Hello, you've reached the office of Dr. Egon Spengler. I'm unable to come to the phone right now.
If you're calling because you've seen a spectral apparition, press one. If you or someone you know is experiencing a transformative psychic episode, press two. If you are being attacked by possessed, inanimate objects, get a safe distance away and then press three. If you're calling for repairs or other mechanical projects please see me at the garage downtown and I can help you there.
And before you ask, I'm sorry you're unable to find masturbation devices in this town and no I will not make one for you.
If you'd simply like to leave a message please wait for the tone.
You'll get the pack back without needing to swap essential body parts, mark my words. And I can swing tonight, if you're not too overwhelmed with orders for marital aids?
Alright, I am going to pretend that I did not hear that... you! Your number has been going around! You have built up a reputation! This phone call was a WARNING, Spengler! A warning not to wander into places where you should not go!
...oh, and also, I've been needing to borrow a drill set. Think you could help me out with that? Thanks.
[Sounds like the guy wasn't actually expecting a call back.]
Eh? What? Who's this?
Oh! Doctor Spengler! No, no, it's fine now. I found someone to borrow a drill set from. All is well.
Other than, you know, vague villainous warnings to know your place, not get in my way, you know. Usual things. [Cough] I am Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
[A snort and some short breaths over the receiver can possibly be heard. Laughing at you? Noooooooo.
It's a moment before he speaks again. He clears his throat.]
Glad to meet you Doctor... Doofen... shmirtz.
[He has to bite the inside of his cheek. He himself has a funny name but this guy claims to be a villain. Villains with funny names just can't be taken seriously.]
I'm sure I don't have any reason to get in your way. Let me know if there's anything you require assistance with.
[This is actually refreshing. NORMAL. The growing irritation within him is almost a fuzzy warm glow of nostalgia. Aaah, he's not being taken seriously!]
I see I may have to demonstrate just where we respectively stand, in this town... but ehn, not today. I have shopping to do.
I'll drop you a line if I ever need help testing something, maybe.
If you're calling because you've seen a spectral apparition, press one. If you or someone you know is experiencing a transformative psychic episode, press two. If you are being attacked by possessed, inanimate objects, get a safe distance away and then press three. If you're calling for repairs or other mechanical projects please see me at the garage downtown and I can help you there.
And before you ask, I'm sorry you're unable to find masturbation devices in this town and no I will not make one for you.
If you'd simply like to leave a message please wait for the tone.
Reply
This is Hal, just seeing if you'd be up for a beer sometime this week.
Reply
Hal, this is Egon. I got your message.
... Please tell me there comes a time when you stop needing distractions in this place.
Reply
How's the arm?
Reply
Fine. I reversed the exchange. Asking people to tie my shoes for me was embarrassing.
So, I'm not usually one to drown my sorrows but this place is anything but usual. When are we going for beer?
Reply
Reply
I thought I made it clear in my message that I wasn't helping anyone with that.
Tonight's fine. I'll probably be in the garage. See you then.
Reply
...
Uh...
Alright, I am going to pretend that I did not hear that... you! Your number has been going around! You have built up a reputation! This phone call was a WARNING, Spengler! A warning not to wander into places where you should not go!
...oh, and also, I've been needing to borrow a drill set. Think you could help me out with that? Thanks.
Reply
Hello, this is Dr. Spengler. You called me about... some sort of warning. Who is this?
Reply
Eh? What? Who's this?
Oh! Doctor Spengler! No, no, it's fine now. I found someone to borrow a drill set from. All is well.
Other than, you know, vague villainous warnings to know your place, not get in my way, you know. Usual things. [Cough] I am Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz!
Reply
It's a moment before he speaks again. He clears his throat.]
Glad to meet you Doctor... Doofen... shmirtz.
[He has to bite the inside of his cheek. He himself has a funny name but this guy claims to be a villain. Villains with funny names just can't be taken seriously.]
I'm sure I don't have any reason to get in your way. Let me know if there's anything you require assistance with.
Reply
I see I may have to demonstrate just where we respectively stand, in this town... but ehn, not today. I have shopping to do.
I'll drop you a line if I ever need help testing something, maybe.
Reply
Where we stand, of course. I'm sure we'll be the best of friends.
[Kill 'em with kindness. He'd seen Venkman use this method on begrudged characters before with good (and often hilarious) results.]
We'll keep in touch. You have yourself a phenomenal day.
Reply
Leave a comment