TMI-Ness
Yesterday, my husband and I got into a gigantic fight. Well, not gigantic per se, we didn't beat each other up, or really yell at each other. We were kid-free this weekend, and decided to take a little drive to a somewhat local town that has a nice atmosphere. The main purpose of said trip was to see his friend's weekend house. We saw the friend's house, went through a carryout, got some beer and were going to go home.
My mom lives about 15 miles away from this town, so I said "Hey, let's go see mom." We get to her house, and she's not home, however, my step-dad is. My dislike for my step-dad is up there with mayonnaisse and Peter Frampton. He is full of do-not-want. My husband knows this, but doesn't seem to care, or understand why I don't like him (this is an LJ post in and of itself, so I'll just end it at that). He decided we should take my step-dad to the bar, and they could shoot pool. Okay fine. Well we get to the bar, and although none of you really know my husband, you've certainly met his type. Wherever he goes, he lets you know that he's "the man" and is so impressed with himself, that he certainly has his own entourage, even if it's only in his head.
When I go to the bar, it's mainly to drink a couple, and listen to some David Allan Coe songs. I have no desire to play video poker, or darts, or pool. My husband, in his younger days, was quite the pool shark. Okay, that's awesome. I'm happy for him. Do I want to play pool? No. Do I care that he plays pool? No. Mind you, I'm very sarcastic by nature, and when I'm forced into doing something I really don't like, I can be the most apathetic person in the entire universe. I don't care about the rules of pool. Or the ethics. And I really don't want to be good at it. But for some reason yesterday, my husband decided that I should enjoy pool, embrace pool, and strive to be one of those pool ladies on espn with the funny tuxedo shirts.
I'm a nerd, okay? I like to write programs. I like to watch Jeopardy, not to answer all the questions, but to learn new things. Would I like to read about the history of pool? Maybe. Do I really want to play? No. He proceeded to make me feel about two inches tall. He seems to enjoy "knocking me down a few pegs" if you'll pardon the euphamism. And he does this in front of other people only. Especially people I don't like. He knocked my beer over, told me that I had it "too close to the pool table, I should know better" and made me get a rag to clean it up. Yeah, I'd had enough too.
So, I get in my car (which he left the keys in), and went home. I'd really had enough of all of his power trips, and attempts to make me feel stupid. And he was mad. So mad that he called one of his friends, went on a complete and utter drunk, and passed out at the friend's house. He got home at 6:30am.
I really, really, really love my husband. I love him to the point that it makes me worry about my sanity in above cases. I don't want to leave him, I don't want to get divorced. I get so sick of hearing "Well, you should know that, 4.0" all the time whenever I use a big word or know an answer to something. He used to be proud of me, brag about my intelligence, now he just seems bitter about it. He's not below average in intelligence. I think he's smart, and he's crafty, and I tell him everyday about how much I like this or that that he does. I keep trying to wrap my brain around it, but is it something that I can't? I try to find reason in everything, but is there reason in this?
I've never known myself to be needy or clingy, and I don't mean to be with him. I actually just like to be around him most of the time. He's a genuinely funny, charming man. He's hypocritical in a lot of ways. He complains about me being on my laptop when he's home, saying that I should be paying attention to him. But then he also complains that he never gets to do anything. But, when I offer to go do something, he's tired or isn't in the mood.
Any advice anyone has would be welcome. Seriously.