Irreversible
Title: Irreversible
Author: tvfxq
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yun Ho/Jae Joong
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: Heavily inspired by Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away. Similarities to the film are inevitable; however, similarities to other fics, stories, movies, events and anything else of the like are purely coincidental and unintentional.
Summary: Jae Joong finds a mysterious tunnel which leads him to a world he hadn’t known existed.
His hair dances frantically in the wind, and Jae Joong sighs. What he sees before his eyes is beautiful greenery. Beautiful yet fleeting; moving too fast for him to appreciate it more for what it truly is. He sighs again and rolls up his window. He leans on it and his hair stops dancing.
Moving again, he thinks, rather desolately. He glances at his parents through the front mirror, and he sees them chatting away happily like they are not just about to relocate for the eighth time in six years. His mother catches the gloomy look in his eyes from the reflection of the mirror and turns around to give him the same speech she’s always given him every time they moved. It helped, the first time he heard it six years ago. But he’s heard it too often to find her words comforting.
He casts a smile at her; it is wan, but good enough for her to believe that her words had taken effect on him.
On their way to their new home, his father decides he’d like to take a shortcut, even though he isn’t familiar with the place. His mother is against it, Jae Joong just keeps quiet. His father insists and before long, they wind up in an area seemingly far away from civilization. Jae Joong quietly looks out the window; on both his sides are thickets.
His parents decide to take a break when they find they’ve reached a dead end. Jae Joong’s mother is a little irritable and his father insists that he just took a wrong turn. Despite it all, everybody gets down from the car and decides to walk around. The scenery still is nice, after all.
“Don’t wander off too far.” His father calls out, but Jae Joong is already at least a hundred meters away from his parents and barely hears his father’s words.
Ten minutes into wandering off, Jae Joong comes face to face with a tunnel - wide but narrowing, pitch black; ominous, yet still calling out to him. Like a black hole. He feels like setting foot inside it would swallow him up whole, and spit him out in a whole other dimension. In spite of it, it makes him feel light hearted. Jae Joong places one foot forward. Aside from an eerily loud echo, nothing happens. He takes another step forward until he finds that he can’t turn back; not when he’s already made it halfway through.
As he nears the end of the tunnel, he sees a bright, red-orange light. It is akin to sunset, and it bemuses him, for he could have sworn it was not yet even noon when he entered the tunnel. When he finally reaches the end of the tunnel, he is greeted by the sight of a large, wide field of glowing white flowers; unlike anything he’s ever seen. At the end of the field, he sees a city.
Jae Joong takes a step back, and then another, until his back hits a wall. He turns around and finds that the tunnel he’d just come from had disappeared. He feels he should be alarmed by this, but somehow he would rather venture further.
He can worry later.
He runs towards the city at the end of the field, curious as to what city he’s managed to find. As he nears the city, he finds that the sun is going down at a rather fast pace; a lot faster than what he’s been used to. By the time he reaches the city, the sun is set fully and all the lights are turned on. Yet, curiously enough, no one seems to be out.
Jae Joong walks and walks, delving deeper into the city, yet still sees no one. Finally, he stops in front of a quaint little teashop that catches his eye and peeks inside: nobody.
He sighs.
Deciding he’s had enough of the desolateness of the city, Jae Joong turns on his heel and motions to head for the field he came from. As he is about to leave, he sees somebody exit the empty teashop he’d just been looking at. The person is a boy, probably a few years older than him. He hurries to tap the shoulder of the boy from the teashop, and as soon as he turns around to meet Jae Joong’s gaze, his eyes widen in alarm.
“You’re not supposed to be here. You’re a human.” He says in a rather worried voice.
Jae Joong furrows his eyebrows and looks up. The other boy is taller than him. “Aren’t you human, too?”
The boy frowns and grips Jae Joong’s wrist, “Don’t ask questions. Questions make you forget.”
“Forget what?” Jae Joong questions, trying to shake his wrist off the boy’s firm grip, to no avail.
“Everything.” the boy then leads him inside the teashop he’d just come from and sits Jae Joong down on one of the chairs there. Jae Joong rubs his wrist as the boy takes the seat opposite him and asks, “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.” He replies without hesitation, which surprises him a little, for he normally does not give his name out to strangers so easily.
“Good.” The boy nods, “Do not forget that.”
“But why-“
“Shh,” the boy says, cutting off his sentence. He does this with a slight frown on his face, “The more you learn about this world, the more you forget about your own. If you ask too much, you will forget too much. The moment you forget your name, you stay here forever - in the spirit world.”
Jae Joong’s eyes widen and his eyebrows rise. Did he hear correctly? Spirit world? “I-“
“How old are you?” the boy interrupts again. The frown on his face is now gone.
“Fifteen.” Jae Joong answers.
“What were you doing before you came here?”
Jae Joong opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it. He finds that he can no longer remember. All he knows is that he found himself in a field. Before that, he cannot recall. He looks up worriedly at the boy in front of him and answers, “I… I don’t know.”
The boy lowers his head. “I have told you too much, then.” He cards his hands through his hair and looks out the teashop. Jae Joong, too, looks out and finds that there are many people walking around. People, though, does not seem like the right word. He sees blobs and floating entities, winged creatures with no facial features and little dwarves with masks on their faces. He finds it strange, for before he entered, there was no one. He looks back at the boy in front of him, and is asked: “Do you know your name?”
He nods. “Jae Joong.”
“There is still hope, then.” The boy sighs in relief, “You can still return.”
“When can I?” he asks.
“Next week. The portal to your world opens up once a week; if you can remember your name by then, you can leave.” The boy replies and pauses. “Do you know your name?”
Jae Joong finds it odd that he is asked that again. But then he figures the boy’s intentions are good. “Jae Joong.” He says.
“Good.” The boy nods. “Do not forget that.”
--
“Your tea,” Jae Joong says with a smile as he sets a cup of tea down in front of a customer. The boy from the teashop asked him to.
“Thank you,” the customer replies, reaching for his tea. He blows the warm liquid three times before taking a sip. All the while, Jae Joong watches him.
“Are you a spirit?” Jae Joong asks. The customer looks no different from him, maybe a couple years older, but similar nonetheless; and Jae Joong swears he has got to be human, too. The customer smiles and places his tea down. He moves his head in a way that signals Jae Joong to take the seat opposite him. Jae Joong does so.
“Anybody who has stayed here longer than a week becomes a spirit,” he replies. The customer lifts his tea to his mouth, blows it three times and takes a sip. He sets his tea down again and turns to meet Jae Joong’s gaze. “My name is Chang Min.”
“Chang Min.” Jae Joong repeats the name and nods. It is a nice name. He likes it. “How long have you been here, Chang Min?”
Chang Min sighs, rather pensively, and rests his chin on his hand. He stares out the teashop for a while, and Jae Joong does the same. “Oh, I don’t know,”
Jae Joong turns to look at Chang Min, “It’s been so long. Maybe a decade.”
Jae Joong’s eyebrows furrow and his lips purse slightly. “Why do you have a name, then? You could have left. You could leave.”
Chang Min chuckles faintly whilst shaking his head. Jae Joong wonders what is so funny. “I cannot leave. I was just given this name. Some years ago. His name was Yoo Chun, but he left. He remembered his name and left.” Chang Min pauses, and the look in his eyes makes Jae Joong realize that he was not laughing out of joy, but out of sadness.
“Sometimes,” Chang Min continues, “sometimes I wish he’d stayed, other times, I am happy for him that he left.”
Jae Joong lowers his head, and Chang Min picks up his cup of tea and brings it to his lips. He blows three times and says, just above a whisper, “Sometimes I wish he’d stayed…”
Jae Joong lifts his head and watches silently as Chang Min drinks his tea. There is something painfully beautiful about the sight, and Jae Joong wonders if all spirits feel the same way Chang Min does.
His pondering comes to a stop when he hears the boy from the teashop call, “Come here.” He stands up, bows to Chang Min, and heads over to behind the counter. “What is your name?” the boy asks, and Jae Joong replies,
“Jae Joong.”
The boy nods once. “Don’t forget that,” he takes a brief glance at Chang Min and looks at Jae Joong again, “and don’t talk to other spirits. You will learn too much; you will forget.”
“Is losing my memory-“
“Irreversible. Losing all your memory is irreversible.”
Jae Joong grows quiet, and remains so for a good minute. At length, he musters the courage to say, “I am going to ask you a question.”
“No.” the boy replies sternly, though the look on his face is soft.
“Why am I not allowed to ask?” Jae Joong insists, “Knowledge does not lie in asking, but in being answered.”
“Smart.” The boy smiles. Jae Joong smiles, too. “However, spirits are compelled to answer questions. It’s just how things are here. When somebody asks, we answer. When we answer, you learn.”
Jae Joong says nothing for a while, eyes glued to the scene outside; to the random spirits passing by. When he turns to look up at the boy he says, “You don’t look like one of them; like a spirit. You look like Chang Min. Or me.”
“That’s because I’m not… I wasn’t.” he replies, voice lowering until it is just above a whisper. “I wandered off, like you. I asked too much, I forgot. Now, I cannot leave.”
Jae Joong regards the boy with a faint smile and places a hand over his shoulder, “If I give you a name, will it help?”
The boy chuckles and shakes his head. Jae Joong wonders if he’s being silly. “No, it won’t. Once you forget, you cannot leave. Even if you get a new name… like what happened with Chang Min.”
Jae Joong looks over his shoulder and finds Chang Min, still sitting in the same place, nearly done with his tea. He feels a wave of melancholy wash over him and he turns back to look at the boy, “That’s… sad.”
The boy shakes his head and looks at Chang Min, “I don’t know if it is. For me, at least. I’m happier here. I think. Then again, I wouldn’t know.” He turns to look at Jae Joong, “Were you happy there?”
“I don’t remember.”
The boy’s eyes widen a little, and he says, “Stop asking questions from now on; you’re forgetting too much.”
“Maybe it’s better that I forget.”
The boy shakes his head, “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t remember.”
“I don’t remember,” Jae Joong nods, “but I feel it.”
Their conversation comes to a stop when they both hear the sound of wind chimes and the door opening and closing. Chang Min left.
Jae Joong meanders over to the table where Chang Min once sat and picks up the empty tea cup. He stares at it for a moment, and from behind the counter, the boy watches him, wondering what he’s thinking.
Then, Jae Joong smiles and walks over to the counter. The sets the tea cup down, and the boy takes it from him. As the boy heads to the back, Jae Joong suddenly speaks, “Yun Ho. Your name from now on is Yun Ho.”
The boy, or Yun Ho, as Jae Joong named him, turns to look at him with a smile on his face. His smile says he likes the name, and Jae Joong’s own smile only grows.
--
“How many days left?” Jae Joong asks, staring at the ceiling.
“Three.” Yun Ho replies from the floor. He gave Jae Joong his bed. “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.” He replies.
“Don’t forget that.”
Jae Joong huffs and sits up. Although it is dark and he cannot see, he hears Yun Ho sit up, too. He feels Yun Ho’s gaze on him. “Why do you want me to go back? Do you not like me?”
He hears Yun Ho shift, the sheets fumbling. It takes a while for him to reply. “It’s just that I think that maybe you have a better life there.”
“What if that’s not the case?”
“You don’t know that.” He hears Yun Ho shift again. “You forgot.”
“But what if, when I go back, I find that I prefer this world?”
“That will not happen. Your memory will come back to you there, and you will forget this world. This will be merely a dream that will slowly fade.” Yun Ho replies, and Jae Joong swears he hears a tinge of sadness in his voice.
“But-“
“Stop asking,” Yun Ho interrupts, and he sighs before asking, again, “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.”
Yun Ho does not say anything further, and Jae Joong hears him lie down. He decides to lie down, too. Minutes pass and neither speak. Jae Joong continues to stare at the ceiling, and Yun Ho remains ever quiet. Somehow, though, Jae Joong knows Yun Ho is still awake.
Breaking the silence, he asks, “Is it possible to fall in love in this world?”
“No.” Yun Ho answers, “Stop asking.”
“Really.” Jae Joong says rather than asks. “I think it is. Chang Min fell in love.”
Yun Ho scoffs, “Chang Min’s not in love, he’s just crazy. Yoo Chun would cry if he sees how Chang Min’s acting now.”
Jae Joong shifts in the darkness, “You knew Yoo Chun?”
“Everyone knew Yoo Chun.” Yun Ho replies, “He made Chang Min crazy.”
“Maybe crazy and in love have the same meaning,” Jae Joong says, and although he doesn’t see it, Yun Ho smiles.
“Maybe.”
Jae Joong continues, “I think I’ve fallen in love. Maybe I’m crazy.”
He awaits a reply, but receives none. Yun Ho is silent, and only speaks after minutes pass. “Go to sleep,” he says.
Jae Joong ignores Yun Ho’s words, “Don’t you feel the same?” he asks.
“I…” Yun Ho falters. Jae Joong hears him shift again. “It’s not good to be attached. Go to sleep.”
“But-“
“Sleep.”
Jae Joong huffs and begrudgingly does as he is told.
--
“So, on Friday, I leave.” Jae Joong tells Chang Min as the latter drinks his tea. “That is, if I still want to.”
Chang Min frowns and places his tea down. “What do you mean by that? Everybody who enters wants to leave. Maybe you have forgotten too much. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
Jae Joong shakes his head, “I don’t want to forget Yun Ho.”
“Who is Yun Ho?” Chang Min asks, midway through drinking his tea. Jae Joong quietly points at Yun Ho, busy attending to the other customers. Chang Min’s eyes widen. “You gave him a name? You shouldn’t have done that.”
Jae Joong furrows his eyebrows. For the first time since he’s gotten to the spirit world, he feels scared. “Why not?”
“If nameless spirits are given names,” Chang Min elucidates, “they get attached to those who gave them their names. When you leave, Yun Ho will end up like me.”
“But… you’re not unhappy.”
“I’m not happy, either.”
Jae Joong’s eyebrows knit together, and he bites his lower lip. He glances at Yun Ho, smiling. Happy. He wonders if Yun Ho will continue to smile like that even when he’s gone. When he turns back to look at Chang Min, his expression changes and he looks determined. “I cannot leave. I am not leaving.”
Chang Min opens his mouth to speak, but his words die on his tongue when Yun Ho all of a sudden approaches their table and says, “Chang Min, I’m taking him.”
“Okay.”
Yun Ho grabs Jae Joong by the wrist, forcefully yet gently all the while and brings him to the back of the counter. “Do you remember your name?”
“Yes.” Jae Joong answers. He is getting tired of hearing that. “Jae Joong.”
Yun Ho lets go of Jae Joong’s wrist and heaves a loud sigh. He turns to look Jae Joong in the eye and asks, “What is this talk about not leaving?”
Jae Joong crosses his arms and looks away, “I’ve decided not to. I cannot leave.”
“Why not?” Yun Ho questions, and Jae Joong notes the slight anger in his voice. Still, he replies,
“Because I love you, and Chang Min says you love me too. I gave you a name.”
Yun Ho cards his hands through his hair. Jae Joong does not move. “I told you that it’s not good to be attached,” he says as he places his arms back down, “you should leave. You have a better life there.”
“You don’t know that!” Jae Joong argues.
“You don’t know that either.” Yun Ho replies before walking away, exiting the teashop.
Jae Joong watches as Yun Ho leaves, and a tear rolls down his face.
--
“Do you think you will remember me if I leave?” Jae Joong asks as he stares out the teashop, tracing random figures on the glass pane. It is pouring outside, the skies are grey and they are alone.
“How can I forget you?” Yun Ho replies, reaching out to touch Jae Joong’s hand. When he does, he immediately retracts his hand, and Jae Joong averts his attention from the rain to him.
He smiles wanly, “I don’t know. I just hope you don’t.”
Yun Ho chuckles, though there is no humor in his laughter, “Kind of unfair, don’t you think? You will forget me, yet I won’t.”
“Will you be sad if I leave?”
At this, Yun Ho visibly stiffens and looks away, outside the teashop. “People get sad when other people leave.”
Jae Joong frowns, “You did not answer my question. Will you be sad if I leave?”
It takes a while for Yun Ho to reply. Jae Joong does not understand why. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know.” Jae Joong answers truthfully.
“Of course. Of course I will be sad,” Yun Ho says, slightly above a whisper, and it startles Jae Joong a bit. “Your eyes sparkle like candle lights in the darkness. You wear your heart on your heart on your sleeve and your smile is almost as bright as daylight. Almost. When I look at you, you make me smile, even though I try to stop it. Your voice sounds like that of an angel’s. You make me lose my words sometimes, and I, I think I am in lo-“
Yun Ho stops himself from continuing and clears his throat. Jae Joong remains as he is, seated and trying to comprehend if everything right now is real. “I’m crazy,” Yun Ho whispers as he lowers his head. When he looks back up at Jae Joong he says, “Yes. I will be sad.”
He stands up to leave, to prepare tea for when the rain stops, to clean up, anything, but Jae Joong clutches onto his shirt and embraces him from behind. He hears his heart beating - loud, thunderous, like it has plans of bursting out.
When Jae Joong buries his face into his back, he feels as if his knees would give out. “I don’t want to leave,” the words are muffled in his shirt, but Yun Ho understands them nonetheless, “I haven’t loved anybody as much as I love you.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t remember.” Yun Ho says, and his voice cracks.
“I don’t,” Jae Joong shakes his head and holds onto Yun Ho even tighter, “but I feel it.”
Yun Ho feels prickling from behind his eyes and he looks up, straight at the ceiling. He won’t let anything escape his eyes. “Tomorrow is Friday…” he says.
Jae Joong holds onto him even tighter than ever.
--
Yun Ho leads Jae Joong through the field of glowing, white flowers and to the tunnel from which he had come from. The walk there is quiet, but not uncomfortable. On the way to the tunnel, Jae Joong and Yun Ho meet Chang Min by chance. They bid each other farewell, and Jae Joong gives Chang Min a big hug. When they pull away, Jae Joong finds that his vision is bleary with tears and he laughs; he cannot believe how attached he’d become over a span of seven days.
“Weren’t you told not to get attached?” Chang Min chuckles as he ruffles Jae Joong’s hair.
“It’s not something I can help,” Jae Joong laughs in between tears. He wipes his eyes and gives Chang Min one last hug before running and catching up to Yun Ho, who is a few paces ahead of him.
When they finally reach the tunnel, Yun Ho takes hold of Jae Joong’s hands, and sends him a bittersweet smile. “Do not forget your name. Leave this place and do not look back.”
He releases Jae Joong’s hands and gives him a small push forward. Jae Joong takes one step, and another, before stopping. He turns around and his eyes are gleaming with tears that have not spilled yet. “I want to stay.”
Yun Ho takes two steps forward and places his hands on Jae Joong’s shoulders gently. Slowly, he says, “You have a life back in your world.”
“I was never happy there.” Jae Joong states, trying his best not to cry, “I know I don’t remember, but if I was happy, I would have been devastated to be here.”
“Jae Joong-“
“Stop saying my name.” Jae Joong shakes his head frantically, interrupting Yun Ho. “I want to forget it. I want to stay.”
“This world is not yours.” Yun Ho says.
“It is if you are in it.” Jae Joong responds. Yun Ho smiles wanly, and he begins to ask, “Why do you run a teashop?”
Yun Ho widens his eyes. He knows what Jae Joong is trying to do. “Because spirits like tea. Jae Joong, stop it.”
Jae Joong does not listen. “Why do spirits like tea?”
“It reminds them of life. Please, stop asking. You won’t be able to go back-“
“Don’t you get it?” Jae Joong asks, his voice tinged with a little bit of frustration, a little bit of melancholy, and a little bit of something else he cannot quite place. “I don’t want to go back.”
Yun Ho remains quiet.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I-“
“I love you too.” Yun Ho says, and it shuts Jae Joong up. He cups either side of Jae Joong’s face, and presses a gentle kiss on his forehead. Tears fall from Jae Joong’s eyes, and Yun Ho uses his hands to wipe them from his face.
“Do you remember your name?”
Jae Joong sighs heavily. “Yes,” he answers, “it’s…”
He stops, and looks up at Yun Ho. His eyes widen and he realizes he doesn’t remember.
He’s forgotten.
Yun Ho doesn’t know whether to feel happy or sad. He wonders if this is how Chang Min feels.
“Jae Joong,” he says, and a gust of wind blows. Yun Ho reaches to tuck back a strand of hair behind Jae Joong’s ear and smiles wanly, “your name is Jae Joong.”
a/n.: Are there any other Spirited Away-inspired YunJae fics out there (and by out there, I mean on LJ; since I don’t really like reading fan fics outside of LJ)? Because I can’t seem to find any (which is why I wrote my own ;;).
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a big thank you to heenoona for helping me create a pdf of this ^__^
Author: tvfxq
Rating: PG
Pairing: Yun Ho/Jae Joong
Genre: Romance
Disclaimer: Heavily inspired by Hayao Miyazaki’s Spirited Away. Similarities to the film are inevitable; however, similarities to other fics, stories, movies, events and anything else of the like are purely coincidental and unintentional.
Summary: Jae Joong finds a mysterious tunnel which leads him to a world he hadn’t known existed.
His hair dances frantically in the wind, and Jae Joong sighs. What he sees before his eyes is beautiful greenery. Beautiful yet fleeting; moving too fast for him to appreciate it more for what it truly is. He sighs again and rolls up his window. He leans on it and his hair stops dancing.
Moving again, he thinks, rather desolately. He glances at his parents through the front mirror, and he sees them chatting away happily like they are not just about to relocate for the eighth time in six years. His mother catches the gloomy look in his eyes from the reflection of the mirror and turns around to give him the same speech she’s always given him every time they moved. It helped, the first time he heard it six years ago. But he’s heard it too often to find her words comforting.
He casts a smile at her; it is wan, but good enough for her to believe that her words had taken effect on him.
On their way to their new home, his father decides he’d like to take a shortcut, even though he isn’t familiar with the place. His mother is against it, Jae Joong just keeps quiet. His father insists and before long, they wind up in an area seemingly far away from civilization. Jae Joong quietly looks out the window; on both his sides are thickets.
His parents decide to take a break when they find they’ve reached a dead end. Jae Joong’s mother is a little irritable and his father insists that he just took a wrong turn. Despite it all, everybody gets down from the car and decides to walk around. The scenery still is nice, after all.
“Don’t wander off too far.” His father calls out, but Jae Joong is already at least a hundred meters away from his parents and barely hears his father’s words.
Ten minutes into wandering off, Jae Joong comes face to face with a tunnel - wide but narrowing, pitch black; ominous, yet still calling out to him. Like a black hole. He feels like setting foot inside it would swallow him up whole, and spit him out in a whole other dimension. In spite of it, it makes him feel light hearted. Jae Joong places one foot forward. Aside from an eerily loud echo, nothing happens. He takes another step forward until he finds that he can’t turn back; not when he’s already made it halfway through.
As he nears the end of the tunnel, he sees a bright, red-orange light. It is akin to sunset, and it bemuses him, for he could have sworn it was not yet even noon when he entered the tunnel. When he finally reaches the end of the tunnel, he is greeted by the sight of a large, wide field of glowing white flowers; unlike anything he’s ever seen. At the end of the field, he sees a city.
Jae Joong takes a step back, and then another, until his back hits a wall. He turns around and finds that the tunnel he’d just come from had disappeared. He feels he should be alarmed by this, but somehow he would rather venture further.
He can worry later.
He runs towards the city at the end of the field, curious as to what city he’s managed to find. As he nears the city, he finds that the sun is going down at a rather fast pace; a lot faster than what he’s been used to. By the time he reaches the city, the sun is set fully and all the lights are turned on. Yet, curiously enough, no one seems to be out.
Jae Joong walks and walks, delving deeper into the city, yet still sees no one. Finally, he stops in front of a quaint little teashop that catches his eye and peeks inside: nobody.
He sighs.
Deciding he’s had enough of the desolateness of the city, Jae Joong turns on his heel and motions to head for the field he came from. As he is about to leave, he sees somebody exit the empty teashop he’d just been looking at. The person is a boy, probably a few years older than him. He hurries to tap the shoulder of the boy from the teashop, and as soon as he turns around to meet Jae Joong’s gaze, his eyes widen in alarm.
“You’re not supposed to be here. You’re a human.” He says in a rather worried voice.
Jae Joong furrows his eyebrows and looks up. The other boy is taller than him. “Aren’t you human, too?”
The boy frowns and grips Jae Joong’s wrist, “Don’t ask questions. Questions make you forget.”
“Forget what?” Jae Joong questions, trying to shake his wrist off the boy’s firm grip, to no avail.
“Everything.” the boy then leads him inside the teashop he’d just come from and sits Jae Joong down on one of the chairs there. Jae Joong rubs his wrist as the boy takes the seat opposite him and asks, “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.” He replies without hesitation, which surprises him a little, for he normally does not give his name out to strangers so easily.
“Good.” The boy nods, “Do not forget that.”
“But why-“
“Shh,” the boy says, cutting off his sentence. He does this with a slight frown on his face, “The more you learn about this world, the more you forget about your own. If you ask too much, you will forget too much. The moment you forget your name, you stay here forever - in the spirit world.”
Jae Joong’s eyes widen and his eyebrows rise. Did he hear correctly? Spirit world? “I-“
“How old are you?” the boy interrupts again. The frown on his face is now gone.
“Fifteen.” Jae Joong answers.
“What were you doing before you came here?”
Jae Joong opens his mouth to speak, but then closes it. He finds that he can no longer remember. All he knows is that he found himself in a field. Before that, he cannot recall. He looks up worriedly at the boy in front of him and answers, “I… I don’t know.”
The boy lowers his head. “I have told you too much, then.” He cards his hands through his hair and looks out the teashop. Jae Joong, too, looks out and finds that there are many people walking around. People, though, does not seem like the right word. He sees blobs and floating entities, winged creatures with no facial features and little dwarves with masks on their faces. He finds it strange, for before he entered, there was no one. He looks back at the boy in front of him, and is asked: “Do you know your name?”
He nods. “Jae Joong.”
“There is still hope, then.” The boy sighs in relief, “You can still return.”
“When can I?” he asks.
“Next week. The portal to your world opens up once a week; if you can remember your name by then, you can leave.” The boy replies and pauses. “Do you know your name?”
Jae Joong finds it odd that he is asked that again. But then he figures the boy’s intentions are good. “Jae Joong.” He says.
“Good.” The boy nods. “Do not forget that.”
--
“Your tea,” Jae Joong says with a smile as he sets a cup of tea down in front of a customer. The boy from the teashop asked him to.
“Thank you,” the customer replies, reaching for his tea. He blows the warm liquid three times before taking a sip. All the while, Jae Joong watches him.
“Are you a spirit?” Jae Joong asks. The customer looks no different from him, maybe a couple years older, but similar nonetheless; and Jae Joong swears he has got to be human, too. The customer smiles and places his tea down. He moves his head in a way that signals Jae Joong to take the seat opposite him. Jae Joong does so.
“Anybody who has stayed here longer than a week becomes a spirit,” he replies. The customer lifts his tea to his mouth, blows it three times and takes a sip. He sets his tea down again and turns to meet Jae Joong’s gaze. “My name is Chang Min.”
“Chang Min.” Jae Joong repeats the name and nods. It is a nice name. He likes it. “How long have you been here, Chang Min?”
Chang Min sighs, rather pensively, and rests his chin on his hand. He stares out the teashop for a while, and Jae Joong does the same. “Oh, I don’t know,”
Jae Joong turns to look at Chang Min, “It’s been so long. Maybe a decade.”
Jae Joong’s eyebrows furrow and his lips purse slightly. “Why do you have a name, then? You could have left. You could leave.”
Chang Min chuckles faintly whilst shaking his head. Jae Joong wonders what is so funny. “I cannot leave. I was just given this name. Some years ago. His name was Yoo Chun, but he left. He remembered his name and left.” Chang Min pauses, and the look in his eyes makes Jae Joong realize that he was not laughing out of joy, but out of sadness.
“Sometimes,” Chang Min continues, “sometimes I wish he’d stayed, other times, I am happy for him that he left.”
Jae Joong lowers his head, and Chang Min picks up his cup of tea and brings it to his lips. He blows three times and says, just above a whisper, “Sometimes I wish he’d stayed…”
Jae Joong lifts his head and watches silently as Chang Min drinks his tea. There is something painfully beautiful about the sight, and Jae Joong wonders if all spirits feel the same way Chang Min does.
His pondering comes to a stop when he hears the boy from the teashop call, “Come here.” He stands up, bows to Chang Min, and heads over to behind the counter. “What is your name?” the boy asks, and Jae Joong replies,
“Jae Joong.”
The boy nods once. “Don’t forget that,” he takes a brief glance at Chang Min and looks at Jae Joong again, “and don’t talk to other spirits. You will learn too much; you will forget.”
“Is losing my memory-“
“Irreversible. Losing all your memory is irreversible.”
Jae Joong grows quiet, and remains so for a good minute. At length, he musters the courage to say, “I am going to ask you a question.”
“No.” the boy replies sternly, though the look on his face is soft.
“Why am I not allowed to ask?” Jae Joong insists, “Knowledge does not lie in asking, but in being answered.”
“Smart.” The boy smiles. Jae Joong smiles, too. “However, spirits are compelled to answer questions. It’s just how things are here. When somebody asks, we answer. When we answer, you learn.”
Jae Joong says nothing for a while, eyes glued to the scene outside; to the random spirits passing by. When he turns to look up at the boy he says, “You don’t look like one of them; like a spirit. You look like Chang Min. Or me.”
“That’s because I’m not… I wasn’t.” he replies, voice lowering until it is just above a whisper. “I wandered off, like you. I asked too much, I forgot. Now, I cannot leave.”
Jae Joong regards the boy with a faint smile and places a hand over his shoulder, “If I give you a name, will it help?”
The boy chuckles and shakes his head. Jae Joong wonders if he’s being silly. “No, it won’t. Once you forget, you cannot leave. Even if you get a new name… like what happened with Chang Min.”
Jae Joong looks over his shoulder and finds Chang Min, still sitting in the same place, nearly done with his tea. He feels a wave of melancholy wash over him and he turns back to look at the boy, “That’s… sad.”
The boy shakes his head and looks at Chang Min, “I don’t know if it is. For me, at least. I’m happier here. I think. Then again, I wouldn’t know.” He turns to look at Jae Joong, “Were you happy there?”
“I don’t remember.”
The boy’s eyes widen a little, and he says, “Stop asking questions from now on; you’re forgetting too much.”
“Maybe it’s better that I forget.”
The boy shakes his head, “You don’t know what you’re saying. You don’t remember.”
“I don’t remember,” Jae Joong nods, “but I feel it.”
Their conversation comes to a stop when they both hear the sound of wind chimes and the door opening and closing. Chang Min left.
Jae Joong meanders over to the table where Chang Min once sat and picks up the empty tea cup. He stares at it for a moment, and from behind the counter, the boy watches him, wondering what he’s thinking.
Then, Jae Joong smiles and walks over to the counter. The sets the tea cup down, and the boy takes it from him. As the boy heads to the back, Jae Joong suddenly speaks, “Yun Ho. Your name from now on is Yun Ho.”
The boy, or Yun Ho, as Jae Joong named him, turns to look at him with a smile on his face. His smile says he likes the name, and Jae Joong’s own smile only grows.
--
“How many days left?” Jae Joong asks, staring at the ceiling.
“Three.” Yun Ho replies from the floor. He gave Jae Joong his bed. “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.” He replies.
“Don’t forget that.”
Jae Joong huffs and sits up. Although it is dark and he cannot see, he hears Yun Ho sit up, too. He feels Yun Ho’s gaze on him. “Why do you want me to go back? Do you not like me?”
He hears Yun Ho shift, the sheets fumbling. It takes a while for him to reply. “It’s just that I think that maybe you have a better life there.”
“What if that’s not the case?”
“You don’t know that.” He hears Yun Ho shift again. “You forgot.”
“But what if, when I go back, I find that I prefer this world?”
“That will not happen. Your memory will come back to you there, and you will forget this world. This will be merely a dream that will slowly fade.” Yun Ho replies, and Jae Joong swears he hears a tinge of sadness in his voice.
“But-“
“Stop asking,” Yun Ho interrupts, and he sighs before asking, again, “What is your name?”
“Jae Joong.”
Yun Ho does not say anything further, and Jae Joong hears him lie down. He decides to lie down, too. Minutes pass and neither speak. Jae Joong continues to stare at the ceiling, and Yun Ho remains ever quiet. Somehow, though, Jae Joong knows Yun Ho is still awake.
Breaking the silence, he asks, “Is it possible to fall in love in this world?”
“No.” Yun Ho answers, “Stop asking.”
“Really.” Jae Joong says rather than asks. “I think it is. Chang Min fell in love.”
Yun Ho scoffs, “Chang Min’s not in love, he’s just crazy. Yoo Chun would cry if he sees how Chang Min’s acting now.”
Jae Joong shifts in the darkness, “You knew Yoo Chun?”
“Everyone knew Yoo Chun.” Yun Ho replies, “He made Chang Min crazy.”
“Maybe crazy and in love have the same meaning,” Jae Joong says, and although he doesn’t see it, Yun Ho smiles.
“Maybe.”
Jae Joong continues, “I think I’ve fallen in love. Maybe I’m crazy.”
He awaits a reply, but receives none. Yun Ho is silent, and only speaks after minutes pass. “Go to sleep,” he says.
Jae Joong ignores Yun Ho’s words, “Don’t you feel the same?” he asks.
“I…” Yun Ho falters. Jae Joong hears him shift again. “It’s not good to be attached. Go to sleep.”
“But-“
“Sleep.”
Jae Joong huffs and begrudgingly does as he is told.
--
“So, on Friday, I leave.” Jae Joong tells Chang Min as the latter drinks his tea. “That is, if I still want to.”
Chang Min frowns and places his tea down. “What do you mean by that? Everybody who enters wants to leave. Maybe you have forgotten too much. You don’t know what you’re saying.”
Jae Joong shakes his head, “I don’t want to forget Yun Ho.”
“Who is Yun Ho?” Chang Min asks, midway through drinking his tea. Jae Joong quietly points at Yun Ho, busy attending to the other customers. Chang Min’s eyes widen. “You gave him a name? You shouldn’t have done that.”
Jae Joong furrows his eyebrows. For the first time since he’s gotten to the spirit world, he feels scared. “Why not?”
“If nameless spirits are given names,” Chang Min elucidates, “they get attached to those who gave them their names. When you leave, Yun Ho will end up like me.”
“But… you’re not unhappy.”
“I’m not happy, either.”
Jae Joong’s eyebrows knit together, and he bites his lower lip. He glances at Yun Ho, smiling. Happy. He wonders if Yun Ho will continue to smile like that even when he’s gone. When he turns back to look at Chang Min, his expression changes and he looks determined. “I cannot leave. I am not leaving.”
Chang Min opens his mouth to speak, but his words die on his tongue when Yun Ho all of a sudden approaches their table and says, “Chang Min, I’m taking him.”
“Okay.”
Yun Ho grabs Jae Joong by the wrist, forcefully yet gently all the while and brings him to the back of the counter. “Do you remember your name?”
“Yes.” Jae Joong answers. He is getting tired of hearing that. “Jae Joong.”
Yun Ho lets go of Jae Joong’s wrist and heaves a loud sigh. He turns to look Jae Joong in the eye and asks, “What is this talk about not leaving?”
Jae Joong crosses his arms and looks away, “I’ve decided not to. I cannot leave.”
“Why not?” Yun Ho questions, and Jae Joong notes the slight anger in his voice. Still, he replies,
“Because I love you, and Chang Min says you love me too. I gave you a name.”
Yun Ho cards his hands through his hair. Jae Joong does not move. “I told you that it’s not good to be attached,” he says as he places his arms back down, “you should leave. You have a better life there.”
“You don’t know that!” Jae Joong argues.
“You don’t know that either.” Yun Ho replies before walking away, exiting the teashop.
Jae Joong watches as Yun Ho leaves, and a tear rolls down his face.
--
“Do you think you will remember me if I leave?” Jae Joong asks as he stares out the teashop, tracing random figures on the glass pane. It is pouring outside, the skies are grey and they are alone.
“How can I forget you?” Yun Ho replies, reaching out to touch Jae Joong’s hand. When he does, he immediately retracts his hand, and Jae Joong averts his attention from the rain to him.
He smiles wanly, “I don’t know. I just hope you don’t.”
Yun Ho chuckles, though there is no humor in his laughter, “Kind of unfair, don’t you think? You will forget me, yet I won’t.”
“Will you be sad if I leave?”
At this, Yun Ho visibly stiffens and looks away, outside the teashop. “People get sad when other people leave.”
Jae Joong frowns, “You did not answer my question. Will you be sad if I leave?”
It takes a while for Yun Ho to reply. Jae Joong does not understand why. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know.” Jae Joong answers truthfully.
“Of course. Of course I will be sad,” Yun Ho says, slightly above a whisper, and it startles Jae Joong a bit. “Your eyes sparkle like candle lights in the darkness. You wear your heart on your heart on your sleeve and your smile is almost as bright as daylight. Almost. When I look at you, you make me smile, even though I try to stop it. Your voice sounds like that of an angel’s. You make me lose my words sometimes, and I, I think I am in lo-“
Yun Ho stops himself from continuing and clears his throat. Jae Joong remains as he is, seated and trying to comprehend if everything right now is real. “I’m crazy,” Yun Ho whispers as he lowers his head. When he looks back up at Jae Joong he says, “Yes. I will be sad.”
He stands up to leave, to prepare tea for when the rain stops, to clean up, anything, but Jae Joong clutches onto his shirt and embraces him from behind. He hears his heart beating - loud, thunderous, like it has plans of bursting out.
When Jae Joong buries his face into his back, he feels as if his knees would give out. “I don’t want to leave,” the words are muffled in his shirt, but Yun Ho understands them nonetheless, “I haven’t loved anybody as much as I love you.”
“You don’t know that. You don’t remember.” Yun Ho says, and his voice cracks.
“I don’t,” Jae Joong shakes his head and holds onto Yun Ho even tighter, “but I feel it.”
Yun Ho feels prickling from behind his eyes and he looks up, straight at the ceiling. He won’t let anything escape his eyes. “Tomorrow is Friday…” he says.
Jae Joong holds onto him even tighter than ever.
--
Yun Ho leads Jae Joong through the field of glowing, white flowers and to the tunnel from which he had come from. The walk there is quiet, but not uncomfortable. On the way to the tunnel, Jae Joong and Yun Ho meet Chang Min by chance. They bid each other farewell, and Jae Joong gives Chang Min a big hug. When they pull away, Jae Joong finds that his vision is bleary with tears and he laughs; he cannot believe how attached he’d become over a span of seven days.
“Weren’t you told not to get attached?” Chang Min chuckles as he ruffles Jae Joong’s hair.
“It’s not something I can help,” Jae Joong laughs in between tears. He wipes his eyes and gives Chang Min one last hug before running and catching up to Yun Ho, who is a few paces ahead of him.
When they finally reach the tunnel, Yun Ho takes hold of Jae Joong’s hands, and sends him a bittersweet smile. “Do not forget your name. Leave this place and do not look back.”
He releases Jae Joong’s hands and gives him a small push forward. Jae Joong takes one step, and another, before stopping. He turns around and his eyes are gleaming with tears that have not spilled yet. “I want to stay.”
Yun Ho takes two steps forward and places his hands on Jae Joong’s shoulders gently. Slowly, he says, “You have a life back in your world.”
“I was never happy there.” Jae Joong states, trying his best not to cry, “I know I don’t remember, but if I was happy, I would have been devastated to be here.”
“Jae Joong-“
“Stop saying my name.” Jae Joong shakes his head frantically, interrupting Yun Ho. “I want to forget it. I want to stay.”
“This world is not yours.” Yun Ho says.
“It is if you are in it.” Jae Joong responds. Yun Ho smiles wanly, and he begins to ask, “Why do you run a teashop?”
Yun Ho widens his eyes. He knows what Jae Joong is trying to do. “Because spirits like tea. Jae Joong, stop it.”
Jae Joong does not listen. “Why do spirits like tea?”
“It reminds them of life. Please, stop asking. You won’t be able to go back-“
“Don’t you get it?” Jae Joong asks, his voice tinged with a little bit of frustration, a little bit of melancholy, and a little bit of something else he cannot quite place. “I don’t want to go back.”
Yun Ho remains quiet.
“I love you. I love you. I love you. I-“
“I love you too.” Yun Ho says, and it shuts Jae Joong up. He cups either side of Jae Joong’s face, and presses a gentle kiss on his forehead. Tears fall from Jae Joong’s eyes, and Yun Ho uses his hands to wipe them from his face.
“Do you remember your name?”
Jae Joong sighs heavily. “Yes,” he answers, “it’s…”
He stops, and looks up at Yun Ho. His eyes widen and he realizes he doesn’t remember.
He’s forgotten.
Yun Ho doesn’t know whether to feel happy or sad. He wonders if this is how Chang Min feels.
“Jae Joong,” he says, and a gust of wind blows. Yun Ho reaches to tuck back a strand of hair behind Jae Joong’s ear and smiles wanly, “your name is Jae Joong.”
a/n.: Are there any other Spirited Away-inspired YunJae fics out there (and by out there, I mean on LJ; since I don’t really like reading fan fics outside of LJ)? Because I can’t seem to find any (which is why I wrote my own ;;).
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a big thank you to heenoona for helping me create a pdf of this ^__^