listen through silence.
listen through silence.
luhan-centric, lay/luhan, minor!chanyeol/kyungsoo - pg - angst - implied smut - 5656 words
It's all for the better, though.
edited: 9/13/2013
Lu Han rests his head on his hands. His cup of coffee has gone long past cold, and the slice of cake he ordered has one bite and nothing else. The collar of his black shirt itches, and he takes his coat off and rolls his sleeves up. His outfit almost screams "I'm mourning; console me!" and Lu Han feels sick to the stomach knowing that he is a mourner.
His back and shoulders are still humming from the comforting hands trying to display their insincere consolations, eyes red from the little crying he's been doing when no one's looking, ears ringing from the repetitive words of his father's lawyer.
It still isn't sinking into Lu Han's mind that his father is gone; gone forever from his life. No one told him that loss would be the worst pain he would ever feel, that nothing could prepare him for death taking back the time life borrowed from it. Lu Han's eyes speak of bitter longing, of acceptance that he still wants to deny.
He looks up from his hands and looks around the small coffee shop he's taken refuge in. The ashes were scattered, the final words were said and Lu Han didn't want to stay a moment longer in the memory of the man he once dreamed to be. The soft beige tones calm him down, the wafting smell of coffee and freshly-baked pastries remind him of the good things in life, and he suddenly finds the will to live again.
The slice of cake is soon devoured in a haze of what seems to be grief-eating. Lu Han's eyes linger on the crumbs left on the porcelain plate, comparing himself to the nearly unnoticeable cracks on its surface. There really is nothing more beautiful than what's just a little broken.
Lu Han looks up again and his eyes meet someone else's. The eyes speak of mirth and curiosity, and Lu Han doesn't know if it's better than the pity that he expected; the pity that's acceptable in his situation. Maybe Lu Han doesn't look as miserable as he feels, then he sees the masked despair in the stranger's eyes and the silent screaming of "get me out of here," only detectable by those who feel the same way.
The man stands up and sits in front of Lu Han. There's surprise in both of their faces, as if both of them can't believe that this is actually happening. The stranger doesn't do anything and Lu Han is left gaping at him until he whips out his phone and starts typing.
How rude, Lu Han thinks to himself, but having the pretty person sitting in front of him (making him look less like a mourning loner) isn't really that bad. His phone dies and Lu Han smiles at the look of frustration on his face.
The stranger makes some sort of motion with his hand and Lu Han's just staring at him in confusion. Exasperated, the guy grabs his phone and starts typing furiously again.
In a normal situation, Lu Han would be enraged and he'd call the cops or do anything other than stare bemusedly at the person who just grabbed his phone and started randomly typing. He chooses to indulge him because he is lonely and trying to keep a psycho occupied would be much better than having the psycho do anything worse than a spontaneous lend of a very expensive gadget. It could be worse.
"You're clearly not okay but I don't think it's my business to ask you why you're sad. Just try not to pout for long periods of time or else everyone's going to be sitting in front of you and taking your phone just to check if you're okay."
Lu Han can almost hear the smirk in the message, and he smirks back. "I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who's actually willing to take someone's phone without being permitted to."
This time, Lu Han hands the phone to him. "I'm pretty sure even psychopaths can give decent advice."
Lu Han laughs loudly, and the smile on his face is semi-permanent after he comes down from his high. The guy is still staring at him, and the mirth in his eyes is still there, still burning brightly.
"Do you have a sore throat or something? Why can't you speak?"
The pause that follows is long and awkward. Lu Han's phone stays still in the stranger's hand, as if he was stuck in pause for a long time. He types slowly; the characters don't seem to be rolling out of his mind automatically, unlike before. When Lu Han gets his phone back, it all makes sense.
"I'm mute."
The way his eyes hold so much emotion, how he carries himself through his actions and how he stays perpetually silent but his words speak volumes; it all makes perfect sense. His voice is gone, but his words aren't.
He gets Lu Han's phone again, and when he gets it back, the screen is on a new contact's name. "Zhang Yixing," Lu Han breathes out. He extends his hand and they shake cordially. "Nice to meet you. I'm Lu Han."
Yixing smiles, cute little dimple at his cheek showing. He types a quick "message me sometime" before standing and bowing deeply. He takes his coat from the seat he was on, and he walks out of the small coffee shop, leaving Lu Han staring at the number in his phone.
"Zhang Yixing," Lu Han says again. The name rolls off his tongue smoothly. Yixing is a stranger, a kind stranger yes, but nonetheless a complete stranger.
Lu Han doesn't hesitate when he sends a message asking for them to meet again.
No one told him that making friends with a complete stranger could possibly be the best experience of his life.
Yixing smiles like the sun never goes down, talks by typing like his mind never runs out of thoughts, provokes Lu Han's own mind with riddles and stories that could have a hundred thousand different meanings. Yixing is a riddle in itself; the greatest riddle of them all.
Lu Han spends his nights figuring him out, fingers gripping his phone as if Yixing would magically decide to ask them to meet or simply just talk. Their conversations spark something in Lu Han, a wonder he's ignored and shoved away when reality started kicking in and he had no more time to spend on his idle curiosities.
Yixing sends him a photo, then another, and another, and that's when Lu Han realizes that Yixing's trying to tell him something. He searches up "Sign Language" (adds a quick "for dummies" because, really, Lu Han isn't that smart of a person). The pictures still don’t make sense until he finally starts piecing together the pictures and their word meanings.
“Meet me tomorrow in the place where we met”
Lu Han smiles and studies the sign language manual until his eyes can’t keep themselves open.
Seeing Yixing again brings a wide smile to Lu Han’s face, mirroring the one on Yixing’s. They’re silent until Lu Han starts talking and talking and it’s so effortless with Yixing that he doesn’t even stop until he realizes that everyone in the small coffee shop knows about how much of a failure he is at work. An apologetic smile and embarrassed laugh later, Yixing is still smiling at him like he’s the cutest thing ever and he blushes. He thinks that Yixing is a good listener, but the knowledge that he has no choice but to listen pains him.
Yixing does something with his coffee, a slight twirl of the stirrer clockwise then the other way around, which makes Lu Han shiver. He sees older hands, tired from decades of hard work, gripping the mug’s handle tightly while staring at the motion of the coffee inside it. He hears a weary voice, cracked with disuse and actual weakness. His father’s eyes look at him with shining pride, faithful and unwavering. Lu Han wants to think that he doesn’t deserve it because his father will always be more of a man than he ever could be.
A warm hand finds its way on top of Lu Han’s clenched fist. Yixing is smiling, not as bright as before, and the concern is real and evident in his eyes. Lu Han shakes his head and pushes the thought of his father’s last and only tears away.
Really, Lu Han’s too old to be living his life like a teenager. He’s really not supposed to go out of town on the weekends in a random trip to a beach or to the side of a mountain or something. He’s a little too old to believe that there are such things as dreams that come true or nightmares that aren’t real. He’s too deep into his “real world” to still want to lie down under the stars and wish for life to start all over again.
Yixing takes his hand and guides him to the youth he’s been missing, towards the stars in the sky and the promise of something more. Yixing is the epitome of mindful recklessness, of throwing everything to the wind but making sure that he knows where it’s blowing.
Their relationship is not the one dependent on words to hold it up. They can spend hours of silence just staring at things, appreciating everything that is and everything that it could still be. It’s horribly teenager-y and Lu Han’s mind goes back to the thought that maybe he is a little too old for this. Then Yixing messages him, asking if he’s free during the weekend and he can’t help but say yes.
Simplicity plays a big role in their friendship. Their closeness is wordless, action-based, nearly tangible with how real it was. Lu Han craves for Yixing’s time, for his little insights on the world. Yixing craves for Lu Han, and simply Lu Han.
Lu Han doesn’t believe in true happiness until Yixing shows him that it’s real.
“Yixing!”
Joonmyun runs up to him and hugs him tightly. Lu Han and Yifan are left staring at the two while Joonmyun tries to stop his tears and Yixing is trying to get the shorter male’s hands off him. Lu Han gives Yifan a questioning look and he shrugs.
“I think they were friends during high school, when Joonmyun’s family first moved to China,” Yifan explains. “The last time they saw each other was... before the operation.”
Lu Han understands what he means. It explains why Joonmyun talks and talks and talks and still expects Yixing to reply. After just a month or two of knowing him, Lu Han can already detect the faint sadness in Yixing’s smile. He can already see that he wants to leave and stop himself from going back to the time when a conversation with Joonmyun wouldn’t be so hard.
“Joonmyun, you’re going to be late, I swear,” Yifan says with exasperation. “And then you’ll blame me even when I’m the one kind enough to give you a ride.”
The younger man glares at him before waving goodbye at Yixing and Lu Han. They walk to the elevator, trying to shove each other down without wrinkling their suits. Yixing pulls out a DVD from behind him and Lu Han sighs.
“A deal is a deal. Let’s watch that crap movie before I decide to shove you down the stairs.”
He wants to jump off the building. The dull grey and occasional red lipstick and brown envelopes choke Lu Han’s mind. He can’t believe that he’s spent seven years of his life in this hellhole, slaving away for greedy corporations and faceless clients. Lu Han rolls his eyes at the rush of exhilaration he got when he was given his first project, when he accepted the job, when he graduated from college with a course that he never truly wanted.
The thought of quitting and chasing after his dreams has occurred too many times in Lu Han’s mind for it to be healthy. He doesn’t remember when it started to be an anchor in his life; a constant reminder that he is miserable in what he’s doing for a living. The atmosphere is competitive and stifling and giving up sounds so amazing to Lu han’s ears.
It’s too late now, but he still blames himself for the monotony that is his life.
Yixing has turned from a random stranger to a constant in Lu Han’s life, the kind of constant that barges into your life and throws everything you thought you knew off-course. He is the constant that is telling Lu Han to stop looking at things as variables and instead as experiences that he should cherish, no matter how miserable they are.
Yixing’s smile is almost synonymous to Yixing himself; a smile that speaks of experiences and laughter and more sadness than Lu Han ever thought could be possible. Lu Han swears that nothing will ever be the same when that smile turns off.
Yixing tells him a lot about his life. It’s mostly through texting and lip reading and a pure connection that they converse about these things.
Yixing’s family is well-off and when his father died a few years ago, the title of their large corporation (Yixing still refuses to name it because Yixing doesn’t want to be treated differently, Lu Han says he doesn’t care, he still says no) fell on his older brother’s shoulders and there was enough money left for Yixing to live freely for the rest of his life.
Lu Han asks him if he ever thought of working and living independently, and Yixing just shakes his head. “My parents’ last wish is for me to be happy. I think they’ve given me the means to be as happy as I want to be.”
“But the thrill is just different when you’re earning your own money and paying for your rent and all the crap that really isn’t as fun as how I’m saying it,” Lu Han says.
“I’m a handicap, according to his will. I’m okay with having an easy life,” Yixing types into his phone.
Lu Han drops the issue, but he knows that Yixing’s mind is still lingering on it, turning it over and over in his head until he figures out every little thing about it. That’s how Yixing works. He overthinks again and again because he thinks it makes everything easier, but it doesn’t. Thinking makes him dwell, and dwelling holds him down, and that’s just wrong. Yixing is free, free as a bird, and the thought of him being held down by his own thoughts makes Lu Han lose a little more hope on his life.
Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are the two noisy neighbors Lu Han’s had for the past three years. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are the annoying best friends that go out with their two other friends every few Friday nights in search of a drink and possibly a fling. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are also, unfortunately, two of Lu Han’s closest friends and the older male is always forced to take care of them when they’re too busy being stupid to care about anything else.
Lu Han is alerted when he and Yixing playing some video game and he heard the familiar cheers and laughing from Baekhyun and Jongdae, the two other annoying friends he talked about before. He steps out for a moment, only to find Chanyeol dragging a grumpy Kyungsoo out of their apartment.
“Responsible friend?” Lu Han asks with a smirk. Kyungsoo pulls out his car keys from his pocket before locking their door.
“Unfortunately, yes. Wish me luck,” Kyungsoo says before waving goodbye and allowing Chanyeol to place his arm around the much smaller boy’s shoulders. He yells out in excitement before hitting his head on the doors of the elevator. Kyungsoo laughs even as he tries to soothe the painful spot on Chanyeol’s forehead.
Lu Han shakes his head before walking back inside. He laughs when Yixing hastily hides a microwaveable container behind the couch. The younger of the two refuses to go to Lu Han’s apartment unless he has creamy pasta stored in his fridge.
Lu Han takes a napkin and wipes at the excess sauce on his lips. Yixing rolls his eyes and wipes himself until Lu Han goes away and stops doting on him. They spend another lazy night trying to beat each other’s high scores on repetitive video games and throwing pillows and balls of paper at each other and being dumb (not as dumb as Chanyeol and Baekhyun, but pretty stupid for two men in their mid-twenties.)
Yixing is fast asleep on his couch when Lu Han hears Chanyeol and Kyungsoo come back. He goes out to the hallway and is greeted by something he never expected to see:
Kyungsoo with his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, pressed against the wall, kissing.
Lu Han wants to stop them because it’s clear that Chanyeol is drunk and Kyungsoo wants this and that’s why he’s-- oh.
Kyungsoo wants it.
He can see it clearly when he pulls away from the giant carrying him and sends Lu Han a pleading look of “please don’t disturb us; I’ve wanted this for too long.” Lu Han goes back inside and sits down on the dining table, staring at nothing in particular.
He doesn’t know why he’s never seen it; the way Kyungsoo would always stay with Chanyeol no matter what, the way he would smile and look at the older male as if he can’t live without him and Chanyeol didn’t act differently. Lu Han always assumed that they were that way because they’ve been best friends since, like, forever. And the way Chanyeol held him in that hallway didn’t seem at all like an action done in an alcohol-induced haze. It seemed like a hidden desire that could only be released through an excuse that wouldn’t matter once they finally decided to man up and admit what they felt.
Lu Han looks at his other friends and wonders if they ever had those desires too. Yifan and Joonmyun seemed like they were so close, but there was something different about them. He can feel a change between them, an intimacy that appeared out of nowhere.
He starts to wonder if all close friends would end up like Chanyeol and Kyungsoo; tension building up quietly until it just explodes. Lu Han looks at his friend sleeping on his couch and hopes that it won’t. The thought of losing this one would be too much to handle for him.
Random lunch dates with the new couple are awkward so he spends most of his time eating with Minseok, the only best friend of his that isn’t completely insane. Minseok laughs when he finds out that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo have finally “worked it out.”
“It took them long enough. You don’t understand how hard it is to work with Kyungsoo and hear him mope about Chanyeol getting it with another girl and dating someone and not paying all of his attention to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo only,” Minseok says with an exasperated sigh. This time, it’s Lu Han who laughs at him.
“They’re even more pesky now that they’ve got it all figured out in their little world of laughing and loud sex,” Lu Han bitterly mutters and Minseok stares at him incredulously. “Oh, trust me; you do not want to be in our building’s floor when they’re doing what they’re doing.”
Minseok’s face contorts and then both of them are leaning on the table, laughing loudly without a care in the world. The older of the two (though neither of them look twenty-seven) throws a balled-up tissue at his face. “Fix your face, please.”
Lu Han rolls his eyes and looks away (before throwing the tissue back because they’re really just cute that way).
Spring rolls around quickly and Lu Han is soaring through it. He feels like he’s on top of the world, like nothing can stop him anymore. Even his usual pessimistic anti-disappointment mechanism can’t bring him down.
After he got the news of his promotion, he only invites Yixing to his celebratory movie marathon and they watch random comedies and eat pasta until Yixing falls asleep on his shoulder, empty plate dangerously close to falling from his lap. Lu Han places it on the coffee table and turns off the TV.
Yixing jolts awake and the older male is left staring at him. Yixing shakes his head and mouths an apology. There’s a pause in his movements and that’s when Lu Han notices the deep eye bags and his pale complexion. He frowns, placing his hand on Yixing’s forehead to check his temperature. He doesn’t have a fever, but he’s definitely sick.
He tries to resist Lu Han’s touch, but when he feels the familiar fingers running through his hair, Yixing sighs and lies down on the couch. “Thank you,” he signs, and Lu Han smiles.
“Anything for you,” Lu Han signs back.
When he gets back from the hospital, Yixing explains to Lu Han that he was suffering a severe case of “I really need to get out of this city” disease and the only way to cure it is if a close friend of his goes out of the city with him. Lu Han is amused, but he decides to indulge him.
“I’m going to take you to one of the vacation houses we had near the beach. My brother is too busy working to stay there so he told me that for the most part, it would be mine. We used to love going here, and my brother and I would always bring out the boat and start rowing and it was a lot of fun. Of course, we both grew out of that phase, but I know he still loves boats and all of that.
“My family hasn’t been on vacation since my mom died, but that’s okay. My dad’s been getting sicker and sicker since mom went and he had to be in the hospital really often. It’s much easier for us not to go out. I wish things weren’t so complicated with my father and all, but we took what we could get.”
Lu Han put down the phone and looked at the man driving the car he was on. Yixing was emotionless for the first time, driving straight ahead. The determination in his eyes is startling, and Lu Han knows that he isn’t going back to that house just for Lu Han’s enjoyment. He knows that it’s a house of memories, of things that Yixing buries underneath his permanent silence; things he wants again, but things he can never have again.
Lu Han can understand him. He can understand the heart-wrenching pain of having to go back to memories that just seem too familiar and yet so distant from the present. It’s the feeling that you’ve fallen down from the highest mountain and you’re so far from the stars, but they’re still there; still shining, still beautiful. It’s the feeling of acceptance that you don’t want; you don’t want to accept that they’re gone, you don’t want to accept that there will still be a life waiting for you once the grief period is over and that there will be so much more time before you go back to the one you’ve lost.
Yixing finally stops the car in front of a huge gate. His hands are still gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles are white and he can’t feel anything except for the gritting of his teeth. Lu Han presses the buckle of both of their seat belts and places his hand on Yixing’s, letting him break down and cry with his head on Lu Han’s shoulder.
The cool night air is softly blowing on Lu Han’s skin. The small waves tickle his toes and he steps back a little, sitting on a lone log that the waves can’t touch. The pale moon is his source of light, and the stars twinkle and shine down on him.
He loves the solitude, the peace of feeling like he’s the only one in the world. His mind is a swirling hurricane of a mess and in those few moments, he feels nothing but emptiness; the good kind that leaves him open to a new world and a new day.
Lu Han feels warmth beside him and he smiles when he sees a sleepy Yixing rubbing his eyes and staring at the view of the sea in front of them. Yixing is clad in a thin shirt and sweatpants, and he looks so tired that the only thing Lu Han wants to do is pull him closer and hug him tightly. He doesn’t need to worry about that when Yixing takes his arm and puts it around his shoulders, leaning on Lu Han’s chest. It’s a silent plea, a wordless “please hold me and don’t let me go” and Lu Han complies.
He wakes Yixing up when he’s starting to fall asleep too, and they take slow steps back to the house, fingers interlocked with each other’s. Lu Han whispers softly in his ear, slowly reciting poetry and other things that he’s never shared with Yixing. It’s a tender moment, one that shines with the simplicity that they’ve reveled in. Lu Han knows that it’s highly improbable that Yixing would remember it, but Lu Han would always know and he would always remember it as clear as day.
Yixing bows one last time in front of the picture of his parents, tears streaming down his face. Lu Han holds his hand through the process, and the smile on Yixing’s blotched face warms his heart.
This time, he’s the one driving, and he’s just so amazing that he ended up getting lost. Yixing is chuckling at him while they desperately try to find their way back to the main highway. It’s a fun way to end their weekend, with laughter and fond looks of incredulity and so much disbelief because they’re “twenty-seven years old; you should really stop getting lost!”
When they find themselves surrounded by buildings all over and crowded streets and the promise of a future and all that’ll be in it, they know that they’re home.
When summer is at its peak, life rushes by like a speeding rocket; spending no time in just one place. They move in different speeds, some faster than the others, some choosing to enjoy the scenery before dashing past it in a daze. Summer is all about heat and life and movement; always constant movement.
Summer also brings the memories of lazy afternoons and damp cloths being pressed against the back of his neck and warm nights and even warmer touches. It has the memories of sweet smiles and fingers perfectly fitting with each other. Summer is the constant reminder that there can always be more.
Lu Han sighs softly, staring deep into the eyes of the man before him. Yixing is sitting down in front of the couch beside him, and they’ve been looking at each other for god knows how long, just simply admiring each other.
When Lu Han holds his chin and presses their lips together softly, it’s not passion or love that pushes them to do it. It’s wonder that makes them ask “can there be more? Is this all that we’ll ever be?” Wonder tells Yixing to respond, to grab Lu Han’s shoulders as desperately as he truly felt. It’s what makes them find themselves on the bed, already tangled together in the sheets.
It’s what pushes them to push and to pull and to let nothing hold them back anymore.
Lu Han wakes up normally, like any other day. He starts to think that it’s normal until he feels lips softly pressing against his neck, occasionally nibbling and soothing the marks with the tongue. Lu Han is about to jump out of bed, then he remembers what happened last night and everything seems so much better now.
He looks down at Yixing in his arms, and he slides his hand up from Yixing’s waist until he’s holding his chin. The kiss is soft and sweet, and Yixing buries his head in the crook of his neck afterwards. He kisses the top of his head then signing “you have the most beautiful words.”
Lu Han feels him stiffen up, and only then does he realize that he accidentally exchanged the sign for “words” with the one for “voice.” Lu Han immediately apologizes but Yixing shakes his head and gets up from the bed.
He feels so disappointed and he just wants to shout at himself for making such a dumb mistake. He watches as Yixing walks (limps, more accurately) towards his jeans discarded on the floor. He pulls out his phone from the pocket and lies down beside him again, playing a song in his player.
It doesn’t seem like a pop song, and Lu Han figures out that it’s an original composition by Yixing, sung by Yixing. The voice surprises him; it’s not really what he expected but he knows that it’s Yixing just by the little smile he can hear in every smooth syllable that rolls off his tongue. Lu Han can imagine Yixing singing into a mic with the background music playing, eyes closed while he focuses on nailing his notes.
Lu Han doesn’t realize that he’s tearing up until the first tear slips from his eyes and he hastily covers it up with the blanket. Yixing grins with moisture in his own eyes and he hugs Lu Han tightly, pressing his lips on his forehead. They stay in that position until both of them are too hungry to be lying around and they run to the kitchen wearing loose boxers and no shirts.
They still bicker a little like best friends, and Lu Han almost feels like nothing at all has changed.
Then Yixing leans down and kisses him hotly, and that’s when Lu Han remembers that there is definitely something that changed.
“So you and Yixing are a thing now?” Yifan laughs at the blush on Lu Han’s face and Joonmyun giggles with him.
“Yes, we are a thing. And I’m proud of it,” Lu Han says. Joonmyun’s phone starts ringing and his face lights up when he checks who it is.
“I have to get this, sorry.” He walks out of the restaurant they’re in. Yifan sends him a look before turning back to Lu Han.
“What about you and Joonmyun? Are you two a thing yet?” Lu Han smirks, but the shocked look on Yifan’s face tells him that maybe some of his predictions were wrong.
“We’re not a thing. We’ve never even thought of being a thing or each other as anything but a close friend!” Yifan isn’t defensive; just honest.
“What do you mean? I thought you two were...” Yifan shakes his head at Lu Han.
“We’re best friends, but we’re not Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. We haven’t been friends since forever and we’re not comfortable with walking in on each other in the bathroom or something. We don’t have secret feelings that we know are genuine but we don’t know how to express them without possibly losing our friendship. Joonmyun is one of my closest friends, and that’s all that there is to it.
“And besides, he’s engaged.”
Lu Han audibly gasps. He looks at Joonmyun outside the window again, happily chatting with someone on the phone. Maybe he’s talking to her.
“It’s been arranged by their family, but she’s his good friend. They really like each other,” Yifan says. There’s a longing in his eyes as he looks at Joonmyun standing around outside. It’s not the longing that Lu Han initially expected; it’s more of the longing one half has for its other half. It’s the longing that isn’t strictly romantic, just the longing of those who were incomplete without the other. “He didn’t plan on telling anybody until the time came, but he’s going back to Korea in a month.”
“Wow,” Lu Han breathes out. “How about you? Any big plans?”
Yifan smiles. “I’m going back to Canada around the same time that Joonmyun’s leaving. I got a promotion and they’re sending me to the branch back at home.”
Lu Han grins at him, a little sad that he’s leaving, but still happy. “Congrats! I can’t believe so many things are changing now.”
“I think it’s all for the better though.”
“I agree,” Lu Han says as he receives a text.
“Coffee shop date later? I promise to pay this time.”
He smiles at his phone before typing a quick “yes” and agreeing again with Yifan.
In one year, Lu Han found himself in the happiest he’s ever been. When he accepted change, a step forward from the tragedy he just went through, life delivered and it all just came through.
He placed the picture of his father on the table, bowing on his knees as the tears softly stream down his face. Lu Han is silent and still as the memories flood into his mind. His father’s proud look is burned into his mind, and he wants to be worth of the pride. He wants to be worthy of his father’s love and of everything that he’s ever achieved and received in his life.
There’s a hand on his shoulder, and he hears shuffling beside him until Yixing is there, bowing beside him. Lu Han sits up, watching as Yixing does nothing but bow deeply.
He’s surprised when Yixing sits up and takes a deep breath. He signs slowly, as if he’s hoping that the picture of Lu Han’s father would understand. Lu Han’s eyes widen when he realizes what Yixing’s trying to say.
“I would like to be worthy of your son, sir.”
a/n: so I was finally able to edit it yay first non-krisho fic!! yes I know that this is severely lacking (I'll probably lock it again just so I can reedit what I've already edited) but just posting it now so everyone will know how bad it really was. :P
really sorry for the crappy slight!krisho at the end. i just wanted to make a point that not all close friendships will end in a romantic way. some are just meant to stay as friendships, and krisho's relationship was one of those.
and "the operation" is how yixing lost his vocal chords. he had an infection (possibly laryngitis; i didn't do too much research on that, sorry) and they had to remove it before the infection could spread to any other part of his body. sorry i wasn't able to fully describe it in the fic; i didn't know exactly where to put it without making it an overload of italics or "yixing said that he..." sentences.
next project is a krisho fic woot woot
luhan-centric, lay/luhan, minor!chanyeol/kyungsoo - pg - angst - implied smut - 5656 words
It's all for the better, though.
edited: 9/13/2013
Lu Han rests his head on his hands. His cup of coffee has gone long past cold, and the slice of cake he ordered has one bite and nothing else. The collar of his black shirt itches, and he takes his coat off and rolls his sleeves up. His outfit almost screams "I'm mourning; console me!" and Lu Han feels sick to the stomach knowing that he is a mourner.
His back and shoulders are still humming from the comforting hands trying to display their insincere consolations, eyes red from the little crying he's been doing when no one's looking, ears ringing from the repetitive words of his father's lawyer.
It still isn't sinking into Lu Han's mind that his father is gone; gone forever from his life. No one told him that loss would be the worst pain he would ever feel, that nothing could prepare him for death taking back the time life borrowed from it. Lu Han's eyes speak of bitter longing, of acceptance that he still wants to deny.
He looks up from his hands and looks around the small coffee shop he's taken refuge in. The ashes were scattered, the final words were said and Lu Han didn't want to stay a moment longer in the memory of the man he once dreamed to be. The soft beige tones calm him down, the wafting smell of coffee and freshly-baked pastries remind him of the good things in life, and he suddenly finds the will to live again.
The slice of cake is soon devoured in a haze of what seems to be grief-eating. Lu Han's eyes linger on the crumbs left on the porcelain plate, comparing himself to the nearly unnoticeable cracks on its surface. There really is nothing more beautiful than what's just a little broken.
Lu Han looks up again and his eyes meet someone else's. The eyes speak of mirth and curiosity, and Lu Han doesn't know if it's better than the pity that he expected; the pity that's acceptable in his situation. Maybe Lu Han doesn't look as miserable as he feels, then he sees the masked despair in the stranger's eyes and the silent screaming of "get me out of here," only detectable by those who feel the same way.
The man stands up and sits in front of Lu Han. There's surprise in both of their faces, as if both of them can't believe that this is actually happening. The stranger doesn't do anything and Lu Han is left gaping at him until he whips out his phone and starts typing.
How rude, Lu Han thinks to himself, but having the pretty person sitting in front of him (making him look less like a mourning loner) isn't really that bad. His phone dies and Lu Han smiles at the look of frustration on his face.
The stranger makes some sort of motion with his hand and Lu Han's just staring at him in confusion. Exasperated, the guy grabs his phone and starts typing furiously again.
In a normal situation, Lu Han would be enraged and he'd call the cops or do anything other than stare bemusedly at the person who just grabbed his phone and started randomly typing. He chooses to indulge him because he is lonely and trying to keep a psycho occupied would be much better than having the psycho do anything worse than a spontaneous lend of a very expensive gadget. It could be worse.
"You're clearly not okay but I don't think it's my business to ask you why you're sad. Just try not to pout for long periods of time or else everyone's going to be sitting in front of you and taking your phone just to check if you're okay."
Lu Han can almost hear the smirk in the message, and he smirks back. "I don't think I should be taking advice from someone who's actually willing to take someone's phone without being permitted to."
This time, Lu Han hands the phone to him. "I'm pretty sure even psychopaths can give decent advice."
Lu Han laughs loudly, and the smile on his face is semi-permanent after he comes down from his high. The guy is still staring at him, and the mirth in his eyes is still there, still burning brightly.
"Do you have a sore throat or something? Why can't you speak?"
The pause that follows is long and awkward. Lu Han's phone stays still in the stranger's hand, as if he was stuck in pause for a long time. He types slowly; the characters don't seem to be rolling out of his mind automatically, unlike before. When Lu Han gets his phone back, it all makes sense.
"I'm mute."
The way his eyes hold so much emotion, how he carries himself through his actions and how he stays perpetually silent but his words speak volumes; it all makes perfect sense. His voice is gone, but his words aren't.
He gets Lu Han's phone again, and when he gets it back, the screen is on a new contact's name. "Zhang Yixing," Lu Han breathes out. He extends his hand and they shake cordially. "Nice to meet you. I'm Lu Han."
Yixing smiles, cute little dimple at his cheek showing. He types a quick "message me sometime" before standing and bowing deeply. He takes his coat from the seat he was on, and he walks out of the small coffee shop, leaving Lu Han staring at the number in his phone.
"Zhang Yixing," Lu Han says again. The name rolls off his tongue smoothly. Yixing is a stranger, a kind stranger yes, but nonetheless a complete stranger.
Lu Han doesn't hesitate when he sends a message asking for them to meet again.
No one told him that making friends with a complete stranger could possibly be the best experience of his life.
Yixing smiles like the sun never goes down, talks by typing like his mind never runs out of thoughts, provokes Lu Han's own mind with riddles and stories that could have a hundred thousand different meanings. Yixing is a riddle in itself; the greatest riddle of them all.
Lu Han spends his nights figuring him out, fingers gripping his phone as if Yixing would magically decide to ask them to meet or simply just talk. Their conversations spark something in Lu Han, a wonder he's ignored and shoved away when reality started kicking in and he had no more time to spend on his idle curiosities.
Yixing sends him a photo, then another, and another, and that's when Lu Han realizes that Yixing's trying to tell him something. He searches up "Sign Language" (adds a quick "for dummies" because, really, Lu Han isn't that smart of a person). The pictures still don’t make sense until he finally starts piecing together the pictures and their word meanings.
“Meet me tomorrow in the place where we met”
Lu Han smiles and studies the sign language manual until his eyes can’t keep themselves open.
Seeing Yixing again brings a wide smile to Lu Han’s face, mirroring the one on Yixing’s. They’re silent until Lu Han starts talking and talking and it’s so effortless with Yixing that he doesn’t even stop until he realizes that everyone in the small coffee shop knows about how much of a failure he is at work. An apologetic smile and embarrassed laugh later, Yixing is still smiling at him like he’s the cutest thing ever and he blushes. He thinks that Yixing is a good listener, but the knowledge that he has no choice but to listen pains him.
Yixing does something with his coffee, a slight twirl of the stirrer clockwise then the other way around, which makes Lu Han shiver. He sees older hands, tired from decades of hard work, gripping the mug’s handle tightly while staring at the motion of the coffee inside it. He hears a weary voice, cracked with disuse and actual weakness. His father’s eyes look at him with shining pride, faithful and unwavering. Lu Han wants to think that he doesn’t deserve it because his father will always be more of a man than he ever could be.
A warm hand finds its way on top of Lu Han’s clenched fist. Yixing is smiling, not as bright as before, and the concern is real and evident in his eyes. Lu Han shakes his head and pushes the thought of his father’s last and only tears away.
Really, Lu Han’s too old to be living his life like a teenager. He’s really not supposed to go out of town on the weekends in a random trip to a beach or to the side of a mountain or something. He’s a little too old to believe that there are such things as dreams that come true or nightmares that aren’t real. He’s too deep into his “real world” to still want to lie down under the stars and wish for life to start all over again.
Yixing takes his hand and guides him to the youth he’s been missing, towards the stars in the sky and the promise of something more. Yixing is the epitome of mindful recklessness, of throwing everything to the wind but making sure that he knows where it’s blowing.
Their relationship is not the one dependent on words to hold it up. They can spend hours of silence just staring at things, appreciating everything that is and everything that it could still be. It’s horribly teenager-y and Lu Han’s mind goes back to the thought that maybe he is a little too old for this. Then Yixing messages him, asking if he’s free during the weekend and he can’t help but say yes.
Simplicity plays a big role in their friendship. Their closeness is wordless, action-based, nearly tangible with how real it was. Lu Han craves for Yixing’s time, for his little insights on the world. Yixing craves for Lu Han, and simply Lu Han.
Lu Han doesn’t believe in true happiness until Yixing shows him that it’s real.
“Yixing!”
Joonmyun runs up to him and hugs him tightly. Lu Han and Yifan are left staring at the two while Joonmyun tries to stop his tears and Yixing is trying to get the shorter male’s hands off him. Lu Han gives Yifan a questioning look and he shrugs.
“I think they were friends during high school, when Joonmyun’s family first moved to China,” Yifan explains. “The last time they saw each other was... before the operation.”
Lu Han understands what he means. It explains why Joonmyun talks and talks and talks and still expects Yixing to reply. After just a month or two of knowing him, Lu Han can already detect the faint sadness in Yixing’s smile. He can already see that he wants to leave and stop himself from going back to the time when a conversation with Joonmyun wouldn’t be so hard.
“Joonmyun, you’re going to be late, I swear,” Yifan says with exasperation. “And then you’ll blame me even when I’m the one kind enough to give you a ride.”
The younger man glares at him before waving goodbye at Yixing and Lu Han. They walk to the elevator, trying to shove each other down without wrinkling their suits. Yixing pulls out a DVD from behind him and Lu Han sighs.
“A deal is a deal. Let’s watch that crap movie before I decide to shove you down the stairs.”
He wants to jump off the building. The dull grey and occasional red lipstick and brown envelopes choke Lu Han’s mind. He can’t believe that he’s spent seven years of his life in this hellhole, slaving away for greedy corporations and faceless clients. Lu Han rolls his eyes at the rush of exhilaration he got when he was given his first project, when he accepted the job, when he graduated from college with a course that he never truly wanted.
The thought of quitting and chasing after his dreams has occurred too many times in Lu Han’s mind for it to be healthy. He doesn’t remember when it started to be an anchor in his life; a constant reminder that he is miserable in what he’s doing for a living. The atmosphere is competitive and stifling and giving up sounds so amazing to Lu han’s ears.
It’s too late now, but he still blames himself for the monotony that is his life.
Yixing has turned from a random stranger to a constant in Lu Han’s life, the kind of constant that barges into your life and throws everything you thought you knew off-course. He is the constant that is telling Lu Han to stop looking at things as variables and instead as experiences that he should cherish, no matter how miserable they are.
Yixing’s smile is almost synonymous to Yixing himself; a smile that speaks of experiences and laughter and more sadness than Lu Han ever thought could be possible. Lu Han swears that nothing will ever be the same when that smile turns off.
Yixing tells him a lot about his life. It’s mostly through texting and lip reading and a pure connection that they converse about these things.
Yixing’s family is well-off and when his father died a few years ago, the title of their large corporation (Yixing still refuses to name it because Yixing doesn’t want to be treated differently, Lu Han says he doesn’t care, he still says no) fell on his older brother’s shoulders and there was enough money left for Yixing to live freely for the rest of his life.
Lu Han asks him if he ever thought of working and living independently, and Yixing just shakes his head. “My parents’ last wish is for me to be happy. I think they’ve given me the means to be as happy as I want to be.”
“But the thrill is just different when you’re earning your own money and paying for your rent and all the crap that really isn’t as fun as how I’m saying it,” Lu Han says.
“I’m a handicap, according to his will. I’m okay with having an easy life,” Yixing types into his phone.
Lu Han drops the issue, but he knows that Yixing’s mind is still lingering on it, turning it over and over in his head until he figures out every little thing about it. That’s how Yixing works. He overthinks again and again because he thinks it makes everything easier, but it doesn’t. Thinking makes him dwell, and dwelling holds him down, and that’s just wrong. Yixing is free, free as a bird, and the thought of him being held down by his own thoughts makes Lu Han lose a little more hope on his life.
Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are the two noisy neighbors Lu Han’s had for the past three years. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are the annoying best friends that go out with their two other friends every few Friday nights in search of a drink and possibly a fling. Chanyeol and Kyungsoo are also, unfortunately, two of Lu Han’s closest friends and the older male is always forced to take care of them when they’re too busy being stupid to care about anything else.
Lu Han is alerted when he and Yixing playing some video game and he heard the familiar cheers and laughing from Baekhyun and Jongdae, the two other annoying friends he talked about before. He steps out for a moment, only to find Chanyeol dragging a grumpy Kyungsoo out of their apartment.
“Responsible friend?” Lu Han asks with a smirk. Kyungsoo pulls out his car keys from his pocket before locking their door.
“Unfortunately, yes. Wish me luck,” Kyungsoo says before waving goodbye and allowing Chanyeol to place his arm around the much smaller boy’s shoulders. He yells out in excitement before hitting his head on the doors of the elevator. Kyungsoo laughs even as he tries to soothe the painful spot on Chanyeol’s forehead.
Lu Han shakes his head before walking back inside. He laughs when Yixing hastily hides a microwaveable container behind the couch. The younger of the two refuses to go to Lu Han’s apartment unless he has creamy pasta stored in his fridge.
Lu Han takes a napkin and wipes at the excess sauce on his lips. Yixing rolls his eyes and wipes himself until Lu Han goes away and stops doting on him. They spend another lazy night trying to beat each other’s high scores on repetitive video games and throwing pillows and balls of paper at each other and being dumb (not as dumb as Chanyeol and Baekhyun, but pretty stupid for two men in their mid-twenties.)
Yixing is fast asleep on his couch when Lu Han hears Chanyeol and Kyungsoo come back. He goes out to the hallway and is greeted by something he never expected to see:
Kyungsoo with his legs around Chanyeol’s waist, pressed against the wall, kissing.
Lu Han wants to stop them because it’s clear that Chanyeol is drunk and Kyungsoo wants this and that’s why he’s-- oh.
Kyungsoo wants it.
He can see it clearly when he pulls away from the giant carrying him and sends Lu Han a pleading look of “please don’t disturb us; I’ve wanted this for too long.” Lu Han goes back inside and sits down on the dining table, staring at nothing in particular.
He doesn’t know why he’s never seen it; the way Kyungsoo would always stay with Chanyeol no matter what, the way he would smile and look at the older male as if he can’t live without him and Chanyeol didn’t act differently. Lu Han always assumed that they were that way because they’ve been best friends since, like, forever. And the way Chanyeol held him in that hallway didn’t seem at all like an action done in an alcohol-induced haze. It seemed like a hidden desire that could only be released through an excuse that wouldn’t matter once they finally decided to man up and admit what they felt.
Lu Han looks at his other friends and wonders if they ever had those desires too. Yifan and Joonmyun seemed like they were so close, but there was something different about them. He can feel a change between them, an intimacy that appeared out of nowhere.
He starts to wonder if all close friends would end up like Chanyeol and Kyungsoo; tension building up quietly until it just explodes. Lu Han looks at his friend sleeping on his couch and hopes that it won’t. The thought of losing this one would be too much to handle for him.
Random lunch dates with the new couple are awkward so he spends most of his time eating with Minseok, the only best friend of his that isn’t completely insane. Minseok laughs when he finds out that Chanyeol and Kyungsoo have finally “worked it out.”
“It took them long enough. You don’t understand how hard it is to work with Kyungsoo and hear him mope about Chanyeol getting it with another girl and dating someone and not paying all of his attention to Kyungsoo and Kyungsoo only,” Minseok says with an exasperated sigh. This time, it’s Lu Han who laughs at him.
“They’re even more pesky now that they’ve got it all figured out in their little world of laughing and loud sex,” Lu Han bitterly mutters and Minseok stares at him incredulously. “Oh, trust me; you do not want to be in our building’s floor when they’re doing what they’re doing.”
Minseok’s face contorts and then both of them are leaning on the table, laughing loudly without a care in the world. The older of the two (though neither of them look twenty-seven) throws a balled-up tissue at his face. “Fix your face, please.”
Lu Han rolls his eyes and looks away (before throwing the tissue back because they’re really just cute that way).
Spring rolls around quickly and Lu Han is soaring through it. He feels like he’s on top of the world, like nothing can stop him anymore. Even his usual pessimistic anti-disappointment mechanism can’t bring him down.
After he got the news of his promotion, he only invites Yixing to his celebratory movie marathon and they watch random comedies and eat pasta until Yixing falls asleep on his shoulder, empty plate dangerously close to falling from his lap. Lu Han places it on the coffee table and turns off the TV.
Yixing jolts awake and the older male is left staring at him. Yixing shakes his head and mouths an apology. There’s a pause in his movements and that’s when Lu Han notices the deep eye bags and his pale complexion. He frowns, placing his hand on Yixing’s forehead to check his temperature. He doesn’t have a fever, but he’s definitely sick.
He tries to resist Lu Han’s touch, but when he feels the familiar fingers running through his hair, Yixing sighs and lies down on the couch. “Thank you,” he signs, and Lu Han smiles.
“Anything for you,” Lu Han signs back.
When he gets back from the hospital, Yixing explains to Lu Han that he was suffering a severe case of “I really need to get out of this city” disease and the only way to cure it is if a close friend of his goes out of the city with him. Lu Han is amused, but he decides to indulge him.
“I’m going to take you to one of the vacation houses we had near the beach. My brother is too busy working to stay there so he told me that for the most part, it would be mine. We used to love going here, and my brother and I would always bring out the boat and start rowing and it was a lot of fun. Of course, we both grew out of that phase, but I know he still loves boats and all of that.
“My family hasn’t been on vacation since my mom died, but that’s okay. My dad’s been getting sicker and sicker since mom went and he had to be in the hospital really often. It’s much easier for us not to go out. I wish things weren’t so complicated with my father and all, but we took what we could get.”
Lu Han put down the phone and looked at the man driving the car he was on. Yixing was emotionless for the first time, driving straight ahead. The determination in his eyes is startling, and Lu Han knows that he isn’t going back to that house just for Lu Han’s enjoyment. He knows that it’s a house of memories, of things that Yixing buries underneath his permanent silence; things he wants again, but things he can never have again.
Lu Han can understand him. He can understand the heart-wrenching pain of having to go back to memories that just seem too familiar and yet so distant from the present. It’s the feeling that you’ve fallen down from the highest mountain and you’re so far from the stars, but they’re still there; still shining, still beautiful. It’s the feeling of acceptance that you don’t want; you don’t want to accept that they’re gone, you don’t want to accept that there will still be a life waiting for you once the grief period is over and that there will be so much more time before you go back to the one you’ve lost.
Yixing finally stops the car in front of a huge gate. His hands are still gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles are white and he can’t feel anything except for the gritting of his teeth. Lu Han presses the buckle of both of their seat belts and places his hand on Yixing’s, letting him break down and cry with his head on Lu Han’s shoulder.
The cool night air is softly blowing on Lu Han’s skin. The small waves tickle his toes and he steps back a little, sitting on a lone log that the waves can’t touch. The pale moon is his source of light, and the stars twinkle and shine down on him.
He loves the solitude, the peace of feeling like he’s the only one in the world. His mind is a swirling hurricane of a mess and in those few moments, he feels nothing but emptiness; the good kind that leaves him open to a new world and a new day.
Lu Han feels warmth beside him and he smiles when he sees a sleepy Yixing rubbing his eyes and staring at the view of the sea in front of them. Yixing is clad in a thin shirt and sweatpants, and he looks so tired that the only thing Lu Han wants to do is pull him closer and hug him tightly. He doesn’t need to worry about that when Yixing takes his arm and puts it around his shoulders, leaning on Lu Han’s chest. It’s a silent plea, a wordless “please hold me and don’t let me go” and Lu Han complies.
He wakes Yixing up when he’s starting to fall asleep too, and they take slow steps back to the house, fingers interlocked with each other’s. Lu Han whispers softly in his ear, slowly reciting poetry and other things that he’s never shared with Yixing. It’s a tender moment, one that shines with the simplicity that they’ve reveled in. Lu Han knows that it’s highly improbable that Yixing would remember it, but Lu Han would always know and he would always remember it as clear as day.
Yixing bows one last time in front of the picture of his parents, tears streaming down his face. Lu Han holds his hand through the process, and the smile on Yixing’s blotched face warms his heart.
This time, he’s the one driving, and he’s just so amazing that he ended up getting lost. Yixing is chuckling at him while they desperately try to find their way back to the main highway. It’s a fun way to end their weekend, with laughter and fond looks of incredulity and so much disbelief because they’re “twenty-seven years old; you should really stop getting lost!”
When they find themselves surrounded by buildings all over and crowded streets and the promise of a future and all that’ll be in it, they know that they’re home.
When summer is at its peak, life rushes by like a speeding rocket; spending no time in just one place. They move in different speeds, some faster than the others, some choosing to enjoy the scenery before dashing past it in a daze. Summer is all about heat and life and movement; always constant movement.
Summer also brings the memories of lazy afternoons and damp cloths being pressed against the back of his neck and warm nights and even warmer touches. It has the memories of sweet smiles and fingers perfectly fitting with each other. Summer is the constant reminder that there can always be more.
Lu Han sighs softly, staring deep into the eyes of the man before him. Yixing is sitting down in front of the couch beside him, and they’ve been looking at each other for god knows how long, just simply admiring each other.
When Lu Han holds his chin and presses their lips together softly, it’s not passion or love that pushes them to do it. It’s wonder that makes them ask “can there be more? Is this all that we’ll ever be?” Wonder tells Yixing to respond, to grab Lu Han’s shoulders as desperately as he truly felt. It’s what makes them find themselves on the bed, already tangled together in the sheets.
It’s what pushes them to push and to pull and to let nothing hold them back anymore.
Lu Han wakes up normally, like any other day. He starts to think that it’s normal until he feels lips softly pressing against his neck, occasionally nibbling and soothing the marks with the tongue. Lu Han is about to jump out of bed, then he remembers what happened last night and everything seems so much better now.
He looks down at Yixing in his arms, and he slides his hand up from Yixing’s waist until he’s holding his chin. The kiss is soft and sweet, and Yixing buries his head in the crook of his neck afterwards. He kisses the top of his head then signing “you have the most beautiful words.”
Lu Han feels him stiffen up, and only then does he realize that he accidentally exchanged the sign for “words” with the one for “voice.” Lu Han immediately apologizes but Yixing shakes his head and gets up from the bed.
He feels so disappointed and he just wants to shout at himself for making such a dumb mistake. He watches as Yixing walks (limps, more accurately) towards his jeans discarded on the floor. He pulls out his phone from the pocket and lies down beside him again, playing a song in his player.
It doesn’t seem like a pop song, and Lu Han figures out that it’s an original composition by Yixing, sung by Yixing. The voice surprises him; it’s not really what he expected but he knows that it’s Yixing just by the little smile he can hear in every smooth syllable that rolls off his tongue. Lu Han can imagine Yixing singing into a mic with the background music playing, eyes closed while he focuses on nailing his notes.
Lu Han doesn’t realize that he’s tearing up until the first tear slips from his eyes and he hastily covers it up with the blanket. Yixing grins with moisture in his own eyes and he hugs Lu Han tightly, pressing his lips on his forehead. They stay in that position until both of them are too hungry to be lying around and they run to the kitchen wearing loose boxers and no shirts.
They still bicker a little like best friends, and Lu Han almost feels like nothing at all has changed.
Then Yixing leans down and kisses him hotly, and that’s when Lu Han remembers that there is definitely something that changed.
“So you and Yixing are a thing now?” Yifan laughs at the blush on Lu Han’s face and Joonmyun giggles with him.
“Yes, we are a thing. And I’m proud of it,” Lu Han says. Joonmyun’s phone starts ringing and his face lights up when he checks who it is.
“I have to get this, sorry.” He walks out of the restaurant they’re in. Yifan sends him a look before turning back to Lu Han.
“What about you and Joonmyun? Are you two a thing yet?” Lu Han smirks, but the shocked look on Yifan’s face tells him that maybe some of his predictions were wrong.
“We’re not a thing. We’ve never even thought of being a thing or each other as anything but a close friend!” Yifan isn’t defensive; just honest.
“What do you mean? I thought you two were...” Yifan shakes his head at Lu Han.
“We’re best friends, but we’re not Chanyeol and Kyungsoo. We haven’t been friends since forever and we’re not comfortable with walking in on each other in the bathroom or something. We don’t have secret feelings that we know are genuine but we don’t know how to express them without possibly losing our friendship. Joonmyun is one of my closest friends, and that’s all that there is to it.
“And besides, he’s engaged.”
Lu Han audibly gasps. He looks at Joonmyun outside the window again, happily chatting with someone on the phone. Maybe he’s talking to her.
“It’s been arranged by their family, but she’s his good friend. They really like each other,” Yifan says. There’s a longing in his eyes as he looks at Joonmyun standing around outside. It’s not the longing that Lu Han initially expected; it’s more of the longing one half has for its other half. It’s the longing that isn’t strictly romantic, just the longing of those who were incomplete without the other. “He didn’t plan on telling anybody until the time came, but he’s going back to Korea in a month.”
“Wow,” Lu Han breathes out. “How about you? Any big plans?”
Yifan smiles. “I’m going back to Canada around the same time that Joonmyun’s leaving. I got a promotion and they’re sending me to the branch back at home.”
Lu Han grins at him, a little sad that he’s leaving, but still happy. “Congrats! I can’t believe so many things are changing now.”
“I think it’s all for the better though.”
“I agree,” Lu Han says as he receives a text.
“Coffee shop date later? I promise to pay this time.”
He smiles at his phone before typing a quick “yes” and agreeing again with Yifan.
In one year, Lu Han found himself in the happiest he’s ever been. When he accepted change, a step forward from the tragedy he just went through, life delivered and it all just came through.
He placed the picture of his father on the table, bowing on his knees as the tears softly stream down his face. Lu Han is silent and still as the memories flood into his mind. His father’s proud look is burned into his mind, and he wants to be worth of the pride. He wants to be worthy of his father’s love and of everything that he’s ever achieved and received in his life.
There’s a hand on his shoulder, and he hears shuffling beside him until Yixing is there, bowing beside him. Lu Han sits up, watching as Yixing does nothing but bow deeply.
He’s surprised when Yixing sits up and takes a deep breath. He signs slowly, as if he’s hoping that the picture of Lu Han’s father would understand. Lu Han’s eyes widen when he realizes what Yixing’s trying to say.
“I would like to be worthy of your son, sir.”
a/n: so I was finally able to edit it yay first non-krisho fic!! yes I know that this is severely lacking (I'll probably lock it again just so I can reedit what I've already edited) but just posting it now so everyone will know how bad it really was. :P
really sorry for the crappy slight!krisho at the end. i just wanted to make a point that not all close friendships will end in a romantic way. some are just meant to stay as friendships, and krisho's relationship was one of those.
and "the operation" is how yixing lost his vocal chords. he had an infection (possibly laryngitis; i didn't do too much research on that, sorry) and they had to remove it before the infection could spread to any other part of his body. sorry i wasn't able to fully describe it in the fic; i didn't know exactly where to put it without making it an overload of italics or "yixing said that he..." sentences.
next project is a krisho fic woot woot