Jokesters
Title: Jokesters
Pairing: Chanyeol/Chen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jongdae gives Chanyeol a lesson in Proper Pranking. Chanyeol gives Jongdae a lesson on Touching Your Band Mate’s Dick.
jokesters;
“What are you doing--”
Chanyeol silences Jongdae by slapping a hand over his mouth and dragging him into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it.
So subtle.
When he releases Jongdae he goes back to fiddling with whatever is in his hands. It’s a bowl. Of…
“Are those mashed potatoes?” Jongdae ventures, peering curiously into them. “Are you trying that weird natural face shit?”
“Nah,” Chanyeol shakes his head, bangs flopping in his eyes. Without his hat, without clothes that he actually thinks about wearing, he’s in sweats and a tshirt and the ugliest (but probably comfiest) house slippers Jongdae has ever seen. “I’m gonna mix it in with Kris’ face cream.”
Both of Jongdae’s brows arch and he leans forward, spotting Kris’ open jar of expensive face cream. So far, the surface is neat from the even swipes Kris’ long fingers take from it, and Chanyeol hasn’t added anything yet.
“Wait,” Jongdae puts a hand on Chanyeol’s arm, tone starting to turn a bit superior. “Really? Just mashed potatoes? That’s all you could come up with?”
“You know the second he changes any of his products he breaks out,” Chanyeol grins down at the vocalist. “I bet this would give him a nice pimple right on his Jay Leno chin.”
Jongdae rolls his eyes, “Potatoes are non-comedogenic.”
“The fuck does that mean,” Chanyeol gives Jongdae a blank stare.
Tch. Amateur.
“It means that it won’t fucking work, genius,” Jongdae rolls his eyes and takes the bowl of mush away from Chanyeol’s hands. “Clean that off, ugh.”
Chanyeol grins, reaching out to pretend to swipe the mashed potatoes on Jongdae’s face, and in the small bathroom, it’s kind of hard to dodge.
“Yah, I’m trying to help--”
“But don’t you want pretty skin?”
“I already have pretty skin!”
The little tussle ends with Chanyeol caging in Jongdae against the sink counter with his arms, mashed potatoes smearing on the counter and Jongdae’s nose wrinkled as he tips his head back to look up at the idiot. Chanyeol’s got that serial killer smile on and Jongdae suddenly gets an idea in his head, a slow smirk curling on his pretty kitty lips.
“I know what’ll work better,” he says, “something that’ll definitely clog Kris up like a dartboard.”
Chanyeol looks positively, maniacally gleeful as he pulls away, “What?”
“Haven’t you ever jizzed and used it against somebody before?” Jongdae scoffs, like it’s elementary.
Chanyeol gets this dumb look on his face and pulls away, shaking his head. “Uh, no. That’s kinda weird dude.”
“It totally works, I did it to Junmyeon once.”
“You jizzed on his face?” Chanyeol gives Jongdae a really long, measured side-eye.
Jongdae rolls his eyes in turn. “I put some in his sunscreen.”
“You are the evil incarnate.”
Jongdae shrugs, pushing the mashed potatoes away and then handing Chanyeol a hand towel, “Clean yourself off, it’d be weird if you masturbated with potatoes all over your dick.”
“Wait,” Chanyeol pauses in using the blue checkered towel, his lower lip hanging open a bit and making it look like he has no I.Q., “I’m jizzing in his face cream?”
Jongdae lets out that laugh that makes his chin tuck into his neck and gives him four layers that don’t actually exist, eyes crinkling and ugly noise coming from his throat. “Yeah.”
“But you’re the experienced one in the jizz pranks, obviously,” Chanyeol tosses the towel in the hamper. Kyungsoo will probably scream. “Why don’t you do it?”
“Because I already whacked off this morning,” Jongdae waves a hand.
Chanyeol catches his hand by the wrist, long fingers encasing the delicate bones and Jongdae arches a brow up at him, meeting the gaze of a golden retriever that looks like it’s spotted a bird in the distance.
“Let’s both do it,” is the radical suggestion that falls from Chanyeol’s stupid parted lips. Mouth breather.
“Uh.”
“Two loads of jizz in one jar will really fuck his skin up,” cue the return of the serial killer grin and a really weird glint in Chanyeol’s eyes that Jongdae is pointedly trying to ignore in favor of rolling his eyes.
“That’s kinda gay.”
“You’re the one that’s done it before.”
“That means I’m a well-designed prankster, not gay,” Jongdae quips. “Besides, what, we jack off here together? In the same room?”
“Unless you wanna cum in a cup and bring it in,” Chanyeol shrugs, pulling on the drawstring of his sweatpants.
Jongdae’s chin is still tucked and it makes swallowing a bit difficult. Not the way Chanyeol’s slipping his hand into his sweatpants.
“Well--” Jongdae shoves the taller man’s shoulder a little, nearly upsetting his balance. “Turn around or something dude I don’t wanna watch that.”
Snorting, Chanyeol complies, and there’s a telltale up and down motion of his forearm that Jongdae can see. Wrinkling his nose, the vocalist turns his back towards the rapper, biting his lip. Christ. Masturbating in the same bathroom as Chanyeol just to get a prank in action. He should start keeping reserve jars of cum hidden in a drawer for future prank purposes so this doesn’t happen again.
But he still pushes his own sweats down a bit, and the door isn’t exactly great scenery, and the sound of Chanyeol’s hand moving over his dick isn’t the best soundtrack, and Jongdae wonders how the fuck he’s going to get hard enough to reach orgasm. Chanyeol clearly has no issue and Jongdae really does want to blame his lack of libido on the fact that he’s already came once this morning, taking care of his morning wood, and he lets out a little sigh, thunking his forehead against the door. This is not going to work.
“Hey,” there’s a warm hand on his wrist urging him to turn around and--
“That better not be the hand you were touching your dick with--”
But he’s met with a flushed Chanyeol, a bright-eyed Chanyeol, a slightly out of breath Chanyeol that’s looking down at him imploringly.
Totally gay.
“I can’t get hard,” Jongdae says, pulling his wrist free from Chanyeol’s unnaturally warm hand.
“Then let me help,” Chanyeol says, his now free hand reaching for Jongdae’s sweats that are resting dangerously low on narrow hips.
“No--”
Jongdae’s resistance gets cut off by Chanyeol shoving him against the door perhaps a little bit harder than necessary, and a hand shoving down his pants.
Well.
His fingers reach up and eight of them wrap around Chanyeol’s biceps, and it’s kind of hard because Jongdae’s hands are small and Chanyeol actually has really nice arms. His thumbs dig into the flesh, and four of Chanyeol’s fingers wrap around Jongdae’s soft cock, feeling it up, stroking it over, weighing it and apparently deciding on what it’ll take to get Jongdae off.
Apparently it won’t take much because Jongdae lets out a mewl that he’s pretty sure he’s never let out before, his hips pushing into Chanyeol’s big, warm hand. The expanse of his palm is easily forty percent bigger than Jongdae’s own and it feels sublime sliding over the length of his hardening cock and it’s been quite a while since Jongdae’s dealt with his body like this. Usually he jerks off in the morning, after his cock has already been hard; it’s been too long since he’s worked it up like this.
The best part: it’s not his own hand working him up.
Sure he can sorta ignore the fact that his male band mate is squeezing and teasing and pumping but he’s not going to ignore the way that Chanyeol is currently panting over his neck.
“Dude,” Jongdae squirms a bit, his hips thrusting into Chanyeol’s fingers as he reaches up with one of his hands to push the other away a bit, “you’re too close.”
“That’s not exactly the complaint you should be having right now,” Chanyeol laughs and it’s low and breathy and vibrates from Jongdae’s neck down to his balls.
“Stop talking,” is Jongdae’s next complaint, even though it’s totally half-hearted. Honestly, if Chanyeol started rapping into his ear while he stroked him off Jongdae is pretty sure he’d be a victim of premature ejaculation.
Surprisingly enough, Chanyeol complies and stops talking. He’s got one hand on Jongdae’s dick and his other hand is on his own and fuck, yeah, this is totally homosexual. Jongdae can’t even pretend to imagine Chanyeol’s callused, scruffy hands belong to a girl and he especially can’t even try to comprehend that their dicks are dangerously close to touching until--
“God--” he’d hoped that it would come out as a sound of disgust when the head of Chanyeol’s cock rubbed against his own, but pathetically, it’s strained and is certainly borderline on a ‘please’. Chanyeol’s cock is thicker than his own, hotter but Jongdae’s is wetter and when they slide together (he knows Chanyeol is doing this on purpose) Jongdae’s head knocks back against the door. Good thing sharing a bathroom isn’t uncommon and the noise will go mostly unnoticed but Jongdae thinks they might get caught if he lets anymore suspicious noises slip.
It doesn’t help that Chanyeol and his stupid face mostly pretend to be stupid half of the time. Chanyeol knows exactly what he’s doing to Jongdae and Jongdae’s eyes are closed but he knows the other is smirking, fingers wrapping around both of their cocks to jerk them in time with the steady frotting.
Already, Jongdae’s toes are curling and his hips are starting to buck. He will outlast Chanyeol, he has to--
“You’re such a good little bitch,” Chanyeol speaks low, filthy into Jongdae’s ear, licking the shell of it, teeth tugging on the earring.
-- God damn it.
Jongdae throws in the towel, his hands scrabbling for purchase on Chanyeol’s body, alternating from gripping at his biceps to pawing over his clothed chest to tugging on the hem and slipping underneath to get some more skin on skin contact. His hips buck into Chanyeol’s strong grip and his knees are getting weak and he finally opens his eyes, with the intentions of telling Chanyeol the what-for, but instead he finds his jaw dropping and his eyes rolling back into his head with pleasure.
Chanyeol looks like some sort of fucking sex god, hovering over Jongdae like this, his brows knit, lips parted, eyes dark with lust and concentration. His gaze is fixated on their joined cocks and there’s something sadistically reverent about that gaze lingering over where Jongdae is leaking from his slit. That burning gaze is making Jongdae’s skin crawl and his blunt nails dig into the v of Chanyeol’s hips, his own hips starting to rut a bit faster, his balls drawing tight.
“I.. nh--”
He can’t even get the words out but he doesn’t need to. Chanyeol is right there with him, and then suddenly the other’s free hand is gripping the nape of Jongdae’s neck, yanking him forward, crushing their lips together hungrily. Jongdae meets the kiss aggressively and gross, Chanyeol is a really sloppy, spitty kisser, but it’s also kinda hot because Jongdae can easily imagine that sloppy mouth slopping all over his dick--
Chanyeol’s teeth sink into Jongdae’s lower lip hard enough to draw blood, and it’s game over. Jongdae spills into Chanyeol’s hand, over his cock and even splatters some onto his sweatpants and he has a moment to feel victorious through the haze of pleasure before Chanyeol returns the sentiment with an even bigger load. They grind until every last drop is squeezed out and then Jongdae collapses against the door, shoving Chanyeol away from him and wrinkling his nose.
“Pervert,” he grumbles.
Chanyeol just smiles triumphantly, and holds up his cupped hands to show off the result of their combined effort. That is… a huge load of jizz. Even in post-orgasmic euphoria, Jongdae smirks, and finds the strength in his legs to pull away from the door. He picks up Kris’ jar of face cream and holds it at an angle so Chanyeol can deposit the cum atop the pearly white substance already inside. Jongdae grabs one of the plastic scoops from the medicine cabinet and swirls it around a bit, then puts everything away and washes his hands, adjusting his clothes.
“Do you think he’ll notice?” Chanyeol asks, as they dry their hands on a towel.
Jongdae shrugs, “Probably before he even puts his fingers in it. But hey, that’s a forty dollar face cream, so we at least managed to waste some of his money.”
They hi-five, and then grimace when they realize that they used the hands they touched their dicks with.
“Never speak of this again,” Jongdae says, turning and opening the door to head out.
Chanyeol crowds up behind him as they exit, leaning down to murmur, “Sure thing… slut.”
Jongdae swings and misses as Chanyeol cackles and dodges into the kitchen.
Who pranked who, exactly?
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Pairing: Chanyeol/Chen
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Jongdae gives Chanyeol a lesson in Proper Pranking. Chanyeol gives Jongdae a lesson on Touching Your Band Mate’s Dick.
jokesters;
“What are you doing--”
Chanyeol silences Jongdae by slapping a hand over his mouth and dragging him into the bathroom, slamming the door shut and locking it.
So subtle.
When he releases Jongdae he goes back to fiddling with whatever is in his hands. It’s a bowl. Of…
“Are those mashed potatoes?” Jongdae ventures, peering curiously into them. “Are you trying that weird natural face shit?”
“Nah,” Chanyeol shakes his head, bangs flopping in his eyes. Without his hat, without clothes that he actually thinks about wearing, he’s in sweats and a tshirt and the ugliest (but probably comfiest) house slippers Jongdae has ever seen. “I’m gonna mix it in with Kris’ face cream.”
Both of Jongdae’s brows arch and he leans forward, spotting Kris’ open jar of expensive face cream. So far, the surface is neat from the even swipes Kris’ long fingers take from it, and Chanyeol hasn’t added anything yet.
“Wait,” Jongdae puts a hand on Chanyeol’s arm, tone starting to turn a bit superior. “Really? Just mashed potatoes? That’s all you could come up with?”
“You know the second he changes any of his products he breaks out,” Chanyeol grins down at the vocalist. “I bet this would give him a nice pimple right on his Jay Leno chin.”
Jongdae rolls his eyes, “Potatoes are non-comedogenic.”
“The fuck does that mean,” Chanyeol gives Jongdae a blank stare.
Tch. Amateur.
“It means that it won’t fucking work, genius,” Jongdae rolls his eyes and takes the bowl of mush away from Chanyeol’s hands. “Clean that off, ugh.”
Chanyeol grins, reaching out to pretend to swipe the mashed potatoes on Jongdae’s face, and in the small bathroom, it’s kind of hard to dodge.
“Yah, I’m trying to help--”
“But don’t you want pretty skin?”
“I already have pretty skin!”
The little tussle ends with Chanyeol caging in Jongdae against the sink counter with his arms, mashed potatoes smearing on the counter and Jongdae’s nose wrinkled as he tips his head back to look up at the idiot. Chanyeol’s got that serial killer smile on and Jongdae suddenly gets an idea in his head, a slow smirk curling on his pretty kitty lips.
“I know what’ll work better,” he says, “something that’ll definitely clog Kris up like a dartboard.”
Chanyeol looks positively, maniacally gleeful as he pulls away, “What?”
“Haven’t you ever jizzed and used it against somebody before?” Jongdae scoffs, like it’s elementary.
Chanyeol gets this dumb look on his face and pulls away, shaking his head. “Uh, no. That’s kinda weird dude.”
“It totally works, I did it to Junmyeon once.”
“You jizzed on his face?” Chanyeol gives Jongdae a really long, measured side-eye.
Jongdae rolls his eyes in turn. “I put some in his sunscreen.”
“You are the evil incarnate.”
Jongdae shrugs, pushing the mashed potatoes away and then handing Chanyeol a hand towel, “Clean yourself off, it’d be weird if you masturbated with potatoes all over your dick.”
“Wait,” Chanyeol pauses in using the blue checkered towel, his lower lip hanging open a bit and making it look like he has no I.Q., “I’m jizzing in his face cream?”
Jongdae lets out that laugh that makes his chin tuck into his neck and gives him four layers that don’t actually exist, eyes crinkling and ugly noise coming from his throat. “Yeah.”
“But you’re the experienced one in the jizz pranks, obviously,” Chanyeol tosses the towel in the hamper. Kyungsoo will probably scream. “Why don’t you do it?”
“Because I already whacked off this morning,” Jongdae waves a hand.
Chanyeol catches his hand by the wrist, long fingers encasing the delicate bones and Jongdae arches a brow up at him, meeting the gaze of a golden retriever that looks like it’s spotted a bird in the distance.
“Let’s both do it,” is the radical suggestion that falls from Chanyeol’s stupid parted lips. Mouth breather.
“Uh.”
“Two loads of jizz in one jar will really fuck his skin up,” cue the return of the serial killer grin and a really weird glint in Chanyeol’s eyes that Jongdae is pointedly trying to ignore in favor of rolling his eyes.
“That’s kinda gay.”
“You’re the one that’s done it before.”
“That means I’m a well-designed prankster, not gay,” Jongdae quips. “Besides, what, we jack off here together? In the same room?”
“Unless you wanna cum in a cup and bring it in,” Chanyeol shrugs, pulling on the drawstring of his sweatpants.
Jongdae’s chin is still tucked and it makes swallowing a bit difficult. Not the way Chanyeol’s slipping his hand into his sweatpants.
“Well--” Jongdae shoves the taller man’s shoulder a little, nearly upsetting his balance. “Turn around or something dude I don’t wanna watch that.”
Snorting, Chanyeol complies, and there’s a telltale up and down motion of his forearm that Jongdae can see. Wrinkling his nose, the vocalist turns his back towards the rapper, biting his lip. Christ. Masturbating in the same bathroom as Chanyeol just to get a prank in action. He should start keeping reserve jars of cum hidden in a drawer for future prank purposes so this doesn’t happen again.
But he still pushes his own sweats down a bit, and the door isn’t exactly great scenery, and the sound of Chanyeol’s hand moving over his dick isn’t the best soundtrack, and Jongdae wonders how the fuck he’s going to get hard enough to reach orgasm. Chanyeol clearly has no issue and Jongdae really does want to blame his lack of libido on the fact that he’s already came once this morning, taking care of his morning wood, and he lets out a little sigh, thunking his forehead against the door. This is not going to work.
“Hey,” there’s a warm hand on his wrist urging him to turn around and--
“That better not be the hand you were touching your dick with--”
But he’s met with a flushed Chanyeol, a bright-eyed Chanyeol, a slightly out of breath Chanyeol that’s looking down at him imploringly.
Totally gay.
“I can’t get hard,” Jongdae says, pulling his wrist free from Chanyeol’s unnaturally warm hand.
“Then let me help,” Chanyeol says, his now free hand reaching for Jongdae’s sweats that are resting dangerously low on narrow hips.
“No--”
Jongdae’s resistance gets cut off by Chanyeol shoving him against the door perhaps a little bit harder than necessary, and a hand shoving down his pants.
Well.
His fingers reach up and eight of them wrap around Chanyeol’s biceps, and it’s kind of hard because Jongdae’s hands are small and Chanyeol actually has really nice arms. His thumbs dig into the flesh, and four of Chanyeol’s fingers wrap around Jongdae’s soft cock, feeling it up, stroking it over, weighing it and apparently deciding on what it’ll take to get Jongdae off.
Apparently it won’t take much because Jongdae lets out a mewl that he’s pretty sure he’s never let out before, his hips pushing into Chanyeol’s big, warm hand. The expanse of his palm is easily forty percent bigger than Jongdae’s own and it feels sublime sliding over the length of his hardening cock and it’s been quite a while since Jongdae’s dealt with his body like this. Usually he jerks off in the morning, after his cock has already been hard; it’s been too long since he’s worked it up like this.
The best part: it’s not his own hand working him up.
Sure he can sorta ignore the fact that his male band mate is squeezing and teasing and pumping but he’s not going to ignore the way that Chanyeol is currently panting over his neck.
“Dude,” Jongdae squirms a bit, his hips thrusting into Chanyeol’s fingers as he reaches up with one of his hands to push the other away a bit, “you’re too close.”
“That’s not exactly the complaint you should be having right now,” Chanyeol laughs and it’s low and breathy and vibrates from Jongdae’s neck down to his balls.
“Stop talking,” is Jongdae’s next complaint, even though it’s totally half-hearted. Honestly, if Chanyeol started rapping into his ear while he stroked him off Jongdae is pretty sure he’d be a victim of premature ejaculation.
Surprisingly enough, Chanyeol complies and stops talking. He’s got one hand on Jongdae’s dick and his other hand is on his own and fuck, yeah, this is totally homosexual. Jongdae can’t even pretend to imagine Chanyeol’s callused, scruffy hands belong to a girl and he especially can’t even try to comprehend that their dicks are dangerously close to touching until--
“God--” he’d hoped that it would come out as a sound of disgust when the head of Chanyeol’s cock rubbed against his own, but pathetically, it’s strained and is certainly borderline on a ‘please’. Chanyeol’s cock is thicker than his own, hotter but Jongdae’s is wetter and when they slide together (he knows Chanyeol is doing this on purpose) Jongdae’s head knocks back against the door. Good thing sharing a bathroom isn’t uncommon and the noise will go mostly unnoticed but Jongdae thinks they might get caught if he lets anymore suspicious noises slip.
It doesn’t help that Chanyeol and his stupid face mostly pretend to be stupid half of the time. Chanyeol knows exactly what he’s doing to Jongdae and Jongdae’s eyes are closed but he knows the other is smirking, fingers wrapping around both of their cocks to jerk them in time with the steady frotting.
Already, Jongdae’s toes are curling and his hips are starting to buck. He will outlast Chanyeol, he has to--
“You’re such a good little bitch,” Chanyeol speaks low, filthy into Jongdae’s ear, licking the shell of it, teeth tugging on the earring.
-- God damn it.
Jongdae throws in the towel, his hands scrabbling for purchase on Chanyeol’s body, alternating from gripping at his biceps to pawing over his clothed chest to tugging on the hem and slipping underneath to get some more skin on skin contact. His hips buck into Chanyeol’s strong grip and his knees are getting weak and he finally opens his eyes, with the intentions of telling Chanyeol the what-for, but instead he finds his jaw dropping and his eyes rolling back into his head with pleasure.
Chanyeol looks like some sort of fucking sex god, hovering over Jongdae like this, his brows knit, lips parted, eyes dark with lust and concentration. His gaze is fixated on their joined cocks and there’s something sadistically reverent about that gaze lingering over where Jongdae is leaking from his slit. That burning gaze is making Jongdae’s skin crawl and his blunt nails dig into the v of Chanyeol’s hips, his own hips starting to rut a bit faster, his balls drawing tight.
“I.. nh--”
He can’t even get the words out but he doesn’t need to. Chanyeol is right there with him, and then suddenly the other’s free hand is gripping the nape of Jongdae’s neck, yanking him forward, crushing their lips together hungrily. Jongdae meets the kiss aggressively and gross, Chanyeol is a really sloppy, spitty kisser, but it’s also kinda hot because Jongdae can easily imagine that sloppy mouth slopping all over his dick--
Chanyeol’s teeth sink into Jongdae’s lower lip hard enough to draw blood, and it’s game over. Jongdae spills into Chanyeol’s hand, over his cock and even splatters some onto his sweatpants and he has a moment to feel victorious through the haze of pleasure before Chanyeol returns the sentiment with an even bigger load. They grind until every last drop is squeezed out and then Jongdae collapses against the door, shoving Chanyeol away from him and wrinkling his nose.
“Pervert,” he grumbles.
Chanyeol just smiles triumphantly, and holds up his cupped hands to show off the result of their combined effort. That is… a huge load of jizz. Even in post-orgasmic euphoria, Jongdae smirks, and finds the strength in his legs to pull away from the door. He picks up Kris’ jar of face cream and holds it at an angle so Chanyeol can deposit the cum atop the pearly white substance already inside. Jongdae grabs one of the plastic scoops from the medicine cabinet and swirls it around a bit, then puts everything away and washes his hands, adjusting his clothes.
“Do you think he’ll notice?” Chanyeol asks, as they dry their hands on a towel.
Jongdae shrugs, “Probably before he even puts his fingers in it. But hey, that’s a forty dollar face cream, so we at least managed to waste some of his money.”
They hi-five, and then grimace when they realize that they used the hands they touched their dicks with.
“Never speak of this again,” Jongdae says, turning and opening the door to head out.
Chanyeol crowds up behind him as they exit, leaning down to murmur, “Sure thing… slut.”
Jongdae swings and misses as Chanyeol cackles and dodges into the kitchen.
Who pranked who, exactly?
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