Less Than A Week
"Observe always that everything is the result of change, and get used to thinking that there is nothing Nature loves so well as to change existing forms and make new ones like them." -Marcus Aurelius
It's roughly just a bit over a week before I leave for basic training.
I'm super nervous, to say the least.
Partially because there's so much left that I have to take care of here, before I leave.
I need to clean my room up, pack everything away, back up all the stuff off the computers onto a portable harddrive to take me with to the tech school, figure out what goes with me and what will stay, whether I will cut my hair or not, whether I'll be personally ready or not., family, everything.
I need to get stamps and ready envelopes to send home and to others while I'm in basic training.
I need to buy a card for using at phone booths there.
This is such a huge change, it's utterly bizarre, overwhelming, and past deeds seem to be coming back to me in full force, like the world knows I'm moving on entirely from this place, like the water returning after a rain.
This last Friday I was at work, I had a strange moment. One regular table had come in, and after they left, the guy at the table stuck around, waited. Asked for an application. Waited some more.
And then when I was finished with what I was doing, he asked to talk to me.
I used to go to school with him in elementary school and middle school, when the teasing, bullying, and harassment was the worst.
I'd spend most of sixth and seventh grade just wishing I was dead or wanting to stay home and not go to school where I'd have rocks thrown at me, be made fun of behind me back, or have my backpack stolen from where I put it, hidden, and when found I would discover ketchup and crushed, smashed, and generally mashed in foods covering my school books and notebooks and binders and school supplies. I spent most of middle school trying to just not go absolutely insane, and even then I spent most of it terribly paranoid of everything and everyone, the slightest thing being out to get me. It's unfortunate that for the most part it was true, though sometimes it was indeed over reaction.
So, he wished to talk to me, mentioned elementary school and middle school, and how he was a part of all that. That he was sorry, and that it wasn't right, and that he shouldn't've just gone along with it. That he was happy to see that I hadn't gone bitter over it, and was a good person, and that he wished me luck in the Air Force, and to have a good life.
Storybook karma.
Except, y'know, it's something a lot of protagonist characters seek, desire, or want.
When I received the apology, it sat oddly for a time, as I thought, and I was still surprised. After a while, though, I realised why it sat oddly; I wasn't expecting it. I had no longer wanted an apology, or needed one, for the wrongs that had happened when I was a kid.
At some point I had... just grown up. It's an odd thought. All these small things that have added up in these last weeks have made me realise I'm an adult, a proper one, and that it happened in the last year or so while I wasn't paying attention.
Change is a bizarre and sometimes underwhelming thing.
It's roughly just a bit over a week before I leave for basic training.
I'm super nervous, to say the least.
Partially because there's so much left that I have to take care of here, before I leave.
I need to clean my room up, pack everything away, back up all the stuff off the computers onto a portable harddrive to take me with to the tech school, figure out what goes with me and what will stay, whether I will cut my hair or not, whether I'll be personally ready or not., family, everything.
I need to get stamps and ready envelopes to send home and to others while I'm in basic training.
I need to buy a card for using at phone booths there.
This is such a huge change, it's utterly bizarre, overwhelming, and past deeds seem to be coming back to me in full force, like the world knows I'm moving on entirely from this place, like the water returning after a rain.
This last Friday I was at work, I had a strange moment. One regular table had come in, and after they left, the guy at the table stuck around, waited. Asked for an application. Waited some more.
And then when I was finished with what I was doing, he asked to talk to me.
I used to go to school with him in elementary school and middle school, when the teasing, bullying, and harassment was the worst.
I'd spend most of sixth and seventh grade just wishing I was dead or wanting to stay home and not go to school where I'd have rocks thrown at me, be made fun of behind me back, or have my backpack stolen from where I put it, hidden, and when found I would discover ketchup and crushed, smashed, and generally mashed in foods covering my school books and notebooks and binders and school supplies. I spent most of middle school trying to just not go absolutely insane, and even then I spent most of it terribly paranoid of everything and everyone, the slightest thing being out to get me. It's unfortunate that for the most part it was true, though sometimes it was indeed over reaction.
So, he wished to talk to me, mentioned elementary school and middle school, and how he was a part of all that. That he was sorry, and that it wasn't right, and that he shouldn't've just gone along with it. That he was happy to see that I hadn't gone bitter over it, and was a good person, and that he wished me luck in the Air Force, and to have a good life.
Storybook karma.
Except, y'know, it's something a lot of protagonist characters seek, desire, or want.
When I received the apology, it sat oddly for a time, as I thought, and I was still surprised. After a while, though, I realised why it sat oddly; I wasn't expecting it. I had no longer wanted an apology, or needed one, for the wrongs that had happened when I was a kid.
At some point I had... just grown up. It's an odd thought. All these small things that have added up in these last weeks have made me realise I'm an adult, a proper one, and that it happened in the last year or so while I wasn't paying attention.
Change is a bizarre and sometimes underwhelming thing.