dreams don't turn to dust. (6/8)

[junfhongs]

Lu Han hears a knock on the door. He pays it no mind, thinking that it's another new intern who doesn't know that he doesn't care much for courtesy. It's Joonmyun who pops in, seemingly meek in front of Lu Han. The older man narrows his eyes at him.

"What?" he asks irritably.

"You're one of the most searched keywords on the internet right now," says Joonmyun. Lu Han shrugs.

"And so? Why am I on the list anyway?" Joonmyun shows him his phone, an article about him and Victoria, his last ex. She talks about all his vices and problems that she had, how she supported him and helped him change into a better person, and in the end, he just threw her away.

He feels his heart drop. And so it begins.

"They're asking you to go on TV and explain. It might help, even if people don't believe you," Joonmyun suggests. His voice is too high-pitched though, too terrified to even seem as cool and calm as he's learned to be. Victoria was someone who was so close to everybody in Lu Han's life, and who knows what she can pull out against Lu Han? The worst enemies are the ones that you've loved and let go of, even if they still wanted to hold on.

Yixing walks in, staring at the two of them. "What's going on?"

Lu Han shakes his head, not wanting to explain himself to Yixing. The dark life he lived without Yixing wasn't something he liked to discuss with him. Even Victoria was this brief light that flooded his world, some things were not meant to be talked about.

"There's going to be a poll held tomorrow. I'm sure that people will dislike you more now; Victoria is the nation's sweetheart. This is a nightmare," Joonmyun despairs. Lu Han merely stares at the wood of his desk, thinking about Victoria and her warm smiles, how he liked to make fun of her huge forehead but kiss her on it anyway, how she laughed when she let go of her self-control and just went crazy whenever they were alone.

"I didn't think this would happen, that she'd be the type to do this," Lu Han murmurs. Maybe it hurt more because he trusted her. Maybe it hurt more because she just let him go back then, let him run away from without a clear explanation, but now she's suddenly trying to ruin his life.

"Relax, okay? We'll handle this," Yixing assures them. Lu Han looks away, trying not to meet his eyes. Yixing doesn't understand. Victoria became a part of their family here. Victoria was someone that they all loved and cared for even after the breakup.

"We start with television appearances. I'll arrange it well so that you won't explode on TV all of a sudden. The speech can be practiced, or you can try and do it the less manly way." Joonmyun raises his eyebrow. "You know, start crying on TV and tell the world that you loved her and didn't throw her away. Watch some records of the people in the old days. They ate those up like crazy."

It's easy to prepare a speech, act vulnerable and speak as if all these words are coming from your heart. Lu Han slowly developed that skill after all these years of being in the public's eyes. It's not easy to see that people are still against you, that people believe every single thing that the other party says.

"It's always hard to be the accused, Lu Han. Don't be too hard on yourself," comforts Yixing.

"She says you can deny as much as you want, but she knows the truth," Joonmyun reports. "This is exhausting."

"It is," Lu Han says weakly. "I should go home."

"Go," says Joonmyun. "You should rest up. The journey gets harder from here, Lu Han."

As he drives back home, he turns on the radio, hoping that it would calm him down. It doesn't. Almost every station is talking about him or Victoria, and if they're actually playing music, the song ends and they talk about him too. It's exhausting. He doesn't know why he chose this life.

Why did he choose this? He was happy with his organization. He was happy with his life. What was the point of all this? Now he feels his ambition stabbing himself in the back, taking back his success and replacing it with shame from someone who he loved.

And that's someone he can't stop thinking about too. Victoria. They were so perfect together, both successful and rich and compatible. It almost pained him to think of those teary eyes staring at him in indignation, wondering why he's doing this, if it's her fault why he's leaving her.

"Why, Lu Han? I just don't get it," she asked him before. Those eyes... They reminded him of Yixing. It made it feel worse.

Lu Han has a bad habit of running. He runs away from his problems and expects others to fix it by the time he's brave enough to come back. That's probably his fatal flaw, and he can't expect that to be his life if-- when he wins as president. He can't expect Joonmyun to run the country if he's starting to break down because of the pressure.

He opens his eyes and he's already in bed. He doesn't remember how he got there, but he does remember flopping down on the bed and drifting to sleep right away. The doorbell's ringing, and Lu Han crawls over to the side of the bed and opens a drawer. The screen inside shows Yixing waiting in the hall. He looks directly at the camera and Lu Han sighs, pressing a button to open the door. He'll take the lecture now if he really has to.

Lu Han doesn't pretend to be okay as Yixing enters, and he resumes his moping on the bed. The nap was nice, but now it's back to stressing out and feeling depressed about this turn of events. Yixing stands by the doorway, and Lu Han almost wants to tell him to pull up a chair since he's not going to stop being sad any time soon.

"What's the story?" asks Yixing. "I've spent the past few days writing those speeches and organizing things without even knowing why everyone in the office seems so bummed."

Lu Han sighs. He rolls on his back and remembers lying down on this bed with Victoria when he realized that he couldn't live life with her anymore. He remembers hanging up glowing star stickers on the ceiling in her old apartment, and the fact that he knows that she moved three times already totally doesn't say that he kept tabs on her after all this time.

"We met at Zhou Mi's birthday celebration a few years ago. I was a little tipsy and Joonmyun wasn't there to hold me back from doing anything, but I'm glad I didn't chat anyone up too much. Victoria was the only one who responded to me and laughed along and let me act like a douche. We clicked, and it was so easy for us to message and call and slowly start dating.

"We were happy, Yixing. We were so happy. Everyone in the office loved her because of her movies and also because she was a genuinely sweet person who visited me often. She even met my parents, and for the first time since I left to develop Moon Tree, my father actually smiled at me. I made him happy, Yixing. Victoria completed my life somehow, and everything felt like it was falling into place. I said that I loved her. I really did.

"Then suddenly, we were just lying down and she started talking about kids. She talked about three kids and a nice house in Ring Two in a nice neighborhood. She talked about this completely different life that I wasn't ready for. She wanted a simple life, a picture perfect scenario where we would be happy forever, but that wasn't possible.

"I was an idiot for breaking up with her all of a sudden, I know, but what else could I have done? Watch her plan this life that I never wanted to live? Let her turn me into this perfect husband that I never saw myself to be?" He sighs, voice starting to waver. "I told her that my life was too hectic, and I didn't want her to get left behind. She didn't understand, and neither did I. I left before I could have time to regret my decision."

"And she knew nothing about the campaign?" Yixing confirms.

"The campaign was just an idea back then. I never really thought of pursuing it until a few months later." Lu Han digs his head into the pillow beneath him. "Sometimes, it's so easy to fall in love with someone. Victoria was easy to fall in love with." Lu Han rolls to his side to face Yixing, and he hopes that the younger man got the hint. He doesn't want to say it because there's no point, but he wants Yixing to know.

"Sometimes it's easy to fall out of love with someone, and I think that's what happened with Victoria." Lu Han rolls to face the ceiling again. "Sometimes, you're just meant to never fall out of love."

Lu Han doesn't want to face Yixing. He doesn't want to see any more indifference. That probably wasn't enough of a confession, but it was all Lu Han could say. It's the only thing that he could say without Yixing shooting him down in an instant.

"You made a huge mistake by leaving her in the dark like that," Yixing says quietly. "People hate being left in the dark."

Lu Han doesn't even have to ask to know that he's talking from personal experience. He's never felt this horrible about himself, but he deserves it.

"Talk to her directly. Media battles like this are too dangerous, especially when the person you're against is so much more influential than what you think. If you have a private talk, just the two of you in a room, it's easier to clear things out," Yixing advises. Lu Han's hand hesitates over his phone. Her number's in there; even if she's changed it countless times since their breakup, he's always known what it was. He's always known how to reach out to her, but he fails to do it every single time.

He searches for her name in his contacts, looking up at Yixing every now and then for the push he needs to keep going. He has to fix things, with Victoria and with everyone else. As the phone rings and Lu Han is left waiting, he hopes that she picks up. He hopes that he can redeem himself somehow and do what he has to do, even if it means letting go of some of his barriers so he can get there.

"Hello?" she answers. She sounds tired. So is he.

"Victoria, we need to talk," Lu Han says softly. She scoffs on the other side of the phone.

"If this is your way of trying to stop me from ruining your chances completely, I'm telling you now that I won't stop until the end." The anger in her voice should have told him that this is hopeless from the very beginning.

"Please. Just go to my office tomorrow. I need to talk to you, and this isn't just to stop you. We really do need this." The way he said it in earnest should have told her that he's unlikely to ever give up just like that.

"Fine,", Victoria says, and a part of him feels better just by knowing that she's giving him a chance, even if it seems like she's just humoring him to put him down even further. He knows her so much better than how she thinks he does.

Yixing stares at him, openly scrutinizing his every move and every word. Lu Han wants to beg him to stop. Right now, he's too shaken to simply accept this from Yixing. In a few days, Lu Han's had to reopen wounds that he inflicted on himself, wounds that he refused to accept. Victoria was not a regret, but his actions were.

On lonely days, before the campaign was in full swing and he had no time to think of anything other than it, he allowed his mind to wander to the small memories of her that stuck the most to his mind. He allowed himself to reminisce on her beautifully long hair: the way it would float around as she spun and walked; the way she'd pull it up into a bun as she cooked or cleaned his horrid apartment; the way it would slide down the smooth skin of her back when she woke every morning; the way it fell a bit above her shoulder when she had to cut it for a movie she was casted in and Lu Han couldn't hide the disappointment on his face when he first saw the bob cut.

"You could try to act like you think I'm still beautiful," she said flatly, walking away from him before he could even respond. Lu Han chased after her and spent hour after hour worshipping every part of her body, telling her that no matter what changed, she'd still be the most beautiful woman he's ever laid eyes on.

He allowed himself to reminisce on her perfectly sculpted body: the way she moved gracefully all the time, from climbing down the stairs in a gala gown to kicking a stuntman in the middle of her countless action movies; the way she would melt into Lu Han's arms every single night as they fell asleep together; the slopes and curves that every drop of sweat would slide down on.

He allowed himself to reminisce on her voice, and this is when it would hurt the most: the way she'd call his name all the time, from loudly calling him in the morning to have breakfast with her to repeatedly whispering his name in his ear late at night, like a mantra of desire; the way she would run her lines with him when they both had the time, and they both decided that Lu Han would be a horrible actor; the way she would softly whisper "I love you" into his ear when she thought he was fast asleep, but he knew that he couldn't sleep without those words if ever she was there to affirm her feelings for him, feelings that he certainly reciprocated.

He shakes his head. Yixing shakes his head too.

"Were you even listening?" Yixing groans. "You have to stop spacing out so much, Lu Han."

"It's funny how I was the one telling you that when we were much younger," Lu Han says quietly, looking up at Yixing with a blank expression. "It's funny how things change."

"It is, isn't it?" Yixing closes his eyes and clenches his fist. "Things change so abruptly. Even if we don't want them to, things are always bound to change."

Yixing clears his throat. "You're going to see Victoria tomorrow. Maybe you should think about what to say very well. This is a problem that only you can solve."

Lu Han nods, not really wanting to look deeper into Yixing's words. It's been a long night. Tomorrow will be an even longer day. Lu Han turns to his side and presses a button hidden in the headboard. The wall opens up and reveals a huge window, the view showing the expanse of the city's night sky. He knows that most of the stars he sees in the sky are just artificial; technology has finally done it, and they've managed to deceive everybody into believing that the universe they live in still has a little bit of natural beauty in it.

The stars keep him awake until they fade into the grey, into the purple and blue, until the sky is nothing but a bright field of light blue and faint white. Someone rings the doorbell, and Lu Han doesn't have enough energy to care about security. He opens the door with a button and waits for whoever the person is.

"Good morning," says Joonmyun. "Did you sleep well?"

"Not at all, Joonmyun," he answers.

"That's nice to hear," Joonmyun says absently. "Yixing told me that she's coming over today. Will she be subtle?"

"Victoria isn't cruel. She's not going to show up with a league of reporters around her, telling them that I'm out to pay her off or something. She's an honorable person," Lu Han tells him. He believes that fully; he knows her enough to confidently say that she would never do something like that.

So he dresses and drives to his office in silence. He sees the reporters by the front steps, so he takes the back route and hides in the basement parking before anyone could catch him. The office is still choked by the pall of sadness that they can't begin to explain. Hopefully, it'll end today. Hopefully, it'll end.

They try to operate normally while waiting. Joonmyun silently agonizes over the latest poll results; Yixing is busy talking to his client on the phone; Lu Han tries to review his schedule, but the numbers and places only fly by him as they usually do. Joonmyun seems content with him doing something "productive," though he'll never really know what's going on in Lu Han's mind.

They hear her arrive before they actually see her. The whole office silences outside the door, and soon the clicking of heels is heard getting louder and louder. Victoria opens the door, not intimidatingly, but with unspoken confidence. She's confident but not overbearingly so.

Lu Han wants to break into a grin and just smile at her all day. She is everything he wanted, and yet he does not want to be anything like what she needs for herself.

Joonmyun and Yixing bow before they leave the room, and soon enough, it's just them. Lu Han wants to say so much, to spill everything out to her, but he has to go straight to the point. They're not in the position to exchange pleasantries and make small talk.

"Why are you doing this, Victoria?" He's being as direct as he can manage.

"So we're really doing this, huh? No pretense, nothing to hide behind. We're just going to talk?" she asks.

"Please," he begs, and he's hoping that he doesn't sound even more desperate than he already seems.

"I can't bear to see you happy," she says. "I can't bear to see you achieving great things. I don't want you to have a good life without me, so if you won't take me back, then I'll make sure to ruin everything you have. I'm still mad, furious even, that you just left me hanging. Did you think it was easy to forgive you?"

His heart drops at her question. He doesn't want to compare them, doesn't want to relive the heartbreak that he felt as he let them down.

"You didn't tell me about all these big dreams, Lu Han. You didn't tell me that you were busy because of this. You gave me a shitty excuse, and I spent the past few years thinking about what it really was," she says angrily, voice rising with every word that she speaks.

"Just stop. Please stop this, Victoria. This media battle will only make everything harder for us," he pleads.

Victoria shakes her head. "Tell me first."

"What?"

"Tell me why you left me. Tell me the truth. Tell me the very thing I've been thinking of since you broke it off with me years ago," she demands.

The truth would be so easy to tell. He could just tell her that he didn't want the life that she wanted, and there was no way around that except to break it all off.

Or he could lie to her. He could tell her that maybe he didn't really love her as much as she loved him, and the pressure to reciprocate that love was too much to handle. He could spew a thousand lies and she would probably believe it, and maybe he could end this entire mess with even more guilt on his shoulders and the thought that he lied to her again and again and again and he doesn't deserve anything but misery for the countless times that he did this to people who don't deserve it.

Or he could tell the truth. And that he does.

"I didn't want your dream," he says plainly. "I didn't want to marry you and settle down and have kids and live this simple and perfect life. I didn't want any of that, but I didn't want this to happen. Maybe I was stupid, giving up so quickly because I was afraid that letting our relationship run its course would change me and force me to simply accept this because I loved you.

"And I did love you, Victoria. Don't ever doubt that. Every night, I regret breaking it off with you because you were one of the few people that I've ever truly loved. Everything was so easy with you, but as soon as you mentioned that dream, I knew that we weren't meant to be."

"How could you say that, Lu Han? How could you just assume that for the two of us right away?" she asks, voice cracking heavily.

"I'm not meant for someone who has ever thought of that. I'm not meant for someone who doesn't thrive on excitement, on the busy lives that we both lead." He holds her hand, and she doesn't push him away. "One day, someone will love you and want everything that you want. One day, we'll find the people who are meant for us, and I know that I'm not for you. I won't make you happy. I'll make you doubt our relationship everyday, and you'll be stuck with the constant worry despite your life being everything you wanted it to be."

When she lunges forward to hug him, he welcomes her into his arms, holding her tightly or else she'd completely slip from his grasp. Victoria doesn't cry much, but Lu Han has seen her at her worst and it still causes him great pain to see her like this.

You don't deserve to cry, and especially not because of me, he tells himself. Lu Han looks up, blinks away the slight wetness in his eyes, and focuses on Victoria. This isn't the right time for him to break down too; someone has to be strong for the two of them.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her ear. "I am so, so sorry."

No apologies will ever be enough, he knows. But Victoria just grips his shirt tighter and tighter until it almost hurts to have her this close to him. "All I wanted was clarity, Lu Han. For the past few years, I've always thought that it was me, that I was the problem."

"No," Lu Han says firmly. "Don't think that. Don't ever think that. You are perfect just the way that you are, and one day, someone will see that and love you for all that you are and all that you want to be."

"But it's not going to be you?" she asks weakly, finally managing to tear herself away from him to look into his eyes.

"It's not me. It was never me." And he looked away. There was too much emotion in Victoria's eyes; he didn't know if he could handle it for a moment longer.

She leans up to press a kiss against his cheek, hugging Lu Han's neck afterwards. "I'm sorry too, Lu Han. I'm sorry for thinking that ruining your life would be the only way to make mine feel better. I'm sorry that I lowered your chances of doing amazing things because I was selfish. I'm sorry too."

He squeezes her hand, kissing her forehead as he always did before. Victoria smiles at him and leaves hesitantly, and it feels too easy. He didn't expect everything to just end like this. He didn't expect himself to be brave enough to finally be an honest person, to finally stop running and hiding. Victoria was a start. He has so much more to go.

For a while, Lu Han tries to empty his mind. No right judgments are made when he's overcome with real emotion like this. No right judgments are made when he's not in his right mind either.

"Lu Han?" a soft voice asks. It's Yixing, and his presence feels like a double-edged sword in times like this. Sometimes he could be very useful, soothing Lu Han with harsh words and the chilling reality. Other times, he just reminds Lu Han of another failed relationship, one that he could have done something about if he really wanted to.

But didn't he want things to keep going with Yixing? Why was he always such a coward?

"You alright?" he asks, walking in carefully, as if he's afraid to approach a spooked animal. Lu Han nods, not trusting his voice to do anything yet.

Yixing sighs. "I understand Victoria's situation. I understand the feeling of being left behind, and we both felt that from you."

"Yixing, I--"

"No," Yixing cuts him off, "but that's enough talking. I'm starting to forgive you, starting to be so much more okay. I don't feel like killing you every time I see you. I don't feel like killing myself because I'm afraid that it's always been my fault. I don't want to know why we really broke up. I don't want to know why exactly you broke it off between us. It doesn't matter to me anymore."

He tries to walk out, but Lu Han grabs his wrist. "Yixing--"

"What?" he snaps, and Lu Han opens and closes his mouth to see what would come out of it. Nothing does. Yixing shakes his hands off gently and walks out.

Lu Han doesn't know how to react, how to move. He closes his eyes and breathes. This will all be over soon.

They tried to stay away as far as possible from each other, and with all the things that happened between them, it was understandable. Baekhyun, however, seemed to have other thoughts about it. And he had a knack for torturing Lu Han as much as he could.

"Joonmyun, I need you to go to all of our donation ventures in North America for about two weeks," he suddenly announced. Joonmyun gaped at him.

"Byun Baekhyun, I have absolutely no time for your practical jokes. The declaration of Lu Han's candidacy is in less than two months, and we've barely started on the preparations. They're going to die without me," he said. Baekhyun shook his head and looked at the tense expressions on Lu Han's and Yixing's faces.

"This isn't a joke!" he said. "I really need you to do this. You're in charge of our budget, and it's your responsibility to see what's happening with our money. Even if you haven't been doing much of that recently, I've excused you because of how important this part of the campaign is. I understood then, but this is just an event. I'm sure these two can handle it themselves while you go attend to the job that you've neglected for a little while now."

Baekhyun handed him an envelope with plane tickets and his itinerary. "You leave in two days. Have fun." He walked out before Joonmyun could get a word out.

Joonmyun stared at the envelope. "He must be kidding me."

"Not kidding!" Baekhyun shouted from outside the office. Joonmyun dropped his head on the desk.

"Oh god," he grumbled, "why is this happening to me?"

"It's not just happening to you," Lu Han quietly commented. He sneaked a glance at Yixing and sighed. They both look unhappy because of this, but who wouldn't?

Joonmyun stood up suddenly, hit with inspiration. "We should plan as much as we can while I'm still here. Two days is still a lot of time and--"

"No," Yixing interrupted. "That's not necessary. We can handle this, Joonmyun."

Lu Han looked at him, annoyed by his rejection of Joonmyun's help. What's his problem? Everything Joonmyun had planned for Lu Han had always worked out. He was basically Lu Han's greatest asset, even more helpful than Yixing and his ruthless determination. Why did they hire him anyway? It's not like they would have crashed and burned without him.

"I-- alright," he conceded. "I have some other things to take care of too. It's really alright for both of you to handle it on your own?"

"It's fine. We'll take care of everything," answered Yixing. And then Joonmyun left them, hurrying out of the office in panic. Lu Han was still staring at the floor.

"I dare you to complain, Lu Han." Yixing turned towards him. "Don't tell me that you think we won't survive without Joonmyun. We will. And it's obviously a ploy from Baekhyun to get him to take a break, a break that's long overdue."

Lu Han wanted to respond, but he couldn't get any of his words out. Fine. Maybe he had to be more mature about this.

"And we're all exhausted, Lu Han. Let's just get this over with as peacefully as possible."

When both of them understood what necessity was, it became easier to work together. Maybe back then, they had space for their personal agendas, but now there was no time. It's either they acted professional, or they wasted their time.

Separation helped. Yixing was given his list of tasks and Lu Han was given his. If they needed anything from each other, they could always ask, but they stayed as independent as possible. They were friendly enough to smile at each other in the morning, and that was a huge improvement from their situation before.

Lu Han's phone rang in the middle of his guest list screening. Yixing was sitting in front of him, trying to look for any press contacts that he had so they could invite them as well to the event. Lu Han saw Joonmyun's name on the caller ID and rolled his eyes. Of course he'd try to micromanage them.

"Joonmyun, we're alive. I swear," he answered.

Joonmyun chuckled, and Lu Han could imagine how he'd be shaking his head. "You know I just want to check if you're alright. Of course I knew you'd be okay."

"Lies," Yixing said. "You have no faith in us." His tone was joking, but he spoke the truth. Joonmyun really didn't trust them.

"Come on, guys. Have a little faith in me too!" He laughed. "But really, how is it so far?"

"It's good, it's good. So far, we have a stage and a reception area and a guest list that's halfway done. Am I right?" Lu Han confirmed with Yixing and he nodded. "Yeah, it's halfway done."

"Good. I was worried that you two didn't have anything done at all. That would have sent me into a panic attack."

"I can imagine that," Yixing said. "Go enjoy your vacation, Joonmyun."

"New York is not as fun as they made it look like in the pictures. Sure, the flying cars are pretty cool, but I'm pretty sure we'll get that in a few years or so. No big deal," he said tiredly. "I just want to go home."

Lu Han and Yixing looked at each other. Joonmyun really needed this break.

"Go and enjoy, Joonmyun. We'll be fine," said Lu Han. A part of him was sure of that; they've sort of learned already. They won't mess up the slight peace that they've achieved.

It's funny how close they actually are. All three of them, they've gone through some huge things together. At the beginning, Joonmyun was a bit of an outsider because of Lu Han and Yixing's long history, but they became a team. And even if they've been broken apart, Lu Han still trusted the two of them with his everything. They were solid, especially when they were together.

"Fine, I'll let you two go. Take care of yourselves," said Joonmyun. Lu Han smiled. "You know I'll take care of myself. Don't worry about me."

They hung up, and then Lu Han and Yixing were back in their world alone. Silence crept into their minds, and they tried to work efficiently, but something felt heavy in their minds. Lu Han risked a peek at Yixing and saw that he stopped working as well. Yixing dropped his phone and looked at Lu Han, a pensive look on his face.

"So, we're back to the plaza in front of the building?" Yixing asked. Lu Han was taken aback by the sudden work-related question, since they used to give each other soft smiles, a gentle "Are you okay?" when they had those quiet moments. That won't be happening any time soon. That much is clear to Lu Han.

"That seems like a good idea. I've spent a lot of time with the company recently. People wouldn't really mind, would they?" Lu Han asked for confirmation. Yixing nodded.

"They won't. At least I hope they don't." Lu Han tilted his head in confusion. "It's impossible to avoid critics. You should get used to it."

"I am used to it," Lu Han said crisply. Yixing wasn't there for the past eleven years when he had been struggling to get at least one thing right instead of always messing up and being scrutinized for it. Yixing wasn't there when he broke down because the senate president was trying to kill him by setting a deadline for a decision at the worst possible time. He didn't know any of Lu Han's struggles, the real ones that he couldn't hide with a smile so he chose to hide it completely.

Lu Han sighed. There's no use in making a big deal out of it. Yixing didn't know.

For the next few days, they went back to the radio silence. Yixing got better in handling logistics and simple arrangements while they finalized the guest list and Lu Han's speech. Joonmyun slowly stopped calling as he started his trip in Canada, from New Toronto to Vancouver. Lu Han liked it more when he and Yixing were left to handle themselves. He felt the tense silence melt into more familiar emptiness. It was nice.

"Do you remember our last campaign?" Yixing suddenly asked. Lu Han looked up from his computer, going through the financial records of Moon Tree for the past few weeks that he's taken more control over it again. Well, Baekhyun really was right when he said that he was doing well. It seemed as if all of Lu Han's activities just gave them more losses to deal with.

Back to Yixing, Lu Han simply gaped at him. He thought that would be taboo for them, a topic that they would never discuss until everything was over. Apparently not.

"How could I forget?" He had so many reasons to remember.

"We were young back then. Now I can see all those little mistakes that we could have avoided from the very beginning," Yixing commented. "It was a really long time ago."

"It really was." Lu Han looked away. The city didn't change, but its inhabitants did.

"It was a mistake," said Yixing suddenly. Lu Han didn't know if he meant the campaign or everything else during and after it. "Let's go back to work."

Lu Han wanted to tear his hair out. He wanted to break this peace, wanted Yixing to shout at him and speak with venom lacing his every word and show more than this empty husk that Lu Han would never get used to.

Halfway through their usual work day, Yixing picked up a call and went to the corner. "What? Are you kidding me, Jongdae? We've dealt with this before; I'm sure you can-- you what?" Yixing yelled. "Fuck, nice job! I'm going over there right now; don't do a single thing!"

Yixing angrily grabbed his coat on the hook. "I have to go," he said with a grave voice. "Let me go."

"Go," Lu Han answered softly, afraid to agitate him any further. Yixing stormed out, and Lu Han didn't even have to ask to know that they've got an emergency at work.

He didn't expect it to be so difficult to have half a day just by himself, answering calls and dealing with people who he didn't really know, and he never saw this side of Yixing's job. Yixing always seemed like he was completely calm about everything, but Lu Han had half a day in his shoes and he felt like drowning.

Lu Han woke up to fingers gently prodding his shoulders and sides. He buried his head into the soft throw pillows of his office's couch and groans. "Go away, Joonmyun."

"It's Yixing." Lu Han froze at the sound of his voice. "Get up. Go home."

Lu Han rolled to his back and looked up at Yixing through narrowed lids. "Why are you here?" He looked around then down at himself. "Why am I here?"

Yixing chuckled. "I was thinking the exact same thing." He sat on the floor, just a bit above eye-level with the couch. "I'm sorry for leaving all of a sudden. I'm sure it was overwhelming to have to take over for me for a while, but I had an emergency."

Lu Han sat up, rubbing his eyes blearily. "What time is it?"

"Eight-fourteen. Go home," Yixing repeated. He stood up and offered his hand to Lu Han. The older male took it, not really caring anymore. Yixing was being nice. That was pretty rare, so he wanted to enjoy it.

"Take the day off. I'll take care of everything here," said Yixing. Lu Han opened his mouth to object, but Yixing shook his head. "You're tired. Get some rest today."

"What about you? Aren't you tired?" asked Lu Han. He saw Yixing's mouth twitch upwards for a moment, but it vanished as quick as it came.

"I'm fine. You aren't." And that was the end of it. Lu Han went home and slept until the afternoon. He wanted to go back or call Yixing, wanted an ear into the campaign at all times. It's not because he didn't trust Yixing; he was well-over that part of himself. He just didn't want to feel useless, didn't want others to think that he was just a puppet for Yixing and Joonmyun. This was his campaign, and they agreed to help him with it. That didn't mean he wanted them to make every single decision for him.

At least he could practice his speech, solidify his platform, speak the words that he really wanted to say. This, he had control over. He could control himself, and no one else could do that for him.

The next day, Joonmyun was finally back. Lu Han hugged him tightly, missing him so much despite not really realizing it until he's had Joonmyun back. The younger male grinned at him, certainly more at ease than how he was before the vacation.

"Everything's still in one piece," Joonmyun commented. "Thank god," he muttered under his breath.

"Joonmyun! Welcome back," greeted Baekhyun. He placed a hand on his hip and slowly slid it down. "You look different. Did you--"

Joonmyun hit his arm and gave him a stern glare. "I'm still pissed at you," he said. "Go away. We have work."

Baekhyun rolled his eyes. "Alright then." He innocuously went out, but Joonmyun was still grumbling and shaking his head even when he's already left the room.

"So, let's do something. Let's all have dinner!" Lu Han proposed. Yixing nudged him with his elbow and he cleared his throat. "Unless you're still tired, of course."

Joonmyun grinned. "No, let's go out. I'm sure you two have a lot to tell me after two whole weeks of me not being here to make sure that you two don't do anything stupid."

Lu Han smiled at the way Yixing was smiling at Joonmyun and Joonmyun was grinning at the two of them. Really, he wouldn't know what to do if they never became a team like this.

PART 7