to his neck, which immediately arched to give him better access. He sucked and nibbled on the skin there, leaving angry red spots in his wake.
Jensen growled, deep in his chest, and sped up his thrusts, cock sliding over slightly to ride the groove of Jared’s hip through a layer of denim and another of cotton. Jared moaned at the way the new position felt against his dick and he sped up too, keeping pace with Jensen.
He could feel the pressure building at the base of his spine, and began marking Jensen with more urgency. He came with a grunt muffled into the collar of Jensen’s shirt, cum covering the front of his boxers. Jensen thrust against Jared a handful more times before he was coming too, stiffening against the younger man ever so slightly and groaning, letting his head fall against Jared’s shoulder.
Both men were breathing heavily. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist, intending to convey…something. Comfort? Relief? Apology? Jensen pulled away, though, rushing down the hall to his bedroom.
When he came back out a minute later, he had changed clothes. He grabbed his keys off the hook in the kitchen and strode to the foyer, calling back, “Work. Lock up.”
Jared started to protest but Jensen was gone, the front door slamming so hard the doorframe rattled. So, instead, he banged his head against the wall, wondering why he couldn’t have just shut his mouth after Jensen started to panic.
After a few minutes of self-pity, the rapidly-cooling cum in his boxers was starting to become very uncomfortable. He pushed himself off the wall and grabbed his own keys, locking the front door from the inside since he didn’t have a key, and walked out to his truck. He sat in the driver’s seat for a moment, wondering if he should try to confront Jensen at work, try to apologize. When he shifted and his boxers reminded him that they were sticky indeed, he sighed and put the truck in gear, heading back to his own place for a shower. He’d call Jensen later and make amends then.
Jared couldn’t believe that he’d managed to screw up, again. He wanted to know what had happened. He wanted to know why Jensen was so scared of a relationship. He wanted to know Jensen.
After years of nothing but flings and meaningless one-night stands, after pitying himself for so long, he was finally ready to dedicate himself to someone.
He just hoped that Jensen would let him do it.
* * *
Five hours of no contact quickly drove Jared crazy, so by the time he reached six days without so much as a glimpse of Jensen, he was close to babbling about conspiracy theories and imaginary friends and real-life vampires. He missed Jensen a helluva lot more than he’d expected to since they weren’t actually official or anything - Jensen didn’t owe him anything. Jared wanted more though, and knew Jensen did too. But, a freeze-out wasn’t getting them any closer to a declaration of status; in fact it wasn’t getting them anywhere, sending them backwards instead.
Jared had tried to call Jensen, stopped by his house, his office. But, it was no use. Jensen continuously let his phone go to voicemail. At his office, he was always “busy.” And, when Jared had shown up on his doorstep, with Jensen’s SUV in the driveway as proof that he wasn’t out, Jensen refused to come to the door.
Jared had even tried badgering Mike and Tom. But they’d both given him the same speech - “He’ll come around if and when he wants to.” Irritatingly, Allison and Kristen, the ever-giggling coworkers, had told him the same thing - without a single giggle, or even an amused look.
He felt like he was just walking around aimlessly, drifting along in a fog that didn’t allow him to see past his next step. He desperately wanted to talk to Jensen, to explain, to apologize. He shouldn’t have pushed so hard, he knew that - and it wasn’t like he didn’t have secrets of his own. Hell, Jensen didn’t even know that there ever was a Sandy, nevertheless what had happened between them. So, really, it was completely unfair of him to attack Jensen for keeping a secret, one that was obviously very complex. It’s not like he was hiding it - he just didn’t want to talk about it.
“Dude, if you don’t stop moping around here, I will be forced to take drastic measures.”
Chad’s voice drifted into his thoughts on the 7th day as he was lying in his bed feeling sorry for himself again. Jared poked his head out of the top of his blankets and fixed his old friend and unfortunate roommate with a pointed glare. “M’not moping,” he grumbled, unconvincingly.
Chad just snorted and walked back into the hallway, letting bright afternoon sunlight stream in through the open doorway and blind Jared. Just as he was drifting back into sleep, with his covers effectively blocking out all light and sounds made by The Douchebag, the doorbell rang.
He groaned and buried himself farther into his blankets, expecting Chad to get it. When the bell rang a second time, he resigned himself to the fact that Chad was either turning out to be the worst roommate ever - and therefore deserving of whatever names Jared decided to call him - or had left to go earn more STDs.
Grumbling about “damned inconveniences,” he crawled out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants, noting Chad’s note on his doorframe that simply said, “Out.” He made his way down the hallway barefoot, trying to smooth down his hair, which usually decided to stick up at random angles whenever he tried to sleep.
Jared pulled open the door, ready to tell whoever-it-was to go fuck off, that he wasn’t in the mood for people, but the words got stuck in his throat when he saw the familiar figure on his doorstep.
Jensen looked up at him sheepishly from the poorly-lit hallway. The expression on his face was unreadable when he said, “I was in love with him.”
Jared blinked in confusion for a moment, completely shocked that Jensen was actually there after so many failed attempts of contact on Jared’s part, before it dawned on him what Jensen was talking about, and he stepped back to wordlessly allow Jensen room to come in. Jensen crossed the threshold, giving Jared a smile that was half-grimace. Jared tried to return it with a real one of his own, but he was sure he failed miserably.
He motioned for Jensen to go on into the living room and locked the front door before following him. He found the dentist sitting on the very edge of one end of the couch, nervously fiddling with his wristwatch. He sat in the armchair adjacent to the couch, and folded his hands in his lap, waiting, wondering.
After semi-uncomfortable silence, Jensen cleared his throat. “I was in love with him,” he repeated, staring at his own shoes. “His name was Justin…he was a patient of mine.”
When he paused for a second, caught in his own head, things started to click into place in Jared’s, making him feel even more like an asshole. That’s why Jensen had been hesitant about whatever was going on between them - because the guy who’d fucked him over had started off as a patient, just like Jared; because the guy who’d ruined his professional - and probably personal, too - reputation was someone he’d cared about.
He opened his mouth to say he was sorry, but Jensen shook his head and went on. “He was young…19, I think, when it started. He was just…finding himself, I guess…y’know, college-age, experimenting. It was great, though…he was fun to be with, a great guy, a good friend, he…He loved me… We were in love. Or so I thought.”
For nearly 45 minutes, Jensen talked, tears coming to his eyes at some points, bitterness taking over his entire face in others. He told Jared all about how he fell in love with this inexperienced kid; how he’d thought they were meant to be. But, when Justin’s mother found out about her son’s gay relationship, she freaked. Then, he did too, suddenly saying that Jensen had taken advantage of him, coerced him, bribed him, blackmailed him, made him take part in this relationship that he wanted nothing to do with.
Rightly outraged, Jensen defended himself - but that only made Mrs. Hartley angrier. She talked Justin into filing charges against him, and told every press junket she could find, what Jensen had “done.” With nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, he’d turned to his family, who luckily supported him. Tom, not only his cousin but one of his closest friends, agreed - nay, insisted - to represent Jensen, regardless of the distance between their homes.
“In the end,” Jensen continued after a moment’s pause to collect himself, “they dropped the charges when Justin’s parents caught him having sex with another guy. His mom regretted, then, what she’d done…what she’d said. But, it was too late. Everyone in Dallas had followed the case and I lost all of my other patients, one by one. The partners that owned the practice I worked at, they all but kicked me out. When the Hartleys recanted, it was too late. The damage was done.”
Jared felt even worse than he had that morning in Jensen’s kitchen, worse than he had all week. It was no wonder Jensen hadn’t wanted to talk about it; the situation was awful. He knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone you cared about deeply - the damaged reputation notwithstanding. But, his experiences had nothing on Jensen’s.
“I’m sorry, Jen, I…” Jared started, voice gruff, but Jensen cut him off.
“Don’t. Just…don’t apologize. I don’t need your pity.” The words didn’t hold any real heat; they just were.
“Anyway...after that…Tom, he, uh…called Mike, who’s been a friend of ours for years. Mike offered to help me get set up out here, in Austin...he helped me set up the practice. I jumped at the opportunity. I’d be far enough away from Dallas to try to put everything behind me, but close enough to home to visit and keep in touch. And, it’s been nice…being around Tommy and Rosey again, just like high school…”
He trailed off with a small smile. Jared, after studying Jensen’s hunched figure for a minute, got out of his chair and walked around until he could sit right next to him on the couch. Without a word, he cupped Jensen’s face in one of his large hands and turned his head so that they were face-to-face. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against the dentist’s, the complete opposite of their last kiss.
Jensen made a small sound and grabbed onto Jared’s shoulders, as though searching for an anchor. Jared brought his other hand up, so that he was cradling Jensen’s face, and separated their mouths.
He looked into Jensen’s eyes, surprised at how all of his emotions were laid-bare, floating around the green irises. Jensen looked so vulnerable, so young, that Jared wanted to hold him close, protect him from the world forever. He was suddenly reminded that Jensen was only 25, not nearly old enough to have experienced so much pain.
But, rather than blurt any of that out, he whispered, “Jen…you don’t need to worry about that with me…Okay? I’m not…I’m not him. I wouldn’t that, I…I’m not scared like he was.”
Jensen closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Jared’s. “I know,” he responded. “I just…”
“I know,” Jared interrupted. “There are some things that are just hard to get over.”
Jensen nodded, but didn’t say anything else. There didn’t seem to anything left to say. Well, except for one thing. “But, Jen?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t be afraid to talk about stuff like this with me…I won’t be run off that easily…okay?”
Jensen chuckled nervously, opening his eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
Jared smiled, despite his less-than-stellar mood. He really felt like a complete jerk, trying to push Jensen into talking about something that got him that worked up. If he’d had any idea, he would’ve waited until Jensen was ready to bring it up. He wasn’t a bad guy, just a little headstrong sometimes - and Jensen made him want to be better, get rid of the stubbornness and be completely selfless.
He barely managed to stifle a laugh when he realized just how girly he was being. Again. Jensen seemed to have that effect on him.
After kissing Jensen again quickly, Jared stood up, deciding to change the subject. Jensen had gone through enough emotional upheaval for the day, hell, probably for the entire year. “So,” he threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen, “shouldn’t you still be at work?”
Jensen appeared in the entranceway to the kitchen, nervously rubbing the back of his neck, shy smile on his face, and looking so damned adorable Jared had to immerse himself completely in the mundane task of looking for something to eat just to keep from touching.
“I, uh…well, I should be. But, Kristen and Allison kicked me out.”
Jared pulled his head out the fridge. “What?”
“Yeah, they…they ganged up on me. Told me to stop moping and get my ass over here to fix whatever I’d broken. I tried to protest, because I had patients lined up all day. But, the bitches had already called and cancelled everything…told them all I was sick.”
Jensen shrugged as Jared laughed, making a mental note to send the two girls all the candy and flowers in Texas. “I think I might be in love with those two,” he muttered.
Jensen smiled, looking like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “Yeah, well…I’m docking their pay for sticking their noses where they don’t belong.”
Jared cocked his head to the side for a moment, studying the older man, who was looking anywhere but at Jared. Then, he moved over and put his hands on Jensen’s hips, ducking his head to get Jensen to look at him. When he finally got it, he leaned forward, kissing Jensen again, easy. Jensen brought his hands up to Jared’s face, keeping him in place. He pried open the younger man’s lips with his own and slipped his tongue inside, sliding it and twirling it lazily against Jared’s.
To Jared’s surprise, Jensen suddenly pulled away and looked up at him with an almost frightened expression. He could feel himself starting to get anxious, thinking that maybe Jensen hadn’t told him the whole story.
“Jen, what…?”
Jensen took a couple steps back, and then moved out so that he was looking at Jared over the counter top between kitchen and living room. Jared, unsure of what was going on, stayed where he was, blinking rather stupidly.
After a few minutes, Jensen cleared his throat and finally spoke, but it was so quiet that Jared had to lean in to hear. “Jay…I have to…to ask this…because I, uh…I need to know if…uh…are we…I mean, well. You don’t have to answer…not if you don’t want. But, I…”
Catching on, Jared stopped Jensen’s murmuring with a hand on his wrist. “Jen, look at me,” he said, softly. When he had Jensen’s eyes on him, he continued, “We’re as exclusive as you want us to be.”
If there was any uncertainty left in Jared’s mind over what they were and what he wanted, it was all erased when Jensen smiled at him, open and trusting.
“Yeah?” Jensen whispered.
“Yeah,” Jared repeated, smile breaking out over his own face. He leaned over the small counter and grabbed Jensen’s - his now-boyfriend’s, his subconscious added - face in both hands and kissed him. Jensen placed his own hands over Jared’s and angled his head to deepen the kiss.
A sudden shocked yell came from the living room. Jared and Jensen slowly pulled apart and glanced in that direction, where an annoying blonde man was standing with his hands over his face.
Jared cleared his throat, causing Chad to peek at them from in between his fingers. “Chad? I thought you were gone?”
“I forgot the keys to the bar,” whined Chad, the sound muffled by his own palms.
Jared laughed. “Yeah, okay… that all?”
Chad sighed, dropping his hands. “Well, no…need you at the club…unless you’re, uh…otherwise engaged.”
Jensen laughed at that, cutting off Jared’s assurance that they were, in fact, about to be otherwise engaged. “Nah, let’s go. I could use a beer and some stale peanuts. Who we got playin’ tonight?”
Jared looked at Jensen, a stunned - and a little disappointed - that he wanted to spend time with other people. “Uh…some guy named Jason. I don’t know his last name, that’s Chad’s responsibility.”
Jensen shrugged and moved towards the door. “You get changed, I’ll wait for you in the car.”
On his way out, he made sure to smack Jared on the ass, causing Chad’s hands to shoot back up to his face. Jared watched him walk out, loving how he looked in those dress pants before he quickly changed into blue jeans and a T-shirt.
As he reemerged from his bedroom, Chad groaned. “Did you have to do that there?”
Jared chuckled, manhandling Chad to the door. “First of all, this was my apartment, before you got yourself in trouble, and if you were able to keep your dick in your pants, you wouldn’t have been here at all. And, second, had you walked in any later, you could have learned something!”
Chad groaned again, causing Jared to laugh even harder.
“You so owe me,” he called over his shoulder as he walked out the door. There was no way Chad could argue with that.
************
Thanks for reading! Now click the little comment link and tell me if you liked it! :)
Series: Dentist!Verse
Author: thelonejuliet
Characters: Jared, Jensen, Chad
Pairing: Jared/Jensen, the unrequited Chad/Jared again - if you squint!
Word Count: 3,953
Rating: Hard R
Warnings: Frottage, angsty sex, "The Relationship Talk"
Disclaimer: These people belong only to themselves. and each other
Beta: confused_one06 :)
Author's Note(s): Sorry this took so long to get up! Stuff kept happening! Like birthday parties and weddings and rehearsals and school (and Nickelback concerts)! I tried to get it up this past weekend, but to no avail. I hope you all are still with me anyway! :)
I'm also not entirely sure that I like this, so...I guess we'll see if you do! Thanks for reading! :)
And, of course, we can't forget to thank mss_celestal for the wonderful little plot bunny, now can we?!
Previous Parts of the Dentist!AU found here or here.
All fics found here or here!
Summary: Jared asks Jensen about what happened in Dallas - and Jensen doesn't exactly take kindly to the idea of talking about it.
Banner made by the lovely mss_celestal
Brace Yourself
“So…tell me about Dallas?”
As soon as the words were out of his mouth, Jared knew he’d made a mistake.
Jensen, sitting across from Jared at his own kitchen table, immediately tensed up and the knuckles on the hand holding his coffee cup started to turn white. His eyes slowly moved from the newspaper to meet Jared’s gaze.
“W-what?” he spluttered, eyes showing a mixture of emotion, too cloudy for Jared to place any one before the next moved into position.
Jared cleared his throat and sat up straighter in his chair, wishing he’d kept his mouth shut. But, he was curious. The details he’d found online showed Jensen in a terrible light and, from what he’d been able to understand - what he wanted to believe - Jensen had been innocent, not the monster the press, and his accuser, tried to turn him into.
“Dallas? Can…I mean, you…” He stopped for a moment and rubbed at his eyes. Then, he reached over and placed his hand atop Jensen’s, the one that wasn’t threatening to shatter the porcelain mug; he wasn’t surprised when Jensen flinched and yanked his hand back to his lap.
Jared sighed. “Jen…we’ve been…this…thing…has been going on for a while now and…Dallas was such a huge part of your life, whatever happened was a major event and I just…I want to know, to understand…”
“It’s not important,” Jensen cut him off, the shaking of his voice, his entire body, betraying his nonchalant words. “You and I…I mean…We’re… Look, it happened, it’s done.”
Jared could feel a sliver of anger start up his spine, mixing in with the frustration, the fear of not knowing. Ignoring the small, offhand denial that they were anything too serious, he wanted to believe Jensen was this good person, the victim of the situation. But, without the whole story, he couldn’t convince himself of that. And though he hated to admit it, he was afraid that Jensen could actually be that guy, the one who sexually harassed patients, coworkers, anyone standing in the vicinity.
He didn’t want the feelings building up inside his heart to be for nothing.
“Jensen. It is important. Look at you! You’re shaking.”
Jensen stood up so suddenly that his chair wobbled on its legs for a moment, threatening to topple over. He moved over the sink and dumped out his coffee, unceremoniously throwing the cup down. He stood there, gripping the countertop for a minute, taking deep breaths, before he turned back to Jared, his features schooled into a mask of indifference.
His eyes, though. His eyes were still muddled, undermining his resolve. And, he was breathing heavily, causing Jared to worry - he’d seen people have panic attacks before and they weren’t fun.
“Jared,” Jensen said slowly, composing his voice as he went along. “If I say it isn’t important, then it isn’t important. Okay? Just…just drop it. Please.”
His voice broke on the last word, despite his best efforts, and Jared only got angrier. He pushed his chair back quickly, standing up and striding over to Jensen in two movements of his legs.
“That’s bullshit,” he spat out, hardly recognizing the fear shining up at him from Jensen’s eyes. “I’ve read up about it online. Those are some pretty heavy accusations.”
Jensen’s eyes widened, anger moving in. “You’ve what? You’ve been reading about this behind my back? Did you go to Tommy, too? Hell, he’s my cousin; he can tell you whatever the fuck you need to know!”
“Oh, come off it. Behind your back - it’s on the internet for Christ’s sake! It’s not like I’m snooping!”
Jensen pushed Jared back, so that he could move from his trapped position against the counter, and started to walk away. He got as far as the living room before Jared grabbed his arm and spun him around.
“Why won’t you tell me? Why is it such a big deal?” Jared asked, not as soft and pleading as he intended. He hadn’t meant to attack Jensen, but he needed to know. And, Jensen was being ridiculous. All he had to do was tell Jared that the person was wrong, was just throwing out accusations to get some money.
Jensen stared defiantly back, though he was trembling underneath Jared’s fingertips. “I told you it wasn’t a big deal. I’m not talking about this anymore. Drop. It.”
Jared, frustrated that he wasn’t able to verbalize the reason behind the questioning, did the one thing that could do that, stood a chance of showing that he cared. He grabbed Jensen’s other arm and crashed their lips together. Jensen let out a surprised squeak and Jared took the opportunity to slip his tongue into Jensen’s mouth.
Jensen got over his surprise quickly and responded, battling Jared’s tongue almost brutally. The kiss quickly turned forceful, needy, teeth playing far more of a role than they should have. Jensen’s hands came up to grab Jared’s waist and he twisted them, all but slamming the younger man into the wall. Keeping him there with his mouth, he began to undo Jared’s jeans, hand slipping into his boxers and grasping his half-hard cock, stroking it to full hardness.
Jared, unsure of when the tables turned and a mere question ended in sex, decided not to complain, and moved his hands down to Jensen’s ass, pulling their hips together. Much to Jared’s dismay, Jensen’s grip on his dick faltered, then stopped altogether as he pulled his hand out and grabbed onto Jared’s hips, fingers digging in almost painfully. Jared could feel the older man’s erection pressing against his own and thrust up against it, drawing a moan out of Jensen that he greedily swallowed.
Keeping his hands placed where they were for leverage, for control, he pulled Jensen impossibly closer and continued thrusting, rubbing himself against Jensen, who was matching his every move. He detached his mouth from Jensen’s and moved down to his neck, which immediately arched to give him better access. He sucked and nibbled on the skin there, leaving angry red spots in his wake.
Jensen growled, deep in his chest, and sped up his thrusts, cock sliding over slightly to ride the groove of Jared’s hip through a layer of denim and another of cotton. Jared moaned at the way the new position felt against his dick and he sped up too, keeping pace with Jensen.
He could feel the pressure building at the base of his spine, and began marking Jensen with more urgency. He came with a grunt muffled into the collar of Jensen’s shirt, cum covering the front of his boxers. Jensen thrust against Jared a handful more times before he was coming too, stiffening against the younger man ever so slightly and groaning, letting his head fall against Jared’s shoulder.
Both men were breathing heavily. Jared wrapped his arms around Jensen’s waist, intending to convey…something. Comfort? Relief? Apology? Jensen pulled away, though, rushing down the hall to his bedroom.
When he came back out a minute later, he had changed clothes. He grabbed his keys off the hook in the kitchen and strode to the foyer, calling back, “Work. Lock up.”
Jared started to protest but Jensen was gone, the front door slamming so hard the doorframe rattled. So, instead, he banged his head against the wall, wondering why he couldn’t have just shut his mouth after Jensen started to panic.
After a few minutes of self-pity, the rapidly-cooling cum in his boxers was starting to become very uncomfortable. He pushed himself off the wall and grabbed his own keys, locking the front door from the inside since he didn’t have a key, and walked out to his truck. He sat in the driver’s seat for a moment, wondering if he should try to confront Jensen at work, try to apologize. When he shifted and his boxers reminded him that they were sticky indeed, he sighed and put the truck in gear, heading back to his own place for a shower. He’d call Jensen later and make amends then.
Jared couldn’t believe that he’d managed to screw up, again. He wanted to know what had happened. He wanted to know why Jensen was so scared of a relationship. He wanted to know Jensen.
After years of nothing but flings and meaningless one-night stands, after pitying himself for so long, he was finally ready to dedicate himself to someone.
He just hoped that Jensen would let him do it.
* * *
Five hours of no contact quickly drove Jared crazy, so by the time he reached six days without so much as a glimpse of Jensen, he was close to babbling about conspiracy theories and imaginary friends and real-life vampires. He missed Jensen a helluva lot more than he’d expected to since they weren’t actually official or anything - Jensen didn’t owe him anything. Jared wanted more though, and knew Jensen did too. But, a freeze-out wasn’t getting them any closer to a declaration of status; in fact it wasn’t getting them anywhere, sending them backwards instead.
Jared had tried to call Jensen, stopped by his house, his office. But, it was no use. Jensen continuously let his phone go to voicemail. At his office, he was always “busy.” And, when Jared had shown up on his doorstep, with Jensen’s SUV in the driveway as proof that he wasn’t out, Jensen refused to come to the door.
Jared had even tried badgering Mike and Tom. But they’d both given him the same speech - “He’ll come around if and when he wants to.” Irritatingly, Allison and Kristen, the ever-giggling coworkers, had told him the same thing - without a single giggle, or even an amused look.
He felt like he was just walking around aimlessly, drifting along in a fog that didn’t allow him to see past his next step. He desperately wanted to talk to Jensen, to explain, to apologize. He shouldn’t have pushed so hard, he knew that - and it wasn’t like he didn’t have secrets of his own. Hell, Jensen didn’t even know that there ever was a Sandy, nevertheless what had happened between them. So, really, it was completely unfair of him to attack Jensen for keeping a secret, one that was obviously very complex. It’s not like he was hiding it - he just didn’t want to talk about it.
“Dude, if you don’t stop moping around here, I will be forced to take drastic measures.”
Chad’s voice drifted into his thoughts on the 7th day as he was lying in his bed feeling sorry for himself again. Jared poked his head out of the top of his blankets and fixed his old friend and unfortunate roommate with a pointed glare. “M’not moping,” he grumbled, unconvincingly.
Chad just snorted and walked back into the hallway, letting bright afternoon sunlight stream in through the open doorway and blind Jared. Just as he was drifting back into sleep, with his covers effectively blocking out all light and sounds made by The Douchebag, the doorbell rang.
He groaned and buried himself farther into his blankets, expecting Chad to get it. When the bell rang a second time, he resigned himself to the fact that Chad was either turning out to be the worst roommate ever - and therefore deserving of whatever names Jared decided to call him - or had left to go earn more STDs.
Grumbling about “damned inconveniences,” he crawled out of bed and pulled on some sweatpants, noting Chad’s note on his doorframe that simply said, “Out.” He made his way down the hallway barefoot, trying to smooth down his hair, which usually decided to stick up at random angles whenever he tried to sleep.
Jared pulled open the door, ready to tell whoever-it-was to go fuck off, that he wasn’t in the mood for people, but the words got stuck in his throat when he saw the familiar figure on his doorstep.
Jensen looked up at him sheepishly from the poorly-lit hallway. The expression on his face was unreadable when he said, “I was in love with him.”
Jared blinked in confusion for a moment, completely shocked that Jensen was actually there after so many failed attempts of contact on Jared’s part, before it dawned on him what Jensen was talking about, and he stepped back to wordlessly allow Jensen room to come in. Jensen crossed the threshold, giving Jared a smile that was half-grimace. Jared tried to return it with a real one of his own, but he was sure he failed miserably.
He motioned for Jensen to go on into the living room and locked the front door before following him. He found the dentist sitting on the very edge of one end of the couch, nervously fiddling with his wristwatch. He sat in the armchair adjacent to the couch, and folded his hands in his lap, waiting, wondering.
After semi-uncomfortable silence, Jensen cleared his throat. “I was in love with him,” he repeated, staring at his own shoes. “His name was Justin…he was a patient of mine.”
When he paused for a second, caught in his own head, things started to click into place in Jared’s, making him feel even more like an asshole. That’s why Jensen had been hesitant about whatever was going on between them - because the guy who’d fucked him over had started off as a patient, just like Jared; because the guy who’d ruined his professional - and probably personal, too - reputation was someone he’d cared about.
He opened his mouth to say he was sorry, but Jensen shook his head and went on. “He was young…19, I think, when it started. He was just…finding himself, I guess…y’know, college-age, experimenting. It was great, though…he was fun to be with, a great guy, a good friend, he…He loved me… We were in love. Or so I thought.”
For nearly 45 minutes, Jensen talked, tears coming to his eyes at some points, bitterness taking over his entire face in others. He told Jared all about how he fell in love with this inexperienced kid; how he’d thought they were meant to be. But, when Justin’s mother found out about her son’s gay relationship, she freaked. Then, he did too, suddenly saying that Jensen had taken advantage of him, coerced him, bribed him, blackmailed him, made him take part in this relationship that he wanted nothing to do with.
Rightly outraged, Jensen defended himself - but that only made Mrs. Hartley angrier. She talked Justin into filing charges against him, and told every press junket she could find, what Jensen had “done.” With nothing else to do, nowhere else to go, he’d turned to his family, who luckily supported him. Tom, not only his cousin but one of his closest friends, agreed - nay, insisted - to represent Jensen, regardless of the distance between their homes.
“In the end,” Jensen continued after a moment’s pause to collect himself, “they dropped the charges when Justin’s parents caught him having sex with another guy. His mom regretted, then, what she’d done…what she’d said. But, it was too late. Everyone in Dallas had followed the case and I lost all of my other patients, one by one. The partners that owned the practice I worked at, they all but kicked me out. When the Hartleys recanted, it was too late. The damage was done.”
Jared felt even worse than he had that morning in Jensen’s kitchen, worse than he had all week. It was no wonder Jensen hadn’t wanted to talk about it; the situation was awful. He knew how it felt to be betrayed by someone you cared about deeply - the damaged reputation notwithstanding. But, his experiences had nothing on Jensen’s.
“I’m sorry, Jen, I…” Jared started, voice gruff, but Jensen cut him off.
“Don’t. Just…don’t apologize. I don’t need your pity.” The words didn’t hold any real heat; they just were.
“Anyway...after that…Tom, he, uh…called Mike, who’s been a friend of ours for years. Mike offered to help me get set up out here, in Austin...he helped me set up the practice. I jumped at the opportunity. I’d be far enough away from Dallas to try to put everything behind me, but close enough to home to visit and keep in touch. And, it’s been nice…being around Tommy and Rosey again, just like high school…”
He trailed off with a small smile. Jared, after studying Jensen’s hunched figure for a minute, got out of his chair and walked around until he could sit right next to him on the couch. Without a word, he cupped Jensen’s face in one of his large hands and turned his head so that they were face-to-face. He leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against the dentist’s, the complete opposite of their last kiss.
Jensen made a small sound and grabbed onto Jared’s shoulders, as though searching for an anchor. Jared brought his other hand up, so that he was cradling Jensen’s face, and separated their mouths.
He looked into Jensen’s eyes, surprised at how all of his emotions were laid-bare, floating around the green irises. Jensen looked so vulnerable, so young, that Jared wanted to hold him close, protect him from the world forever. He was suddenly reminded that Jensen was only 25, not nearly old enough to have experienced so much pain.
But, rather than blurt any of that out, he whispered, “Jen…you don’t need to worry about that with me…Okay? I’m not…I’m not him. I wouldn’t that, I…I’m not scared like he was.”
Jensen closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against Jared’s. “I know,” he responded. “I just…”
“I know,” Jared interrupted. “There are some things that are just hard to get over.”
Jensen nodded, but didn’t say anything else. There didn’t seem to anything left to say. Well, except for one thing. “But, Jen?”
“Hmm?”
“Don’t be afraid to talk about stuff like this with me…I won’t be run off that easily…okay?”
Jensen chuckled nervously, opening his eyes. “Yeah, okay.”
Jared smiled, despite his less-than-stellar mood. He really felt like a complete jerk, trying to push Jensen into talking about something that got him that worked up. If he’d had any idea, he would’ve waited until Jensen was ready to bring it up. He wasn’t a bad guy, just a little headstrong sometimes - and Jensen made him want to be better, get rid of the stubbornness and be completely selfless.
He barely managed to stifle a laugh when he realized just how girly he was being. Again. Jensen seemed to have that effect on him.
After kissing Jensen again quickly, Jared stood up, deciding to change the subject. Jensen had gone through enough emotional upheaval for the day, hell, probably for the entire year. “So,” he threw over his shoulder as he made his way to the kitchen, “shouldn’t you still be at work?”
Jensen appeared in the entranceway to the kitchen, nervously rubbing the back of his neck, shy smile on his face, and looking so damned adorable Jared had to immerse himself completely in the mundane task of looking for something to eat just to keep from touching.
“I, uh…well, I should be. But, Kristen and Allison kicked me out.”
Jared pulled his head out the fridge. “What?”
“Yeah, they…they ganged up on me. Told me to stop moping and get my ass over here to fix whatever I’d broken. I tried to protest, because I had patients lined up all day. But, the bitches had already called and cancelled everything…told them all I was sick.”
Jensen shrugged as Jared laughed, making a mental note to send the two girls all the candy and flowers in Texas. “I think I might be in love with those two,” he muttered.
Jensen smiled, looking like a weight had been taken off his shoulders. “Yeah, well…I’m docking their pay for sticking their noses where they don’t belong.”
Jared cocked his head to the side for a moment, studying the older man, who was looking anywhere but at Jared. Then, he moved over and put his hands on Jensen’s hips, ducking his head to get Jensen to look at him. When he finally got it, he leaned forward, kissing Jensen again, easy. Jensen brought his hands up to Jared’s face, keeping him in place. He pried open the younger man’s lips with his own and slipped his tongue inside, sliding it and twirling it lazily against Jared’s.
To Jared’s surprise, Jensen suddenly pulled away and looked up at him with an almost frightened expression. He could feel himself starting to get anxious, thinking that maybe Jensen hadn’t told him the whole story.
“Jen, what…?”
Jensen took a couple steps back, and then moved out so that he was looking at Jared over the counter top between kitchen and living room. Jared, unsure of what was going on, stayed where he was, blinking rather stupidly.
After a few minutes, Jensen cleared his throat and finally spoke, but it was so quiet that Jared had to lean in to hear. “Jay…I have to…to ask this…because I, uh…I need to know if…uh…are we…I mean, well. You don’t have to answer…not if you don’t want. But, I…”
Catching on, Jared stopped Jensen’s murmuring with a hand on his wrist. “Jen, look at me,” he said, softly. When he had Jensen’s eyes on him, he continued, “We’re as exclusive as you want us to be.”
If there was any uncertainty left in Jared’s mind over what they were and what he wanted, it was all erased when Jensen smiled at him, open and trusting.
“Yeah?” Jensen whispered.
“Yeah,” Jared repeated, smile breaking out over his own face. He leaned over the small counter and grabbed Jensen’s - his now-boyfriend’s, his subconscious added - face in both hands and kissed him. Jensen placed his own hands over Jared’s and angled his head to deepen the kiss.
A sudden shocked yell came from the living room. Jared and Jensen slowly pulled apart and glanced in that direction, where an annoying blonde man was standing with his hands over his face.
Jared cleared his throat, causing Chad to peek at them from in between his fingers. “Chad? I thought you were gone?”
“I forgot the keys to the bar,” whined Chad, the sound muffled by his own palms.
Jared laughed. “Yeah, okay… that all?”
Chad sighed, dropping his hands. “Well, no…need you at the club…unless you’re, uh…otherwise engaged.”
Jensen laughed at that, cutting off Jared’s assurance that they were, in fact, about to be otherwise engaged. “Nah, let’s go. I could use a beer and some stale peanuts. Who we got playin’ tonight?”
Jared looked at Jensen, a stunned - and a little disappointed - that he wanted to spend time with other people. “Uh…some guy named Jason. I don’t know his last name, that’s Chad’s responsibility.”
Jensen shrugged and moved towards the door. “You get changed, I’ll wait for you in the car.”
On his way out, he made sure to smack Jared on the ass, causing Chad’s hands to shoot back up to his face. Jared watched him walk out, loving how he looked in those dress pants before he quickly changed into blue jeans and a T-shirt.
As he reemerged from his bedroom, Chad groaned. “Did you have to do that there?”
Jared chuckled, manhandling Chad to the door. “First of all, this was my apartment, before you got yourself in trouble, and if you were able to keep your dick in your pants, you wouldn’t have been here at all. And, second, had you walked in any later, you could have learned something!”
Chad groaned again, causing Jared to laugh even harder.
“You so owe me,” he called over his shoulder as he walked out the door. There was no way Chad could argue with that.
************
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